Before the Darkness by chrissystriped

Mablung stood in the crowd at the finish line of the race track. He’d been standing here for hours to have a good place. Damrod and Díriel stood beside him, his friend had come from Alqualonde because of the race – or rather because he’d spoken about nothing but this race for weeks.

“Want some?” Damrod offered him a bag with roasted almonds and Mablung helped himself with a word of thanks.

It was the festival that celebrated the Noldor’s arrival in Aman. The meadow before the town was full of tents, craftsmen were advertising their goods, musicians played.

Mablung grinned at his friends. “Did I promise you too much?”

Díriel shook his head. “But shouldn’t they arrive soon? I want to see your Glorfindel.”

Mablung felt himself blush. “He’s not my Glorfindel”, he mumbled and slipped an almond into his mouth.

Yes, maybe he’d talked a lot about Glorfindel Los’loriol. He couldn’t help it, the elf seemed to be everywhere suddenly and especially in his head. And he was such a fantastic rider! Mablung hoped he would win, this beautiful man who was so often in his mind. He stood here because of him. Damrod craned his neck when the crowd further down the race track started to shout. He was the tallest of them, although Díriel wasn’t that much shorter. All of his friends had shot up in the last years. It annoyed Mablung that he wasn’t growing at all. His body... changed, but it didn’t want to grow upwards.

“Patience”, his mother had said and left unmentioned that she wasn’t very tall herself. With his luck, he’d stay so short.

But Mablung didn’t have time to mope now, the riders came in sight. He felt the thunder of the hooves under his feet. Glorfindel’s fair hair that had given him his name, flew after him like a flag, another rider beside him. Mablung spurred him on, coaxing the horse to run faster. Then they were past them and he couldn’t say who had crossed the line first. Mablung stretched to see what the referees would decide and cheered with the crowd when Glorfindel was crowned with a garland of birch leaves.

And then their eyes met, against all odds Glorfindel looked directly at him. It seemed to Mablung as if time had stopped for a moment when Glorfindel’s blue eyes met his. He seemed to hesitate, the smile on his face becoming even wider. He pointed at his neck and Mablung realised that he had noticed the pendant, his little sister had gifted him. Made by herself with the help of a gold-smith she had talked into teaching her in the summer holidays. It was a golden flower, the sing of Glorfindel’s house. Coincidence. And yet... Glorfindel winked at him before he was swept up in a crowd of congratulators. Mablung jumped when Damrod laid his arm around his shoulders.

“Don’t you want to go to him?”, he asked with a grin.

“Are you crazy? That’s Glorfindel of the Golden Flower! You don’t just go to him and introduce yourself if you are me!” Mablung shook his head. The thought alone... “I’m a servant.”

“I thought you hate that.”

Mablung grumbled a Yes. But as it meant that he saw Glorfindel at the palace now and then, he didn’t mind it so much anymore that he was wasting his time with waiting for someone to want his service.

“I do, but it doesn’t change the fact. He’s above me. You don’t knock at Olwe’s door and introduce yourself either.”

Damrod huffed. “That’s something different. Olwe is my king. Glorfindel is just... something you strange Noldor invented. Where did Díriel go to?”

Mablung noticed only now that Damrod’s brother had vanished.

“Let’s search him.”

Mablung turned his eyes from Glorfindel, who was basking in his friends’ attention.

“We can walk through the market, maybe he’s there.”

His parents had given him a little money to spend and grandmother Finya had slipped him a few coins, too, the last time he had visited her. Secretly, of course, his father would tan his hide if he found out. He didn’t want Mablung to spend time with her, she had a strange reputation. But Mablung liked her and she was always happy to see him. She told him exciting stories of dark woods and strange animals. Cats as big as horses...

“But we have to be careful to not meet my parents”

Damrod grinned. “Let me guess: You gave them the slip.”

“Of course. I don’t want to spend the day with my parents and my little sister.” Although he was sorry to abandon Liriel.

“Your sister isn’t so bad.”

“Do you like her?”, Mablung asked with a grin.

Liriel was fourteen and although Mablung liked to tell her she was too young to come with them, he knew that she was changing, too. And he wanted to pay Damrod back in kind for his teasing.

“Rubbish.” Damrods ears reddened. “Look. Marzipan!”

Mablung wanted to tease him for changing topic so suddenly, but when he saw the delicacies at display, he forgot everything else.

Later, they had found Díriel at the booth of a glass blower and Mablung had bought there a little, colourful ear stud for his sister, they sat tired and stuffed with sweets under a tree at the outskirts of the meadow. Mablung was leaning against the trunk, chewing on a blade of grass.

“If only every day could be like this”, he sighed.

It wasn’t that the work at the palace was very exhausting, but he missed the long days alone in the mountains or at the sea with his friends.

“Growing up is stupid. And then we aren’t even really grown up, yet. I can’t live on my own and no one takes me seriously. I mean, it’s years until we’ll be fifty. Why should we have all the drawbacks without the advantages?”

Díriel nudged him with his elbow. “Hear who’s wining! At least you stay dry in that palace. Damrod and I have to go fishing in every crappy weather. I’d like to see you try to haul a net in while the wind is whipping sleet in your face. Am I right, Damrod?”

Damrod nodded in approval. “Sometimes I think, the Valar don’t like us. Why else would be weather like that?”

“But everyone knows that’s...”, Mablung lowered his voice, “HIS fault.”

His father had always been very distrustful of Melkor’s conversion and didn’t allow his name to be spoken in his house since his part in the fight between Feanor and Fingolfin had been found out. Mablung was rarely of one mind with his father but in this case he had been right.

Damrod was opening his mouth to answer, when he noticed someone coming their direction.

“Look, your crush is coming for you.”

Mablung got ready to leap at him – he just couldn’t stop! – when he realised that Damrod was right. It was really Glorfindel who had been strolling in their direction and was now speeding his step as he recognised him. Mablung stood up and brushed blades of glass off his trousers.

“There you are, my lucky charm.”

Glorfindel again had this smile on his lips that made Mablung think about how these lips would feel on his. He didn’t know what to say and glanced at Damrod and Diriel. Damrod giggled and pulled Diriel up.

“Come, brother, let’s go. I promised father to head home before dark. We should try to get one of the boats. By the way”, he said to Glorfindel, before running in the direction of the river, “his name is Mablung.”

“Mablung, yes? You surely know that I’m Glorfindel.”

The elf pointed at Mablung’s necklace. Mablung realised much too late that he should have bowed.

‘Idiot!’, he thought. ‘Great first impression.’

“Ah, yes. That’s coincidence, actually.” He played nervously with the necklace. “My sister gifted me this.”

‘Idiot, idiot, idiot!’ Why was he telling him that!

“But of course I cheered you on”, he hurried to add.

Mablung was sure that his face was beet red. But Glorfindel was still smiling, so it couldn’t be that bad.

“Your friends aren’t Noldor, are they?”

Mablung shook his head. “They are from Aqualonde. I know them... since always.”

Valar! He sounded like a child.

“Good friends are worth a lot. Would you like to meet the fastest horse in Aman?”

Mablung felt a wave of happiness wash over him. “Really?”

“Come with me.”

Glorfindel nodded in the direction of the paddocks. They walked side by side, not talking. Mablung tried desperately to think of something to say, but nothing came to his mind. And maybe it was better if he just kept his mouth shut.

One of the horses lifted its head when they came closer and ran over when Glorfindel whistled. Mablung didn’t know much about horses, he couldn’t ride, but he wouldn’t tell Glorfindel if he could help it.

“That’s Súrion and he did very well today.”

Glorfindel scratched the ear of the dapple grey horse. The stallion nudged him with his nose and Glorfindel laughed.

“He knows that I have something for him.” Glorfindel took an apple from his bag. “Do you want to give it to him?”

Mablung had a thorough respect of the horse’s big teeth, but he’d rather bitten his tongue off than admitting to it. He nodded and offered the apple on his outstretched palm. The lips that took the apple were surprisingly soft.

“He’s beautiful.” Mablung patted the horse’s neck warily.

“He’s more than just a horse.” Glorfindel smiled at him. “He is like a friend and it is a wonderful feeling to sit on his back, the world rushing past us.”

Mablung shyly smiled back. “I can imagine...”

“Mablung!”

He grimaced when he heard his mother calling. They were searching for him. Better to excuse himself now before his parents humiliated him in front of Glorfindel.

“I have to say goodbye now, herunya.”

Mablung bowed hurriedly and ran back across the meadow, his parents coming towards him.

“We’ll talk at home, young man.” His father glared at him. “You can’t just vanish for a whole day!”

Mablung grumbled something intelligible. He’d rather spent his time with Glorfindel than listening to his father’s lecture while getting spanked.

“Does it hurt?” Liriel closed the door behind her. Mablung lay on his belly on his bed and groaned. “Suits you right. How can you  abandon me on such a day!”

Mablung looked away, feeling guilty. “I’m sorry”, he mumbled. “I just didn’t want them to watch my every move.” He rummaged around in his bag. “I have a present for you. As compensation?”

“That’s beautiful!” Liriel admired the colourful swirls inside the glass pearl and put the stud in her earlobe. “But I’m still angry with you!”, she said.

Mablung nodded seriously. “Of course.” But she didn’t really look angry anymore and so he said: “I talked to Glorfindel today!” He had to tell her or he would burst.

“Really?” Liriel grinned, then she furrowed her brow. “No, I’m not interested.”

Mablung chuckled. “Sure? He admired the pendant you made for me.”

“What? Really? Tell me!” Liriel sat down on the bed beside him.

“I thought you were angry?”

She waved it off. “I can be later again. Now tell me! How did you meet him?”

“He noticed me, after the race, because of the flower.” Mablung played with the pendant. “He searched for me. I was allowed to pet his horse.”

“Will you see him again?” Liriel winked at him.

