Renewing The Song by Naltariel

| | |

Kiss The Flame

 

 Twice or thrice I loved thee
Before I knew thy face or name
So in a voice, so in shapeless flame,

- - - -John Donne "Air and Angels"

 

 

Chapter 8: Kiss the Flame

 

“Daeron?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“People call you the greatest minstrel on Arda, yet I never hear you sing.”

 

The Sinda minstrel chuckled. He had not sung for a very long time. Singing had brought him painful memories of his long lost love. Besides, there was no reason to sing or celebrate anyway. He had gown tired of lamenting; therefore, he stopped singing all together.

 

But now, when Maglor asked for his song, he did not mind.  For Maglor gave him a new reason to sing.

 

Gather yourself at the seashore

And I will love you there

 

Assemble yourself with wild things

With songs of the sparrow and sea foam

 

Let mad beauty collect itself

In your eyes and it will shine, calling me

 

For I long for a man

With nests of wild things in his hair

 

A man who will kiss the flame

 

The second he finished the last tune, the minstrel turned to face the one for whom he composed the song. He reached out for Maglor and kissed him tentatively, for fear that Maglor would push him away. After all, he was a Noldorin Lord, son of The Spirit of Fire, foster father of Elrond and Elros. And who was he? A Moriquendi who had never beheld the beauty of the Trees. A Sinda who had never known the wisdom of the Valar. A lover whose love had been rejected. A betrayer. A coward. A fool... for he had dared to hope for a love he did not deserve. How could he hope that Maglor would bend the wisdom of the Valar, neglecting the Laws and Customs of his people for him? His lips trembled but he deepened the kiss. Please, he said to himself, grant me just one moment of illusion.

 

Tears escaped his eyes as he felt Maglor eagerly parted his lips, letting Daeron taste his sweet breath. Never had he loved someone so overwhelmingly, especially when he learned through his probing tongue, that Maglor had never kissed so deeply before. So, he was the first one to share such intimacy with this Noldo Prince?

 

Maglor perceived Daeron’s uncertainty and circled his arms around the Sinda in a reassuring embrace. His tongue collided with Daeron’s as he learned to give and take the fleshly pleasure instinctively. He felt unworthy of the greatest minstrel’s affection, but he would not turn him down. He had inflicted too much pain already, he didn’t have to add this person to the long list of his victims just because of his irrational inferiority. Especially, because he too loved Daeron as much as the Sinda loved him, perhaps even more.

 

Their kiss started as gentle exploration of each other ere it turned to something more needy. A kiss that came from despair and hunger. They kissed like  dying men gasping for breath. Their lips were swollen, their lungs were screaming, but they did not stop, they could not stop. They desperately devoured each other, striving for more. They shed tears as they kissed, wetting their faces and clothes. The salty tears that touched their tongues, reminded them of the taste of ashes. For they did not kiss the flames. They were kissing the last embers of their fading souls.

 

****************

 

Finally, they broke up, for their physical bodies were unable to resist the need for air. Their eyes locked for a second, but it was enough. For at that time, both of them understood of why they had come to love each other. Their spirits had been drained beyond comprehension. They had been bearing burdens that gnawed their soul and consumed their vigor, killing them till they became dying immortals who wandered like  living corpses on this mortal shore. Their waning souls yearned for release, for strength, for joy, for love.

 

“Thank you.” Daeron blushed and looked away, though he was still caught in Maglor’s arms.

 

“For what?”

 

“For not pulling away.”

 

“Why would I?”

 

Daeron shrugged.

 

“I am not worth it,” Maglor said softly. He gazed up to the sky, as if talking to the heaven.

 

“Neither am I,” replied Daeron.

 

“But…”

 

“Hush.” Daeron placed a finger on Maglor’s lips. “Let us not quarrel who is more unworthy. We have our own faults and they cannot be undone. We have wandered alone for five Ages in remorse, surely it is enough?”

 

“You are wise,” Maglor smiled. “How come I never saw it before?”

 

“From now on, you shall learn more about me.” Daeron’s hand found his way to Maglor’s back, massaging him affectionately. Maglor leaned into the touch, and kissed Daeron’s hair ere he pulled away.

 

“I ..am.. sorry,” Daeron blushed again. His heart pounded. How could he think that Maglor would accept his invitation? “I don’t mean to…”

 

“No,” Maglor chuckled. “I just want to bring you to a more comfortable place.” He stood up and offered his hand to Daeron, who felt very much relieved.

