Walking in the Gardens by Raiyana

Chapter 7

7

I don’t hear of her return until she is actually here, a stablehand darting into the kitchen with the news that Lady Findis has returned, and Lady Indis is actually smiling.

My heart seems to beat faster in my chest.

Ecetindë looks at me, raising her head from the bowl of dough she is mixing for Cormo, and for a brief moment I feel her voice in my head.

Go to her… if we believed Altorno was your lover, do you not think Lady Finds heard the rumour?

Everyone is too busy staring at the stablehand to notice me sidling out of the warm kitchen, the chill in the air nipping at my flaming cheeks. Ecetindë has not spoken of my infatuation since that day, but not in a way that made me think she disapproved, simply leaving the topic as a private moment between us.

Somehow, I think we’re friends, now.

It’s raining, again, and this time I do bring my spade to bear against the Pumpkin.

Stepping away from the fruits of my labour, I feel momentarily idiotic. The Pumpkin is there, washed and shiny with its orange skin, sitting like a king in the middle of a silver platter, surrounded by a court of white-and-violet helini. I placed it on the chest at the foot of her bed – I snuck in through the window some chambermaid left open, my bare feet leaving damp footprints on the carpeted runner – and now it sits there, fat and massive, still taunting me with its mere presence.

I mean to leave, to leave this gift for her to find, but indecision stalls my steps. Should I leave it here? Will she understand the meaning of the flowers? Does Findis even remember the pumpkin that started this whole thing? The last question makes my breath catch; there is no going back from this declaration, and I’m not at all sure I’m brave enough to make it.

I’ll just take is away – she’ll never know it was here.

The door opens behind me as I reach to pick up the pumpkin, intending to throw it out the open window; I won’t even care if it breaks when it hits the ground. I startle, turning around and there she is, Findis, looking at me… and the pumpkin beside me.

“What… what is this?” she asks, a line appearing between golden brows as she gestures towards the platter with its colourful display. My heart falls, even as blood rushes into my cheeks.

“Well, I uhm…” I hesitate, biting my lip and wishing that I knew her heart with certainty, the eels in my stomach churning, “It’s… it’s finished,” I say, lamely, mentally berating myself for my ineptitude as I wave at the pumpkin on its bed of helini.

“I don’t…” Findis stares at me, and I knew it, knew it was all in my head, but still, her rejection hurts more than I thought it would.

 “I apologise, my Lady,” I whisper, lowering my eyes to hide the stupid tears I can feel forming. “I- I will go.” I can’t stay in this room, can’t bear to hear her actually say the words. Findis just stands there, but I can squeeze past her to reach the doorway.

Her grip is strong around my arm, stopping me dead – I wonder if she will scold me for my inappropriate feelings, but no, Findis wouldn’t do that, I know her better than that. Every muscle tense, I wait for the condemnation to fall from her lips.

“I don’t understand the meaning of this gift, Alálamë,” she whispers, a gust of breath against my ear when she turns her head. I had thought my heart broken before, but this… of all the things she could have said, this might be worse.

“Helini carry meanings, my Lady,” I tell her, still staring at my bare toes. I want to tear myself away from her, but I can’t make my feet move.

“Tell me, Alálamë,” Findis whispers, and I really wish she wouldn’t ask me to, would let me keep just this piece of my dignity.

Still I can’t deny her request, words falling from my lips without thought, “Helini always involve one person thinking of another, though the colour changes their meaning.”

“These are white with violet edging,” Findis replies, and I can picture the wrinkles on her forehead as she thinks out loud. “Take a chance…on my…” she pauses, and I know she knows, now. The toneless chuckle that escapes me is a surprise, because I am not sure I’ve ever been further from laughter.

“You have no need to continue, my lady,” I tell her, pulling my arm from her grip. “I have apologised; you need never see me again.” Ducking out of the doorway, I do my best not to run, knowing that the people of the house will notice me if I do. The tears that fall down my cheeks blur my sight, making it impossible to flee with any sort of speed and I really wish it had been spring, I want to sit in my tree and feel the warmth of the Sun on my face.

I’m halfway down the corridor when soft fingers catch mine, a strong grip making me turn around. Soft lips kiss away my tears, leaving me reeling from the sensations bombarding my hröa and my fëa together. Findis.

“I accept,” she whispers, her lips moving against my skin, stealing the saltiness of my tears. Her free hand runs along my jaw, angling my head slightly as those lips find mine.

Her kisses are like sunlight.

“I accept,” she says again, and I feel the words shaped against my lips as she repeats them over and over, breathing them into my mouth.

“You… you do?” I ask, confused. Pulling away slightly – I don’t want to, I want to kiss her, but I have to know, to see – I study her closely. Findis groans, a sound that makes me feel odd, like it moves through my bones, turning me liquid. I look down, I can’t meet those blue eyes, hardly daring to believe what I glimpse in her face.

“Stop doing that, melmenya,” Findis whispers, and I realise that she hasn’t let go of my jaw, her fingers pleasantly cool against my skin, the tips of her longest brushing against the lobe of my ear. Findis lifts my face, and I can’t look away from her blue eyes, slightly tearful, too, but shining with such happiness it takes me breath away. Then the word registers, melmenya, and I know my cheeks have flushed brightly. “I much prefer to see these beautiful eyes of yours,” Findis murmurs, her golden skin flushing slightly, her eyes lowering slightly as her tongue swipes across her lower lip. I want to taste it. “I love you,” she murmurs, leaning in slowly. I meet her lips for the first time, returning the featherlight pressure. One of my hands lifts, tangling in those honey locks without my command, but Findis leans into the touch, making me let out a slight gasp as she willingly kisses me back. “Be mine,” she asks between kisses that set my fëa alight – her light, so soft, so lively. “My love, my Alálamë,” she murmurs into my mouth, and my other arm wraps around her, pulling her close. Findis smiles against my mouth, pressing herself closer and making me realise that she is actually slightly shorter than me, something I had never noticed before. “Be my wife?”

I stiffen – I hadn’t thought beyond offering her my heart, hadn’t dared dream – but I feel myself relax into her hold almost immediately; belonging to Findis in that manner feels right. I smile, a tiny tendril of my fëa moving to tangle with hers as I speak the words.

“I love you… Findis. Yes.”

Chapter End Notes

If you've enjoyed this, I'd love to hear from you (and if you didn't!) as I am less-than-confident in writing romances (and I haven't written femslash before at all :o)