What Is Love? by just_jenni

Chapter 1

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She thought she had loved her husband.  She had become used to the routine of their daily lives and as a result a certain comfort set in and took over and familiarity finally passed for love.  But her husband of the fiery temper had proved impossible to live with once the evil of Morgoth had deeply affected his soul.

 

Old memories and new dreams consumed her thoughts while she and her best friend Earwen sat talking quietly about what she was going to do now that he was dead. News had reached Valinor about the tragic demise of her husband.  Low background music soothed her nerves while she considered the future and the strange new events occurring in Middle-earth where Feanor and her sons had gone, the unknown of the life ahead of her – and all of them -- spreading itself like a great shadow.

 

Earwen always used to tell her she felt that Nerdanel had settled for a turbulent existence, not the life she had envisioned for herself when they both were young and talked about the kind of boys they liked.  Earwen had decided back then that she would never marry but once she had met Finarfin that vow had gone the way of the wind.  The daughter of the Telerin king was energetic and vibrant, looking much younger than her years.  And at the moment she was ranting at Nerdanel.

 

“You threw the best years of your life away on that man but you have the chance now for happiness. He never really cared about you, only for what you could do for him.  You should never choose a man like him, only the type of man that you can make do what you want.  The ideal man should want to be like a slave for you.

 

Where are your children now?  Grown up and gone with him.  This is what happens when you choose this kind of man.  It’s too bad you didn’t cultivate any relationships with my people who would have been happy to be your friends.  They cared but they forgot about you because they never saw much of you during the years you spent with him.  You can rectify that now.”

 

She reflected on Earwen’s words before answering.  “I have my work that keeps me busy and I still see you and Finarfin.”  Earwen’s words had stung a little but despite this Nerdanel did not feel too hurt by them.  She knew her friend meant only the best for her and would always tell her the truth about her opinions, whether they be wrong or right.  It was up to Nerdanel to make her own decisions and to live by them, right or wrong.

 

“Are you happy?  Don’t you want something else from life?”

 

“I never wanted to be lonely.”

 

“And what are you now?”

 

She shrugged, accepting the truth with resigned attitude.  Lonely.

 

The two women sat together at a table in a small marketplace on the seashore watching some Telerin sailors repairing their ships, moored in the shallow waters.  It had been a long time since Nerdanel had been with a man; in fact, she had not made love with one since Feanor had left.  Before this time she had never harbored any thoughts of unfaithfulness, not since news of his violent death had reached their ears in Valinor and for many years afterwards.  Such was the hold that Feanor still held over her for a very long time after his exodus that she could not imagine herself with another lover.

 

Before Nerdanel could answer, they were interrupted by a young Teleri sailor who had, out of curiosity, come to introduce himself and ask Earwen if they had met before.  She had hardly noticed him the first time he came around but looked up when Earwen kicked her leg under the table.

 

“Ouch,” she exclaimed and gave her friend a sharp look only to see Earwen’s big smile, tilted head and sideways glance at the young elf.  Turning to look at him fully she found herself gazing into large azure eyes that were half closed as if the boy they belonged to had fallen out of bed only moments before, still drowsy with sleep.  They were fringed with impossibly long eyelashes that swept against his cheekbones when he blinked.  She gazed intently at his face.  Handsome, with a thin, straight nose and wide bow-shaped mouth, his upper lip was on the thin side but the lower one was full and pouty and when he opened his mouth to speak he revealed a row of white, even teeth.  His smile was like the sunshine pouring through an open window and was just as infectious.  He was explaining to the women the details of the ship he was refurbishing.   Nerdanel and Earwen sat up straight, giving him their full attention.

 

“I come from that area,” he said in a perfect Telerin accent touched with a faint lisp, pointing vaguely toward Tol Eressea.

 

“That’s fascinating,” Earwen replied.  With one of her shoeless feet, having kicked off her sandals beneath the table, she was stroking Nerdanel’s shin with her bare toes.  This meant that she was interested in this young man as a possible lover for Nerdanel and was letting her know she should take his interest seriously.

 

“You are being very nice to us but I can tell that you love your grandmother and therefore feel you must be kind and polite to all the old ladies.”

