gosh, that is a tricky verse style to try out, well done ! sounds pretty convincing too, i can just hear the Fëanorians singing it before a battle or something, round the campfire, trying to get their spirits up in the dark before dawn. invoking their father...

really captures that George Bernard Shaw thing about letting your own kids go hungry rather than neglect your art that characterises Fëanor. 

I think you've done a great job of conveying what the act of creating the Silmarils was and how much of himself Feanor put into those jewels. Also, how much it ultimately cost him. Wonderful poem!

This is beautiful.