Green Eggs and Silmarils by Zdenka

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Fanwork Notes

Written during B2MeM 2014, inspired by a comment left by with_rainfall on the B2MeM LiveJournal community.

This may work better if you imagine all the characters as strange Dr. Seuss creatures. (Here is a delightful illustration by avanti_90.)

With apologies to the Professor.

Fanwork Information

Summary:

A silly retelling of the Silmarillion in the style of Dr. Seuss.

Major Characters: Eärendil, Fëanor, Melkor, Valar

Major Relationships:

Genre: General, Humor, Poetry

Challenges:

Rating: General

Warnings:

Chapters: 1 Word Count: 73
Posted on 18 May 2016 Updated on 18 May 2016

This fanwork is complete.

Chapter 1

Read Chapter 1

Fëanor:
Fëanor. I’m Fëanor.
More skilled than any Elf before.
These are my sons: one, two, three, four,
five, six, and seven – maybe more!

Nerdanel:
NO. We stop at seven, Fëanor.

Fëanor:
I made these gems: one, two, and three.
They are the best. Don’t you agree?

Melkor:
Fëanor! I came to talk.

Fëanor:
Go away. The door is locked.

Melkor:
May I see a Silmaril?
I happen to have time to kill –

Fëanor:
You may not hold a shiny gem.
You may not even look at them.
I do not want you at my door.

Melkor:
You’ll be sorry, Fëanor.

Valar:
Can we have your jewels, please?
We need to fix our dying Trees.

Fëanor:
I will not give them for the Trees,
not even if you say “oh please.”
You cannot have them here or there.
You cannot have them anywhere.

Valar:
Fëanor, why can’t you share?

Mandos:
So it is Doomed.

Fëanor:
I do not care.

Melkor:
I steal your gems! I kill your dad!

Fëanor:
NOW YOU’VE MADE ME REALLY MAD.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM HERE OR THERE.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM ANYWHERE.
THOSE GEMS ARE MINE: ONE, TWO, AND THREE.
I'LL GET THEM BACK. JUST WAIT AND SEE.

Elves:
Can we have them in a town?
Can we put them in a crown?
Can we keep them on a flet?
Or set them in a carcanet?

Fëanor:
You cannot have them in a town.
You cannot put them in a crown.
You cannot keep them on a flet
or set them in a carcanet.
You cannot have them here or there.
You cannot have them anywhere.

Beren:
Can I have them with a king?
Can I have them with a ring?

Lúthien:
Can I have them with a cat?
Can I have them as a bat?

Fëanor:
You cannot have them with a king.
You cannot have them with a ring.
You cannot have them with a cat.
You cannot have them as a bat.
You cannot have them here or there.
You cannot have them anywhere.

Eärendil:
Say! With a bird!
Can I have one with a bird?
The Silmaril is on my boat,
my boat whose name is Vingilot.

Fëanor:
You cannot have one with a bird!
You cannot have them on a boat.
I hope your boat will never float.
You cannot have them near or far.
You cannot have them as a star.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM HERE OR THERE.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM ANYWHERE.

Valar:
Námo, please take him away.
We’ll try again some other day.

(The End)

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