 

The boy reared back in feigned horror, as if Nerdanel had struck him.  “Old ladies?  No, no…beautiful ladies like you should never call yourselves old.”  He blushed adorably when he said it, his milk-coloured cheeks turning a shade of rosy pink.

 

Earwen frowned at her friend, aiming a kick at her shins below the table.  "Be nice," she mouthed silently.

 

While the saucy Earwen chatted brightly to the young man, Nerdanel had time to think.  Feelings she hadn’t felt for years flooded through her.  It was as if she had suddenly come alive again.  She looked around and everything looked brighter.  She sat up straighter and found that her back didn’t hurt that much anymore.  This young man had awakened a fluttering sensation deep in her belly…something delightfully sexual that she hadn’t felt for a long time.  She smiled and turned back to the conversation.

 

“Nentyelca,” she heard the boy say before he walked away.

 

Earwen winked at her.  “Nentyelca,” she whispered, copying the same accent and inflection the boy had used.  “What a lovely name.”

 

When she awakened the next morning, Nerdanel felt lighter and more alive, as if she had shed a hundred years of her life.  Spending time with Earwen was having that effect on her…the sunshine and joy that her friend exuded seemed to be entering her blood and coursing through her veins.  She threw back the covers, leapt out of bed, shrugged herself into a light sundress and padded across the brightly coloured tile floor to the door.

 

Nerdanel threw it open and stepped into the hallway of Finarfin’s summer house. 

 

She put her ear to the door.  A few muffled sounds met her ears, followed by footsteps.  Presently the door opened and Earwen stuck her head out.  “So early?  My, you are eager, my dear Nerdanel.”  This was said with a huge, satisfied smile.  She looked like a cat with a mouse.

 

“What do you mean early?  It’s a beautiful day and the sun is shining.”

 

Earwen winked at her. “ Do you want to walk to the beach and eat breakfast from the same café we went to last night?  Maybe we will see Nentyelca again.”

 

Nerdanel’s face turned almost as red as her tousled hair.  “Earwen, you are shameless!”

 

Her friend laughed and skipped back inside her bedroom.  “Please try to be as quiet as possible while I get dressed.  I don’t want Finarfin to be disturbed.”

 

Nerdanel peered into the room.  The bed was messy with rumpled sheets strewn everywhere and it looked like a large lump was in the middle of it.  On the floor were the clothes Earwen had been wearing the day before as well as a few others.  A man’s shirt and pair of leggings were among Earwen’s things.  Also her sandals and some bigger ones.   Before Nerdanel could say anything else, a tousled head appeared above the pile of sheets, covered with long, shiny golden hair.  A pair of huge brown eyes stared at her.  “Nerdanel,” Finarfin’s drowsy voice greeted her.  “Good morning.”  He rolled over and immediately went back to sleep.

 

Nerdanel stared at her friend.  “Well, I suppose we should hurry in case he is there.”  She was surprised at herself for saying this out loud.

 

Earwen dressed hurriedly and both women skipped down the hallway, bursting through the large double doors in their rush to get outside.

 

They burst out laughing.  Finally Earwen spoke.  “I am probably going to be in a great deal of trouble with Finarfin once he wakes up and realizes that I am going to be gone all day.  He will probably call me irresponsible.”

 

“And you were the one who would tell me that being with Feanor was like a type of prison,” Nerdanel remarked.

 

The women hugged.  “You’ve shocked me well and properly lately,” Nerdanel said, giving her friend an extra squeeze.  “I hope I’ll be able to return the favour sometime.”

 

That day the two women enjoyed a wonderful time together.  They attended one of the many festivals the city offered and were enthralled by the beautiful and vivid colours, the music and the happy noise the people made.  They saw many sexy, attractive young men but everyone was too busy to stop and flirt.  There were too many lovely young women about to entice these boys.  Nerdanel and Earwen just enjoyed the party and when it was over they moved on to the café where they could sit and rest while taking a bit of refreshment.

 

“Have you ever made love with a very young man?” Earwen asked, the suddenness of the question causing Nerdanel to almost spill her drink.

