The Redemption of the Noldor by Cirdan

If you were to read about the Fall of the Noldor, Noldolante, you would understand the history of the Noldor. You would know about the theft of the Silmarils, the Flight of the Noldor, and the actual Fall, the Kinslaying at Alqualonde. But unless you heard the song from a Noldorin minstrel, you would not truly understand the Fall. Maglor's song was eventually passed throughout Beleriand after the truth of the matter had already become well-known fact. The Sindarin minstrels heard it and repeated it, but they never repeated it correctly. It's the same problem that arises in reading the Fall in Feanorian script instead of hearing it in person. The most important things in life are never blatantly overstated, and in song, they can only be heard in the voice of a true virtuoso who fully understands the situation.

The Fall of the Noldor was, above all, about love and the rejection of love.

The Noldor, indeed, all the Eldar, were invited to Aman because of the love that the Valar bore for us. The Noldor came freely to Aman. Thus, they were free to leave, though the Valar judged leaving to be folly. But by leaving, the Noldor rejected the love of the Valar, and, in doing so, they rejected help from the Valar in the War against Morgoth. Thus, the Kinslaying at Alqualonde was not just about the slaying of Elf by Elf. Many of the Noldor quickly understood kinslaying to be cruel, unjust, and evil. Many regretted the act, but even that was not enough, for the most serious grievance of the Kinslaying was the breech of love between kin. The Fall of the Noldor was the Failure of Love, and those who do not understand this do not understand the gravity of the Fall. Maglor knew the Noldolante was about the Gravity of Love, but he was too deeply hurt to admit it aloud, for his love, though true of heart, had led to the Oath of Feanor with deadly consequences. If you heard him sing, though, you would hear his lament and understand the cause of the Fall. But understanding alone does not redeem a Noldo. In the tales of the Noldor upon Middle Earth, little is said of the few Noldor who rose above the Fall. But in Aman, more is said of the Redemption of the Noldor.

Finrod Felagund, most beloved of the Noldorin Princes, was the first Elf slain in Middle Earth to be released from the Halls of Mandos. His tale is told in the song "The Redemption of the Noldor," composed by the minstrel Cirdan, who is better known for his ship building, but here Finrod's tale is told without song and in fewer words.

"We have sworn, and not lightly. This oath we will keep. We are threatened with many evils and treason not the least; but one thing is not said: that we shall suffer from cowardice, from cravens or the fear of cravens. Therefore I say that we will go on, and this doom I add: the deeds that we shall do shall be the matter of song until the last days of Arda." So spoke Feanor, who quailed not at the words of Mandos. The will of Feanor constrained the Noldor, and none slept easily under such a heavy Fate.

The next night, Finarfin called his sons to take counsel in his tent. There was little preamble. They had dined together earlier in the evening, and, even then, Finrod had known his father was conflicted.

"I wish to return to Valinor and forsake the march to the Outer Lands." Finarfin's face was grave. His eyes were haunted, and Finrod knew it was the blood of the Teleri that filled his father's dark thoughts, for it was in Finrod's mind as well.

"What will the Valar do with us if we return?" Orodreth asked quietly.

"I do not know, but whatever punishment they decree I will say is just." Finarfin closed his eyes and seemed to recall the moment when his people at last joined the hosts of Fingolfin and Feanor and heard the news of the Kinslaying at Alqualonde. Perhaps if Finarfin's people had not kept ever hindmost to the company, Finarfin could have prevented the Kinslaying. "We have spilled the blood of our kindred unjustly. Perhaps for blood I shall render blood, and I will be sent to the Halls of Mandos, but even this fate seems better than our present course. What hope do we have of winning against Morgoth, for is he not also a Vala? Rather than pursue a hopeless war, I wish to redress my sins."

"We killed no Elf at Alqualonde," Angrod protested.

"By continuing to follow Feanor, we are passive accomplices to his evil."

"Then will we be the first of treasons of kin upon kin?" said Finrod.

"What of our betrayal to the kin of your mother?" Finarfin took Earwen's hand. Her head was bowed, but she no longer seemed bent and wary beyond endurance. Clearly, she intended to return to Valinor with Finarfin.

"The sons of Finarfin will not forsake the sons of Fingolfin," Finrod said. Angrod and Aegnor, ever friends of Fingon and Argon, nodded but let Finrod speak for them. "Nor will we forsake our people, the Noldor, to the will of Feanor."

"Are you all resolved thus?" asked Finarfin.

"We are," said the four sons of Finarfin.

"Fingon and his brothers were also reluctant to leave Valinor, but now that the path has been set, they will follow their choice to the bitter end, if bitter it must be. We will be with them to the bitter end," Finrod said. Finarfin and Finrod locked gazes, but Finrod refused to bend his will to his father's. At last, Finarfin bowed his head.

"So be it. May Mandos have pity on us all, but I suspect it will not be so."

"Not my daughter," said Earwen, becoming suddenly wracked with sorrow as she heard the decision of her sons. "Galadriel, surely you will come with your father and me?"

"I'm sorry. I will not be parted from my brothers or from Aradhel, daughter of Fingolfin." Galadriel took her mother in her arms, and the women wept on each other, for they knew that their fates would be sundered. Finrod felt his heart and eyes well up with tears as well. The House of Finarfin spent the rest of the night in sorrow and closeness, but in the morning, Finarfin was still set on returning to Valinor and his children refused to leave with him.

Finarfin announced his intentions before the Noldor, but because his children did not go forth with him, only a small number of the Noldor followed him. Finarfin forsook the march North and retraced his steps in sorrow. He begged forgiveness from the Valar. Finarfin's people received the pardon of the Valar, and Finarfin was set to rule the remnants of the Noldor in the Blessed Realm. Though pardoned, Finarfin did not rise above the Fall of the Noldor. He and his people begrudged the House of Feanor and those who followed him. Feanor's name was spoken with bitterness, and Finarfin could not learn to forgive his brother's evils and to love his brother in spite of his imperfections. Not until after Earendil came to Valinor and begged for mercy on behalf of the Two Kindreds would Finarfin take pity on the Noldor who had gone to Middle Earth and forgive for the Kinslaying at Alqualonde. But pity is not love, and so this tale does not follow the father of Finrod Felagund.

Cirdan first met Finrod in the spring at Mereth Aderthad, the Feast of Reuniting, 20 years after the Noldor had first arrived in Middle Earth. His golden hair shone like the gleam of the sun on the pools of Ivrin, and diamonds like stars decorated his hair. Finrod was arrayed in fine blue and silver silk, and his every move was more graceful than many of the best dancers. He moved among the guests and spoke easily and openly to Noldor and Sindar alike. He was very charismatic, and many Gray Elves were drawn to him. Like most of the Noldor, he spoke in the Sindarin tongue, which the Noldor had learned with surprising speed. Cirdan watched Finrod for a better part of the Feast.

At last, Cirdan approached Finrod and greeted him in the Noldorin tongue. "A star shines above our meeting."

"Hail and well met at last, kinsman." Finrod's voice was like the warm sun at noon of a summer day. His golden hair and beautiful voice was unmistakably that of the House of Ingwe of the Vanyar. His bearing was noble and his words eloquent; his leadership was that of the House of Finwe of the Noldor. But his dark gray eyes, though bright with the Light of the Two Trees, were definitely of the House of Olwe of the Teleri.

"The Elves of West Beleriand speak highly of you. I'm pleased that you chose to defend the Pass of Sirion, for Sirion is the most beloved river of Ulmo, Lord of the Waters, and I do not doubt that he will protect you from evil," Cirdan said. "I hear that Minas Tirith upon Tol Sirion is almost completed now."

"Minas Tirith was completed just before my departure," Finrod said proudly. "The spirit of my people are high, and they delight in the beautiful, green lands of Beleriand." Finrod paused and switched to the Sindarin tongue. "I didn't realize that you knew the Noldorin tongue."

"My people have mingled much with the people of Turgon, for he has chosen to settle on Mount Taras, where Ulmo and Osse often came in days of old. Many of the Sindar who have taken him as lord once turned to me for lordship and protection. Turgon and I have learned much from each other."

"Then your excellent teachings must be the cause of Turgon's successful integration here in Middle Earth." Finrod laughed, and his laughter sounded almost identical to that of Olwe. Although Cirdan greatly enjoyed conversing with Turgon, Turgon lacked the familiar Telerin blood that made Cirdan feel more comfortable around Finrod than most of the other Noldorin Princes.

"I would gladly share my knowledge with you as well, my Lord," Cirdan said. His voice was wistful and his eyes hopeful. "You have already begun to explore the lands along lower Sirion. Why not take lordship of all the lands between Sirion and Nenning that are not of Doriath?"

Finrod started. "Lord Shipwright, I would not usurp you of your lands!"

"The Sindar of those lands turn to me as their Lord only because those lands lie beyond the Girdle of Melian. They seek my protection but I am ill able to guarantee their safety, and my attention is ever westward. My people are the Falathrim by the Shores of Beleriand, and I am still rebuilding our once fair cities of Brithombar and Eglarest. We are not as skilled as the Noldor in the building of things, and our work progresses ever slowly. I believe the Sindar would benefit from your rule. And when your kingdom has expanded south and west to Nenning, then you will more readily visit me at Eglarest, and we can benefit in each other's company."