Mablung shook his head. He should have asked him! But his parents...

“You interrupted us before we came to that. So no, probably not. He’s surely not troubling with searching for me again.”

“Then go to him. You are acquainted now!”

“Are you mad?” Mablung laughed. “They’ll never let me into the house. I’m just a servant, did you forget that?”

Liriel shrugged. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained – if you ask me. But it’s your business of course. And he’ll be in the palace now and then.”

Mablung bit his lip. “You would talk to him?”

“I don’t have a crush on him. But yes, if I did, I would try – I’ve been telling you that for months.”

“Yes, I know...”

Mablung tasted blood and licked his bitten lip. Along the thought of approaching Glorfindel made him nervous. Tomorrow he’d be serving drinks at the feast, maybe an opportunity would present itself.

Glorfindel was only listening with half an ear to Ecthelion’s effusions  about a groundbreaking new composition. When it came to music, his friend could go on and on – almost as bad as Maglor. Now and then he made encouraging sounds while he scanned the room. The boy had slipped away so quickly yesterday, had just run off as if he were in a hurry to get somewhere.

Not that Glorfindel was discouraged by that. He’d find him again, at least he knew his name now. And he had seen the crest on his jacket, marking him as a member of Prince Turgon’s household. If he was servant, he might attend the guests today. Glorfindel craned his neck a little more.

“And... you aren’t listening at all, are you?”, Ecthelion asked irritated. “What are you searching for? Or should I say ‘who? Are you on the hunt or what?”

“Maybe.” Glorfindel winked at him.

“Who?” Ecthelion, too, craned his neck now and tried to see who Glorfindel was looking at.

“I haven’t found him yet. He caught my eye yesterday, after the race – and then he gave me the slip before I could properly talk to him. I think he’s a little shy. And probably much too young for me.”

Glorfindel had a hunch that Mablung wasn’t of age yet and wouldn’t be for many years.

Ecthelion rolled his eyes. “I’ll never understand what you see in these whelps. Virgins are so complicated – no matter the gender.”

Glorfindel grimaced. Ecthelion might have lovers of both genders, but he favoured males. Women were so... curvy.

“I know.” He sighed.

He tried to not get involved with minors, it usually led to problems, although there wasn’t a law that forbade it. Underage or not, what his friends and he were doing was frowned upon anyway. Sex before marriage, with different lovers – it was almost a scandal. But Glorfindel didn’t mind how people talked about him. He was young and handsome and rich, his father was close to Turgon and he wasn’t lacking in suitors. Why should he have to choose? All his lovers knew what they could expect from him: Sex, nothing more and nothing less.

It was always difficult with minors, they usually had such a romantic view of love, Glorfindel couldn’t and didn’t want to indulge them. He believed that it was possible to find the one true love, but why wait for the One, if he could have so much fun in the meantime? The younger they were, the less they understood this and he didn’t want to hurt anybody. It wasn’t even that adolescents particularly attracted him, but it was hard for him to estimate age and sometimes someone caught his eye who was too young.

But he wanted to talk once more with Mablung, at least. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was just small for his age and his shyness could make him looking younger than he was. Glorfindel smiled when he finally found him. He stood close to one of the doors that led to the balcony, a tray of glasses in his hands.

“Excuse me, Thel?”

“Of course.” Ecthelion patted his back. “Get him.”

Glorfindel moved through the crowd, greeted acquaintances but didn’t let himself be pulled into a conversation, he had a goal. He saw the moment when Mablung noticed that he was approaching him. His eyes went wide, his body tensed. Maybe he really was a hunter, Glorfindel mused. Mablung, at least, looked like a roe who’d just smelled a predator. Glorfindel smiled down at him – he really was short.

“Good evening, Mablung.” He took a glass of sparkling wine from his tray and drank, still locking eyes with him. “You vanished quickly yesterday.”

Mablung blushed. “My parents...”, he mumbled. “They were looking for me. Please forgive me, herunya.”

“It’s fine.”

He was wearing livery today, the uniform hugging his lithe body. Glorfindel looked him up and down and let Mablung notice – his blush deepened.

“You could make it up by going for a ride with me.”

The glasses clinked when Mablung shivered.

“I...” He bit his lower lip.

Glorfindel looked quickly around to see if they were watched before he traced Mablung’s mouth with his fingertip. Mablung’s eyes widened.

“Don’t break your beautiful lips”, Glorfindel said softly. He saw him gulp.

“I can’t ride”, Mablung whispered.

“No?”

Glorfindel was surprised, but maybe he shouldn’t be. Mablung was a servant. Not everyone could afford a horse.

“Well, it would be my pleasure to teach you. When is your next day off?”

“Menelya in two weeks, herunya.”

That was later than he had hoped, but at least it didn’t sound as if Mablung had objections.

“Meet me in the stables on this day at the third hour of Laurelin. And don’t call me herunya, I’m Glorfindel.”

Mablung smiled shyly. “I’ll come gladly... Glorfindel.”

Glorfindel winked at him and mixed with the other guest, he was in very good spirits.

After the warmth outside it was dark and cool in the stable. It smelled of horse and leather. Mablung looked around. He had no reason to be here – especially on his day off – and he expected someone to ask him, what he was doing here any moment now. He didn’t know if he’d have the guts to say that Glorfindel invited him for a ride. Everyone in Tirion knew what reputation Glorfindel had.

He and his friends weren’t picky with who to take into their beds and the way Glorfindel had touched his lip at the party... Mablung knew what he wanted to do with him. Or, he didn’t know exactly. He knew that it had something to do with kissing and touching each other. He had interrupted his parents once, when he had been little, but he hadn’t seen a lot and also, Glorfindel and he were both men. It couldn’t be like it worked with women.

When he started to wonder, if Glorfindel would even come, someone blocked the light coming from the entrance to the stable.

“Mablung, how nice to see you.”

Mablung’s eyes had grown accustomed enough to the twilight to see the smile on Glorfindel’s face. He smiled back. “Thank you for the invitation, Glorfindel.”

“You’re welcome. Let’s find a horse for you.”

“You can just lend one?”

“A lot of them belong to the crown and yes, I have the right to take one of those.”

Glorfindel walked along the boxes and looked at the animals. “Yes, I think, Menelluin is a good choice. She’s very gentle and calm.”

Mablung caressed the soft nose of the chestnut mare that looked at him with intelligent eyes. Glorfindel gave him a comb.

“Grooming her will help you make friends with her. I’ll tend to Súrion, only a few boxes further down, if you need me.”

Menelluin stood still as he groomed her, only her skin twitched now and then when a fly landed on her. Mablung relaxed. It was almost a hypnotic feeling, the calmness of the horse and the quiet sound of the comb on its coat. He had been surprised that Glorfindel seemed to clean his horse himself, there were grooms for this, after all. He’d just been too polite to ask. Now he understood. Horses always had seemed a little scary to him, they were such big animals, but now he felt just calm.

Glorfindel softly cleared his throat and Mablung looked at him. “Finished?”

Mablung smiled wryly. “I guess.”

Glorfindel grinned knowingly and didn’t comment on his absentmindedness. He showed him how to check Menelluin’s hooves and how to saddle her. Súrion stood nearby, already saddled, and seemed to watch curiously.

“We’ll walk out of town. Menelluin is very relaxed but it’s always possible for something unexpected to happen in town. If she should bolt, don’t try to hold her. Don’t wrap the reins around your hand, just hold them so she knows that you want her to come with you.”

Mablung nodded and followed Glorfindel out of the stable and through the palace gate. The horses’ hooves clopped on the cobblestoned street. Glorfindel chose the longer switchback road, they couldn’t lead the horses down the stairs.

“You are in Prince Turgon’s service, aren’t you?”, Glorfindel asked.

“Yes. I... do everything, I’m needed for.” Mablung shrugged abashed.

“Don’t be ashamed.” Glorfindel seemed to have noticed his unease. “There’s nothing dishonourable in being a servant.”

“Hm”, Mablung made. He’d rather have done something else. He didn’t know exactly what, but not this. Something, where he felt free. Maybe own a mountain farm like grandmother Finya. “I just like it more to be outside.”

“Maybe you should ask the elf who cleans the windows from outside to take you as apprentice.” Glorfindel grinned at him. Mablung looked down. Was he making fun of him? “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to insult you”, Glorfindel said, regret in his voice. “I’m an oaf.”

“No, you aren’t.” Mablung realised that Glorfindel probably wasn’t talking to people like him that often. “Your friends would have thought this funny, I think.”

“Yes, they would have, but you aren’t them. I’m sorry.” Glorfindel seemed honestly contrite so Mablung shrugged.

“It’s okay. Maybe you are even right.” He liked to climb after all... His mother would kill him, if he hinted that he’d like to climb up the palace.

They had left the city and Glorfindel led him off the street. He stopped close to a boulder that had at some time fallen down from the mountains.

“Climb on the stone and mount from there.”

Mablung frowned. He was a little short maybe, but he was sure that he could get on the horse without help. Glorfindel smiled at the face he made.

“I don’t say this because you are short. To the contrary, the fact that you are small and lightweight would justify letting you mount from the ground. It’s like this:” Glorfindel turned his stirrup and put his foot in. “If I’d mount like this, for a moment my whole weight would rest on one side of the horse, the saddle pulls on the spine and that’s not good. You should always mount from a raised position if you can. So, get up on that boulder.”

Mablung obeyed while Glorfindel held Menelluin’s reigns.

“Now, brace yourself on the saddle and swing your leg over her back... yes, good.”

Mablung wiggled about on the saddle and searched the stirrups with his feet. It was a strange feeling. Less the height than the fact that he sat on a living being that constantly moved a little despite standing still.

“Are you ready?”

Mablung nodded doubtfully and Glorfindel started walking.

