symphony by hanneswrites

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symphony

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Fingon groans as he pushes his way into his bedroom, the weight of a long day of classes weighing on him as he quickly shrugs off his backpack and flops down onto his bed. He stays like that for a long moment, face pressed into the soft warmth of his favorite comforter, before flipping over with the intent of grabbing his phone - except, he feels something shift in his pocket and then hears a muted but distinct thump of that same something hitting the carpeted floor. It is then that Fingon realizes that he's still wearing Maedhros's hoodie.

 

Curious, Fingon peeks over the edge of his bed and finds the distinct matte silver of a 7th generation iPod Nano. Fingon picks up the iPod and turns it around in his hands for a few moments, debating with himself about what he should do. He had meant to return Maedhros’s hoodie that afternoon, but he'd been so tired when they'd walked home from class that it had just slipped his mind. And now—now here was his iPod as well.

 

He runs a hand along its smooth edges before finally giving in and pressing the power button. Instantly, the screen lights up and Fingon is presented with an array of different playlists, all with names that make him smile just from seeing them: 'Summer '02', 'Dagor Bragollach Hype Playlist'... each one more personal than the last.

 

Fingon smiles as he scrolls through the list, only to freeze instantly about halfway down when he comes across a playlist that is simply labeled "Findekáno".

 

Fingon stops for a moment, his thumb hovering over the little round icon next to his name. 

 

It’s not like he’s going through Maedhros’s texts or emails or anything - it’s just music. It’s just a playlist - a playlist with his name on it - but just a playlist all the same. 

 

He closes his eyes and presses down on the touchscreen, taking in a deep breath as he tries to pointedly ignore the soft, fluttering nervousness quivering in his chest. A moment passes, nothing happens - Maedhros does not come bursting in through his bedroom door to yell at him about breaking his trust and invading his privacy. So Fingon cracks open one eye, quickly scanning the first song on the playlist, and immediately lets out a long breath.

 

He knows this song.

 

It's one of his favorite songs from one of his favorite bands, and he had been playing it one day when Maedhros had come over to his apartment. He had been embarrassed when Maedhros had caught him singing along to it (and had later pointedly cursed out his roommate for not telling him Maedhros was there ). Maedhros had only smiled, joined in with him, and then hummed the melody afterwards. They’d ended up listening to the rest of the album that night - settled down on top of Fingon’s bed, group work for their shared Intro to Chem course long forgotten. The semester had been stressful and Fingon had been glad to just relax for a little while, even if his heart had been jumping into his throat every time Maedhros’s fingers or knee accidentally brushed him - because Fingon’s tiny little twin bed was way too small for both of them, but that didn’t seem to bother Maedhros and Fingon definitely wasn’t going to say anything about it.

 

He moves on to the next song, and it’s also one he knows - a song he’d been obsessed with during the latter half of their senior year in high school. It was on near constant repeat during the last few months before they’d graduated - a fact that had endlessly annoyed his brothers whenever he drove them anywhere. Turgon had grown particularly sick of it after a while and had hidden the CD so he couldn’t play it anymore. Maedhros, despite also having been subjected to the same song being played on repeat for months, had helped him painstakingly comb through his car after it disappeared and patiently listened to him lament the loss of his favorite CD over a round of consolatory milkshakes. And then - when Maedhros climbed into his car that next Monday after school, he’d smiled at him and pressed a brand new copy of that same CD into Fingon’s hands. Fingon had nearly launched himself over the center console of the car to hug him. And Turgon had been furious. 

 

Fingon chuckled to himself, scrolling a bit of a way down the list of songs. It was longer than he thought it would be - nearly over 50 songs. His attention catches on a few others: some of his own favorites over the years and some of Maedhros’s as well.     

 

But then, about 2/3 of the way down the list, Fingon stops dead in his tracks. It’s a song he doesn’t really know - or rather - one he knows too well. He swallows thickly and feels a wave of nostalgia wash over him as he remembers that drunken night from sophomore year when he'd dragged Maedhros out to a bar near campus with some of their friends. It was intended to be a bit of a celebration - they'd both ended spring semester with good grades in all of their courses (a miracle in itself, really, as the past semester's coursework had been particularly brutal). They were all laughing and joking around, and at some point during the night, they had all gravitated out onto the bar's dancefloor. What began as their entire group bouncing around and belting out the lyrics to an upbeat heavy rock song had quickly devolved into something else when the last beat faded and a slower, rhythmic pop ballad started up. Maedhros had offered him his hand, and Fingon had looked at him for a long moment, taking in the soft sheen of sweat glistening on his skin in the low light of the bar, and he'd nearly stopped breathing. The heavy bass of the song reverberated uneasily in his chest as he'd taken Maedhros's hand and allowed himself to be pulled in - close, oh, so close.

 

Fingon remembers, even now - almost two years later, just how warm Maedhros’s hands felt on his waist as they swayed together. And he remembers too, how they'd stumbled out of the bar after, leaning heavy on each other, and Fingon had summoned all of his courage to pull Maedhros down to him and brush their lips together-- Except, he'd been drunk. And uncoordinated. So he'd missed by just an inch and had pressed a clumsy kiss to Maedhros's jaw instead.

 

They hadn't spoken about it after and nothing had changed between them - so Fingon had assumed that Maedhros didn't remember what had happened that night. Or perhaps he just hadn't wanted to acknowledge it. But this - that same slow ballad they had danced to that night - this had him questioning that assumption.

 

Fingon lays on his bed for a moment, almost overwhelmed by the idea that Maedhros apparently did remember that night and thought about it fondly enough to include it on a curated playlist he'd made with Fingon's name on it. After debating for a solid minute on whether he wanted to continue to pry into this, he sighed and grabbed his headphones.

 

The beginning of the playlist was mostly made up of songs he recognized, so he skipped past them until he found a few songs that looked unfamiliar, and hit play.

 

The first song he puts on starts out slow and builds - the lyrics are a bit flowery for his taste, but as the singer moves into the chorus Fingon's face flushes with warmth. He looks down at the iPod screen and then back up at his bedroom ceiling, his heart doing little somersaults in his chest as he listens through what is very very clearly a love ballad.

 

When the song ends, he tries to convince himself that it was a fluke - maybe Maedhros didn't listen too closely to the lyrics or maybe he'd even added it by accident. And yet - as that song ends and the next one begins, Fingon finds himself enthralled in another love song. And then another. And another. And another.

 

A slow warmth spreads through him - he can't deny any longer that Maedhros probably made this playlist intentionally for him.

 

Why would he do this? Fingon thinks to himself as the music plays on and he realizes with growing certainty what is happening between them - what has been happening for a while now without either of them acknowledging it.

 

Fingon spends the better part of the afternoon listening to the rest of the playlist and staring at his ceiling. Every lyric, every soft melody is like a gentle reminder of all that they shared between them - not just friendship but something else too, something deeper that neither of them had ever dared to name before.

 

When the last notes of the final song drift away, Fingon takes off his headphones and sets them aside carefully on his nightstand before rising from his bed and throwing on his coat. He makes his way out of his apartment and down the two short blocks to Maedhros and Maglor's shared apartment door, determination burning in his chest and Maedhros's iPod tucked firmly in his pocket.