"Very well then. I will do as you advise, and my people will help to rebuild the Havens of the Falas." Finrod smiled brightly. In that smile, Cirdan saw nothing of Finwe, Ingwe, or Olwe. Finrod's smile seemed to be for Cirdan alone, and in that moment, Finrod seemed to open himself to Cirdan.

In later days, when Cirdan recalled the Feast of Reuniting, he would remember reuniting with the kin of Finwe, Ingwe, and Olwe. He would remember Finrod's sunlit golden hair and deep gray eyes. Above all, Cirdan would see in his mind the vision of Finrod's private and brilliant smile.

"I must thank you again for your assistance in the rebuilding of the Havens," Cirdan said. As always, in spite of his conscious use of modern Sindarin, Cirdan's accent was archaic and a pleasure to hear. Even the older Elves in Tirion didn't speak in such a way. The Falathrim were like a long lost civilization, and the regular inhabitants of the Falas were isolated from the other Elves of Beleriand behind their stony walls. They even considered themselves Telerin rather than Sindarin. And Cirdan was the lord of these unique Sea Elves.

"It is my pleasure, Lord Cirdan," Finrod said. Though he was considered very fair of voice among his people, his voice always seemed less fair than that of Cirdan's. Cirdan spoke like the sound of the Sea in a shell--melodic, calming, and simply beautiful. They strolled along the piers of Brithombar, and the morning sun lit the white foam on the waves of the Sea.

"The women of the Falas are overjoyed to see so many proud and noble Noldorin men," Cirdan said. "Many of our men were killed in the First Battle, in the days when we were ill-armed and attacked unexpectedly by Morgoth. We are grateful for the Noldor's protection, and I suspect that this is part of what makes Noldorin men so attractive." Cirdan smiled, and his eyes shined like bright stars. Finrod remembered Amarie of the Vanyar, who had refused to leave Aman with him, and wondered if Cirdan somehow knew about his heartbreak.

"You do the Noldor too much kindness in your high praise," Finrod said. After all, the Noldor were not just saviors of the Elves of Middle Earth. Cirdan was the close kin of Olwe of Alqualonde and would not forgive the Noldor if he knew about the theft of the white ships and the kinslaying. Finrod could barely forgive himself, though he had not been present for the crimes.

"Nay, the praise is justly deserved. I have heard such high words of Aranwe of the House of Fingolfin from my own kinswoman," Cirdan said. His smile brightened, and he winked at Finrod. "She's long held out on choosing a husband, but I suspect that problem has been fixed now."

"Is it so wrong to be single?" Finrod said. He was suddenly annoyed. Finrod had only met Amarie a few years before the Flight of the Noldor, and before, he'd constantly heard such advice from his elders. But Maedhros and Fingon were both unwed as well. Finrod's situation was not unusual, but it was treated as if it were because the natural course of life for an Elda was marriage.

Cirdan laughed and that laughter utterly dissipated Finrod's frustrations. "You are speaking to the wrong person. I, too, am unmarried, and I am much older than you, my Prince." The laughter was eaten by the quiet roar of the waves. Cirdan looked out at the Sea towards the West. The sun was reaching noon, and his fine, silver hair was alight with glimmering light. His normally bright eyes were now clouded with a touch of sadness.

"I have long wished to ask you of my kinsmen in the Blessed Realm," Cirdan admitted. "I know that you are of the House of Olwe. Of the Noldorin Princes, you would know the most about the Teleri." Finrod's heart leapt, and his tongue clung to the roof of his mouth. Here, on the Shores of Belegaer, no one would hear his confessions save Cirdan, but Finrod did not know if he could tell his kinsman about the Teleri. One of Olwe's sons had been slain; the others were all wounded. What could Finrod say of his mother's kin that would not cause Cirdan to utterly reject the Noldor? "But in truth, above all, I wished to ask about a woman."

"A woman?" The thoughts of the Kinslaying crashed like a great wave, and just as quickly, it was replaced by a flood of memories of Amarie.

"See there?" Cirdan pointed out to the Sea. "That was where I saw the last glimpse of Tol Eressea before it disappeared. I have heard that the Two Trees are dead now. Many forget why we first traveled forth from Cuivienen, or Nen Echui, as the Sindar call it. I cannot. I was there when Ingwe, Finwe, and Elwe first spoke of the Light of the Blessed Realm. In the days immediately after the departure of Olwe's people from these shores, I hoped that she would wait for me, but that was when I thought I would soon join her. But now, I hope that she has found someone else. It's selfish to expect or want her to still be single after all these years."

"Do you really believe that?" Finrod asked. He had to admit to himself that he was hoping that the war on Morgoth would soon be over and that he could be reunited with Amarie. They would wed, and the nightmare would be in the past. But even if the war did not end soon, he wished that Amarie would wait for his return.

"In old Quenya, there were two words for love: caritas and cupiditas. Caritas is selfless love; cupiditas is selfish love. When I despaired on these shores and realized that I'd been forsaken, I lost sight of my love, and it became selfish in nature. I wanted her to exist for me. But who am I to withhold happiness from her? If she is satisfied remembering our tender love by the shores of Middle Earth before we were separated, then she may well be single still. But if her heart turns to another and they wed, I will not be bitter or feel betrayed. In my love for her, I wish for her to be as happy as possible. Before, it was believed that only selfless love was true love." Cirdan smiled wryly. "Well, but I'm taking the high and mighty outlook on my relationship. In truth, my love for her has faded over time and has been replaced by my love for the Sea. But at least my memory of her is thus true love rather than bitter, selfish love."

"I wish I were so enlightened," Finrod said. How could he give up on Amarie when their separation was still so fresh in his heart? If she loved him, she would not look to others, and he, in turn, did not intend to find a Sindarin wife. Finrod took a seat at the end of the pier. There were no white swan ships docked at the stone pier, which was just as well because the swan ships of the Falathrim were all too similar to those of the Teleri in Aman. Cirdan undid the rope braid in the side of his silver hair. He sat beside Finrod silently for several moments.

"You deceive yourself," Cirdan said at last. His voice was soft, barely a whisper amidst the sounds of the ebbing waters. "You do not desire caritas. I hear it in your voice. Indeed, you hardly believe you deserve any love, selfish or selfless." Cirdan put a hand on Finrod's shoulder. His touch was gentle. The emotional tides that had been ebbing since Finwe's death and the Flight of the Noldor now filled like a river behind a dam. "I do not fully understand all of the sadness of the Noldor. I perceive the great weight of the Fate of the Noldor that has shadowed all of your people, and it pains me to see you and your people suffer so. Regardless of the wrongs that you have done or will do, I will love you as I do all the Eldar. That love is unconditional. Though your deeds may grieve me, my love for you will not change. For love to be successful, it must always be unconditional, and I suspect it is all the more true when one loves a Noldo."

The theft, the murders, the separation from his parents all crashed down upon Finrod. He felt the dam burst, and all his memories flooded forth at once. Rivers of tears fell from his eyes, and his sobs were caught and lost in the gentle winds of the Sea. Cirdan now placed his arm over Finrod's shoulders. The Sea Elf pulled the young prince to his shoulder. Finrod's warm tears wet Cirdan's raiment. Cirdan wrapped his other arm around Finrod and began to gently rock him to and fro like the waves of the Sea. The older Elf whispered soft words of reassurance into Finrod's ear. Cirdan's gentleness only made Finrod cry more bitterly. Cirdan had said that love was unconditional, but how could that be true? Cirdan could not imagine deeds as evil and dark as those done by the Noldor. He would not love a kinslayer. Cirdan held Finrod and comforted him. When Finrod's tears were dry, his heart was still heavy, and he stayed motionless and nestled in Cirdan's arms. His head rested against the Shipwright's shoulder. Cirdan did not draw away. Only when Finrod moved away did Cirdan stop embracing the younger Elf.

"I'm sorry for my outburst," Finrod said at last. He was surprised to see that the Sun had moved across the sky and was already half set. The colors of the sunset were magnificent on the water and sparse clouds in the sky, but Cirdan's silver hair, ablaze with color, was even lovelier than the beauty of Arda.

"You don't need to apologize. I only hope that I have been able to alleviate your sorrow." The colors of the sky reflected in Cirdan's soft gray eyes. Cirdan's hand still held Finrod's arm, and that small physical contact made Finrod feel as if he was not so detestable. "I know more of the crimes of the Noldor than you may believe, for I am deep in the counsels of Ulmo and Osse. I know of the theft of the swan ships, the Kinslaying at Alqualonde, and the burning at Losgar that forced the host of Fingolfin to either cross the Grinding Ice or turn back in shame." Finrod opened his mouth to speak, but Cirdan gently covered his mouth with his fingertips. "You are the first and only person to whom I have told of my knowledge. I will keep the secrets of the Noldor. Have I not been a friend of the Noldor since your arrival despite my cursed knowledge? Yay, I have been. I meant what I said. Despite the evil deeds that you and your people have done, I forgive you and accept you as you are. Do not dwell on the past. Look to the future and do great deeds of good to redeem the past wrongs." Finrod stared into Cirdan's eyes as the last rays of the sun disappeared into the west. The sky was a darkening blue, but Cirdan's eyes were still soft and bright.

"She must have been very lucky," Finrod said.

"Who?"

"The woman whom you loved."