He led him around the meadow for a while, instructed him how to sit and move until Mablung felt like he wasn’t swaying that much anymore. Finally Glorfindel gave him the reigns and mounted Súrion. Glorfindel had shown him the basic aids, but Mablung was glad that Menelluin seemed to follow Súrin on her own. He had to concentrate enough to stay in the saddle and adjust to her rhythm. Glorfindel smiled at him.

“Do you like it?”

Mablung nodded. “Thank you for this. I’m sure it looks differently when you go for a ride on your own.”

Glorfindel laughed. “Yes, true, but I don’t mind. I can always spend time with Súrion.” He patted the stallion’s neck. “But this day I wanted to spend with you.”

Mablung felt himself blush. He hated this. As if he couldn’t manage to do anything else than change skin-colour and nod in Glorfindel’s presence.

“May I ask you, how old you are, Mablung?”

Mablung bit his lip. He’d hoped he wouldn’t ask. He wouldn’t want to spend time with him once he knew. He’d be only a child in his eyes.

“Sixteen”, he mumbled.

Glorfindel seemed to be dumbfounded for a moment, he only nodded and Mablung felt a cold weight in his belly.

“And your parents let you walk to Alqualonde alone?”

Mablung looked surprised at him.

"You said, your friends are from there."

"Oh, yes." He shrugged. “I’ve always been running around a lot. I mostly don’t ask.”

He was constantly fighting with his father because of that. His mother was different, she allowed him his freedom. Maybe because she had grown up like that, too. She had only moved to the town when she married his father. Her parents were gardeners and although she’d had to help a lot, she had always been free to play.

“I... need that”, Mablung said. “I get restless, when I can’t be outside.” He shook his head. “That must sound childish.”

“No, not at all.” Glorfindel smiled at him. “I’m just surprised that you bother with an old man like me.”

Mablung huffed. “You are Glorfindel Los’loriol! And you aren’t old. How old are you, anyway?” He could ask that, too.

Glorfindel laughed. “Sixty-three.”

He drew breath to say something else but Mablung stopped him. “Please don’t say something like: ‘I could be your father.’ I don’t want to hear that.”

Glorfindel grinned. “I don’t want to even think that. That would mean I have a wife.”

Mablung gave him a surprised look. “Don’t you want one?”

Of course there was talk that Glorfindel only went after men. And of course Mablung knew that he himself found men a lot more appealing than women, but... marrying, having children. Wasn’t that what you did?

Glorfindel looked seriously at him. “I have the highest respect for most women. There are intelligent women, beautiful women, talented women. But I don’t think them attractive in a sexual way. No, I don’t think that I’ll marry a woman. Maybe you are too young to understand...”

"No!” Mablung hated nothing more than to be thought too young. He understood more than adults thought. “I know what you mean. I... don’t like girls. Well, I like some of them, but not like that. As you said.” He bit his tongue because he noticed that he sounded as young as he was. “I don’t look at girls like I look at boys. It’s just... Isn’t that what is expected? The way things are?”

Glorfindel shrugged. “I don’t care for what people expect. Should I ever meet the One, I’m pretty sure that he’ll be a man. Until then I intend to have as much fun as possible – that doesn’t meet expectations either, by the way – and I advise you to do the same.” Glorfindel winked at him. “Although you maybe should wait a few more years.”

Mablung felt himself blush, again. He didn’t want to wait. He... he wanted Glorfindel to kiss him.

“How old were you?”, he blurted out.

Glorfindel chuckled. “You are quite a curious one, aren't you? When I had sex for the first time? Forty or so. When I was intimate with someone for the first time?” Glorfindel cocked his head. “Not that much older than you are now.”

Glorfindel saw Mablung licking his lips – how he looked at him. He was aware that the boy – Valar, he really was that – found him attracting. But it was also obvious that he had no idea what he was longing for. Glorfindel on the other hand knew exactly what he would have liked to do with him. If he had been just a little older, he’d have seduced him in the hayloft after their ride, but sixteen... that was too young, even for him.

He was sure that Mablung would have let him do anything he wanted. Sixteen! Yes, his body might be that of an adult, but his mind had still to learn a lot. Glorfindel was very conscious of how much he could hurt him. He didn’t want that and he didn’t want it said of him that he seduced children. He could wait, even forty years – or maybe a little less. Or...

Back at the stable, Glorfindel gave the horses’ reigns to a groom and laid his hand on Mablung’s back, leading him outside.

“It was a very nice afternoon”, he said.

Mablung smiled at him and leaned towards him. “It was, Glorfindel. Thank you very much.”

He wanted to be kissed, Glorfindel could tell by looking at him. And if he refused him now... who knew if he would want him in forty years.

Glorfindel pulled him to a quiet corner of the courtyard where no one would see them. He didn’t care for long relationships, it only complicated things. He didn’t want to raise expectations, but it couldn’t hurt to keep on the right side of the boy.

“Maybe we could repeat this sometime?”, he said softly and kissed Mablung’s cheek. The boy trembled when he took his chin and kissed along his jaw. “I’d like it very much to get to know you better.”

“I... me, too.”

Mablung took a shivering breath and Glorfindel could imagine vividly what was happening between his legs just now, but he kept his hands away from there. Kissing was fine, but he wouldn’t go further.

“But I don’t have free days that often.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Glorfindel winked at him. Maybe he could pull a few strings.

~*~*~

Mablung lay on his bed, his trousers pulled down to his knees, his shirt unbuttoned. His parents were at a party and Liriel visited a friend, he hadn’t to worry about getting caught, but he still had jammed a chair under the door handle – you never knew. He was stroking his arousal with one hand, the other played with his nipples. He imagined that it were Glorfindel’s hands that touched him.

They had went for a ride again today, he slowly got better, although he always walked a little awkwardly the day after, his muscles weren’t used to it. They had dismounted at a brook to let the horses drink and sat down in the grass. Glorfindel had kissed him again. His cheeks, his eye lids, his neck and Mablung had followed his example, had even dared to suck on his earlobe – Glorfindel had liked that. Mablung moaned as a pleasant shiver coursed through him at the thought.

“Glorfindel”, he whispered. He wanted him so much. Mablung stroked himself more quickly, imagined Glorfindel’s blue eyes watching him while he made him come. Mablung gasped, coming over his hand and thighs. His heart thrummed in his chest. “Glorfindel...” If only... He had insinuated that he thought Mablung too young, but why then did he bother with him at all?

Mablung at any rate didn’t think himself too young. His body was able to do this, so he was ready for sex, wasn’t he? He wasn’t a child anymore. He hoped, Glorfindel would come to see that – he longed so much to touch him.

A servant stopped Glorfindel when he came home, telling him that Ecthelion was waiting in the parlour. Glorfindel quickened his steps, hurrying to his rooms and changing his riding clothes for one of the embroidered jackets he liked to wear at court. He was attracting attention with this and that was his intent, he liked being seen.

Ecthelion had helped himself to a glass of white wine and skimmed through one of the romances Glorfindel’s mother left lying about everywhere, a look of disgusted fascination on his face. He closed the book when Glorfindel came in and threw it back on the table.

“How can anyone take those things seriously, it’s oozing with goo!” He sniffed. “You smell like horse. Have you been riding?”

“Yes”

He hadn’t taken time to wash and the smell of horse was hanging in his hair.

“Alone?” Ecthelion wiggled his eyebrows.

“With Mablung.” Glorfindel poured himself a glass of wine and sat beside his friend.

“Again?” Ecthelion’s eyebrows wandered further up. “Are we in love now, or what?”

“No!” Glorfindel shook his head. “Of course not.”

“Why are you taking so much time with him. He’s just a servant. You want him, you have obviously wrapped him around your finger, take him.” Ecthelion shrugged. “What are you waiting for?”

“He’s only sixteen!” Glorfindel put his glass down more violently than he had wanted. “I can’t just fuck him. He wouldn’t understand it.”

“His own fault, if he’s so premature, I’d say. It’s about fun, Glorfindel, don’t forget that. Don’t bother with a boy.”

Fun, yes. Glorfindel wouldn’t admit to Ecthelion that he had fun riding out with Mablung. Mablung’s company, far away from those petty quarrels at court.

He even liked the innocent kisses they were sharing. Yes, they left him frustrated, but he was ready to pay that price. Ecthelion wouldn’t understand that, he didn’t really understand it himself, if he was honest. Mablung was adorable, yes, but also naive and immature. He was only sixteen after all, although Glorfindel could see that he wanted to seem older than he was.

Maybe it was this naivety, this blind trust in him, that touched him so much. He didn’t want to fail Mablung. Mablung worshipped him like a hero, he didn’t want him to look at him like some of his former lovers did. People, who had wanted more from him than he wanted to give. He didn’t lie to anyone about his intents, but some people didn’t want to believe the truth until it slapped their faces. Mablung wasn’t like this, Mablung was much too inexperienced, he wouldn’t abuse his trust. But he couldn’t tell Ecthelion all this.

Instead he just shrugged. “It doesn’t always have to be about sex. I simply like the boy.”

Ecthelion huffed and mumbled something unintelligible, but didn’t contest him. “I have an appointment with the seamstress tomorrow. Do you want to come?”, he changed topic.

“I shouldn’t...” Glorfindel knew that he would spend much too much money if he did. She always had so wonderful fabrics.

“But you want to.” Ecthelion winked at him. “Let me tempt you.”

“Well... all right. I’ll come.” Glorfindel admitted to himself, that he wanted to be tempted.

“You want to climb up there?”

Glorfindel stared at him and Mablung giggled. They stood at the bottom of a steep cliff, only a narrow path led up – and in some places not even that.

“You have a great view from up there.”

Glorfindel had asked him to show him his favourite places in the mountains when Mablung had told him that he liked to come here.

“Are you backing down?” He gave his friend a challenging look.

“No, of course not.” Glorfindel still looked a little unsure. “I’m doubting my sanity, but please, lead me.”

