Found by chrissystriped

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Found

warnings: mention of torture

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There was something strange about his fire. Celebrimbor stared at the flames — and the shadow weaving among them that shouldn’t be there. He’d felt like being watched for days now. At first he’d thought the Valar had sent him a chaperone. (He had had a lot of convincing to do for them to let him come back to Middle-earth and look for Uncle Maglor.) But now he thought it was something else. Someone.

“Show yourself”, he said sternly. “I know it’s you, Sauron.” Why?, he thought. Why has he sought me out? His heart still ached at the memory of the love he’d thought they shared. And icy chill crept into his mind and Celebrimbor jerked back.

“Don’t you dare!”, he hissed, his hand gripped the handle of his knife. He knew he could not kill him, but it felt good to hold the smooth deer antler-handle — Celegorm had made it for him. “Show yourself or be gone.”

The flames crackled. Celebrimbor realised only after a moment, that his fire was speaking.

“I can’t”, it hissed. “I’m to weak to make myself a body. Please, let me talk into your mind, Tyelpe.”

Celebrimbor hesitated. He had a bad feeling about it. The last time, Sauron had been in his mind, he’d tried to rip the whereabouts of the Three from him.

“Please!”

Celebrimbor couldn’t ignore how desperate he sounded. He’s a liar, his reason screamed at him. His stupid, reckless heart wanted to give in.

“Fine”, he said, letting his walls down. Silence filled his mind. “Well?”, Celebrimbor said. “You wanted to talk. Talk.”

“You are alive. I’m glad of that.”

“Are you?”, Celebrimbor couldn’t stop the bitterness from creeping into his voice. “You did your very best to make me not-alive.”

“I know. I… wish I hadn’t.” He actually sounded contrite.

‘Liar’, Celebrimbor reminded himself. “Was it all a lie, Annatar? What we had?” He bit his lip, angry with himself that he’d asked the question that burned in his heart.

“It was at first. But… not by the end.”

“Then why?” Celebrimbor felt tears prick at his eyes. “Why destroy everything we had? For what?”

He’d asked him before — when he’d been chained and beaten but not yet tortured within an inch of his life. Later, all he’d been able to do was scream. Celebrimbor shuddered at the memory.

“I had gone too far already. And don’t be a hypocrite, Celebrimbor”, there was suddenly a snarl in Sauron’s voice that made Celebrimbor’s hair stand on end, “you would not have loved me, if you’d known who I am.”

Celebrimbor felt anger rise inside him. “You fucking idiot!”, he screamed. “Don’t you know me at all?” There was silence again and Celebrimbor felt Sauron slip away. “Oh, no”, he said, holding on to the maia’s mind. “You will not run away from me. I loved you, idiot. How often did I tell you, Ost-in-Edhil is a place for new beginnings — for everyone! I won’t say, I wouldn’t have been angry. I won’t say, it wouldn’t have been difficult. But, by the cold depths of Mandos, my relationship to my father is difficult! I would not have pushed you away. Not, if you’d have wanted to turn away from the horrible things you were doing.”

“I brought order”, Sauron interjected, but it didn’t sound really convinced.

“No”, answered Celebrimbor sternly. “You brought misery and death and enslavement for anyone but yourself. And if you still think, that it is alright to take everyone’s free will away, this conversation is over.” He made ready to push Sauron from his mind.

“No”, the maia said quickly. “No, please don’t go. You are right. I was wrong. I… you were so brilliant. All of you. I didn’t realise until too late that brilliance needs a freedom I had destroyed for everyone in my realm. I… I love you, Tyelpe. I never stopped.”

Celebrimbor couldn’t stop a sob rising in his throat. Tears were filling his eyes. “You idiot”, he whispered again. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for what you have done to my people. But… I could not forgive myself, if I didn’t give you a chance to make it up to us. Will you come back to Valinor with me and face your judgement?”

He felt him tremble inside his mind and half expected him to run. He let go of him, he wouldn’t force him, it was his decision.

“Yes, for you I’ll face my judgement”, Annatar finally said. He sounded terrified and Celebrimbor knew he’d have embraced him, if he’d had a body. “But you know, they’ll likely thrust me out into the Void like they did with Melkor.”

“I won’t let them do that”, Celebrimbor promised. “I don’t think they’ll deny me.”

“Thank you. I know, I don’t deserve…”

“Don’t go there”, Celebrimbor interrupted.

“I’m sorry.” Annatar was quiet for a long moment, but Celebrimbor could feel that he hadn’t left. His presence didn’t feel scary now, it was comforting to have him close.

‘Fool’, he chided himself.

“Why have you come back here?”, Annatar asked suddenly. “Surely it’s not for me…”

“No. I’m looking for my uncle to finally drag him home.”

“Oh. I can lead you to him!” He sounded so eager that Celebrimbor couldn’t stop himself from imagining him as a dog excitedly wagging his tail. “I’m a wolf, if anything.” Celebrimbor chuckled at the offended tone in his mind’s voice. “Do you want me to lead you to him, or not?”

“I’d gladly accept your help.”

 

~*~*~

 

Celebrimbor stood in front of the Valar. With Annatar’s help he’d quickly found Maglor and although his uncle had not been eager to cross the sea, he’d finally managed to persuade him. Judging him was the right of the kings of the Eldar as he was alive and had not come to the Halls of Mandos. Annatar was another matter entirely.

“You have asked to speak to us in the matter of Mairon”, Manwe said, looking kindly at him. “What is it that you have to say?”

“I only wish to ask you to be just but mercifuly, Great Ones”, Celebrimbor said. “I wish for him to have a chance to turn away from what he was.”

“He already had that chance with you, if I am not wrong”, Ulmo said sternly. “And he blew it.”

“Yes”, Celebrimbor answered. “But still. He has come here to be judged by his own free will, because I asked him. For my part, and pertaining only to what happened between him and me, I would give him another chance.”

He felt Annatar’s gratefulness through the link in their minds. And then he stood beside him gasping for air. His skin was pale, his hair black as coal and he was much smaller and slighter than Celebrimbor remembered him. He knelt, trembling with fear and Celebrimbor felt only pity for him.

“Olórin”, Manwe called and a maia with silver hair and — surprisingly — a beard, stepped forward. “We ask you to be his watcher and guide. Where you go, he shall go, too. Do you accept this task?”

“I do, my lord”, Olórin answered, looking at Annatar with eyes that were full of complicated feelings.

“And you, Mairon”, Manwe continued. “Would do well to listen to Olórin and follow his guidance. You can learn much from him.”

“Yes, my lord”, Annatar answered with a tremble in his voice. The look he gave Olórin was almost as frightened as the one he’d directed at the Valar.

“You do not have the freedom to walk upon Aman alone. Aule has agreed to admit you to his house and you will stay in your room, unless Olórin comes to take you with him.” Manwe’s eyes met Celebrimbor’s. “You are allowed to visit him, Tyelperinquar, if you wish to do so.”

“Thank you.” Celebrimbor relaxed. It was a kind sentence, a merciful sentence, he hoped Annatar would come to see that in time.