Meeting the Past by chrissystriped

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Meeting the Past

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Ecthelion watched Sharû walking up and down the room with his chin resting on his hand. He had come back agitated from his visit with Mo and until now he could only guess what was upsetting him. He hadn’t gotten a clear word out of him, yet. Surely it had something to do with Morgoth, the thought that the Valar might pardon him worried them both. He’d have liked to question Glorfindel about it, he’d been on the same ship with him, after all, but his friend deserved time with Legolas.

“He loves him!”, Sharû said suddenly. “He loves him and I said to his face that I don’t want his beloved to be free. How should I have known...” He looked pleadingly at Ecthelion.

“I don’t understand a word, Sharû”, he said gently. “Why don’t you start from the beginning?”

“You heard the rumours about the elf who fell in love with Morgoth and wants to plead in favour of his pardon?”

Ecthelion nodded. Yes, he’d heard about it and although he was aware he was living in the glass house, it was hard for him to understand.

“I thought... I thought some foolish elf had fallen in love with Morgoth while he was in that elven place Manwe brought him to – whatever Manwe thought when he did that – but it is Mablung! And he was visiting Mo and heard what I said to Mo about Morgoth! I would have never said it to him like that!”

“Mablung?” Ecthelion stared at him. “Glorfindel’s Mablung?”

Sharû huffed. “I don’t think he’s still Glorfindel’s Mablung, but yes, this Mablung. I always thought, should I ever see him again, I’ll apologise for the things I did to him. Instead I go and insult him! I didn’t want... I don’t want him to think badly of me – worse than he likely is anyway, I mean.”

Ecthelion stood up and embraced Sharû so he’d stop walking holes into the carpet.

“Calm down, Sharû. No use crying over spilt milk. What did he say? Was he angry?”

“I don’t know. It didn’t sound like he was. We actually had a pretty normal conversation. It was so surreal to see him with Mo, I didn't even think..." Sharû shook his head. "But how couldn’t he be angry?”

“I’ll talk to Glorfindel", Ecthelion decided. "See if Mablung is up to meeting us both. After the trial is over. He'll have his thoughts on other things now. But I have my own apologies to make, we should talk to him. Would that be okay with you?”

Sharû nodded. “Very much so. Thank you, Thel.”

 

Glorfindel smiled and waved to Mablung who walked over the harbour place to the café where they sat. Ecthelion played nervously with his half-empty cup. Since Mablung had agreed to meet him and Sharû, Glorfindel had wondered how Mablung would react to them. He hadn't seemed nervous, when he'd asked him, but that seemed strange to him.

Sharû was walking up and down the quay, although Mablung had agreed to meet him, he’d decided that he didn’t want to assail him with his presence. Glorfindel tried not to think of what he’d done to Mablung. He knew he should leave it to Mablung, but he still had the urge to take revenge in his name. It was one thing to forgive Melkor when he’d paid so obviously for his deeds, but in his eyes Sharû had never really been taken to account, although Ecthelion had assured him that the Angband-Elves and the orcs had arranged compensation among one another.

Glorfindel stood and embraced Mablung.

“How are you?”, he asked. Being parted from Melkor was hard on him, he knew that. It had surprised him that Mablung had decided to move to Alqualonde, of all places, but he understood his motives. “Are your friends good to you?”

Mablung smiled at him and kissed his cheek.

“Yes, of course they are.” He sat and turned to Ecthelion: “Glorfindel told me you want to talk to me, my Lord? And I thought, Sharû would be here, too.”

“He is.” Ecthelion pointed in the direction of the quay. “He’s just being considerate. Some of us don’t react well to him.”

“Ah”, Mablung smiled wryly. “Call him over. I’m not afraid of him.”

But he looked nervous and Glorfindel reached for his hand to lend his support. The orc looked as if he didn’t know what to do with himself when he sat down at their table. Mablung’s absent fear seemed to throw him off track more than if he’d attacked him.

“Mablung”, Ecthelion said, looking straight at him. “Thank you for agreeing to talk with us. I know you can’t have very good memories of me and I want to apologise for it. I’m sorry that I made it so hard for you to be with Glorfindel.” He threw a glance at Glorfindel. It had always pained Glorfindel that Mablung hadn’t been able to hear about Ecthelion’s change of heart and he was glad that he did now. “I was jealous and I was arrogant and I was very wrong. I’m sorry.”

“That was so long ago...”, Mablung said with a strange little smile. “It shouldn’t be important any longer. But still, on my way here I wondered if it is odd that I’m more nervous to see you than I am of seeing Sharû. Thank you for this old story being important enough for you to come here, it means a lot to me. And of course I accept your apology, Lord Ecthelion.”