Mablung grinned happily, for once it was him who was better at something, and started to climb. After an arduous hour they reached the top of the wall and Glorfindel let himself fall groaning into the long grass.

“Valar, I’m already dreading the descent.”

“Oh, you know”, Mablung sat down beside him and laid his hand on his leg, “we’ll take another way back.”

Glorfindel opened his eyes and looked sternly at him. “Do you want to tell me that we could have come up here without all this climbing?”

Mablung shrugged. “But it’s more fun that way", he said, trying hard not to laugh.

Glorfindel launched himself on him and for a while they wrestled playfully with each other. Finally they stopped, breathing quickly. Glorfindel lay over him, his wrists caught in his hands.

Mablung moved his hips, getting their crotches into contact – he wanted. Glorfindel moaned softly, his lids fluttering, then he rolled away from him and sat down a little distance beside him.

“Glorfindel?” Mablung sat up startled. “Did I do something wrong?”

Glorfindel shook his head and pushed his hair back in a restless gesture. “No, it’s not you. I’m just... I’m too old for you, Mablung. Why aren’t you finding yourself a nice boy your age?”

Mablung felt his lips get cold and scrambled on all fours around Glorfindel so he could look at him.

“What is that supposed to mean? You sound as if I don’t get a say in this.”

“You are so young, Mablung. I don’t want you to feel used later.”

Mablung shook his head. “But I want this. I already wanted it before we met the first time.”

“You don’t even know what you want!”, Glorfindel answered ferociously but Mablung was too angry to back down, he clenched his fists.

“Of course I do!”, he hissed back. “If you are bored with me, tell me outright!”

He jumped to his feet and ran away. Glorfindel could find the way down the mountain on his own! Why did everyone suppose he didn’t know what he wanted just because he wasn’t fifty yet?

“Mablung, wait!” Glorfindel ran after him, but Mablung continued on without looking back. He was angry and he wouldn’t make it easy for him. “Please. I’m sorry. When I was your age, I wouldn’t have wanted to hear either, that I don’t know what I want. And I’m surely not bored with you or I wouldn’t have panted up this mountain today!”

Mablung smiled against his will and slowed. That sounded logical. “Why are you saying these things, if you know how it feels?”, he asked and turned to his friend.

“Because, by now, I’m a few years older and looking back I can say that some things I did weren’t especially bright. But”, Glorfindel lifted a finger to stop him from interrupting him, “I’m taking you seriously. So tell me, what do you want?”

Mablung felt himself blush – again. He wanted to do it, not talk about it! “Well, I... like it when you kiss me. And... I’m sure I’d like it too, if you’d touch me like I do, when I...” Mablung gesticulated vaguely at his crotch. “Why does it make such a big difference, anyway? No one cares if I do this alone, but if I want to do it with you, I’m suddenly too young to know what I want?”

Glorfindel smiled wryly. “I can’t tell you, Mablung. Adults aren’t always very logical – and they aren’t always right. I think, you can do what you want. But that’s why I said find someone your own age to explore this with. I am a lot older than you and I don’t want you to feel rushed to do something you aren’t ready for, because I’m older.”

Mablung shook his head in frustration. “That really doesn’t sound very logical. I’ve already... you know... jerked off and thought about you, when you didn’t even know that I existed. Why should I feel rushed? I wanted to be with you, I just never would have dared to approach you.”

Glorfindel looked at him with serious eyes. “Do you have a crush on me, Mablung?”

Mablung stopped himself from biting his lip, Glorfindel didn’t like it, and just nodded.

Glorfindel sighed heavily. “See? And that’s why I can’t do anything more than go riding with you and kiss you a little. I like you a lot, Mablung, but we’ll never be a couple in the traditional sense – and we wouldn’t be, if you were forty years older.”

“Because I’m only a servant.” Mablung hung his head and fought tears.

“No! Mablung, look at me.” Glorfindel gripped his shoulders and shook him lightly. “That has nothing to do with it. I like you, I like to spend time with you. You are my friend, Mablung. I don’t care that you are a servant. But I’m sure that you aren’t the One.”

Mablung opened his mouth but Glorfindel laid his hand on his lips.

“Listen to me. I want you to think about it. Do you really believe that between us is a love that will outlast eternity?”

Mablung looked into Glorfindel’s eyes. He didn’t know what to think.

“Think about it”, he repeated. “I can’t offer you eternal love, what I can offer is my friendship and, if you really want that, pleasure, or just my friendship. I’m sure you know my reputation. I won’t dump you after I fucked you, but we’ll never marry, either.” Glorfindel sighed. “You don’t have to decide right now, Mablung. Let’s get down this mountain without me breaking my neck.”

Mablung nodded. He wasn’t sure what to think of the things Glorfindel had told him. It sounded so unromantic, he had envisioned this differently.

“Okay, let’s go home. There won’t be any more climbing, I promise.”

Glorfindel sat on the rim of the fountain and waited. He wasn’t sure if Mablung would come. He had been blunt, but it had been necessary. He didn’t want the boy to cherish false hopes. He was sometimes reckless when he wanted someone, but he liked Mablung too much to hurt him. He was surprised how much he had taken the boy into his heart. No, it wasn’t the one true love, but he wasn’t just anyone, either. A friend – maybe. If he hadn’t scared him away.

Ecthelion would have laughed himself silly, if he had been able to see him now. ‘Are you maybe in love after all?’, he would have said. And Glorfindel would have answered ‘no’. But... He smiled when Mablung walked towards him. He maybe wasn’t the One Love, but ... Mablung took his hand.

“You offered me friendship, do you still mean that?”

“Of course.” Glorfindel was very relieved that he had come here. “What do you want to do? I hope you won’t make me climb a mountain again.”

“But wasn’t the climb nice? Only when we were up you decided to act so strangely.” Mablung stabbed his finger at his chest.

“Yes, it’s my fault, I know.” Glorfindel embraced him before he could hit him again. “I could do with something to eat. What do you think? I’m inviting you.”

Mablung nodded. “Food sounds good. But... you offered me something beside your friendship.”

His eyes met Glorfindel’s and he couldn’t look away. He bowed his head and kissed Mablung’s mouth. He had tried to dissuade him, but it hadn’t worked. Mablung wanted this – he wanted this – he wouldn’t deny them both any longer.

“First, eating”, he murmured into his ear. “And after I’ll show you my room. My parents are visiting relatives in Valmar, no one will disturb us.”

Mablung grinned at him. “That sounds good.”

Mablung was a little nervous... if he was honest with himself, he was very nervous. Not, that he doubted that he wanted Glorfindel. He was more afraid that he would do something wrong and Glorfindel would laugh at him. He slowed when Glorfindel led him into a back alley.

“I thought your parent’s house was that direction.” Mablung pointed around the corner.

“True.” Glorfindel winked at him. “But we wouldn’t want anyone to catch on to what we are up to, do we? My parents aren’t home and I want to make sure that no servant can tell them I had a visitor. We go in through... the back door. Good thing you can climb.”

Mablung understood Glorfindel’s comment when they stopped under the estate’s garden wall. But Glorfindel was right, he could climb and after a little effort and suppressed giggles they stood in Glorfindel’s bed room, the Light of the Trees was just mingling and the breeze blowing in through the open window let the curtains stream. Mablung looked up into Glorfindel’s eyes and held his breath. He was really here, in his room. Glorfindel closed the window before coming to him and kissing him gently, his tongue found its way between Mablung’s lip and Mablung shivered when his hand slid over his back.

“Mablung”, Glorfindel whispered and caressed his cheek. “I want you to tell me should I do something that feels wrong to you. Even if you think it ridiculous. Everything we do should feel good and if it doesn’t something is wrong. You don’t have to be embarrassed, you can change your mind any time.”

Mablung nodded and shook his head immediately after to stop Glorfindel from believing he had changed his mind.

“I want this, Glorfindel.” He blushed. “What... what should I do.”

Glorfindel smiled gently. “Whatever you want. Don’t be afraid that you could do something wrong. Come here.”

Glorfindel embraced him and sat down in an armchair, pulling him astride his lap. Mablung leaned his head against Glorfindel’s shoulder and Glorfindel caressed his back.

“Better like this?”

Mablung nodded and Glorfindel kissed him again. His hands slid under the hem of his shirt, touching his skin. His lips seemed to be everywhere on his face, his neck, his ears.

His hands pushed up his shirt and Mablung lifted his arms to let him pull it over his head, Glorfindel’s fingers wandered with feathery touch over his skin. Mablung let his hand slide down Glorfindel’s chest. He wanted to see him without clothes, too. A little clumsily he started to relieve Glorfindel of his shirt. He’d never undressed another person. While he fought with the lacing at his collar, Glorfindel pressed kisses to his shoulder, licked along his collarbone and Mablung felt the urge to simply let himself fall into the touch and purr – but he wanted to touch him, too.

Finally he won the fight against the lacing and pushed the fabric aside. Glorfindel’s skin was pale and flawless, his nipples a little darker. Mablung didn’t know where he took the courage to bow forward and lick one of the rosy buds. Glorfindel’s breath hitched and Mablung smiled and did it again. He helped Glorfindel out of his shirt and started to explore. Glorfindel let him, his skin twitching under his fingers, he moaned when Mablung licked his nipples into hard nubs that glistened with Mablung’s saliva. Mablung grinned, he liked that sight – and that sound.

Glorfindel’s hands closed around his buttocks and pulled him closer, only now did Mablung notice how hard he was under him – how hard they both where. Glorfindel kissed his lips hungrily and moved against him and Mablung shivered because it felt so good. The thought of undressing under Glorfindel’s eyes had made him apprehensive but just now he could only think that he needed to get out of his trousers – he wanted their skin to touch there. Glorfindel nibbled at his earlobe.