Cirdan chuckled softly. "No, she is lucky that she departed on the Ferry and saw the Light of the Two Trees before their end. If she'd stayed with me, she would've never seen the Light. Her luck changed, and now she is undoubtedly happily wed to another."

"What was her name?" Finrod asked, but his tone said that Cirdan need not answer if he chose not to.

"I called her Feafalas, for she was born by the shores of Middle Earth during the time when the Teleri waited for the return of Ulmo with the Ferry Island. But to others, she was known most commonly as Hithwen."

"Then you may be comforted to know that she did marry. In Aman, she is known as the Lady of Alqualonde, for her husband is none other than Olwe, and she is the mother of my mother Earwen."

Cirdan smiled softly in the failing sunlight. "I am indeed comforted, for I know Olwe and know that he must love her well."

"So you did mean what you said."

"Of course."

"As for me, my love is Amarie of the Golden Vanyar," Finrod said. The last of the sun slipped away. The moon was not out, but the stars above them were clear and bright. "And I will try to learn to love her selflessly. For if I do return to Aman, it will not be for many years, and it would not be fair to have her bereft of love for such a long time."

They say out on the pier for several hours of the night and watched the waves of the Sea under starlight. Then, at last, they returned to Brithombar.

Cirdan entered the room of his guest. They had not returned long, but Cirdan could not help but to awaken with the rising of the sun regardless of the amount of sleep that he'd had the night before. Finrod was still asleep. His face was smooth and restful for the first time. Previously, Cirdan had checked on his guest only to find Finrod's slumber haunted by nightmares. Now, Finrod's fair face was calm, and his golden hair cast a halo of light on his skin. Cirdan felt his heart uplifted to see that the young prince had at last found some measure of peace. Cirdan quietly left the room to allow Finrod a few more hours of sleep.

Later, when Finrod awoke, they sat together for breakfast. The Noldor did not each much seafood, but Finrod was also of the Teleri, and he did not abhor fish and shellfish like most of the Noldor. Cirdan remembered with some embarrassment Turgon's first visit to the Havens, when Cirdan had first discovered that there were some who found the smell and taste of fish repelling. Of course, Cirdan had immediately sent out his people to find more suitable food for their honored guests. After breakfast, Cirdan led Finrod out toward the harbors.

"Today we have been touched by fortune," Cirdan said. "We have finished surveying the progress of the rebuilding of Brithombar and will now return to Eglarest, but our journey to Eglarest will be aided by my friend, who arrived early this morning." Finrod looked at Cirdan with curiosity but did not inquire further. Cirdan was pleased that Finrod waited for the surprise to unfold. Cirdan led them past the harbors of the ships to a cove, where the waters of the Sea were shallower. They took off their shoes and walked barefooted upon the fine grain sand. Cirdan noted Finrod's delight in walking on the beach under the bright sun. They sat on the beach and watched the gentle waves of the Sea wash up onto the sands and then recede.

"If I stay much longer, I will never leave," Finrod said. "The Sea- longing is in my blood as well, and its awakening would be my undoing."

Cirdan laughed. "You jest. You are still young, my Prince. I can sense your desire to travel throughout Beleriand and explore the lands of your new home. The Sea will not hold you."

Finrod smiled. "You're good at knowing my mind. It's odd. In Valinor, I did not explore the lands like Feanor and his sons. But here, I want to see as much of Middle Earth as possible and to know its people. Perhaps Feanor's words in Tirion moved me more than I realized. I love these wide lands and, without the Valar's rule here, I feel more responsible for the protection of these lands and its people. Before, I did not think that I wished to rule, but being thrust in the role, I find that I enjoy it."

"You enjoy it because you have a kind heart and wish to help others. Do not mistake that for a desire to control the will and lives of others. Your people follow you because you are wise and because they love you."

"As always, you praise me too much."

Cirdan shook his head. "Not at all, my Lord. I only speak the truth. For all your wisdom, you seem to be unable to see the truth about yourself." Cirdan had also noticed that Finrod's judgment was most askew in matters of love: the love between him and Amarie, the love he felt for Middle Earth and its people, and the love that his Noldorin and Sindarin followers bore for him. Cirdan did not voice his concerns aloud. He didn't know how the Noldor would redeem their Fall without learning to love and be loved. But this was too grave a matter to be easily resolved, and Cirdan knew that the lessons of love would take time to learn.

"You spoke earlier about unexpected fortune," Finrod prompted.

"Ah yes. I suppose we should be going." Cirdan took out a horn wrought of white shell. He blew on it twice then waited. A great white swan swam into the shallow waters of the cove. "Greetings, my friend. This is Prince Finrod of the House of Finarfin, of whom I had spoken earlier." The swan bowed its long graceful neck to Finrod. Finrod, who was still gaping at the great seabird, inclined his head to the swan.

"I have never seen such a large seabird," Finrod said. He looked with admiration at the beautiful white plumage of the swan. "Surely only the Eagles of Manwe are mightier than the Swans of Ulmo."

"Nimalph was gifted to me by Lord Osse many years ago," Cirdan said, "but birds are meant to be free, not kept like horses and dogs, so Nimalph and I simply remain in friendship. He is one of the great swans that drew the ships of the Teleri from Tol Eressea to the shores of Eldamar. His home is the Isle of Balar in the southern waters, but ever and anon, he will visit me in the Falas or I will visit him on Balar. Today, he has agreed to draw our ship to Eglarest and will thus speed our journey all the more. I believe you will enjoy the novel experience."

"I look forward eagerly to our voyage." Finrod's eyes sparkled like those of a boy. Cirdan laughed. As always, Finrod's youthful vigor filled Cirdan with pleasure. Nimalph trumpeted. The swan was joining in Cirdan's mirth, but there was a tone in the swan's trumpeting that Cirdan did not wholly understand.

Cirdan led Finrod to a small white ship resting on the beach away from the ever-shifting waves. They lifted the light craft together and brought it to the waters. Cirdan knotted one end of a rope to the prow of the ship and handed the other end to Nimalph. The great swan led their ship over the waters of the Sea. Cirdan, knowing that his ship was being safely guided, was able to enjoy the smooth voyage over the sunlit waters. Cirdan believed that even a journey on the waters near Aman could not have been as perfect as this short trip from Brithombar to Eglarest with Finrod the Golden as his companion.

Thirty years after the Feast of Reuniting, Finrod again visited the Falas. He'd been by many times since his first visit, but this time, he was drawn back to Cirdan's company because Ulmo had visited him in a dream. Ulmo had ordered him to create a retreat of hidden strength to be as a last defense against the forces of Morgoth. Turgon had been with Finrod when he'd received his vision from Ulmo, but Finrod had not even spoken to Turgon, his close friend and brother at heart, about Ulmo's command.

"I have heard the voice of your Lord of the Waters, and it is very great," Finrod said over dinner on the first night of his visit to the Falas. Finrod was testing Cirdan, of course. Cirdan had said that he was deep in the counsels of Ulmo. Finrod wanted to know just how much the Vala told the Elf.

"You've spoken with other Valar while dwelling in Valinor and have even heard the voice of Manwe," Cirdan said. "Was the voice of Ulmo so different?"

"Each Vala is different in majesty," Finrod said. Cirdan hadn't taken the bait but that didn't mean he didn't know. The Lord of the Falas was not a fish, and often, he cast his own lines out to catch Finrod when Finrod tried such games.

"Ulmo's voice is as deep as the depths of the ocean which he alone has seen," Cirdan said. "He was instructed most deeply by Iluvatar in music, and that is what you hear."

"You know such things despite never hearing the Ainulindale composed by Rumil?" Finrod asked. Cirdan nodded. "Then you are wise indeed."

"Only because I have conversed much with Ulmo and his vassals," Cirdan said. "Ulmo has told me that he will help the Noldor, and though this may seem to be against the will of his brethren, the Lords of the West, his aid to the Noldor is his place in the designs of Iluvatar."

Finrod did not know what to say in response. Of course he'd taken the advice of Ulmo to heart, but he hadn't realized that the Noldor's fate was so closely tied to Ulmo, for the Noldor were not lovers of water or shipwrights. Before, Ulmo had been the most distant Vala. He didn't dwell in Valinor like the other Valar. Even among the Teleri, Finrod had heard the names of Osse and Uinen spoken more than Ulmo.

"You haven't asked me what Ulmo said to me," Finrod said at last.

"The waters of the Sea, the lakes, the pools, and all waters of Arda resonate with the voice of Ulmo. You did not specifically say that Ulmo spoke to you directly, only that you had heard his voice. Besides, it is not for me to ask if you choose not to reveal your vision from him." Cirdan paused then warned, "But I cannot advise you or say what is in my heart if you do not confide such things in me. I am not free to provide unsolicited information that Ulmo or Osse have disclosed to me."

Finrod shook his head. "I've known you for years now and still I don't understand you."

Cirdan smiled. "I barely understand myself sometimes. Ulmo showed me a vision of my great task on Middle Earth, but like the vision that Iluvatar showed the Ainur, my knowledge of Ulmo's designs for me is incomplete."

"If the Lord of the Sea can safely confide in you, then surely I can as well," Finrod said. After the vision from Ulmo, Finrod had felt compelled to see Cirdan. If Cirdan would not or could not ask about the vision, then Finrod would volunteer the information. Besides, he was unfamiliar with Ulmo and wanted to know Cirdan's approach to Ulmo's advice. "Ulmo asked me to create a hidden place of strength."