 

“Earwen!  You are shocking!  No, of course I have not and you know this.”  Nerdanel’s indignant tone was matched by the firm, disapproving line her lips made.

 

“I have,” Earwen said, her bright eyes flashing.  She stroked her thick golden braid, fingers entwined about the pearls and diamonds threaded through it.

 

“No!”  Nerdanel, aghast, clutched her cup.

 

“He said he was 50 and had been having sex since he was 44,” she told Nerdanel.  “I could scarcely believe it…Imagine…44!  He knew everything…things I had never thought of!  He was wonderful. Of course this was all before I became betrothed to Finarfin.”

 

Nerdanel regarded her with amazement.  “What things?”  She had to wipe her mouth to keep from drooling.  She surprised herself.

 

“He knew exactly where to touch me to give me the maximum pleasure,” Earwen said.  “It’s hard to explain…but he put his fingers in one place and his cock in another.  And the way he moved it…he knew just how to use that beautiful instrument.  He played me like a violin and made me sing.”

 

Nerdanel gasped.  She and Feanor had never done anything too experimental during sex.  At first it had been incredible but after so many years it had become predictable and boring until they both seemed to do it only out of a sense of duty.  Both had believed that sex was good for one’s health and kept up the pretense that they still did it out of love for each other.  She envied Earwen her experience with her boy lover.  These Teleri did seem a bit wild and undisciplined.  A little shiver made its way up Nerdanel’s spine.  She rather liked that about the boy yesterday, what was his name again?  She remembered finding it a bit flowery and over the top, but that might be just the way they were.  She remembered that he was not wearing a shirt and that his torso glistened with either water or sweat, she couldn’t tell.  His thin white breeches were open at the front and sat upon his slim hips as low as they could have done without revealing too much.

 

Earwen laughed.  “I am thinking it should be fairly easy to find a perfect young man for you”. 

 

The two friends sat and watched people go by but they saw no sign of Nentyelca nor any other likely young man for Nerdanel.

 

After a while Earwen developed a headache and told Nerdanel she was going to lie down for the rest of the afternoon and would try to get up for dinner once it got dark outside.  Disappointed, Nerdanel at first did not know what to do with herself but eventually decided to go for a walk along the beach.  So far they had not gone swimming, preferring to sun themselves and sit at the café sipping refreshing fruit drinks.

 

The sun was very hot.  After almost an hour of walking Nerdanel had come to the end of the beach that was part of the entertainment area.  There was a low wall which she had to walk around through the water to get to the secluded part of the beach and decided to do so.  Up ahead in the uncharted territory she called it, was a big pile of rocks that looked as if they might be cool to sit upon and which threw a long, inviting shadow which she thought she’d rest in.  She wanted to go for a swim and the rocks offered enough seclusion that she could take off her clothes without being seen.

 

The ocean felt cool and inviting, washing over her feet as she negotiated the edge of the wall.  She walked around to the rock pile and threw herself down in the shade with a heavy sigh.  Shading her eyes from the sun she looked out to sea.  There were a few people in the water.  They looked like little specks…far enough away that they wouldn’t see her. 

 

She eased herself out of her dress and underclothing.  Suddenly she thought of Earwen’s young lover and his talented dick as her friend had described and began to feel a throbbing between her legs.  The soft, warm breeze against her vagina also helped to make her feel hot and sensual and she put her hand there and rubbed her fingers gently against her clitoris.  A low moan escaped her lips and she lay down on the sand in the shadow of the rocks and brought herself to climax.  She sighed and relaxed, enjoying the feel of the sand beneath her skin.

 

A quiet cough disturbed her.  Startled and mortified, she swung her head around to see who had discovered her.  She had to twist and look up and behind at the young man sunning himself on one of the upper rocks.

 

“Oh my god,” she cried.  “It’s you.  I didn’t see you!”

