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A proper review, as promised. :)

You have some lovely images in this piece: the "mighty stars of Varda" in contrast to the red oak is probably my favorite. Since you've asked for concrit (though please let me know if you prefer private correspondence), I will mention that I was a bit distracted by the dialogue because dialogue is (conventionally) introduced with a comma, as in:

"I love Maedhros the best," said Dawn.

This is just one of those nitpicky things that jarred me a little because it's just not what my eyes are used to seeing. :) Also, I'd suggest being cautious of sentences that have a run-on feel to them.

But I look forward to reading more. :) Maedhros is my favorite too, as you know, my imaginary boyfriend (just don't tell my husband! ;)

All the best,
Dawn F.

thanks again Dawn, i've tried to do the dialogue as you told me in the third chapter. i really hope you and anyone who reads it will enjoy it. i'll post more of it as soon as i can.

hugesilmfan.

Author's Response:

thanks again Dawn, i've tried to do the dialogue as you told me in the third chapter. i really hope you and anyone who reads it will enjoy it. i'll post more of it as soon as i can.

hugesilmfan.