Cirdan nodded. "His advice sounds prudent."

"That's all you have to say?" Finrod made no attempt to hide the hurt in his voice. "Lord Cirdan, I have cried on you and emptied my heart on your shoulder. Of the Moriquendi, you alone know the entirety of my shame and wrongdoings. I even rejected the love of my father to continue in the Rebellion, and yet I accused him of betraying the Noldor by turning his back on those who went forth to Middle Earth. All this I have told you, yet you would withhold your heart's words from me?"

Cirdan smiled wanly. "So from the beginning you intended to tell me of Ulmo's message to you and to seek my advice." As always, Cirdan's voice was calming and soothing. He wasn't even upset by Finrod's harsh words. Embarrassed by his outburst, Finrod looked away. "Come." Cirdan stood and led Finrod from the humble house. They left the fair town of Eglarest and came to the shores of Beleriand.

Cirdan's robes slipped off his shoulders, and he slid his pants off. He waded into the water but wasn't even knee-deep before he changed his mind and came back to land. He stripped off the rest of his clothes and stood naked on the beach with the sun lighting his long silver hair. He was going to swim, not just wade. Normally, Finrod enjoyed seeing the older Elf swim. Cirdan's body would cut through water like a dolphin, and even the younger Elves of the Falas could not match his speed and skill. His muscles were lean and built for endurance. His graceful movements in the water were as beautiful as the dances of Luthien on land. Finrod's heart always leapt with wonder and joy when he watched Cirdan swim or play in the water. But today, Finrod was not in the mood to pleasure his heart.

"Cirdan, I know that you are gifted with a foresight beyond even the women of the Noldor who have dwelt in Aman. Please share your thoughts with me. Or if you will not then I will be on my way."

"Wait a moment longer." Cirdan ran into the waters and dove in head first. Finrod waited for Cirdan to surface, but he didn't. Was he consulting with Ulmo? Minutes passed and still the Lord of the Falas did not surface. Finrod held his breath as long as he could, but he was eventually forced to take a breath. He did it again. And then again. Surely Cirdan couldn't have drowned. Another held breath went by. And another.

At last, Cirdan broke the surface of the water. He did not swim to the surface. Instead, he rose from the Sea as he walked along the bottom of the ocean. First, his head showed. His silver hair fanned out at the surface of the water. Then his shoulders and chest rose from the water. Moisture clung to Cirdan's skin like fresh dew on a frosty morning. His abdominal muscles were tight and hard. Cirdan's various swimming styles required him to make use of almost all his muscles. The Noldor, on the other hand, rarely did any activities that strenuously exercised the abdominal muscles. There were Noldor with strong arms from work in the smithies, and dancers were toned from the great range of movements required of them. But toned muscles and sculpted muscles were two different things. Cirdan was sculpted as beautifully as the Mindon Eldalieva in the square of Tirion. Slowly, Cirdan's legs also appeared above the surface of the water. He was very tall, and his legs were long, strong, and shapely though thin. He pushed his hair back, and water fell about his body like gentle rain on a spring morning He stopped his approach to the land when the water level was just below his knees.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting, my Prince," Cirdan said from where he stood in the water.

"Did you speak to Ulmo?" Finrod asked.

"No."

"Osse?"

"No." Cirdan laughed. The mirth shook his naked body and several drops of water that had been clinging to his skin became dislodged and led Finrod's gaze along the curves and crevices of Cirdan's body. "Do you think that the Lords of the Sea have nothing better to do than to wait for my summons? No, I was simply trying to better recall what I'd seen of Ulmo's vision. In Eglarest, the sound of the waves was still too soft."

Cirdan gestured for Finrod to join him in the water. When Finrod had stripped and joined him in the water, Cirdan led him deeper into the Sea, until the water level was just under their armpits. The ends of their golden and silver hair floated at the water's surface and mingled like the blended Light of the Two Trees in the space between them.

"You hesitate to found a Hidden Kingdom because you believe that you will not be able to explore and enjoy the vast lands of Middle Earth thereafter, but that is not true," Cirdan said. His bright eyes held Finrod's. "On that night when you received the message of Ulmo, Turgon was beside you on the banks of Sirion, and he received the same message. Thus, there will be two Hidden Kingdoms. Once Turgon establishes his, he will not allow anyone to leave until the last battle. As for your kingdom, its borders will be open but guarded like those of Doriath, with guard towers behind trees and Elves ever watchful of the entrance to the Hidden Kingdom. Once you've developed your kingdom and its protection, you will again be free to travel the width and breadth of Beleriand. Remember, the kingdom's location is secret, not its existence."

"Then you think I can disclose my intentions to found a place of hidden strength to others?" Finrod said.

"You must use discretion, but yes, share your plans with others. In this way, I believe you will find the secret region which will become your ever-guarded home."

"I have long admired the strength and majesty of Menegroth," Finrod admitted. "Its treasuries and armories and many-pillared halls of stone seem ideal."

"Do not be afraid to say as much to Thingol. A bit of flattery doesn't hurt, and Thingol benefits from the counsel of Melian the Maia. He may be able to find a deep and secret place to suit your needs."

"You spent so much time under the water for that?" Finrod teased.

Cirdan smiled. "And am still in the water to make sure I don't forget." Then Cirdan became serious. "There is much to the visions that I don't understand. Above all, I know my fate is tied to a great white ship that is unmistakably of my design and construction. The ship sails in the Sky rather than in the Sea, and in my visions, it passes through the Door of the Night. The fair white vessel is always the strongest component of my memory of the visions, yet I cannot even begin to fathom its meaning."

"Do you know anything more about my Fate?" Finrod asked.

Cirdan made a great show of concentrating. "I see a beautiful Elf of the Falathrim capturing your heart." He smiled. "No, I jest." Cirdan's face became serious again, as if he were fighting the great winds of the Sea. "I know that your Fate is tied to the sons of Feanor, and like them, an oath will bind you and drive you in spite of your better judgment, and in the end, it will betray you to your death. Remember that you are also subjected to the Doom of the Noldor, and even Manwe cannot remove the Curse of Mandos. Be careful for my sake as well as your own. If anything should happen to you, I will be slain from grief."

"You exaggerate." Finrod wondered as to the meaning of what Cirdan had said.

"I do not exaggerate, not by much. You undervalue yourself, though you do so almost imperceptibly." Cirdan submerged his head under the water and then resurfaced. He pulled Finrod towards the Sea. "Now let's swim."

"There is one other matter on my mind," Finrod said.

"Very well. The water will wait."

"I wish to erect a tower on the cape between Brithombar and Eglarest in honor of our friendship. You are always very good to me, Cirdan."

"Don't be ridiculous. With your assistance, Eglarest and Brithombar have again become beautiful towns. You've done much for me and my people."

"Then let me do more and raise an erection for you," Finrod said earnestly. "Of the Elves of Middle Earth, the Falathrim have most openly welcomed the Noldor. You can't imagine what that means to us. We've lived in the Light, but our hearts have darkened. Mingling with you has enriched and enlightened me. Let me raise a tower to watch the Sea in case Morgoth attacks from the west."

"The Lords of the Sea would warn me."

"Let me do this for you." Finrod assumed his most pleading expression.

Cirdan sighed. "You'll be building your Hidden Kingdom soon and should save your resources for that. But very well, since I cannot dissuade you."

Finrod smiled. "Thank you."

"No, again, it is I who must that you for your care of the Elves of the Falas," Cirdan said. "When I sail between the towns of Eglarest and Brithombar and see the tower that you have erected, I will think of you and your love. My people will always support the Noldor. You do not need to win our loyalty with towers and material gifts. Remember, my love for you is unconditional."

"Why do you say that now?" Finrod looked into Cirdan's bright eyes and knew he meant it. Cirdan had not spoken of such things for thirty years. Until Finrod heard Cirdan speak of love, Finrod hadn't realized that he'd wanted to talk to the older Elf about love again. Finrod's heart yearned for such conversation like the Sea-longing in the Falathrim. It was as if Cirdan's voice had been the horns of Ulmo those many years ago when they'd first spoken about their lady loves.

"Because you needed to hear it." Cirdan smiled like the rising sun upon the vast waters of the Sea. "Your concern has been addressed. Now the water can wait no longer." Cirdan leapt into the air, and the water falling from his body glimmered like jewels. He raised his arms above him and seemed to pose before Finrod, who had only to reached out to touch that glistening, naked body. Cirdan arched backward while midair and angled his entry into the water so that he wouldn't hit the ocean floor. He surfaced many paces away from Finrod. Cirdan beckoned to Finrod to join him. Finrod smiled and swam out to Cirdan. There would be other times to speak to Cirdan about love.

Cirdan and a host of his people came forth from the Havens of the Falas to the pools of Ivrin to celebrate the victory of the Dagor Aglareb, the Glorious Battle. He looked forward to seeing Finrod at the place where they'd first met. Cirdan brought gifts for the three Houses of the Noldorin Princes in gratitude of their protection of Beleriand and in celebration of the Glorious Battle, but Cirdan had a personal gift for Finrod Felagund, who was closest of the Princes in friendship with Cirdan.

