A Lonely Bride by alquawende

Chapter 1

A Lonely Bride

102 Tar-Aldarion

I stand on one of the numerous wooden docks, here, in Rómenna, gazing at the sea with its constant flowing, back and forth, back and forth... it moves... Never ending, unlike the lives of us mortals... It will always be here; always retain its shade and vigor.

My life is numbered by weeks. I see the many wrinkles and my bony frame reflected in the dark water amidst the innumerable stars of Elbereth. My once rich, luxurious hair looks wiry and thin. These signs of my aging had appeared only in the last few decades. Once I, Erendis, as they call me in these latter years, had been beautiful. So beautiful, that the King's Heir of this land of Númenor had wooed and won me. Now I am but a hag. My mind flies back to my younger years, when I had first met him.

I was bedazzled by the festival decorations and all the noble people whom I saw in the city. I was wearing my new gown. It was a spring green, as the forests I loved, my father had said and my mother said complemented my dark hair and brown eyes.

At the ball, that evening, was the first time I ever saw the Royal family. They seemed to dazzle and shine like no one else in the hall, but Aldarion, oh Aldarion, was like the sun, with his golden hair and bright-blue eyes. He easily towered over his father, the King. I knew he was too far above me, so I quickly gave up thoughts of marriage with him, but that didn't mean that I couldn't admire him from afar, however. I didn't dance much, and when I didn't, I sat on one of the benches to the walls and gazed at him. I kept staring at him. He laughed and seemed the merriest in the hall. Suddenly, I saw him turn and look at me. He gave me a grin and wink, then went back to his companions. I bent my head in shame at being caught doing something so very improper, but I couldn't help feel glad that he had noticed me, out of all the other fair maidens in the hall.

Later, during our courtship, I went to my mother's one day to speak of my troubles with Aldarion.

I hastily relayed, in my desire for a quick reply, of what had just passed between Aldarion and I, in the woods.

"All or nothing, Erendis," said Núneth. "So you were as a child."(1) It was all she said or would say on the subject.

A few days later, I went to the Western coast of Númenor, in Andúnie, for a day with Aldarion. The day was beautiful and I was wearing my favorite gown. It was a vivid green, not unlike the grass of Númenor in Lótessë. I smiled when I saw him, but it turned swiftly to a frown when I saw the small, grey boat behind him while he explained that he planned a picnic on the sea for us, this day.

"I absolutely refuse to get into the boat, Aldarion!" I cried. I was furious. He knew how much pain his attachment to the sea and ships caused me, yet he has decided to flaunt it before me.

He gave a wide grin, which I expect was used a lot to get his way often with others. "Come, meleth! Will you not join me today at least? Anar, I swear, has blessed this day, herself, and Uinen has been kind. Look at the sea before you!"

I bit my lip and looked at my surroundings; the sea before me flowed gently back and forth, back and forth... "No," I said adamantly. "I must refuse your offer."

Aldarion's face lost its jubilant smile. "'You must refuse?" he lashed out. "Are you forgetting that I have spent many a day with you and your forests and grasslands? Will you not spend one day, one day I repeat, with me and my ships and sea, for once?"

"I am afraid not, my lord," I said looking him square in the face. "I cannot share you with the Lady Uinen."

The color drained from his face. "Very well," he said curtly. "However, you may leave, but I shall stay with my vessel."

On my way home, I fumed with anger and humiliation at being dismissed so. How could he put me second to his ships and a Maia? How could he not realize the hurt and injustice he has caused me? He, who claimed to love me! It was then I forgot, or mayhap intentionally ignored, my mother's counsel and became determined that I would defeat Uinen and her seas, for Aldarion, if I must, in order to have his full and undivided attention.

How proud and unbending I was, to my constant regret... If only I had had the wisdom of years, I would have listened to her counsel and learned to compromise in my dealings with him. At the least I would have had some blissful years to look upon, not a life filled with bitterness and loneliness. Even in that moment, when I realized, I had lost, I was too proud to make amends. Right and wise was she, my mother! If I had but listened to her, I would not have lost everyone I cared about.

I remind myself of Túrin, who lived long ago and was self-destructive; a danger unto himself... But my sorrows are not to his level. No, he was doomed from the beginning and I, I had had the choice to be content with my mariner husband or try to bind to him to my side, as one would an infant. The latter drove him from my side and company. I wonder what my life would've been like if I had chosen the first. Would he have seen my patience and love for him as endearing, in that he would've stayed by my side, or would he have loathed an indifferent wife? Who can know with Aldarion?

And she, my daughter, my only child, my beloved Ancalime, had to endure an unhappy childhood. I thought that by raising her, myself, in Emerië, she could have lived her youthful years without worry, the way, my mother had raised Bereth and me. Never had to love and worry about a father, when he went on a long voyage. I was wrong with her too, like I usually am with these things. I tried my best to get rid of the bad qualities of her father's, I saw in her; but I didn't succeed and instead imprinted my bad qualities on her, too. She is proud and unbending, like me, and overconfident and too independent, like her father. I hope she will look upon me with forgiveness after reading the letter I have sent her, though I know I do not deserve it, for all the mistakes I made with her.

I raise my head and look above, towards bright Ithil, with his rays of silver light shining upon this world. I look below at the ever-moving sea and feel the drenched hem of my gown. I do not stir. Earlier I might have called for a servant to fetch a towel, but why should I now?

Chapter End Notes

102 Tar-Aldarion: I decided to use Regnal years here because since it's from Erendis' point of view, this is how she would view "time" at the time of her demise. The # before the name is the year of the reign of the monarch. In this case, the story takes place in the 102nd year of Tar-Aldarion's reign. For the actual year in overall chronology in Middle Earth, it would be the year 985 of the Second Age.

1. Quote found in Unfinished Tales by J.R.R. Tolkien, page 183.

Lótessë- Quenya equivalent to our month May. The Elvish language spoken in Númenor was Sindarin, Grey-elven, but the names of important dates, months, monarchs, places, etc. were in Quenyan.

Meleth- Sindarin for 'love'