Reconciliation by Ariana

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Chapter VII

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Chapter VII

All the time Maglor spent in his uncle’s settlement he couldn’t wait when he would take his brother home, once he stopped worrying that every Maedhros’s breath might be his last. The resentment of Fingolfin’s people burdened him and despite Fingon’s and Aredhel’s friendly attitude, as well as Alcarino’s presence for most of the time, Maglor felt very lonely. The awareness that the general antipathy was well justified didn’t help, nor did the atmosphere of his departure.

As it turned out, the mood in their household wasn’t much better. Maglor had a feeling as if his brothers suddenly had a lot to do, like they were always busy, and the atmosphere was so thick it could be cut with a knife. No one escaped his duties, they took turns in taking care of Maedhros. Maglor found himself having such an abstract thing like free time, but his brothers needed time to adjust and it was not an easy task. The windows were kept wide open and yet Maglor felt like he was going to suffocate. Guilt and shame hung in the air, present in the glances the brothers exchanged or in comments dropped to no one particular. They failed and it was eating them.

Celegorm was unable to stay still and disappeared for entire days hunting or supervising the harvests, making sure the elves working on their fields were safe. He would come back in the evening and sat with Maedhros, but one time he didn’t return for night with no word of warning. At least Maglor didn’t have to worry about Amras, because he had enough notes and sketches to sit down and work on his maps. Caranthir took upon himself supervising the deliveries from Moriquendi and Curufin almost disappeared in his forge, unless he was staying with Maedhros. He sent his son to help Caranthir and kept working for long hours. When asked, he barely answered and would not say what he was working at. Maglor ignored it for the first few days, regretting only that Celegorm was ever absent, because he was most likely to get from Curufin what was bothering him. Maglor had too many things to do and he dropped the subject, assuming that his brother simply needed time to accept the situation and working in the forge was his way to deal with it.

He was forced to change his mind after four days, when he accidentally bumped on Curufin in the doors. His younger brother was cursing quietly under his breath and a wet cloth placed around his hand was a visible proof just how distracted he must have been; it had been long time since he had last burned his fingers.

Reminding Curufin that he was making mistakes their father warned them as twenty-year-old boys seemed to work. Next morning Curufin saddled his horse and went with Celegorm, and when they came back, he was wet and dirty, but visibly calmer.

xxx

Celegorm did not have Maglor’s patience, so sitting with his sleeping brother quickly left him restless. He should be glad Maedhros was sleeping and not disputing with illusions, but when he lied so still, he seemed almost dead.

Celegorm stood up and started pacing around the room to waste his energy somehow. He wasn’t Maglor to use the quiet moment to write poetry.

“You could wake up, Maitimo,” he said with light reproach, not overly quietly; he knew only Maglor was present in the house, probably sleeping if he had some common sense to do so after a restless night by the sickbed. “Come on, brother. You’ve made us wait far too long, it’s not fair. I don’t have the patience.” He came to the table and started rearranging some sketches; Curufin must have been planning something when he watched Maedhros. “Kano will wore himself out if it goes like that,” he adjusted the curtains. “And do you know that Amras is crying when he thinks no one can see him?” This wasn’t exactly true, Amras cried just once, a week earlier, when Maglor brought Maedhros home, but they were all close to tears then. “Maitimo, how much longer?”

“Finished?” Came a quiet reply.

Celegorm almost dropped a lamp from the table when he turned around and looked right into his brother’s eyes, open and lucid. Maedhros met his gaze with his own, tired but evidently conscious.

“Maitimo...” Celegorm was at loss first, but then he smiled widely and found himself by the bed with a few long steps. “If I knew I have to shout at you, I would have done so long time ago,” he said merrily, aware that he wasn’t making much sense, but too overjoyed to care.

Maedhros muttered something and tried to move. His brother elevated him a bit, adjusted the cushions and gave him some herbs. The sick elf drank eagerly, though it seemed that this plain task wore him out.

“Give me a second,” Celegorm jumped to the door, opened it and leaned out. “Kano!” He called and returned to his brother.

“Others?”whispered Maedhros, searching for his brother with his eyes.

“They are all well, don’t worry,” Celegorm reassured him at once, sitting at the edge of the bed. “Just nobody’s home now, apart from Kano. Where is he?” he glanced at the door. “I’d better go and wake him, or else he’ll never forgive me.”