“Does this feel good?”, he asked, cupping his hardness in his palm.

“Valar, yes!”

Mablung moaned loudly and blushed at such a sound coming from his lips, but Glorfindel didn’t laugh at him. He kissed him again, passionately, insistently. Mablung helped him impatiently with the lacings of his trousers. They had to squirm a little to get rid of that last layer, both of them reluctant to let go of each other, and suddenly Mablung felt himself overbalancing. Glorfindel made a startled sound, trying to catch him and losing his balance in the act, both of them landing on the floor.

Mablung looked into Glorfindel’s surprised face and started to giggle. Glorfindel’s lips twitched and his shoulders started to shake as he suppressed his laughter.

“Shh”, he made with trembling voice, putting a hand over Mablung’s mouth, “or one of the servants will hear you.”

Mablung nodded and tried to stifle his laughter, becoming aware of Glorfindel’s hardness pressing into his thigh. Glorfindel noticed his mood-shift and lifted his hand off his mouth.

“Everything okay?”

Mablung nodded, licking his lips, and looked down. He’d never seen another’s cock... not like this anyway.

“Can... can I touch you?”, he asked softly.

“Of course”, breathed Glorfindel.

Mablung slowly reached out and touched the hot skin, Glorfindel shivered. Mablung bit his lip, releasing it immediately when he caught himself doing it, and wrapped his hand around Glorfindel’s cock, stroking it as he would have done with himself.

“Mablung...”, groaned Glorfindel and Mablung shivered at the sound of his voice. Glorfindel’s lips met his again and liquid fire shot up his spine when Glorfindel mirrored his actions down there. Valar, how good it felt to be touched there by another. He closed his eyes.

“Don’t stop”, Glorfindel whimpered and Mablung realised that he had stopped his movement.

“Sorry”, he gasped resuming his motions, pleasure coursed through his body, hot and wonderful, he wouldn’t last long.

Glorfindel caressed Mablung’s neck, the younger elf had snuggled into him after they had gotten comfortable on the bed. He felt deep gentleness for him. It would make him happy to teach him more about sex, slowly, so he wouldn’t get hurt. He wanted to keep him safe. Mablung blinked at him, blushing. Because he had fallen asleep?

Glorfindel smiled. “Happens. And that you feel so comfortable here that you fall asleep, flatters me.”

Mablung returned his smile. “That was nice”, he said softly.

Glorfindel kissed him gently. “Yes, it was”, he said.

‘Valar!’, he thought. ‘I want to keep him.’

“You, boy! Wait!”

Mablung was carrying a tray with dirty dishes to the kitchen, the plates clinked when he turned around a little too quickly.

“Herunya?” He bowed as well as he could at the moment.

“You are Mablung, aren’t you?”, Ecthelion asked and smiled at him.

“Yes, herunya.” Mablung wondered what he could have done that his name meant something to Ecthelion.

“Glorfindel’s... friend, yes?”

Mablung didn’t miss the little pause between the words and blushed. He knew that Ecthelion and Glorfindel were friends, but... What had he told him?

“We – he and me and a few friends – are having a party tomorrow evening. Nothing big, just a little drinking and talking. Do you want to come, too?” Ecthelion slid a card into his pocket. “Show that to the doorman and he’ll let you in. I’m looking forward to getting to know you. Glorfindel doesn’t talk a lot about you.”

Ecthelion winked at him and walked back in the direction he had come from. Mablung stared after him, his mouth hanging open. Ecthelion’s parties had a certain notoriety, but... Glorfindel had that, too, and up until now, he hadn’t lived up to it in Mablung’s eyes. Ecthelion was probably not half as bad as gossip made him. Mablung had been afraid of what Glorfindel’s friends would say when they found out that he had befriended a servant, but Ecthelion didn’t seem to mind.

Mablung suddenly wondered, why Glorfindel hadn’t introduced him to his friends, yet. Was he ashamed of him? ‘He doesn’t talk a lot about you.’ Wasn’t that what Ecthelion had said? Mablung shook his head and balanced the tray out. No, that couldn’t be it. Glorfindel didn’t talk to him a lot about his friends, either. Mablung shrugged and hurried to the kitchen. He would find out tomorrow. Of course he had to sneak past his parents, but that had never stopped him. Mablung grinned cheerfully.

Mablung opened the door and listened to the sounds of the house. He didn’t worry about his sister, she slept like a stone and she would also never betray him, but his parents... They would never allow him to go to Ecthelion’s party. He heard slow, deep breathing from his parents’ room and decided that he could risk it. They wouldn’t miss him today. He closed his door silently again and walked to the window – he wasn’t foolish enough to risk the front door, that would wake his father.

It took longer to climb down because he wore his best clothes – his mother would kill him if he ripped anything – but finally he stood on the cobbles of the lane and trotted up the hill to the estate of Ecthelion’s parents. The servant opening him eyed him doubtfully when he gave him the invitation, but he lead him through the house to a parlour.

“Here’s a guest, Ecthelion. Herunya, can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Good evening, Mablung.” Ecthelion thrust a full glass of wine into his hand when he walked past him. “Make yourself comfortable, boy, your sweetheart is already here, too.”

Mablung blushed and looked at the elves sitting and standing in groups with glasses in their hands and chatting, there were about twenty of them. Glorfindel stared at him, clearly surprised to see him here and got up.

“What are you doing here?”, he hissed at him and pulled him into a corner, away from his friends, as Ecthelion left the room with the servant.

“Ecthelion invited me.”

Glorfindel swore under his breath. “Okay, I’ll take you home.”

Mablung braced his feet against the floor, when his friend took his arm and tried to lead him to the door. “Forget it, I’ll stay!”

Glorfindel whirled around, his eyes flashing. “This is no place for you!”

“If you don’t want your friends seeing us together, you can say it!”, Mablung snapped and glared at him.

Glorfindel groaned. “That’s not it, you fool!” He laid his hands on Mablung’s shoulders and looked him sternly in the eyes. “But you are very young and... you have to know the rumours about these parties!”

“Of course I do.” Mablung saw the worry in Glorfindel’s face, but he wasn’t in the mood right now to listen to him. “But you aren’t as bad as your reputation, either.”

Glorfindel opened his mouth to answer to that, but then he shook his head. “Very well. You asked for it! But don’t be surprised if you burn yourself.”

Mablung squeaked and steadied himself with his hands against Glorfindel’s chest, when his friend suddenly pulled him close and gave him a fierce kiss, accompanied by his friends’ cheers of encouragement.

Mablung blinked up to him with surprise, his lips prickled.

“I’m just making clear that you are mine.” Glorfindel took the wine glass from his hand and drank deeply. “I won’t take the risk that they think they could have a chance with you.”

A hot shiver ran down Mablung’s spine. ‘You are mine.’ Did Glorfindel really say that?

“Okay, let’s introduce you to the others.” Glorfindel dragged him down on a free couch. “Mablung, this are Egalmoth and Elemmakil, my closest friends. Indo just abducted Ecthelion, but I suppose, he’ll be back. Guys, this is Mablung.”

“So you are Glorfindel’s mysterious lover.” Elemmakil winked at him. “We already wondered where he is hiding you.”

“Are you even old enough to be up so late?”, Egalmoth asked. Mablung glared at him.

“Shut up, Egalmoth”, Glorfindel said and poured Mablung a glass of water. “Go slow”, he whispered into his ear. “You likely won’t have a choice later on. Drink water when you can. And don’t let Egalmoth make you angry. He can be an asshole.”

“I thought, he’s your friend”, Mablung whispered back. “He is, but you don’t know how I can be, either.” Glorfindel smiled sheepishly at him. “When you are with me, I want to make myself worthy of you.” He kissed him again, gentle and long.

“When I invited him, I didn’t expect you only having eyes for him”, Ecthelion commented on coming back.

“That was your mistake, Ecthelion.” Glorfindel grinned at him and pulled Mablung closer.

“But we are so curious about him. And give the boy something decent to drink.”

Mablung giggled when Ecthelion swapped the water against wine.

“Can I actually drink something now?”

Ecthelion grinned at him. “Be my guest. Time to get acquainted.” Ecthelion put an empty bottle on the table. “Let’s play truth or dare.”

Glorfindel groaned. “Ecthelion, that’s a very bad idea. Aren’t you supposed to entertain your guests.”

“Oh, he is entertaining us”, said another elf from behind them who had wandered over with two others, they laughed.

Mablung smiled but he had a queasy feeling in his gut. He wasn’t sure anymore, if it had been a good idea to decline Glorfindel’s offer.

“Glorfindel?” Ecthelion smiled sweetly at him. “Did I invite your father by mistake? Don’t be a spoilsport. And you two lovebirds have to pull apart a little or we won’t know whose turn it is.”

Mablung lay on his bed, his face buried in the pillow, and shed silent tears. He was grounded, was only allowed to leave the house to work and that only in company of his father. His backside was still bruised from the spanking he had gotten as punishment for coming home drunk. It had already been morning, his parents beside themselves with worry. He remembered almost nothing of that horrible night.

They had drunk a lot, all of them, switching from wine to spirit as the evening went on. He had the nagging feeling that he had made a fool of himself. Surely Glorfindel didn’t want anything to do with him now, even if his parents would let them see each other. That was the worst of it. Glorfindel had brought him home because he wasn’t able to walk alone and their... relationship had been discovered.

It had made his father even more mad. The things he had said to Glorfindel and later him... It had made Mablung angry. What must Glorfindel think of him now! He sobbed. Someone rattled at the door, probably Liriel but he didn’t want to see her.

“Go away”, he said, his voice hoarse from crying, he pressed the pillow over his ears to not have to hear what she said. He wanted to be alone.

He didn’t know how long he had lain there when someone knocked on the windowpane. Mablung started, jumping almost out of bed. His stubborn little sister just couldn’t let him be. But when he peeked out from under the pillow, it wasn’t his sister who looked at him through the window.