 

He peered down at her.  It was Nentyelca from the night before.  He was similar to many of the young men of the area.  He wore his straight blond hair long and free below his shoulders.  Around his slender neck was a necklace made of white shells, gleaming against his skin.  He was stunning, she thought.  His eyebrows were finely arched over huge blue eyes, his lips were full and luscious.  He said something in Telerin that she did not quite understand, although she thought she understood “beautiful lady” at the beginning of it.  He did not look angry, nor did he look dangerous and she was not afraid of him, nor to her surprise, embarrassed.

 

They stared at each other.

 

Nerdanel felt at ease.  It felt strange as if she was looking at herself from a different vantage point, from somewhere up high.  It was surreal, as if it was both happening and not happening at the same time.  She smiled at the young man.  “Are you a vision?” she asked him, not embarrassed or concerned in the least that she was naked.  This was not like her at all.  What magic was in this place?

 

In answer, he eased himself down from the rocks, as sure-footed as a mountain goat.  And, except for the necklace, he was as naked as she was.

 

“Oh my,” she exclaimed”.  Taking her by the hand and pulling her to her feet, he looked down at her.  She stared up into his eyes.  He was much taller than her.  Her breath caught in her throat when he pulled her against him.  For a moment they stood like that, both savouring the feel of the other’s flesh.  She felt her nipples stiffen against his smooth chest and in turn she felt his already hard cock rise against her belly.  She let out a soft moan at the throbbing his touch caused in her female parts.

 

“Would you please fuck me?” She whispered the words against his shoulder, her lips pressed to his smooth skin.  What was she doing?  She was both shocked and delighted at herself.

 

He gently pulled her down to kneel on the sand and kissed her with soft lips.  He left his mouth against hers while he took his cock in his hand and placed it in her palm, long, hard and hot as a poker.  She closed her fingers around it and stroked its length slowly, listening to him moan against her mouth.  With one hand holding her around the waist, he put his other hand between her thighs and gently stroked her clitoris with his thumb while he carefully inserted two of his fingers into her vagina.  She gasped and pushed her tongue into his mouth.  With her hand still wrapped around his cock, she moved it gently toward her vagina until the tip touched her thigh.  She grunted her desire against his shoulder, resisting the urge to bite him.

 

The boy pulled her carefully down to the ground so that she was lying on top of him.  She let go of his cock and placed her two hands on the sand on either side of his body.  He was so slim that she could straddle him easily.  She wasn’t fat but the years had seen her gain a few pounds.  She was no teenager, that was for sure, but she could not be sure he wasn’t.  She only knew that she wanted to explore every inch of his perfect young body.

 

She broke their kiss and sat up, gazing down on him.  His glorious blond hair was spread out on the sand, a halo for his beautiful unlined face with its almond-shaped eyes, slim nose and full lips.  There didn’t seem to be an ounce of fat on his body but his chest and arms were well-muscled.  She slid down his legs until she was sitting on his knees.  He grabbed her wrist in protest and tried to pull her atop him so he could fuck her but she pulled out of his grasp and put her hand against his chest.  “No, no,” she protested.  “I want to look at you first.”

 

He was almost hairless.  His balls were almost completely smooth and she held them in her hand, cupped like two precious eggs.  She didn’t know what to do first…she wanted to give him oral pleasure but where to start?  Cock, balls, she didn’t know what to experience first.  Deciding on the balls, she bent down and carefully sucked them into her mouth.  The boy gasped and slid his fingers into her hair.  He rubbed her scalp while she sucked.  The sensation almost drove her mad.  She never thought that having her scalp rubbed while going down on a man would cause her to feel even hornier than she already was.

 

After a moment she stopped and came up for air.  “Did you like that?” she asked, gazing at him through filmy eyes, containing tears of pleasure.  She didn’t understand his reply but it sounded enthusiastic.  She took his upright cock in one hand and began to lick along its length.  His gasps of pleasure urged her on and when she was finished she thought she had given him the blow job of her life.  ‘I don’t remember ever enjoying it that much before,’ she thought, grinning.  Smiling, she sat up and bent forward to kiss his lips.  He grasped the back of her head and deepened the kiss, entering her mouth gently and sweetly with his tongue. 

