The Silmarillion Gospel by Araloth the Random

Love the bird-brained Manwë! Haha. And plot bunnies are hopping around here... Sky resort in Oiolossë!

And the second-to-last sentence was so serious and so... cool. Except that it was ruined a second later by "Well, sort of." ROTFL Great!

And anger management indeed! Never thought Tulkas needs one, though, since he always laughs. *grin* But Oromë... Hahaha.

And your cheeky logic here continues! - I love it so, so much. What impressed me was when you talked about Uinen... I never thought about nasty tangles! Haha.

And again, this was the second time I read... but you still quite managed to make me laugh uproariously. (I did laugh the hardest at some parts, although I forget the details now... Bleh.)

Comes the question, though: How would you create the parody for the later chapters, where it's all doom and gloom? Oh, and does the story in this site have the same number of chapters as the one in FFN? (Don't want to miss more, when I'm reviewing on the MEFA's. ;))

- Rey

PS: Hey. Not that spot-on on Nienna... I think. I don't think she condones cursing, like her brother does. *grin* You could comment on her always-crying, though, and that would make it more spot-on and hilarious. :) Just a suggestion...

Electricity and the Lamps! Hahahahahaha! I never thought of that!

And of course, those pretty and revered have many, many names... *grin* (It's one of the things I forgot to comment on the previous chapter. Long indeed is Varda's name! And Yavanna has shorter one... Good - cheeky but spot-on - point!) You could comment on why the Gold Tree has more names, though, in the chapter. That would create even more humor there. And who knows? - You might get people to think about what they haven't thought before. (Argh. Electricity indeed! Haha.)

And I nearly fell off the bed (I'm perching on it while reading) imagining Tulkas chasing Melkor... ROTFL There is indeed one Melkor fears, then (aside from Ulmo?): Tulkas' laughter. And the scene was hilarious throughout! Haha. Melkor's hiding in Utumno... You know, I pictured a naughty little toddler diving into a tunnel of pillows and boulsters when I read that particular paragraph about Melkor's running away to safety. Those words triggered that in me! Dunno why...

Your foreshadowing was good. It builds unity for the separate chapters, and it shows how serious you are about this parody. (Some people just do it crappily to satisfy the surface need of laughter... This is the first story I totally love out of all the parodies on the same subject that I have read.)

I was a little bit surprised, I admit, when you gave a different opening to this chapter. But it did give a good background for this rewritten 'book of lores'! Poor, poor Elrond... *grin* And naughty fangirls indeed! (Hmm. I wonder if I am one of those naughty girls... :D)

- Rey

"miruvodka™!" Oh my - Ara, you're coining yet a new name!!! *huggle* You did it to one of the tokens, I noticed. *grin hugely* And now you did it here... Might I borrow it, though? I'd credit you, of course.

Here, again, you spanned your writing to touching even LotR... Great. :) And haha - the Smith prancing around in happiness? Awwh... Never thought of that! And now I may be ruining my eating appetite... LOL

And the society... ROTFL You blend modern terms/words with these medieval things quite perfectly! (Have I told you that? If not, sorry. *grin*)

Now that I am restarting reading, I cannot stop... Update soon, please! (But I do know that uni is demanding... Teaching is just as demanding, I just found out, so I can sympathise with you here. :)) Just one more chapter left... :'(

- Rey

Hey - you put that name from the token here! ROTFL and many, many more hilarious names... A brillian brain you have there! (No, no, not bird-brain. *grin* ;))

This chapter is tickling in their own way. And it's a hard job to point which really tickles me, because everything there tickles me... You are quite cheeky! :D I'm quite glad that your cheekiness persists till now, where the humor is harder to get from the boring situations. I just hope you will manage just wonderfully when it's all about doom and gloom. (Haha! Oh that one pronouncement... That one was hilarious! *groan* Now I do get a stomachache from laughing too hard and too long. :P)

What about shady deals and weed, though? And what about terror and whips of flame and dodgy conotations? Sorry if I'm being slow here, but I really don't get what they were really about.