“Glorfindel!”, Mablung gasped and hurried to let him in. A rush of joy making him grin. “What are you doing here?”, he whispered.

His parents mustn’t notice him, the Valar knew what his father would do if he saw him here.

“I wanted to apologise. I should have known that Ecthelion invited you to make you look bad.”

Mablung gulped and blinked away his tears. He must look dreadful, eyes puffy from crying and face sweaty from hiding under the pillow.

“I’m sorry, Mablung, I’m an idiot. I should have taken you away even against your wish. I knew that Ecthelion’s parties always end with us being very drunk.” Glorfindel sighed. “But I hoped, if they get to know you, they’ll stop to tease me. Can you forgive me, Mablung.”

“Ask that my butt”, Mablung grumbled ungraciously, but actually he was glad that Glorfindel had come – that he still wanted him.

To his surprise and embarrassment, Glorfindel knelt down beside him and kissed his buttock. “I’m sorry”, he said again. “I didn’t want you to get punished because of me. I suppose, your parents think me an irresponsible asshole, if the way your father talked to me is any indication.”

Mablung’s lips twitched. “I won’t repeat what father said about you when you were gone.”He helped Glorfindel to his feet. “But don’t you mind that your friends don’t like me.”

Glorfindel huffed. “I don’t care what they think! To get you drunk and make you look like a fool was mean and I don’t let anyone be mean to my Mablung. Not even my best friends.”

Mablung knew that he had a mad grin on his face. His Mablung? Oh Valar, how much he wished to be that. “You better leave before my parents notice that you are here.”

Glorfindel nodded. “I don’t want to get you into more trouble. When can we see each other again?”

Mablung shrugged. “At the palace. Father is pretty angry, I don’t know how long I’ll be grounded and at the moment it’s better if I don’t sneak out of the house.”

Glorfindel nodded and kissed him goodbye. Mablung leaned out of the window and watched him walking down the lane. He turned around before turning the corner and blew Mablung a kiss. Mablung flopped down on the bed again, but his mood couldn’t have been more different than a few minutes ago. Glorfindel wanted to see him again and his father couldn’t ground him forever.

Ecthelion caught the boy when he left the palace. It was evening, time for him to go home. He shook his head. Yes, the boy was cute, but he didn’t understand how Glorfindel could spend so much time with him. He was so young and a servant at that. What did he see in him? Ecthelion walked alongside him and the boy looked up. His face closed up when he recognised him.

“Herunya, what can I do for you?”, he asked politely but there was ice in his voice. He seemed to hold it against him that they had gotten him drunk.

Ecthelion cocked his head. “If you play with adults you have to expect to get burned, boy”, he said.

It was his own fault if he drank with them. Although, yes, he had hoped that he would make a fool of himself so Glorfindel would lose interest in him. He had misjudged there. His ears still rang from the angry words his friend had shouted at him. He was still steadfastly claiming that he wasn’t in love, but Ecthelion thought differently. Glorfindel had a bad crush on the boy – and he hadn’t time for him any longer.

“And if you get involved with an adult, you should know what you are doing.” Ecthelion had no idea how far Glorfindel had gone with him. He was so young that Glorfindel was surely his first. “Here.” He thrust a stack of pages into his hands. “You should have a look at that. After all, your body is the only thing you have to offer him.” Ecthelion didn’t wait for an answer before he walked away.

He would have liked to see the boy’s face when he looked at the paintings, which left little to the imagination, but he couldn’t possibly let him unpack this in public. Was it his innocence that attracted Glorfindel? Well, in that case the boy would soon be of no interest to him. Innocence vanished all too easily. Or even better, maybe the paintings freaked the boy out so he ran away. Ecthelion would find a way to make his friend see reason. It was bad enough for the oldest son of a noble to fall in love with a man, but when it was a commoner, a servant...

‘Believe me, Glorfindel’, Ecthelion thought, ‘I’m doing you a favour.’

Mablung leaved through the pages Ecthelion had given him. His eyes were wide. Pictures of men – naked men in very explicit poses that left little room for ambiguity. Was this what Glorfindel wanted from him? Mablung shuddered at the though. Wouldn’t that hurt? Glorfindel never had even hinted at this. Although last time he had done something with his mouth that... Mablung blushed at the memory. Valar, it had felt so good when Glorfindel’s lips had enveloped his cock. Nothing, Glorfindel did with him had ever felt bad.

Mablung lifted one of the paintings and looked at it more closely. If that was, what men with their preferences did with each other, wouldn’t it feel good, too? Or was this just another attempt by Ecthelion to drive a wedge between them. ‘Your body is the only thing you have to offer him’, he had said. Mablung gulped. Wasn’t he right? He was only a servant. He decided to show the paintings to Glorfindel and see what he said. It was all so new for him.

If they’d had their way, they would meet more often, but Mablung had to work and he also didn’t want his parents to become suspicious. They had forbidden him to see Glorfindel, supposedly he had a bad influence on him. Mablung huffed. He had shown Glorfindel his cave, they mostly met there now, because they could be sure to not be interrupted there. Glorfindel’s parents had appealed to their son’s conscience, too, it wasn’t save to meet at his home anymore.

Mablung was relieved that Glorfindel seemed to little mind what his parents or his friends said. Mablung shuddered. He had seen the look on Ecthelion’s face, he hadn’t given him these pictures out of kindness. Maybe he thought it would frighten him and that he wouldn’t want to see Glorfindel then. That wouldn’t happen. Never.

“What is it you brought here?”

They lay together in his cave, on a bed of moss and blankets. Before Mablung could answer anything, Glorfindel already fished for the leather folder Mablung had put Ecthelion’s paintings in. He hadn’t dared yet to show them to Glorfindel. In panic he reached for it and pressed it to his chest, the leather cool and smooth against his warm skin.

“That’s... nothing.”

Glorfindel lifted an eyebrow. “Doesn’t look like nothing to me. What’s wrong, Mablung? You are so quiet today.”

“I was just... thinking.”

Mablung bit his lower lip and Glorfindel traced it with his thumb, as he always did when he caught him at doing that.

“Thinking about what?”

“I like what we do together”, Mablung said and looked down at his hands that clutched the folder, he could hear the grin in Glorfindel’s voice when he said: “I’m pleased to hear that.”

“But... but it’s not all, is it? You hold back because of my age. I, um, here...” Mablung offered him the folder. He knew that his face was crimson.

Glorfindel murmured a few imaginative oaths as he skimmed through the leaves.

“Where did you get these?”, he asked with a dangerous growl in his voice.

Mablung winced, tears coming to his eyes. He sounded angry, Glorfindel had never talked to him like that. He hadn’t wanted that. Glorfindel caressed his cheek.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to snap at you. I’m not angry with you. Ecthelion?”

Mablung looked at him with surprise. “How...”

Glorfindel smiled grimly. “I know these paintings and I can’t imagine that you know how to get them. So it really was Ecthelion?”

Mablung nodded.

“That idiot!”, Glorfindel growled. He shook his head. “It’s not your fault, Mablung.” He lifted his hands to his lips and kissed them. “First of all: I, too, like very much what we do together. Yes, these paintings show very graphically how it looks when two men have sex, but I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything. I told you that in the beginning, didn’t I? I don’t want you to do something you aren’t completely sure of wanting.”

“But... aren’t you bored?”

Glorfindel chuckled. “Why should I be? I like it when you touch me. I like to make you come with my mouth – I like it, when you do that to me.”

Mablung risked a quick glance and saw the satisfied smile on Glorfindel’s face. He relaxed a little. He believed him and that gave him the courage to ask: “Does... does it hurt?”

“No”, Glorfindel took his face between his hands and kissed his mouth. “It’s going to feel... unfamiliar, tight. But it should never hurt, and it won’t if we take our time. It should be a pleasurable experience.”

“And do you want me like this?” His heart was in his throat.

Glorfindel smiled wryly. “It would be a lie to say no. But I’ll tell you again: Don’t feel pressured into doing this. I’m content with what we have. Do you want it? That I take you – or you me?”

Mablung barely kept himself from biting his lip again. “I... don’t know.” He hadn’t even thought that Glorfindel would let him... do that.

Glorfindel nodded and embraced him. “That means, we’ll wait – until you are absolutely sure that you want this. Either of it, or both.”

Mablung relaxed with a sigh of relief when he didn’t see any disappointment in Glorfindel’s face. “Thank you, Glorfindel.”

Glorfindel kissed his forehead. “It’s nothing, Mablung. As I said: I like very much what we do here together.”

He kissed Mablung passionately and laid him back on their bed.

“Would it be very rude to ask for a birthday present?”, Mablung asked before lowering his head and nibbling at Glorfindel’s nipple. Glorfindel sucked in his breath.

“What would it be?”

“I want to have sex with you”, Mablung said, turning to the other nipple. “I want to feel you inside me.”

“Valar, Mablung!”, Glorfindel gasped, his hand tightening in his hair. “You sure?”

Mablung nodded. “I want it for my birthday, Glorfindel. I want you to be my first.”

Glorfindel pulled him up and kissed him gently. “Your trust honours me”, he said with husky voice. “And it will be my pleasure. But not today.”

Mablung flinched surprised. “Why?!”

Glorfindel grinned. “You are always in such a hurry... For one thing: We don’t have lubricant. We need oil or some ointment, or I won’t be able to enter you, not without pain at least. And second, I would like to do this in a real bed. Your cave is a wonderful place, but... if you can wait a little, we can find a day when my parents aren’t home, when we can take as much time as we want. I promise the wait will be worth it.”

Mablung smiled down at him. “Then we’ll do it your way. You are the expert. I trust your judgement.”

Glorfindel huffed. “Expert... Come here!”

