I've Fallen in Love just a Little by chrissystriped

I've Fallen in Love just a Little

Mairon lay beside Celebrimbor. The elf had fallen asleep after their coupling, contentment in the lines of his body. Mairon wished he’d stayed awake so he didn’t have to be alone with his thoughts.

“How does it feel, the love you bear for Yavanna?”, he’d asked Aule — a long time ago, before any shadow had fallen on their relationship.

Aule’s answer had been enigmatic: “You’ll know when you find it yourself.”

But he hadn’t, never. He’d revered Melkor, but it hadn’t been love. Not like that. Not like he felt for Celebrimbor.

He reached out to tenderly push a strand of hair behind the elf’s ear. Celebrimbor mumbled something in his sleep and Mairon’s heart… there was a warmth in his chest that had nothing to do with his fiery nature.

When had this happened? He was sure it had not been so the first time he decided to have sex with Celebrimbor, that had been a purely pragmatic decision. He’d known for a while that Celebrimbor fancied him, he’d thought it advantageous to his goal to humour him. He could not remember when it had started to be something else; when his heart had started to flutter every time, Celebrimbor smiled at him; when he’d started to long for his presence when they were parted for longer than a few hours.

Mairon shook his head. This was not good! It did not fit his plans.

“Maybe…”, he whispered, stroking Celebrimbor’s cheek.

It would be such a shame to lose him. (It would rip his heart out, if he lost him.) Maybe he could tweak his plans. Maybe he could convince Celebrimbor that he was right, show him that his ways were good for Middle-earth. He was a sensible elf, and while many of their approaches differed, didn’t they want the same, in the end? Order and prosperity.

Celebrimbor’s eyes fluttered. “What’s wrong?”, he mumbled.

“Why should anything be wrong?”, Mairon asked lightly. “I just like to watch you sleep.”

“You have that wrinkle between your eyebrows that says, you’ve been worrying about something.” Celebrimbor reached out with his hand and gently caressed the spot with his thumb. Mairon shivered at the sensation. “What is it? You aren’t still mad at the Khazâd for denying you entrance to Khazad-dûm, are you?”

“No”, Mairon answered soothingly. Although it did still rankle that they would allow Celebrimbor entrance to their workshops but not him. “I’m just… thinking. Nothing to worry about.”

Looking into Celebrimbor’s trusting face he felt the urge to tell him everything, then and there. But no, that wouldn’t do. He needed more time to prepare this. He needed the Ring to have a reinsurance, if Celebrimbor took it badly.

“Come here.” Celebrimbor wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him down for a gentle kiss. “You think too much”, he whispered against his lips. “I’ve told you that before.”

“You have.” Mairon smiled wryly, leaning his forehead against Celebrimbor’s. He closed his eyes. He almost wished, the story he’d told Celebrimbor about himself were the truth. It might have meant that he’d be a slave of the Valar, but it would also have meant that he didn’t have to lie to Celebrimbor. He didn’t want to lie to him anymore.

Celebrimbor’s fingers stroked his neck and Mairon relaxed with a sigh. He’d tell him. Once he’d finished the ring project, he’d tell him the whole truth. He’d make him understand somehow so they could be together forever.

Mairon pushed any doubts away. He would succeed.

He kissed Celebrimbor again and enjoyed to hold him in his arms as the elf was slowly falling back asleep.

How had this happened? He did not know. He knew, he would wonder and worry again, but right now he did neither ask nor care. He just wanted to be with his lover.