“Stay. Let sleep.” Maedhros stopped him.

“Whatever you wish. But it will be your fault if he shouts at me later,” Celegorm smiled. “He sat by your side for a month, he’ll be disappointed.”

“Let sleep... you said... tired...”

“And so are you, right?” realised his younger brother, though smile never left his lips. Right now Maedhros could go back to sleep even for another day, for all Celegorm cared, now that he had finally woken and recognised his brother.

“Mmm...” The wounded closed his eyes and Celegorm, not knowing what to do, started telling him about the plans their brothers had for the following days. He missed the moment when Maedhros fell asleep again, but his familiar voice must have reassured him he was safe.

xxx

The commotion around supper was what woke Maglor. He realised someone had even covered him with a blanket, and the darkness in the room told him just how late it was.

“You were supposed to wake me!” Maglor greeted his brothers angrily as soon as he came to the room where they usually dined. “It’s second time now, Tyelko!”

The said brother glanced at him from his soup and grinned joyfully in response.

“Sorry, I had my orders from the highest rank.”

 “I thought i am the highest rank in here,” snorted Maglor. He combed his hair with his fingers and tied them loosely behind, when he realised what his brother had said. “No...”

“Yes,” Caranthir joined in with a smile.

“You do not disobey when Maitimo orders you twice,” replied Celegorm, visibly pleased with his brother’s reaction.  “I did call you though. Not my fault you slept so heavily.”

“And no, nobody added anything to your wine,” said Curufin and filled a goblet for his brother.

“And that was supposed to reassure me, right?” asked Maglor, sitting down. Only now he saw the excitement of his brothers, so he glanced suspiciously at his wine. “Maitimo? Is Amras with him?”

Celegorm nodded and referred the short conversation with their eldest brother. Maglor listened as he helped himself with the nearest dish. He ate without caring what it was, until he could sit no longer. He grabbed what turned to be some leftover pancake and went to finish some minor tasks before spending the night by Maedhros’s side.

xxx

Maglor liked sitting by his brother in the evenings. He felt calmer with Maedhros in sight, and the room was a quiet place to work in. His brothers tried to persuade him that he no longer had to be with Maedhros all the time, but he got used to that in Fingolfin’s settlement. Caranthir was first to give up and he ostensibly brought a second bed to the room if, as he claimed, Maglor had moved there.

Right now Amras was sleeping on that bed. He had fallen asleep sketching, barely moving the paper away, so as a result the quill had slipped from his fingers and stained the sheet. Maglor smiled with sentiment when he saw that and took the tools away.

When they were children, they used to sleep in various ways. First he was the one to migrate to Maedhros, then his younger brothers often ended up sleeping with their two eldest. Celegorm and Curufin tended to quarrel who would sleep in which bed and Caranthir had a period when he learned who was the best singer in their family and would react violently every time Maglor lost patience and tried to get rid of him. Maedhros had his bed regularly occupied when they were banished with their father. The twins used to sleep in his bed and Maglor often found his elder brother laughing, as he just shrugged his shoulders and went out for long hours, not sleeping at all.

None of them were adolescents now, and even if they had been when they had come o Middle-Earth, especially the youngest, the new home and war quickly forced Caranthir and Amras to grow up.

Maglor sat by his elder brother and gently stroked his bony hand; looking at Amras right now only reminded him who was missing.

Maedhros stirred and moved his hand; his fingers curled in a weak clench.

“It’s alright, Maitimo, it’s just me,” Maglor muttered quietly and let go of his brother’s hand.

“Kano?” The wounded opened his eyes, found him with his gaze and for a long moment he simply stared.

Maglor just smiled but made no move, waiting for his brother to fully wake, remembering his stressful reaction to his touch. He had already gotten used to the sight of his brother, but Maedhros was seeing him for the first time in years.

“How are you feeling?” asked Maglor awkwardly, not really knowing what to say when his brother was staring at him like that.

“Awful,” muttered Maedhros and shifted. “You? Rested?” he asked suddenly, probably remembering his earlier talk with Celegorm.

“Of course,” Maglor smiled wider, relaxed a bit. “Do you want me to elevate you? Sit up perhaps?” he suggested. He waited for Maedhros to nod before he slipped his arm behind his back and rose him to half sitting position, adjusting the cushions.

Maedhros froze when his brother’s hand went out of his sight and stiffened completely when he felt it on his back, but he didn’t try to escape. His head was falling to Maglor’s arm, who saw this and sat closer by the cushions.