Mablung squeaked when Glorfindel rolled over him and kissed down his chest, giggling when his tongue dipped into his navel. Glorfindel’s lips closed around his cock and Mablung moaned loudly, his fingers slid into Glorfindel’s open hair. Valar, he could never get enough of him – and Glorfindel seemed to feel like that, too. They couldn’t meet often, but when they did, they made it count.

Glorfindel helped Mablung through the window although he knew that his friend didn’t need the help. He looked more nervous than usual but when Glorfindel kissed him, he laid his arms around his neck and kissed him back. He knew better than to ask if he was sure, he didn’t want to make him angry.

He’d had a very loud argument about the paintings with Ecthelion. His friend just couldn’t understand why Mablung meant so much to him, why he had wanted to wait until he mentioned what they were about to do. The tension between Ecthelion and him pained him he was his best friend, but he wouldn’t give in. He wouldn’t dump this wonderful boy just because his friend was a conceited idiot.

Glorfindel pulled back and caressed Mablung’s cheek with his thumb. “Are you ready for your birthday present?”

Mablung licked his lips nervously, but he nodded.

“Very good.” Glorfindel smiled reassuringly. “Try not to think about anything being different from usual. We simply are together.”

“I’ll try.” Mablung stood on tiptoes and kissed him, his hands slid from his neck over his shoulders to tug at the ties of his shirt.

Glorfindel was relieved, Mablung maybe was nervous, but not so nervous that he didn’t dare to touch him like he always did. That was good, very good. He quickly got rid of their clothes and made themselves comfortable on the bed. Mablung stretched on the mattress with a sigh.

“You are right, that’s much more comfortable than the cave.”

Glorfindel caressed his side and licked his neck, his hand slid lower, between Mablung’s legs. Mablung moved against him, when he touched his cock.

“I want you to remember again, what I said when we did this for the first time: It should feel good, and if it doesn’t something’s wrong.” Glorfindel slid his hand further down until his finger touched Mablung’s entrance. “It’s going to feel strange, when I touch you here, but it shouldn’t hurt. If it does, I want you to tell me. You can always tell me to stop, Mablung. It doesn’t mean to fail, it just means that we have to take more time.”

Mablung nodded, his eyes so full of trust that Glorfindel almost couldn’t look. He kissed his forehead. “Turn around.” Glorfindel pulled him against him, his chest touching Mablung’s back and kissed his neck, caressing him until he relaxed. He bowed over him and reached for the jar on his night table.

Mablung didn’t really know what he had expected – but not this. These paintings... they were a moment in time, they couldn’t show how it really was. Glorfindel pushed his upper leg up until it lay at a right angle to his body and Mablung tensed but then he just caressed his thigh for a while and kissed his neck, his shoulders, every part of skin he could easily reach, his greasy fingertip rubbed him between the buttocks. Only when Mablung’s muscles relaxed again did he slide his finger in a little.

The feeling of it wasn’t really unpleasant just... strange. And that was, what he told his friend, when he asked. Glorfindel moved his finger back and forth for a while, while he continued to kiss and nibble at his skin. Mablung moaned softly, it felt good. Glorfindel inserted a second finger and Mablung’s muscles trembled around the foreign objects inside him. He wondered how Glorfindel’s cock should ever fit in there. That couldn’t possibly work, could it?

“Shh”, Glorfindel whispered into his ear. “Don’t think, just feel.” He nibbled at his earlobe. “Take a deep breath.”

Mablung realised that his breath had quickened and tried to calm down.

“Do you want me to stop?”, he asked. He had pulled his fingers out and wrapped his hand around Mablung’s cock, stroking him slowly. His tongue licked along the rim of Mablung’s ear.

“No, don’t stop. It doesn’t hurt”, he answered softly. “It’s just so... so different.”

If he had still worried about how he sounded in Glorfindel’s presence, he would had cringed now. But that was the best he managed. Different from everything he’d ever felt. Glorfindel smiled against his skin.

“Good different or bad different?”

“I... don’t know yet.” Mablung turned his head a little so he could look at him. “Do it again, maybe I can tell you then.”

Glorfindel laughed. “Valar, you are incredible.” He continued to stroke his arousal for a while longer before changing his position a little, he almost lay over him now, and slid his fingers between his buttocks again. Mablung concentrated on staying relaxed, to not think too much, he cried out in surprise when Glorfindel did something with his fingers that made his body pulse with pleasure.

“Good different... don’t stop!”, he moaned.

Glorfindel’s lips wandered down his back, his teeth grazing his skin, his fingers continued to rub that spot inside him. Mablung’s body instinctively moved into the touch, his cock throbbing. Glorfindel stroked him with his free hand and Mablung came with a soft scream.

Mablung’s heart beat wildly, his body trembling after this incredible orgasm. Glorfindel pulled him against him and Mablung snuggled into his warm chest.

“And you?”, he mumbled when he felt Glorfindel’s arousal against his thigh.

“Later”, his friend answered and kissed his eye lids, his cheeks, his mouth.

Mablung commented the gentleness with a happy hum. For a while they stayed like this, intertwined, and Mablung dozed off for a short moment before he yanked his head up and rubbing his eyes. Glorfindel watched him attentively.

“But... I thought... Why did you stop?”

Glorfindel smiled. “Did I? Come here.”

Mablung laid his head on Glorfindel’s arm.

“I didn’t tell you before, because I didn’t want to argue about it. I believe you that you want me to take you, but your body isn’t used to it. It needs a little practice. I didn’t expect this to go further today than it did.”

Mablung opened his mouth to protest, but Glorfindel laid his hand on his mouth.

“Don’t be so impatient all the time”, he said gently. “I don’t say that because you are young. I’d tell that everyone who’s never done that before, whether he’s seventeen or seven hundred. Did you like it?”

“Yes”, Mablung said and blushed. “You must have noticed.”

“I did” Glorfindel tapped his nose. “Which means, it was exactly right for today. Little steps, Mablung.”

“But what about you?”, Mablung mumbled embarrassed. Glorfindel hadn’t come. He kissed him gently.

“It aroused me very much to show you how great it can feel to be touched at that spot.” He grinned at him and Mablung smiled back. Yes, that had really been a great feeling. “And you don’t intend to leave yet, do you?”

Mablung’s grin widened. “What are you thinking? I only have to be home in four hours.”

“Well, then. I’m sure we both are going to come a few times more, hm?” Glorfindel winked at him and Mablung gripped his hair to pull him down into a kiss.

“You can count on it.”

Mablung held his breath when Glorfindel entered him.

“Breathe”, Glorfindel said. “Relax.”

He sounded strained and Mablung wondered not for the first time where he took that restraint from to allow him so much time. He took a few deep breaths, relaxed into Glorfindel’s caressing hand and his friend’s cock slid a little further into him. It... burned and he felt how tight he was around Glorfindel’s cock.

He had nicked the jar with ointment when he had left after the first time Glorfindel had had his fingers inside him. Glorfindel had said he needed practice, but if he only got it, when they were together, it would take another hundred years until they could have sex and he wouldn’t wait that long. So he had provided practice for himself. It had taken a while until he found the right position to reach that spot inside him with his own fingers, but then...

Glorfindel had been highly amused when he had addressed his ‘theft’ the next time they saw each other. But even then he hadn’t taken him, had just used his fingers again, two, three... Mablung stifled a moan when Glorfindel thrust slowly into him, he was afraid it would sound as if he were in pain. Glorfindel would stop if he thought he were hurting him, and he didn’t want him to stop. Not now. Glorfindel paused, his hands trembling when he caressed his sides.

“Mablung, my Mablung...” He moaned. “Valar, you feel so tight and hot... so incredibly good.”

Mablung didn’t stifle his moans anymore as Glorfindel wrapped his fingers around his cock and stroked him – as slowly as he thrust into him. Mablung shivered, caught in the pleasure coursing through his body.

“Glorfindel”, he breathed. “Glorfindel...”

Glorfindel kissed the beads of sweat off his neck.

“Is it... is it good like this?”, he gasped. “I’m not hurting you?”

Mablung shook his head. It still burned, but... in a good way.

“Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop!”

Glorfindel’s thrusts became faster and Mablung couldn’t talk anymore, he could just feel and... Mablung came over Glorfindel’s hand. Glorfindel stopped moving as Mablung’s muscles spasmed around him and Mablung thought he could feel him coming inside him.

“Are you okay?”, Glorfindel murmured after a while and nuzzled the damp hair behind his ear.

Mablung laughed softly. “Okay? Are you kidding? I feel fantastic.” He turned around and embraced Glorfindel, buried his face at his chest and wished they could for ever stay like this.

“It was my pleasure.” Glorfindel caressed his back. “And I’m glad to hear that it was yours, too.”

Mablung basked in the aftermath of his orgasm, he felt that he was a little sore but it didn’t hurt. It felt good in a strange way.

If someone had asked Mablung, it could have gone one like this for eternity. Secret meetings in the cave or in Glorfindel’s room when his parents were away. Covert touches and kisses behind columns if they crossed paths in the palace. The mild seasons of Aman changed almost imperceptibly, the years felt endless to Mablung, in a good way. As long as he could be with Glorfindel, time didn’t matter. But the world around them hadn’t stopped and when the Darkness came, nothing was as before.

Mablung sat in the kitchen and stared into the candle flame, his mother sat beside him, holding Liriel close. He was still trembling. One of Orome’s Maiar had brought him home after finding him in the cave. He had been alone there, his parents hadn’t allowed him to accompany him to the festival at Valmar and he had went there to sulk. He had hoped to meet Glorfindel at the festival and maybe to make off with him without being seen.

The darkness had come unlooked for and he had been too afraid to try to find his way back without seeing anything. It frightened him still. It was said the trees were hurt. What if the light never came back? Mablung looked up when his father entered the room, a grave look on his face.

“What happened, Torgil?”, his mother asked.