The Princes of the Noldor wore fine silks and jewelry with bright gems from the Blessed Realm. They were noble, proud, and worthy of admiration. Many tales of valor and strength were exchanged and sung by the minstrels. Maglor's performance was exceptionally excellent, but Finrod's singing and harping was also very pleasing to the ear. Finrod, like all the Noldor, was intoxicated by the thorough victory, and the shadow of past sins temporarily departed from Finrod's being. Finrod's close friend Turgon also put aside his grievances for the moment and danced beside the sons of Feanor without any signs of his grudge against them. Fingolfin boasted that save by treason among themselves, Morgoth could never again burst from the leaguer of the Eldar nor come upon them unexpectedly. Cirdan believed that the Elves could withstand Morgoth as long as the Noldor remained united, but he did not so readily believe all the boasts at the high feast.

Cirdan didn't have a chance to speak to Finrod in private until the third night of celebrating. They'd exchanged courteous words and danced together, but they'd simply been unable to converse more seriously in private. Cirdan didn't mind the delay. He'd been feasting on the sight of a happy Finrod for much of the merry-making. Now, Cirdan and Finrod, at last alone, walked around the pools of Ivrin under the silver moon and stars. Even at night, Finrod's hair was bright golden, as if he had captured the very sunlight in his tresses. Only his sister Galadriel's golden hair was more brilliant. At some unsaid agreement, they stopped their leisurely stroll and settled by the waters of Ivrin.

"This gift," Cirdan said, for he'd spoken of it earlier, "is not really for your deeds in the Glorious Battle. It is more like a continuation of a conversation that we return to from time to time." He pulled out his lyre from his knapsack. The lyre was made from a great, luminous shell. Cirdan ran his fingertips across the silver strings, tuned the lyre, and then began to sing about the Unbegotten and their blissful love, an echo of Iluvatar's love for the Elves. The theme then turned to the Begotten, who were not so lucky as to have a predetermined spouse. From this freedom to choose a spouse came the division of the word love into caritas and cupiditas. Then, in the third theme, Cirdan sang about his unconditional love for Finrod. Finrod's breath caught. Cirdan gazed into Finrod's eyes as he sang about caritas, unselfish love. Cirdan's song recounted their first meeting by the pools of Ivrin, when Cirdan had been drawn to Finrod's charm and charisma. Cirdan sang of their later meeting by the shores of Beleriand, where Finrod had opened his heart fully to Cirdan. Cirdan had thenceforth always wanted to help ease Finrod's pain, and somewhere along the way, Cirdan had come to love Finrod more deeply than the love between two friends. In the music that Cirdan sang and the visions that he evoked, there was no misunderstanding the shift of love from one of kinship and friendship to the higher and closer love that was reserved for a man and his spouse. It was not a romantic love, per se; it was an intense, unselfish love that mirrored the love of the Valar for the Children of Iluvatar. Cirdan's song slowly faded in the night, and the notes of his love lingered in the air.

"I don't know what to say," Finrod said at last. He reached out and took Cirdan's left hand. Cirdan put aside the lyre and took Finrod's other hand. "I'm touched to know that you feel so deeply for me. I don't understand how you could love me as a man does his wife, but I must confess that my heart still yearns for Amarie of the Vanyar."

"I know." Cirdan squeezed Finrod's hands. "You don't have to apologize for that. I sang to you about my love only so that you would understand my feelings for you and know that you have no reason to doubt your own value. Even your brothers don't' know about your most personal doubts about yourself. When you are alone and haunted by your past, remember my song and the love that I hold for you. I give it freely, unconditionally, and no matter what you have done or will do, regardless of whether or not you return my feelings, my love for you will not change. The spirit of the Noldor is high right now, but if Morgoth should ever break the Siege of Angband, we may not have a chance to meet again ere the end, and you will need something to hold onto when the shadows darken your heart."

"Thank you, Cirdan." Finrod leaned forward and kissed Cirdan on the cheek. "I understand more about unrestricted love now, for I do not feel burdened by the knowledge of your feelings for me. I will treasure your love and friendship." They sat by the calm waters under the starlight for most of the night. Cirdan was reminded of Cuivienen, the Waters of Awakening, for here, by the pools of Ivrin, his love had finally awakened.

When Nargothrond was full-wrought, Finrod invited his siblings to feast. Galadriel came from Doriath and stayed in Nargothrond for a while. She told Finrod about her love for Celeborn, kinsman to Thingol, and the great joy that they shared in the woods of Doriath. After she'd spoken about Celeborn several times, one time Galadriel asked Finrod why he had no wife and heir, as would've been appropriate for the King of Nargothrond. Finrod's love for Amarie had been too early in bloom before the Noldor's departure from Aman, so Finrod had never spoken of his love for Amarie to his siblings.

Foresight came to Finrod as she spoke, and he said, "An oath I too shall swear, and must be free to fulfill it, and go into darkness. Nor shall anything of my realm endure that a son should inherit."

Before that moment, Finrod had never thought such dark thoughts. He remembered the words that Cirdan had spoken when Finrod had asked about the building of a hidden kingdom. In the waters of the Sea, Cirdan had warned that Finrod's fate was tied to the sons of Feanor, and like them, he would swear an oath that would drive him and betray him to his death.

Then Finrod remembered Cirdan's final words in that matter: "Be careful for my sake as well as your own. If anything should happen to you, I will be slain from grief." Finrod had thought that Cirdan was exaggerating, but that had been before Finrod had learned of Cirdan's love for him. Finrod's love for Amarie felt distant while Cirdan's love felt present and strong, freeing and unceasing.

Then Finrod wondered about his love for Amarie. Who was he to hold her back from seeking another's love? Though the days of the Long Peace seemed reminiscent of the Blessed Realm, Finrod knew that he would not soon be returning to Aman, for although the Siege held Morgoth in check, the Elves could not break Angband. If Amarie married another, he told himself he wouldn't begrudge their happiness.

During the Days of Long Peace, Cirdan saw Finrod infrequently. This didn't change Cirdan's feelings for Finrod because the memories of the times they spent together were clear and ever-present in Cirdan's mind. When over 300 years had passed since the Noldor had come to Beleriand, Finrod again came to visit Cirdan at Eglarest. Cirdan immediately knew that something wonderful had changed in Finrod's heart, for he was at last as Iluvatar had intended Elves to be, loving and beloved.

Finrod was high-spirited and energetic. Rather than their normal leisurely walks by the shore or gentle boat rides, Cirdan suggested that they ride to the Cape of Balar on horseback. Cirdan was one of the few Elves of the Falas to own a mount, but Cirdan rode infrequently so most of the time Earroch, his great foam-white horse, was free to wander the lands near Eglarest with the handful of other horses owned by the Falathrim. Finrod was surprised but pleased by the unexpected suggestion. Cirdan blew on a narrow horn of shell to call Earroch to him.

Watching Finrod atop his galloping horse was like watching the sun rise for the first time. Finrod's long golden hair streamed out behind him, and his body leaned forward with eagerness and grace. The Sea beside and before him seemed to be only a backdrop created to frame Finrod's perfect form. Finrod looked back to Cirdan, who was a good rider despite his infrequent riding. Finrod's face was brimming with happiness and vigor. Then he smiled like rays of sunshine, and Cirdan's racing heart was filled with love. Finrod let out a cry of joy, and the winds of the Sea caught his exhilaration and brought it to Cirdan's ears. Finrod's voice mingled with the sound of the waves to create a music more unforgettable than even the great white horns of Ulmo.

When they stopped to rest their horses, Finrod at last spoke of the cause of his great joy. He had met the Aftercomers. Mortal Men had crossed the mountains of Ered Lindon, and Finrod had met them in a valley among the foothills of the mountains below the Springs of Thalos. Love had welled up in his heart for them as he'd watched them sing and then sleep. He spoke about the song that he had played on one of their rude harps and their beauty as they'd slowly awakened to his song. Men were not as fair as Elves, but Finrod felt a tender love for them that was unlike anything that he'd felt before. He marveled that the Noldor had believed the lies of Morgoth, that Men were usurpers of the Eldar's rights to Middle Earth. He spoke of the coming of still more Men from the East. And when Finrod had dwelt among the Mortal Men for a year and desired to return to his own country, Beor had begged leave to come with him. With much delight, Finrod had taken Beor into his service, and his people were now living in Dorthonion, Finrod's northern lands. Finrod spoke of his intentions to return to visit the Edain with eagerness, and the light in Finrod's eyes expressed his love for Mortal Men.

At last, Finrod fell silent, having said all that he could of Mortal Men and now losing himself in pleasant thoughts. Finrod seemed a different person now. His love for Men filled him with purpose and being. As beautiful as he'd been, Finrod now seemed to be the person he was meant to be, and that fulfillment of self made him even lovelier than before.

"The love you bear for Mortal Men is similar to that which the Valar feel for the Elves," Cirdan said aloud. "Your love for Beor and his people drove you to bring them back to your lands. In the same way, the Valar's love for the Elves drove them to invite us to the Blessed Realm in the West."

Finrod looked at Cirdan with surprise. "I had expected you to listen to my tale of joy, but never did I expect such words of wisdom. You're right, of course." Cirdan could see Finrod's mind turning from Men to his own people, the Noldor. Finrod looked out over the waters of the Sea, towards the West. "I think I understand at last that which you've been trying to teach me. The Valar were not angry at our departure from Aman. They were angry that we rejected their love and the love of the Teleri when they sought to turn us from folly. When my father turned back to the Valar in sorrow, he was acting out of love for the Teleri, the Noldor, and the Valar."