 

When she was about to mount him he suddenly raised the top half of his body.  “No,” he said firmly.  Startled, she began to slide off of him, but he grabbed her around the shoulders and turned her so that he could place her gently on the sand on her back.  She relaxed in his hands.  He could do anything he wanted to her in this moment and she wouldn’t mind.

 

He leaned over and began to kiss her, first on the lips, then the neck, throat and each breast tenderly before kissing her all the way down to her vagina.  She closed her eyes to savour every kiss that this young boy was pressing on her body.  She never wanted to forget what was happening nor the wonder she felt from it.  That it should be happening to her was a miracle and she was not sure if it was actually real or not.

 

When he reached her vagina he held her intimate lips open with his thumb against her clitoris and his index finger spreading her on one side, before slipping his tongue ever so gently into her vagina as far as he could go in one smooth motion.  She felt like screaming out loud, but held herself in check.  She let out only a whimper but she felt an electric shock running through her body at the sensual feeling his actions gave her.  Never before had anyone done this to her in such a way.  She felt both vulnerable and lewd at the same time.  It was very hard to explain it to herself but she wanted so badly to be able to remember this moment.  Remember it for the future…to tell Earwen and to savour herself at night when she was lonely.  This boy was like her best dream coming true.

 

The boy gave her his tongue for several moments while she writhed in ecstasy, not believing how wonderful it felt.  She wondered how fucking could possibly feel any better.  But after a while he surfaced and smiled sweetly at her.  Such a look of innocence yet he was anything but that.  Or perhaps this sort of casual sex was something he engaged in all the time.  She couldn’t imagine a place where this activity was normal every day and people indulged in it all the time without shame or inhibition.  Obviously she was too repressed or had been for most of her life.  But at this moment all her reserve had fallen away and she was open for anything.  Open mostly for him.

 

Gently the beautiful boy mounted her and in one smooth motion like he had done with his tongue, he entered her with his beautiful cock.  He thrust gently and slowly at first, but then harder and faster and with one cry of ecstasy he came, pulling out of her just before and spilling his warm seed onto her stomach.  After coming he bent his head and kissed her still-hard nipples while she pulled gently at his silky hair.  They lay for a while afterwards caressing each other before he pulled her up by her hands and beckoned her to join him in the sea to wash themselves.  She looked around and noticed that where there had been people before, now there were none.  The sun was beginning to set.

 

She wished this day would never end.  She and the boy were sharing something wonderful together.  It seemed as if they were both of the same mind though they could never be anything to each other. 

 

“What is your name, beautiful lady with the gorgeous red hair?”

 

“Nerdanel,” she said simply.  The name sounded so harsh and ugly in her mouth, not beautiful like ‘Nentyelca’.

 

“Nerdanel,” he echoed, but the way he said it was much softer and more melodious than the way she had.  For the first time in her life she liked her name.

 

Laughing like children they scampered to the pile of clothing and he helped her dress.  “Where are your clothes?” she asked him.

 

He shrugged and laughed, holding out his hands in a gesture as if to say he had nothing.  No clothes.

 

“No clothes?” she asked, almost shouting in surprise and laughed at him.  ‘Perfect,’ she thought.  He took her hand and led her back to the low wall and toward the end of it where she could step around it and make her way back to the beach area where Earwen had left her.

 

She turned to him and gave a sigh.  “Now we must say goodbye,” she said.  They kissed.

 

She turned to walk away but he held her hand and wouldn’t let go.  “No,” he said.

 

Stunned, she stared at him.  “No?” she asked.

 

“No.  Stay.”

 

“Stay?”  Nerdanel was at a loss.  He didn’t want her to go!  She stood for a moment staring at him.  What was she going to do with a beautiful Telerin boy who wouldn’t let her leave?  Suddenly she realized that this could be someone’s dream and now it was hers, coming true.  What would she do with him?

 

Why, keep him of course.  She smiled at him.

 

He smiled back.  “I think love you,” he said simply and held his arms open for her.

 

She took his hand and led him back to Finarfin’s house, no longer embarrassed that he was naked.  A few people stared at them as if they were insane and playing some sort of shocking game, but they continued on their way without interruption.  Somehow, in some way, she would make Earwen’s husband understand.  She knew that Earwen would.