“You’re home,” he said calmly and sat there until Maedhros relaxed. He took back his arm, for it must have been uncomfortable.

“Long?” Maedhros dropped his attempts to raise his head. “Here?”

“For over a month,” answered Maglor, moving a bit to sit fully. “I guess you won’t remember much of it,” he added, not really sure where this conversation was going. He wanted to check how much Maedhros remembered, but not now. However, his brother seemed determined to learned just a bit.

“Finn... I remember Finn. And an eagle, huge, so close to the wall...” A grimace of pain ran through Maedhros’s face as he shut his eyes for a moment. “Then...?”

“Then you were here, with us,” Maglor rushed with reply, deciding that his brother would learn about the details later. “Are you hungry? Would you like to eat something?” he asked, changing the subject.

Maedhros’s hollow eyes widened with surprise, as if the mere concept of eating was foreign to him. Maglor hoped he himself controlled his expression better when he realised that this might have been true. Who knows when was the last time Maedhros had consciously eaten anything?

“There’s some soup in the kitchen, I can have it heated” he suggested softly. “There should be some warm bread at this hour.”

“Soup, yes... Why not...” Maedhros agreed quietly, shaking off the astonishment. “Bit higher, could you?” He asked after he failed to do it himself.

“Of course,” Maglor found some additional cushion. “Just wait a moment, I will ask for the soup. Do you want some bread...?” He paused as he saw his brother froze again.

With the movement, the blankets slipped enough to uncover his right hand. Maedhros was staring at his bandaged stump and seemed to have forgotten about his brother’s presence.

 “Maitimo?” Maglor gently placed his hand on his brother’s, with his intentions well visible.

Maedhros ignored him, still staring and trying to understand what he was seeing. Maglor didn’t push him; he had no idea what to say anyway. Until now he had just wanted his brother to wake and he hadn’t thought how to tell him what had happened. As it turned out, the problem solved itself.

The silence was finally broken by movement at the other side of the room. Amras woke and, seeing that Maedhros wasn’t sleeping, rose quickly with a joyful cry,

“Maitimo!” He got to his brother, leaned over him and kissed Maedhros in the forehead.

The wounded made a muffled sound, half cry half moan, and cringed. His thin shoulders shook as he tried to move towards Maglor.

Amras realised he had surprised his brother. He backed slowly, removing his hand he had earlier placed on the cushion next to Maedhros’s head.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he apologised, but then wide smile returned on his lips. “Valar, you’re awake! Finally!”

“Could you please go fetch some soup for Nelyo?” asked Maglor, seeing his brother’s discomfort. Two of them was too much.

“Sure.”

The two eldest brothers were left alone. Maedhros closed his eyes, as if keeping them open cost him too much effort. The room was barely lit, as Maglor turned off most of the lamps when Amras had fallen asleep. They sat in silence and Maglor worried that his brother fell asleep again, but the wounded opened his vigilant eyes when Amras returned. The youngest brother gave them soup and left, understanding that Maedhros was overwhelmed and there was no sense in troubling him.

“Do you want to try it?” asked Maglor gently.

With the first spoon Maedhros froze and stared at his brother utterly lost, so that Maglor started doubting if soup with chopped vegetables was a good idea. After a moment the wounded seemed to remember what to do, for he chewed slowly and swallowed.

“It’s good...” he sighed in disbelief.

Encouraged by his positive reaction, Maglor kept feeding him. Maedhros ate painfully slowly, but the next spoons didn’t cause such astonishment. So the wounded surprised Maglor when he suddenly pursed his lips and turned his head.

“Nelyo?” The singer tried to give him another bite before taking his hand away. “What’s wrong? Something hurts?”

Maedhros’s eyes were empty again, staring somewhere over Maglor’s shoulder, his face grimaced in pain. He seemed not to hear his brother.

‘No... please... no...” The wounded elf shut his eyes, his breath hastened. His good hand moved as if in attempt to push Maglor away.

“No, of course, whatever you wish.” Maglor put away the bowl and gently took Maedhros’s hand. “I will not force you to do anything. You don’t have to eat more,” he promised, drawing circles on his brother’s palm.

Maedhros’s breath slowed gradually as he calmed. Maglor waited until his chest was raising and falling peacefully before he gently laid him down.

“Sleep well.”