Comments

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Extremely effective. The contrast to Luthien is very poignant - what makes her stronger than others, makes the protagonist more exposed, alone and vulnerable. Still, he seems to be discovering his own strength.

I must admit I had to Google Makar, since it was too long since I had read the Book of Lost Tales for me to remember that short passage about him and his sister.  

Thank you.  Yes, the narrator is discovering his own strength, and will slowly learn the extent of what he can do (and how he is like/unlike Lúthien).  As for Makar, he's one of those strange, discarded characters that I try to include here and there just for the hell of it.  I have a special fondness for abandoned canon.

It surprised me to see this listed as a horror story, but yes, I almost had to read through the fingers of my hand the scenes where the Red Maia shows the eyes in the mouths and viceversa, or when he tears his own fana apart - silly, I know.

I enjoyed the concept of a half-Maiarin Elf (or whatever term is used for him) exploring his abilities, finding his place in Aman and discovering the Maiar as they are amongst themselves. The part about Eonwe speaking the truth without regard for the consequences is perfect to show the chasm between the Ainur and the Elves. No empathy whatsoever, that's frightening. The relevation provoked a very believable and disturbing reaction which ended up shattering a family. On the other hand, there is humour to be found. The line about Luthien's hair made me laugh.

I am also fascinated by the inclusion of Makar and his sinister servant in the tale. I look forward to finding out where you take this very intriguing story.

 

Thanks, Russandol.  As usually happens to me, this started out with the best of intentions to be a contained, one-chapter story.  And then everything went pear-shaped and not only do I have to write another chapter, but the events and characters are spilling over into at least four other stories I'm writing.  Son of a...

Until I started this, I'd never given much thought to Half-Maiarin Elves and exactly how they would 'work'.  I had somewhat considered the differences between Maiar and Elves, but this gave me an excuse to explore things more thoroughly, so I'm glad to hear it made sense to you.

And Makar is one of those abandoned characters's that interested me for a very long time.  I like mentioning him wherever possible, and maybe one of these days he'll have the chance to appear in person.  A chaotic Vala offers so much potential.