Glorfindel could see Ecthelion’s shoulders relaxing at Mablung’s words. If Mablung had asked him, he thought it more than odd that he was more afraid of Ecthelion than of Sharû, but he wouldn’t intrude.

“Thank you. And you don’t have to call me ‘Lord’, that’s my father again these days. Just Ecthelion will do. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the parties I’m holding for our people...”

Mablung nodded. “A friend told me about them.”

“And I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable to come there because I organise them. Angband connects us, you are welcome.”

“If you say that...”

Mablung lowered his eyes, he was blinking quickly. Glorfindel moved his chair closer to him and rubbed his back. He knew that Mablung hadn’t only come to Alqualonde to salvage his friendships here, but also to make the longing for Melkor more bearable. He was missing him so much.

“Did I say something wrong?”, Ecthelion asked gently.

“I love Melkor”, Mablung said softly, shaking his head. “And I believe that not many people can understand that. But he’s gone again – only for a time, but he’s not here – and while I wait for him, I don’t have the strength to explain myself for it again and again.”

“I can understand that”, Ecthelion answered.

Mablung’s eyes fell on Sharû. “Yes, maybe you can.” He smiled wryly. “I was surprised. Not that you have a relationship with Sharû, but that you have a relationship with Sharû.”

Ecthelion blushed and Glorfindel had to admit that Mablung was right. The way Ecthelion had been before his captivity in Angband, he would never have given Sharû a chance. It had always been important to Ecthelion that his lovers were good-looking.

“I’m not like that anymore”, he said abashedly and that was true, too.

“I believe you”, Mablung said and Glorfindel felt him relax. “And I’m glad that you give our people a place to meet. Laiglas is telling good things about you and...” Mablung turned to Sharû. “He also says that the orcs come there, that you party together.”

“We aren’t like... you knew us anymore, either”, Sharû said. Glorfindel could hear his voice tremble a little. He knew from Ecthelion that it was usually hard for the orc to show feelings, but right now he looked very nervous. “I offer you redress, like me and my people offered redress to all the Angband-Elves.”

Mablung looked for a long moment at Sharû.

“You believe I’m angry with you?”, he said and Glorfindel smiled about his evident surprise.

Mablung was so good. Yes, it would have pleased his sense of justice more, if Mablung would have taken something in revenge for what Sharû had done to him, but he had suspected that he wouldn’t. Mablung had fallen in love with Melkor and forgiven him and maybe that was different, but Glorfindel wasn’t surprised that much that Mablung didn’t feel vindictive towards Sharû.

“Of course”, Sharû answered. “I raped you. I abused you. It was wrong. I’m so very sorry for it, Mablung. And I want to make up for it in any way you deem fit.”

“Sharû”, Mablung sounded tender, “you saved my life more than once.”

“And made you pay for it.”

“Yes, that’s true. But it doesn’t mean I hate you for it. Slavery is never good or right, but without you and Mo it could have been so much worse for me. You say, you aren’t like you were back then, but I don’t think so. I think you’ve always had a good heart. You took what you wanted from me, because you thought you had the right to it, and that was wrong, but you never were cruel or unjust. I can’t hate you for that, Sharû. I remember how I let slip that I imagine you as an elf when you fuck me. I wasn’t that wrong, was I?”

Sharû looked away in embarrassment. “I remember, too, and... it meant so much to me. I should have been better than I was.”

Glorfindel swallowed around the lump in his throat. He realised he was clenching the armrest of the chair so hard the basketwork was creaking and eased his grip a little. It hit him hard to hear these things. He didn’t want to deprive Mablung of the right to make his own decisions, but it felt wrong to him that he looked with such fondness at someone who’d raped him.

Maybe that was because he still felt guilty. If he hadn’t lost Mablung on the Ice, none of this would have happened. (And Mablung would have never met Melkor, much less fallen in love with him. Glorfindel wondered if that would have been better or not. It was not his decision.)

“Anyway, I don’t intend to ask for any kind of recompense, Sharû. The only thing I wish, is that you accept that Melkor changed, too.”

Sharû bowed his head. “I’ll try. I’m sorry that you had to hear the things I said to Mo. If I’d known it was you... I trust your judgement. I won’t act hostile towards him.”

“Thank you.” Mablung smiled at him. “Now that is settled: Will you tell me, how you got together?”

Ecthelion smiled broadly. “With pleasure.”