Voices of Despair by ford_of_bruinen

XXI

The air is heavy and the stars are faint, even the voices of my sons are distant.

I stare at the stars, those which my father was born beneath, those that he loved and honoured, the stars that emboldened him on the Long Journey. I want to close my eyes, to shudder, to know that I failed him in life, but my eyes remains open.

I should have let him love and to be happy, should have given him as much as he gave me. Instead I forced him to chose, son against son.

Insanity took me at his murder and now I die with bloodied hands and soul. Father, do you still love me?

Someone trickle water on my face, a soft voice whispering words I cannot hear. Nerdanel, is that you? No… No… I forgot… Nerdanel is not here. Nerdanel the wise stood strong where I faltered. One of our sons then, Macalaurë… the one with her voice.

I have cursed them, damned them and bound them to suffer. My own sons. I struggle to breath, to release them from the oath I forced upon them but instead I choke. I am dying. Please, my sons…. Forgive me…