"You acted for love of the Noldor and the sons of Fingolfin, whom you would not abandon," Cirdan said gently. It was necessary for Finrod to learn this lesson, but the lesson of love would be for naught if he turned to despair and guilt for his past sins.

"I did. But Olwe was right when he said that it may be the part of a friend to stop another friend's folly." Cirdan was losing Finrod to dark thoughts and regrets.

Cirdan moved in front of Finrod, blocking his gaze westward, and took the younger Elf's hands. "If you had not left Aman, I would not have met you, and my life would have been diminished without your friendship, which I hold dearer than life. If you had turned back to Tirion with your father Finarfin, you would not have met Mortal Men, whom you love, and your life would not have been enriched from your love for them." Cirdan took his hands from Finrod's and placed them on the sides of Finrod's head. Finrod's golden hair was soft and pleasant to touch. Cirdan rose onto his knees and gently kissed Finrod on the forehead. Then he moved so that their eyes were level. "Evil shall yet be good to have been, so decreed Iluvatar when Arda was first marred. Learn from the past, but look to the future."

The shadow passed from Finrod's gray eyes. "The Fall of the Noldor was, above all, the rejection of love, the love of and for the Valar and the love between Elfin kin. But as you say, evil shall yet be good to have been." His voice dropped to a whisper, and the sounds of the waves in the night touched his words like before so that the music was unlike any that Cirdan had heard before. The moonlight shone in his golden hair, and his eyes were bright like stars. "The Redemption of the Noldor shall be the love that they discover and rediscover in Middle Earth, and it will be more glorious than it would otherwise have been." He moved forward and brought his arms up around Cirdan even as Cirdan's hands came down Finrod's face to rest on his shoulders. Their lips met and they kissed each other as if it'd been mutually agreed upon in advance. Finrod's lips were firm yet supple. Cirdan felt his love returned in the meeting of their flesh. "Here I've discovered love for Mortal Men, but I've rediscovered a different kind of love for my kin. I do not know how this came to be, but my heart has turned to you."

"I will remember this moment above all others in my long life as an Eldar," Cirdan said. He meant what he said. This moment of bonding between him and Finrod was more precious than even the times that Ulmo had spoken to Cirdan and shared a part of the vision of Iluvatar.

"But I fear that we will not often be able to see each other," Finrod said. "My heart bids me to teach Mortal Men, and I must maintain my kingdom."

Cirdan ran his fingers along Finrod's mouth. "Then let us cherish this memory as evidence of our mutual love. For a ship to reach its full potential, it needs a wide sea. Before, you were only a lake. Now that you've opened your heart, you've become a sea, and your heart can at last set full sail. I do not begrudge your love for Men. Do as you see fit, and return to my harbors when you tire of your voyages."

Finrod smiled, a small, slight upturn of his lips that caught the silver moon. "The memory of you as you are now shall remain ever clear and unstained henceforth in my heart and shall neither fade nor grow stale." They passed the rest of the night lost in each other's eyes. In the morning, they rode back to Eglarest.

The oath that Finrod had sworn to Barahir in the Dagor Bragollach took an unexpected form. Beren, son of Barahir, came to Nargothrond with the twin serpent ring of the House of Finarfin, and instead of aid in war, he asked for aid in love. The one he loved was Luthien, the precious daughter of Thingol, and for her hand, Thingol demanded a Silmaril in return. It was utter folly to attempt to win a Silmaril, but Beren's love drove him, and Finrod would not deny the son of Barahir, though he knew that this was the Doom of which he'd spoken to Galadriel many years ago. Of his country of Nargothrond, only ten came forth with him on this perilous quest. Perhaps it wouldn't have mattered if they'd had 10,000 instead of ten for the Curse of Mandos was in motion. Finrod and his companions had been caught and imprisoned in what had once been the fair tower of Minas Tirith upon Tol Sirion but was now Tol-in-Gaurhoth, the Isle of Werewolves.

If only I had not faltered in my song, Finrod thought in the gloom of the dungeons. One by one, his companions were eaten by werewolves. They were chained close enough to hear their companion's cries but not close enough to aid in combat against the mighty werewolves of Sauron. Finrod never doubted his decision to go forth and assist Beren on his quest. But Sauron had defeated Finrod with his dark song about the Kinslaying at Alqualonde. Though Finrod had spoken with Cirdan about it many times, before the forces of evil, he could not wholly forgive himself because he knew that the Teleri did not yet forgive the Noldor.

Yet Cirdan, kin to Olwe and Telerin in blood and heart, has forgiven me, Finrod thought to himself. I do not have the strength to defeat Sauron, but perhaps I can save Beren so that he may go on and find the fulfillment of his love. For it seemed to Finrod that the greatest sorrow was to not discover the mutual joy of love. Edrahil was slain. Alone, he and Beren remained. Finrod did not focus on the last time he'd seen Cirdan, so many years ago after Beor had passed away. Instead, Finrod remembered their starlit night on the Cape of Balar, when he'd first learned to love Cirdan. Such joy in companionship should've been Beren's as well, if only for a night. So vicious was the werewolf that killed Edrahil that his blood spilled out to Finrod. Finrod wet his hands with the blood of his faithful follower and wet one link on each of the chains that held him. Iron was not gold. It rusted.

As the days of torment passed one after another, Finrod continued to refuse to answer the interrogations of Sauron. When he bled, he waited for the guards to leave and then placed his blood atop that of Edrahil's on the same chain links. The servants of Sauron fed them salty soup in order to keep them barely alive, and this Finrod saved and put on the same spot on his chains. He could speak no words to Beren of his plans, for he had been gagged with a filthy but surprisingly strong rag to prevent him from singing. Even if he'd wanted to drink his soup, the act of doing so with the gag was so difficult that he preferred instead to save the precious liquid and slowly use it on the chosen chain links. Finrod felt his body grow weary from lack of food, but he did not lose hope and rested when he could to conserve his strength.

Then, as Finrod had expected, a werewolf came to claim Beren's life. Sauron would keep the most powerful Elf until the end to try to fathom their mission. At that moment, Finrod burst from his chains of bondage. The iron had rusted enough for him to break the links. His wrists and ankles bled from where the iron tore into his skin, but he was free. Finrod assailed the wolf before it could devour Beren and fought with bare hands. He wrestled with the werewolf and slew it with his hands and teeth. But Finrod himself was wounded.

With the sharp fangs of the werewolf, Finrod cut the gag from around his mouth and said to Beren before the end, "I go now to my long rest in the timeless halls beyond the Seas and the Mountains of Aman. It may be long ere I am seen among the Noldor again; and it may be that we shall not meet a second time in death or life, for the fates of our kindred are apart. Farewell."

Finrod died then in the dark, in Tol-in-Gaurhoth, whose great tower he himself had built. But Finrod did not regret his decision to save Beren even in the bitter end, for he knew as he bade Beren farewell that, somehow, Beren's love would be fulfilled. And surely that love would prevail.

Cirdan was bereft of Finrod's friendship in all his days in Middle Earth thereafter. At the end of the First Age, the hosts of the Valar made war on Angband and defeated Morgoth. Eonwe called all the Elves of Middle Earth to Valinor, but Cirdan did not depart with them. He did indeed desire to be reunited with his kin at Alqualonde, but he loathed to depart from the lands where he'd met Finrod Felagund. Besides, his heart told him that his purpose in Middle Earth had not yet ended. Beleriand was destroyed in the War of Wrath, but Lindon, where Finrod had first met Mortal Men and thus learned to love, remained. Cirdan dwelt in Mithlond between Forlindon and Harlindon. In the Second Age, Cirdan saw the rise and fall of Numenor. He fought with Gil-galad against Sauron, who had slain Finrod. In the Last Alliance of Elves and Men, Cirdan saw the fall of the last High King of the Noldor. In the Third Age, Men were tested and taught, and Aragorn, the descendant of Earendil the Blessed, reclaimed his kingship. Sauron was defeated. When the Bearers of the Three Elven Rings and the Bearer of the One Ring came to Mithlond, Cirdan felt that his time on Middle Earth had come to an end. He set sail for the West and at last came to the Blessed Realm.

On the shores of Eldamar, the ships of Cirdan were greeted with trumpets and cheers. The arch of living stone over the entrance of Alqualonde was decorated with flowers. The lamplit havens were new to Cirdan, yet they seemed familiar to him. At last, after countless years, he was home. As the ship docked, Cirdan searched the crowds and found who he did not expect but had hoped to find.

Finrod stood by the pier among the House of Olwe. The sun had set, but here in the Blessed Realm, that was the time of greatest light. Finrod's golden hair caught the light of the sun that streamed between the mountains. Strings of pearls decorated his braids, and a circlet of silver and diamonds graced his brow. His raiment of gold and green were bejeweled and more splendid than any finery that Cirdan had seen on Middle Earth. Most beautiful of all were Finrod's eyes, which shone like Gil-Estel, the Star of Hope. And although Finrod took note of his sister Galadriel, he mostly watched Cirdan, and the love between them was rekindled.