Please update soon! And a definite "The Splutter" for you. *grin* ;) Hopefully I can review this story in the MEFA's soon too... But I can't promise you that.

Thank you very much for the hilarious rewrite of The Silmarillion. I need the laugh. :) - And oh, good luck with uni. :)

- Rey

OMG, this had me in stitches. For whatever reason, this line sticks out in hilarity-inducing:"And among them are the Balrogs - cloaked in shadow, flame and blingage." Plus the ending line, which replaces hobbits with Valar. Plus many others...

And lo and behold! For the first time I have enjoyed a text plagued with thou's and doth's. Excellent fun!

Hiya Araloth, I thought I'd leave my MEFA review here for this fic.

Whenever I'm too deeply immersed in Seriousness, I enjoy finding a writer who has a gift for a light touch. This fic is a laugh out loud parody that lovingly pokes fun at the language and mythology of the Silmarillion (which I adore, don't get me wrong, but all things that art grandly serious doth benefit from a little ribbing). I love the idea that Elrond has instructed fangirls to study the Silmarillion in order to write fanfiction. Unfortunately for Elrond, but fortunately for us, they end up re-interpreting it in their own unique way, complete with a humorous juxtaposition of contemporary slang and biblical sounding language, so that we get such gems as Morgoth, the Divine Gangster Dude composing Rap which then clasheth with the Great Opera of the Ainur. [And thus the Ainur discovered that Rap and Baroque are not compatible themes of Music. And Iluvatar, being highly cheesed off, saith unto Melkor, “Tut tut. Thou naughty knave.”] And actually, you know, this is not a bad interpretation of what happened.

I really enjoyed Araloth's characterizations of the Valar. [But Tulkas being mightily pissed ran after Melkor, shouting, "I am angry! Ha ha ha haa! And when I'm angry I doth laugh! Ha ha ha haa! . . . And Melkor being mightily freaked out saith unto himself, "Holy socks"] Also giggled at the occasional swipe at the magical aspects of the mythology, for example, when talking about the Lamps: ["Ask thou not how the heck this doth work. Accept the word of the Mighty Professor Tolkien, Lord of Oxford, and question not his Righteous Awesomeness."]

This is still a work in progress and I look forward to the rest of the fangirls' unique interpretations such as this one: [But Aulë in his smart-arsey-ness saith unto his wife: "That is what thou gettest for making weed."] Thanks for tickling this fangirl's funny bone.

Cheers,

~elfscribe

Ara,

No idea where you are or what you're doing these days, but I thought I'd let you know I'm back and rereading :) and it's as hilarious now as it was the first time!! I really needed the laugh, so thanks!!

Kaylee the Also Random Arafinwiel

*falls over laughing even harder*

can't...breathe...

I've written some about Ulmo and Uinen lately! you might like that, I think. I hope...

Kaylee the Somewhat-Random Arafinwiel

Poor Valar, if only they had Araloth the Random and the fangirls about at the time to instruct them in the proper usage of electric wiring!

So, whilst the other Valar sat in the Ring of Doom (and remember thou the word doom, for it shall become of great import) Yavanna and Nienna didst sit around on a random mound outside Valmar, Yavanna singing and Nienna crying all over it, wherefrom two Trees sprung. One was of silver, and had about ten thousand names in Elvish, and the other of gold, having twice as many names as the silver—for the Elves are eager to bestow every name they can think of on anything pretty and shiny, like trees and Varda.

*giggles madly*

I love this SO SO MUCH.

*giggles almost as crazily as Yavanna, especially at the "Save the Trees of Arda" Society*

Kaylee Arafinwiel

I love this story so much, but I wish it were longer, as it should be, for lo, thou, Araloth the Random, are lagging behind as well, as though thou wert one of the Teleri. So sayeth I, Kaylee the Not Quite As Random as Araloth.

Which is to say, I miss you and this story dreadfully and hope you will come back!

Kaylee Arafinwiel