Slowly Separating Ways by chrissystriped

Slowly Separating Ways

Melkor burned with shame.

“… nor can any alter the music in my despite. For he that attempteth this shall prove but mine instrument in the devising of things more wonderful, which he himself hath not imagined.” [1]

The words felt like prickly things inside him, sliding through him, tearing him open. He’d fled after the vision had vanished, hiding at the edges of the Void, away from the Timeless Halls. How could Father do this to him? Why had he scolded him in front of everyone? Why had he needed to humiliate him so? He had only done, what he’d made him to do. Why had he given him the talent to have his own thoughts and ideas, if he then forbade him to use them?

“Brother?”

“Leave me be!”

Melkor turned away from Manwe. He shouldn’t have found him!

“Brother”, Manwe moved close to him, touching him gently. “Why are you so angry?”

“I’m not angry”, Melkor snapped, but as he said it, he realised he was.

He was hurt and he was angry that Father made him hurt. He hated that feeling of helplessness and shame that was tearing through him. Father should know better. Father shouldn’t make him feel that way.

“He could have told me in private that I overstepped”, Melkor whispered. “He didn’t have to do it in front of all of you.”

“You are very proud, Melkor”, Manwe said gently. “Maybe he wanted to teach you something.”

Melkor could hear the chastisement in his voice and recoiled angrily. “If he didn’t wish me proud, he shouldn’t have given me pride. If he didn’t wish me to use them, he shouldn’t have given me all the powers I have!”

“You know it doesn’t work that way”, Manwe answered. “Father made us, but he gave us freedom also, we are not his puppets. That does not mean he cannot try to lead us in a direction he would wish us to take.”

“I don’t want to go the way he has laid out for me”, Melkor said firmly.

He’d felt free when he was exploring the Void. Yes, there was nothing there. Yes, he hadn’t found what he was looking for. But he had found himself out there.

“Where would you go then?” Manwe sounded worried now and Melkor felt sorry for that. They rarely were in accord anymore, Manwe was too intent on doing Father’s will for that, but he still loved his brother. He did not wish to give him pain.

“My own way”, answered Melkor. “One I chose myself. But that’s impossible, if Father is telling the truth. And he made sure all of you heard how futile my wish is.”

“Brother…” Manwe hesitated but then continued: “What you sang was… dark. So dark and terrible. Not at first, but… I’m afraid for you. Please, don’t go that way.”

“If I am, it is because he pushed me there”, Melkor growled.

“But you fought me, too”, Manwe said, desperation creeping into his voice. “I do not want to fight you, brother.”

Melkor sighed and leaned into him. “I do not wish to fight you, either.”

Manwe smiled at him, content for now, and settled in beside him. Melkor didn’t try to send him away again. He was glad that he had found him. He kept to himself the thought that he would fight him if he needed to in order to go his own way.

Chapter End Notes

[1] Cited from the Silmarillion p. 5