Later, Cirdan learned that Finrod was the First Noldo of Middle Earth to be released from the Halls of Mandos, for he had saved Beren and aided in the Quest for the Silmaril, which had enabled Earendil to come to Valinor on behalf of the Two Kindreds. Finrod's willingness to love and be loved also played a part of his early re-embodiment, for he accepted the love and rule of the Valar without regret or bitterness.

Six days passed before Cirdan and Finrod were able to spend some time in private together. They walked along the beach of Valinor in silence for a long time, for words could not wholly express their joy at reuniting. Cirdan remembered when they'd first met at the Feast of Reuniting by the pools of Ivrin, when Finrod had first shared that beautiful, secret smile. After a while, Finrod took Cirdan's hand, thus making it clear that, although he'd been free to choose another, he still loved Cirdan. At last, they stopped to sit on the beach. Their hands remained joined. It did not seem to matter that Cirdan alone of the Eldar had aged like a Mortal Man.

"Do you remember that night on the Cape of Balar when I first returned your love?" Finrod whispered. Elven memory was said to be excellent, but Cirdan did not remember Finrod's voice to be so fair and melodious.

"Of course," Cirdan said. "My love for you remains still, and often when the shadow lengthened in Middle Earth, I returned to that night for comfort."

"It's not the love of a kinsman, is it?" Finrod searched Cirdan's bright eyes. 'It's more like the love between a man and his wife." Cirdan nodded. He felt the same way. "I would like to explore and learn more of this love that we share."

"As would I. Our time together after we'd come to love one another was far too short." Cirdan touched his lips to the backs of Finrod's hands. Cirdan had not expected Finrod to already be released from the Halls of Mandos. He was one of the leaders of the Rebellion of the Noldor. But now that Cirdan knew that Finrod was living in Eldamar and still loved him, Cirdan knew what it was he wanted. "If you are of the same heart and mind as me, then let us be wed here in the Blessed Realm."

"How can we? Two men do not marry."

"If you're not opposed to the idea, then let us entreat the Valar to grant us the grace of marriage. Your sacrifice for Beren has surely won you great favor among the Valar." Cirdan stroked his long silver beard. He'd become accustomed to it over time and thought of it as a mark of Ulmo, who also sported a beard. "I have been Ulmo's vassal since the day I desired to sail to Valinor and was asked to abide instead on Middle Earth. Undoubtedly he'll speak on my behalf." Cirdan searched Finrod's shining eyes and saw great love in them. The lessons of love that Finrod had learned on Middle Earth had been enhanced in the Blessed Realm. Finrod was at peace with himself in a way that had never been possible before. His love for himself enabled him to love others more truly and fully. "Merely say the word, and I will do all that I can to convince the Valar to let us wed."

Finrod drew Cirdan's left hand, now aged and wrinkled, to his smooth cheek. "Many Elves who sailed West before you told me that you had become old and gray. Instead, I find that you've become more beautiful. The signs of aging are but a mark of your caring for others and your grief at their passing into death or to the West. This tender heart that has aged you like a Mortal Man is also the reason I love you so much. Some say that if you stayed in Lorien, tended by Este's servants, you would be healed and rejuvenated. Even if that is not the case, still I would want to wed with you. If the Valar permit it, then I will gladly put my hand in yours."

"Even if it does not come to pass, I consider myself blessed that you bear such love for me and would be willing to bind yourself to me."

Finrod kissed Cirdan's palm. "Is there any reason we're only exchanging declarations of love? I haven't tasted your lips for thousands of years of the Sun. If that memory of our night on the Cape of Balar is as sweet to you as it is to me, why not create a new moment to cherish?"

Cirdan chuckled and felt his cheeks flush. "I'm afraid my beard might irritate you."

"Let me decide that." Finrod drew Cirdan to him, and they kissed. Finrod's lips were more confident than before, and he chewed lightly on Cirdan's lips. When they drew apart, Cirdan saw the brightness in Finrod's eyes, and all lingering doubt about their compatibility and relationship fell away. Cirdan thought that he'd be satisfied holding hands and gazing into Finrod's eyes, but his eagerness to share his love with Finrod was greater than expected. Finrod looked too earnest and ready to love. Seeing Cirdan's sudden wave of impatience, Finrod laughed. "It's not like you to be impatient. You were able to wait over 10,000 years before seeing the Blessed Realm."

"Then my impatience should show you how much more you mean to me than even the Blessed Realm." Cirdan kissed the back of Finrod's hands. Then Cirdan stood and stripped himself.

Finrod laughed again. "You can always dance for me as you undress," he suggested mischievously.

Cirdan smiled and shook his head. Finrod was delighting far too much in Cirdan's uncharacteristic impatience. Once naked, Cirdan ran into the water and dove into its depths. Cirdan wondered if his love for Finrod was truly stronger than his love for the Sea. Though Ulmo dwelt in the Outer Ocean as he had from the beginning of Arda, his strength here was still very great, whereas in Middle Earth, his powers in its waters had dwindled over time. The presence of Osse and Uinen was stronger than it had ever been in Middle Earth. The music of the water was not merely that of waves. In it, Cirdan heard an echo of the very music of the Ainur, and Salmar, who had crafted the horns of Ulmo and came never to the waters of Middle Earth, was present and cast his spell over the sounds of the Sea. Here also dwelt the Oarni and Falmarini and the long-tressed Wingildi, the spirits of the foam and the surf of ocean. Cirdan had long been acquainted with the foam and surf, but he'd never met the spirits that controlled them. The Maiar of the Waters, who were the servants of Osse and Uinen, greeted Cirdan as a kin long sundered.

Cirdan burst from the water's surface and was among them. The Oarni danced around him in joy, and their music filled the air so that the shores of Eldamar sang as it never had before. Cirdan knew that it was not Valinor that he desired but the Waters of Valinor, which were indeed greater than the waters of Middle Earth. Cirdan threw his long silver hair back and then joined the Maiar of the Waters with his own song. He sang the same song that he had sung to Finrod by the pools of Ivrin, and then he added to it and sang about the awakening of their mutual love at the Cape of Balar after Finrod had at last come to understand the love of the Valar for the Elder Children of Iluvatar through his love for the Younger Children of Iluvatar. And though Cirdan raised his voice in music for the spirits of the water, Cirdan's bright eyes were fixed on Finrod the Beloved. Cirdan felt Osse and Uinen, attracted by the lovely voices and stirring of the Sea, join the many presences of the waters. After a moment, they appeared in forms like the Eldar on the water's surface atop great waves like thrones. Cirdan turned from Finrod and bowed his head to the Lord and Lady of the Seas. He knew that Osse had always loved the voice of the Teleri, and so Cirdan voiced his plea as the last stanza of his song. He begged them to prevail upon the Valar to permit the marriage between himself and Finrod so that they could dwell together thereafter in love as spouses.

Lady Uinen spoke, "Cirdan the Shipwright, Lover of the Sea, you have been the loyal vassal of Ulmo since the early days when you first build simple rafts to float on the waters of Cuivienen. Your thoughts and desires were known to him as soon as you first touched the Waters of Valinor, and your prayer has been granted. Lord Ulmo went before the Valar in the Ring of Doom even as you sang with the Oarni, and the Valar grant you the freedom to choose Finrod Felagund of the House of Finarfin as your spouse."

"But the Statute of Finwe and Miriel still stands," warned Osse. "If you wed with Finrod, neither of you may wed with another. A man cannot have two wives, or in this case, two spouses."

"I desire no other, unless it be the Sea itself," Cirdan said

The great Lord and Lady of the Seas then looked to Finrod, who still stood upon the shore but could hear all that transpired. "I too desire no other," Finrod said.

"Let it be," Osse said in a booming voice. "Come to my House in Valmar. The two of you shall wed before Ulmo, and the Maiar of the Waters will be your witnesses. Then will the Eldar know the decision of the Valar, and you may hold a second ceremony among your own kin."

Cirdan and Finrod obeyed, and soon after the wonders of the day had passed, they traveled to Valmar. The House of Osse was fashioned of pearl, and its floors were of seawater. Tapestries like the glint of silver skins of fishes decorated its walls. And it was roofed by foam. The handmaids of Lady Uinen dressed Cirdan in robes of silver like the starlit foam of the Sea. They braided some of his hair and added strings of pearls partially engulfed in silver shells in his hair. Then he was brought to the Reception Hall of Osse's dwelling. Finrod was guided to Cirdan's side. Finrod's robes were soft and pure white like the plumage of a swan and decorated with glittering crystals. He wore a circlet of platinum, and chains of gold and silver bells hung from the circlet amidst his bright golden hair.

Cirdan and Finrod joined hands, walked together to where Ulmo awaited them, and knelt before the King of the Sea. Ulmo had chosen to appear in a less fearsome form, but it was still full of majesty and power. His voice was as deep as their love. He spoke kindly and highly of their love and the understanding that had brought them together. They would be accounted among the great unions of Arda, named alongside Thingol and Melian, Beren and Luthien, Tuor and Idril, and Aragorn and Arwen. The strange fate that had brought Cirdan and Finrod together would raise the awareness of the Eldar, and Arda would be made more glorious. Osse and Uinen brought forth rings of platinum, and Cirdan and Finrod exchanged these and sealed the ceremony of matrimony with a kiss. The Maiar of the Waters raised their voice in song at their union.

