Green Eggs and Silmarils by Zdenka
Fanwork Notes
Written during B2MeM 2014, inspired by a comment left by with_rainfall on the B2MeM LiveJournal community.
This may work better if you imagine all the characters as strange Dr. Seuss creatures. (Here is a delightful illustration by avanti_90.)
With apologies to the Professor.
- Fanwork Information
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Summary:
A silly retelling of the Silmarillion in the style of Dr. Seuss.
Major Characters: Eärendil, Fëanor, Melkor, Valar
Major Relationships:
Artwork Type: No artwork type listed
Challenges:
Rating: General
Warnings:
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 73 Posted on 18 May 2016 Updated on 18 May 2016 This fanwork is complete.
Chapter 1
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Fëanor:
Fëanor. I’m Fëanor.
More skilled than any Elf before.
These are my sons: one, two, three, four,
five, six, and seven – maybe more!Nerdanel:
NO. We stop at seven, Fëanor.Fëanor:
I made these gems: one, two, and three.
They are the best. Don’t you agree?Melkor:
Fëanor! I came to talk.Fëanor:
Go away. The door is locked.Melkor:
May I see a Silmaril?
I happen to have time to kill –Fëanor:
You may not hold a shiny gem.
You may not even look at them.
I do not want you at my door.Melkor:
You’ll be sorry, Fëanor.Valar:
Can we have your jewels, please?
We need to fix our dying Trees.Fëanor:
I will not give them for the Trees,
not even if you say “oh please.”
You cannot have them here or there.
You cannot have them anywhere.Valar:
Fëanor, why can’t you share?Mandos:
So it is Doomed.Fëanor:
I do not care.Melkor:
I steal your gems! I kill your dad!Fëanor:
NOW YOU’VE MADE ME REALLY MAD.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM HERE OR THERE.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM ANYWHERE.
THOSE GEMS ARE MINE: ONE, TWO, AND THREE.
I'LL GET THEM BACK. JUST WAIT AND SEE.Elves:
Can we have them in a town?
Can we put them in a crown?
Can we keep them on a flet?
Or set them in a carcanet?Fëanor:
You cannot have them in a town.
You cannot put them in a crown.
You cannot keep them on a flet
or set them in a carcanet.
You cannot have them here or there.
You cannot have them anywhere.Beren:
Can I have them with a king?
Can I have them with a ring?Lúthien:
Can I have them with a cat?
Can I have them as a bat?Fëanor:
You cannot have them with a king.
You cannot have them with a ring.
You cannot have them with a cat.
You cannot have them as a bat.
You cannot have them here or there.
You cannot have them anywhere.Eärendil:
Say! With a bird!
Can I have one with a bird?
The Silmaril is on my boat,
my boat whose name is Vingilot.Fëanor:
You cannot have one with a bird!
You cannot have them on a boat.
I hope your boat will never float.
You cannot have them near or far.
You cannot have them as a star.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM HERE OR THERE.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM ANYWHERE.Valar:
Námo, please take him away.
We’ll try again some other day.(The End)
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