Father sat down with a deep sigh. “King Finwe is dead.”

Mablung’s heart sped up when he saw the fear in his father’s eyes.

“Murdered by Melkor – like the trees.”

Mother sobbed.

“He stole the Silmaril. The Valar try to find him, but it looks like he has gotten away. Feanor wants to follow him.” Torgil shook his head. “Unreason. How can he expect to prevail against a Vala? But what else to expect of Feanor?”

Mablung knew that his father didn’t like the oldest prince. He never had met him before, he had been born after his banishment from Tirion. Was he King now, after King Finwe’s death. Death! Murdered. Mablung couldn’t fathom it. Things like this didn’t happen here.

“Follow him? But... back to the Great Lands?” Mother sounded incredulous. “The Valar surely won’t support that. How does he want to accomplish that, without ships?”

“How should I know? It’s only rumours. Let’s hope there’s no truth to them.” Father rubbed his forehead.

‘Back to the Great Lands’, Mablung thought.

Grandmother Finya had told him about it, of the endless, deep woods under the silver light of the stars. The stars... Mablung looked out of the window and saw them burning in the sky – and the darkness didn’t seem so dark anymore.

It was dangerous there, she had said, but whenever she told him about it, he had felt how much she had loved this life. He would have liked to see that land. There were mountains there, too. Finya had told him about crossing them on their way west. And it was large, much larger than Aman. Not, that Father would allow him to go with Feanor – if he even went.

‘Are you mad?’, Mablung berated himself. ‘He wants to fight a Vala. What could you possibly do there!’

Mablung moaned into the kiss, he leaned against the cool wall in a remote corner of the palace. Glorfindel had waylaid and hauled him here. They hadn’t been seeing much of each other since the darkness started, Mablung’s parents barely left him out of their sight and it was impossible to go to the cave anyway – it was much too dangerous in the dark. A kind of uneasy normality had set in. Life had to go on, even if the light didn’t come back. His eyes started to adjust to the starlight, but...

Glorfindel’s hands found their way under his shirt and Mablung clung to him. He wanted him so much and at the moment he didn’t worry about someone walking in on them. He fumbled with the ties of Glorfindel’s trousers and hoped his friend had thought about lube. Glorfindel made a frustrated sound and stepped back.

“Mablung! Wait! We can’t...”

He leaned his forehead against Mablungs, his breath quick and strained.

“I need you, Glorfindel”, Mablung whispered. “I miss you so much.”

“Oh Mablung! I miss you too.” Glorfindel embraced him, pulled him so close as if he wanted to fuse with him. “But we can’t go to the cave and everyone is so nervous at home. I can’t bring you there now, not even as friend.”

Glorfindel had introduced him to his parents soon after the incident at Ecthelion’s party. His parents had wanted to meet the boy their son was befriending. Mablung had felt very out of place there. They were so rich and... noble and although they hadn’t treated him like that – and Glorfindel never did – he was just a servant boy.

Glorfindel turned his head to a window a little down the hallway.

“Do you hear that?”

Mablung followed his gaze. Red light danced on the wall across the window and he heard... were that people? Glorfindel took him by the hand and pulled him to the window. It looked down on the courtyard. Mablung shivered when he saw the crowd that had assembled there, many of the elves holding torches that bathed the courtyard in a flickering, red light.

“What is he doing here?”

Mablung looked down at the stairs in front of the entrance. “Is that Feanor?”

The prince and his sons stood on the landing in front of the gate, looking at the crowd. It grew silent as he lifted his voice and his words could be heard even at their lookout. He claimed kingship for himself, talked about Melkor – calling him Morgoth – and his decision to go after him, to take revenge for the death of his father and take back the Silmaril.

He talked about the wide, uncharted lands and Mablung felt that longing wake again. And wasn’t Feanor right? The Blessed Realm wasn’t that anymore, the trees had withered and death had found its way into it. Were they really prisoners here? Confined in this land to give these... humans, of whom Mablung had never heard before, the Great Lands? Mablung didn’t know.

A cold shiver ran down his spine as Feanor and his sons swore their oath. He didn’t know, if what Feanor had said was the truth, but this oath... it could only be wrong to invoke Eru for such a thing. Mablung looked up to Glorfindel with wide eyes.

“What are we going to do now?”, he whispered.

Glorfindel shook his head. “I don’t know”, he answered with husky voice. “I have to find my father. We are sworn to Prince Turgon, if he decides to leave...” Glorfindel gulped. “You should go home now, Mablung. You’ll be save there.”

He gave him a lingering kiss – as if it were the last time. Mablung clung to his arm.

“Take me with you if you leave. Please! Don’t leave me behind.”

Glorfindel touched his cheek tenderly. “There’s nothing decided yet. Go home and calm down.”

Mablung followed Glorfindel through the palace, he didn’t want to argue with him, but he didn’t want to go home either. He was sure that his father wouldn’t ever follow Feanor, even if Prince Turgon should go.

Aimlessly he walked through the streets. Groups of elves stood everywhere, talking in whispers. They all had torches or lamps, he hadn’t seen Tirion this bright since the death of the Trees. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t want to stay behind without Glorfindel. And if the prince, he served, went back to the Great Lands, wasn’t he obliged to go, too.

He thought again about the stories Finya had told him. He didn’t care about Melkor – Morgoth – and he wasn’t a warrior, he couldn’t fight, but he longed for the wideness of these Lands, for the freedom it promised. ‘Mother, Liriel... Father’, he thought. The idea of leaving them hurt his heart,  but... he wanted to be free of the expectations of his fathers that were so far away from what he wanted for himself.

Mablung wrapped the cloak tighter around himself and held the hood closed over his mouth so only his eyes were free. The wind was like icy hands that froze his skin and the hard flakes of the snowstorm bit into his face. He was so tired, so terribly tired, but he knew that he mustn’t fall asleep. He had seen what happened to those who lay down at the wayside – they never woke up again.

It had been madness to dare the ice, but when the firelight had brightened the eastern coast they had known that the ships wouldn’t come back for them. Feanor had betrayed and deserted them. There was no other way but the ice. They couldn’t go back, they had rejected the Valar’s mercy, they wouldn’t get another chance. And so they had braved the Helcaraxe, this terrible cold that pierced marrow and bone.

Mablung didn’t know how long they had been walking. The darkness was eternal and timeless. Maybe this was the punishment for killing their kin, to have to wander forever through this icy desert. Blindly he reached out for Glorfindel who always walked beside him. For a time they had held hands until it had turn to cold. You risked frostbite if you left any body part outside the cloak for too long.

Mablung lifted his head when his hand only found emptiness. It was dark and the snowflakes stung in his eyes.

“Glorfindel?”, he croaked and coughed before calling his friend's name louder.

No one answered him. No one followed behind. Where were the others? Mablung turned around in a circle. He had lost them! Somehow he had lost the way. Mablung sobbed as despair overwhelmed him. How should he find the other side of the sea now? He was caught in a world of ice and snow.

A part of him wanted to lie down and fall asleep, it would be over quickly. But... He didn’t want to go to Mandos, the Vala’s words were still fresh in his mind. He couldn’t die now. Not after he had dipped his hands in blood. Mablung wailed. He had killed an elf! He would never be free of that guilt again. He stumbled on, in a direction that just maybe was the right one. Don’t stop, just don’t stop and give in to his tiredness. They’d been already walking so long. It couldn’t be that far to the coast, could it? Surely he would soon see the new, old land he had wished to see so much...

“Mablung!”

Glorfindel’s voice was almost gone from the cold and his shouting. He walked back along the column with quick steps, the eyes that met his were tired and empty. They hadn’t any strength left. How could he have lost Mablung? They had walked beside each other the whole time and then he had been gone, vanished. And he hadn’t noticed!

“Mablung!”

Glorfindel wiped a tear from his cheek before it could freeze. He had lost him. He had promised to protect him, Mablung had trusted him, and now he was gone. He had to find him! He looked up when Ecthelion, who helped him with his search, walked up to him. His friend shook his head.

“He must have lost the way. The snowstorm...”

Ecthelion had dark shadows under his eyes. They all slept badly for fear of never waking.

“I have to find him.” Glorfindel turned in the direction they had come from. “He has to be somewhere out there!”

Ecthelion gripped his arm. “You can’t go back, Glorfindel! You’ll freeze to death!”

Glorfindel spun around and bushed Ecthelion back.

“You never cared for Mablung. But he is my friend! I won’t leave him behind!”

Glorfindel turned away and quickened his step. He had to find him! He’d never forgive himself, if he didn’t. He fell face first into the snow when Ecthelion jumped at him from behind.

“And you are my friend!", he growled and twisted Glorfindel’s arm on his back. “I won’t let you run into your death with eyes open. It’s been hours since you saw him last and that was in the middle of a damned storm!”

“Let go of me!” Glorfindel tried to wriggle from under him, angry desperate tears froze on his cheeks. “I can’t abandon him!”

“I won’t let you go.” Ecthelion shifted his weight so every move sent a painful stab through Glorfindel’s shoulder. “And if I have to, I’ll punch you unconscious and carry you, but I won’t let you throw your life away. He’s dead, Glorfindel! Mablung is dead.”

Glorfindel slumped sobbing.

“No”, he whispered.

But his reason told him that Ecthelion was right. Mablung wasn’t in the column and if he had lost his way in the snowstorm, he was dead.

Frozen to death or fallen into one of the crevasses that had taken Turgon’s wife and so many others. His mind knew it, but his heart didn’t want to believe it. The thought that he would never see his smile, never hear his voice again, hurt so much. Glorfindel clung to Ecthelion, who helped him to his feet, and cried at his shoulder.

“You are right”, his friend said softly. “I never cared that much for him, but I didn’t wish him such a fate. And even less I wished you this pain. I’m sorry, Glorfindel. I’m so very sorry.”