Later, Cirdan and Finrod were again joined in marriage, this time before their kinsmen, and Ingwe, High King of all the Eldar and Cirdan's friend of old, performed the ceremony. The tale of this union of two men later became a symbol of pure and unselfish love. It had begun with the love that the Valar bore for the Eldar, and it was fulfilled when Finrod learned to love Mortal Men. This same love between different Kindreds was reflected in the odd fate that brought two men of the same Kindred together in great love. The Fall of the Noldor had been the breach of love between kinsmen, but the past sins were forgiven and, instead of revenge or bitterness, love between kin like the love between Cirdan and Finrod was sought. Thus, in the discovery of such a strange love, Finrod not only redeemed himself but also all the Noldor.

---

This ends the tale of "The Redemption of the Noldor."

Chapter End Notes

Author's note: Caritas and cupiditas are regular, accepted ideas of love in the Middle Ages, and Tolkien, being an English professor, would have been well-aware of them. I suspect it does play into his Silmarillion world. The Oarni are mentioned in the Book of Lost Tales 1. I wanted to show the Maiar of the Waters and stole the name from Lost Tales 1, but the issue of a happy relationship in-canon with the Silmarillion shouldn't be related to some water spirits.

Cirdan was bereft of Finrod's friendship in all his days in Middle Earth thereafter. At the end of the First Age, the hosts of the Valar made war on Angband and defeated Morgoth. Eonwe called all the Elves of Middle Earth to Valinor, but Cirdan did not depart with them. He did indeed desire to be reunited with his kin at Alqualonde, but he loathed to depart from the lands where he'd met Finrod Felagund. Besides, his heart told him that his purpose in Middle Earth had not yet ended. Beleriand was destroyed in the War of Wrath, but Lindon, where Finrod had first met Mortal Men and thus learned to love, remained. Cirdan dwelt in Mithlond between Forlindon and Harlindon. In the Second Age, Cirdan saw the rise and fall of Numenor. He fought with Gil-galad against Sauron, who had slain Finrod. In the Last Alliance of Elves and Men, Cirdan saw the fall of the last High King of the Noldor. In the Third Age, Men were tested and taught, and Aragorn, the descendant of Earendil the Blessed, reclaimed his kingship. Sauron was defeated. When the Bearers of the Three Elven Rings and the Bearer of the One Ring came to Mithlond, Cirdan felt that his time on Middle Earth had come to an end. He set sail for the West and at last came to the Blessed Realm.

On the shores of Eldamar, the ships of Cirdan were greeted with trumpets and cheers. The arch of living stone over the entrance of Alqualonde was decorated with flowers. The lamplit havens were new to Cirdan, yet they seemed familiar to him. At last, after countless years, he was home. As the ship docked, Cirdan searched the crowds and found who he did not expect but had hoped to find.

Finrod stood by the pier among the House of Olwe. The sun had set, but here in the Blessed Realm, that was the time of greatest light. Finrod's golden hair caught the light of the sun that streamed between the mountains. Strings of pearls decorated his braids, and a circlet of silver and diamonds graced his brow. His raiment of gold and green were bejeweled and more splendid than any finery that Cirdan had seen on Middle Earth. Most beautiful of all were Finrod's eyes, which shone like Gil-Estel, the Star of Hope.

The cry for Galadriel stirred Cirdan from his daydreaming. Beside Finrod were Orodreth, Angrod, and Aegnor. When the ship was near enough to shore, the Teleri cast flower petals up into the air. Galadriel's four brothers cheered for her return. Though sundered from her husband Celeborn, the sight of her brothers overcame her melancholy, and Galadriel smiled and held her hand up in greeting.

"Look at all those Elves," Frodo said to no one in particular. The Elves of Middle Earth had dwindled over time and were seen only rarely, for they moved like shadows. Here in the Blessed Realm though, the Elves lined the shores and were arrayed in all their past glory. Even Cirdan, who had seen the Elves of Valinor during the War of Wrath, was in awe, for the elves were dressed in fine and bright raiments for peace and festival, not for war.

Cirdan looked out at the many faces of the Elves who awaited them ashore, and some he recognized. Even the Vanyar and Noldor had come to the Swanhavens for these last ships from Middle Earth. Cirdan's gaze returned to Finrod, who smiled like the sun, and this time, he noticed the beautiful, golden-haired Vanya standing beside him. There was no mistaking her, for Cirdan had seen visions of her when Finrod had spoken with him. She was Amarie of the Vanyar, beloved of Finrod Felagund, House of Finarfin.

Cirdan's heart softened at the sight of her beside Finrod. The Shipwright had often tried to ease the loneliness and yearning in Finrod's heart for the woman he loved, but even the coming of Men had nto fully filled Finrod's seemingly infinite capacity for love. Now, on the shores of Eldamar, Finrod seemed joyful and wholly healed. Even a song of Sauron could not fell the beautiful and strong prince now. The sight of Amarie beside him explained Finrod's shining face and unsurpassable loveliness. Cirdan's heart swelled with love for Amarie, whom he did not know personally, for he was grateful for the healing that she had brought to Finrod and pleased by the union that had waited many long years and was at last fulfilled.

Cirdan spent the night with his kinsman Olwe. Olwe spoke to him of the Two Trees, evoking such visions that Cirdan longed to behold in truth and not in seeming. Olwe told Cirdan of the voyages of the swanships of Alqualonde, his descendants, and many fair things beside. Like the lands around the Isle of Balar, the Havens of the Swan were filled with pearls to be gathered, and perhaps because of the coming of the rest of the Eldar to the Blessed Realms there had been greater numbers of pearls to be found of late. All this Cirdan listened to, and when Olwe finished, Cirdan spoke of the War of the Ring in brief, for he knew that there would be much song about it later, and the voyage across the Sundering Sea. They spoke in Olwe's chambers, at the dining hall, and on the shores of Eldamar. And when at last they trailed off to see the setting of the bright sun in Valinor once again, Cirdan found his heart's desire to again see his kin at last fulfilled.

"You haven't even been back for more than a day, yet already you wish to leave us?" Olwe said. "Stay, Cirdan. Settle down among the kin from whom you've long been sundered."

"Nay, my Lord, for mines is the choice of Miriel's." Cirdan stroked his long silver beard, the mark of Ulmo. "Many years ago, when I saw the glimmer of Tol Eressea in the West, I chose not to follow my kin and to follow instead the horns of Ulmo, the Ulumuri. Now that my great task in Middle Earth is complete, I desire to dwell in Ulmonan, the Halls of Ulmo, and serve the Lord of Waters. My visit to Alqualonde was the end of my great task, for I brought with me the last of the Wise of Middle Earth and the Ringbearers."

Olwe offered to hold a feast for his departure, but Cirdan declined. Cirdan left for Vai, the Outer Sea, and was not seen again among his people until the end.

At the End of the World, Tulkas, Eonwe, and Turin defeated Morgoth in the Dagor Dagorath, the Last Battle. The world was wrenched apart. The Silmarils were recovered from the depths of the earth and sea, and Earendil yielded his Silmaril of the sky. Feanor broke open the three Silmarils, and their Light filled all of Arda. The world was built anew. The dead of the Eldar arose, and the Valar and Eldar were made young again. It was in this Light, after the End of the World, that Cirdan and Finrod at last met again.

Finrod embraced Cirdan and said, "Too long have you been away from your kin. Truly, the spouses of mariners are few, and I understand fully why that is so." Both Elves were young and refreshed from the renewal of Arda.

Cirdan smiled lightly. "A man may not have two spouses, and I belonged to Lady Uinen of the Sea."

"No, you belonged to Ulmo, the King of the Sea and the Lord of Waters," Finrod said. "But surely your great task is finally ended, for the world has ended and been reborn. Will you return among the Elves now?"

"I will."

Finrod smiled brightly, and that smile was very great in the new Light of the world. "A spouse must share a man with his vocation or make him something unlovable. I have waited many years for your work with Ulmo to end. Now, at last, I may steal you from the Lord of the Waters. Cirdan, if you still love me as you did before, will you marry me?"

Cirdan started. "What of Amarie?"

"She is wedded to Olwe's youngest son, not to me."

"That day when I returned from Middle Earth, I saw you beside her, and I was glad for your union."

"And now you know that there was no union between her and me." Finrod touched his palm to Cirdan's smooth cheek. "Perhaps your misunderstanding was Fate, for you were needed by Ulmo's side. I know I was free to choose another, but Cirdan, my love remains for you still. Again, will you marry me?"

"If the Valar will permit it, then I will gladly lay my hand in yours," Cirdan said. He kissed Finrod and discovered exactly how lacking Elven memory could be. Though he had cherished and remembered their kiss on the Cape of Balar, its memory was but a shadow compared a real kiss. Now that the world was remade, there were no shadows. Only the Light of their lips in the present remained.

Later, Cirdan and Finrod were joined in marriage. Their love had begun with the love that the Valar bore for the Eldar, and it was fulfilled when Finrod learned to love Mortal Men. The union of two men at the dawn of the world became the symbol of pure and unselfish love in New Arda. Thus, the breach of love between kinsmen at the Fall and the past sins of the Noldor were fully redressed, and the history of Old Arda would have been lessened if the Fall had not happened. Thus, the Fall of the Noldor was known as the Fortunate Fall, and Finrod--Lover of Mortal Men, Elves, and Valar--was attributed with the Redemption of the Noldor.