 

They reached the mentioned place within minutes. It was a vast soft sandy beach, very unlike the rocky part they had just left. The waves were steadier, and the water was clearer. They could vaguely see the horizon separated the heaven from the sea. Daeron looked up and saw the limitless sky adorned by most beautiful constellations, twinkling and shining with their pure light, seemingly unaffected by all the marring of Arda. He closed his eyes and felt their gentle light kissed his eyelids. The waves splashed against his feet, and the wind blew in his hair. This was indeed the perfect place for their first union. He shuddered at the awareness that the earth, the sea, and the sky would be the witnesses of their love tonight.

 

He felt overwhelming doubt rush through him as Maglor laid him down carefully on the soft sand. He had never loved before. It was true that he had fallen for Luthien once, and now he couldn't be more certain that he loved Maglor, even though this love was born out of despair and loneliness rather than from stormy passion. But he had never felt, nor expected his love to be returned. He was afraid to experience his first taste of joy. How long have I longed to be loved! And yet, as I am standing in front of its gate, I tremble. What will I feel when I am truly loved? he mused. Perhaps it is not as blissful as I expect, perhaps it is more than I ever dreamt of. It is a mystery I will soon discover.

Maglor could not help but detect Daeron's uneasiness, though he mistook it for something else. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to," Maglor said.
 

"But I want it. Don’t you?" Daeron did not need to probe Maglor's mind to know what he had been thinking. Maglor had a severe habit of self-deprecation which he was determined to break.

 

"Yes, but you seem so nervous."

 

Daeron laughed. "My anxiety is but an anticipation of what we will soon share, my love."

 

"Is this the first time you have ever…?"

 

"Nay, for our people are not bound to the same Laws as yours. Yet, " Daeron paused and gazed intently  into his soon-to-be lover's eyes. "Though I have shared my body with others, never have I had the privilege to share my love." He kissed Maglor and spoke in the Noldo's mouth, "Not until now."
 
 

They kissed fervently. The boneless parts of their mouths danced in each other's sweet cavern, exploring, tasting, teasing, battling, heightening their desire, sending the two lovers into the world which was ungoverned by thoughts. Tears once again wetted their eyes as they devoured each other's flesh with their tongues, tasting the moisture from their skin mixed with sands and salts as they eagerly sought to discover each other, drank from each other, and gave to each other. Their limbs were entangled, desperately seeking more contact, more closeness, as if they wished to dive into each other's skin in their attempt to be one.

 

"Inye tye-mela*," Daeron whispered in Maglor's mother tongue, surprising the Noldo prince greatly. However, he did not have time to question the Sinda for pleasure like he had never felt before rushed through him like a tidal wave as their bodies joined together in perfect harmony. Passion sang through them as if their bodies were harps that winged the most enchanting melodies. He wanted to sing, wanted to cry, wanted to die. The bliss was so overwhelming. The beauty of this moment was beyond his ability to describe, not even in the greatest song he had or would ever compose.

 

Their fleshly joining was momentary, but it would last forever in their souls, a golden thread that would decorate the grim tapestry of Fate. For once, they were whole. Not pieces of spirit shattered by guilt. Or a heart broken by unrequited love. Nor shadows who roamed in loneliness.

 

For when they joined in their bodies and souls, they knew. Their Love was not theirs, for the invincible Power that was now singing through their bodies was the same Power, the same Love that moved the universe.

And thus, they began their journey in understanding the Great Song of Ea.

 

**************

 

 

The two minstrels lay side by side while panting heavily, spent by their ardent love making.  Their spirits soared in unutterable joy. Oh, how long had they suffered in loneliness, waiting, hoping. And their patience was not in vain.

 

Maglor smiled, it felt strange that he used to be so desperate to seek for the Silmaril. And yet, just when he thought had been condemned to eternal Darkness for his failure, he was given a new light, a new hope. Had someone asked him to choose between the lifeless Gem and his new found love, he knew which he would choose without hesitation.

 

The once-lost Noldo Prince turned to his lover lying beside him, who had been looking at him in wonder.

 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“Because I have never seen such a beautiful being,” Daeron answered sincerely, causing an uncharacteristic blush on Maglor’s cheeks.

 

“Certainly I am not fairer than Luthien.”

 

“Oh yes, you are.”

 

Maglor raised his eyebrows in clear disbelief.

 

Smiling, Daeron cupped Maglor’s face and looked him in the eye. “For me, you are the fairest of all, even more than Luthien. For she was my first love but it’s from you I learned the meaning of true love: to give instead of taking, to let go instead of possessing. She broke my heart but you healed it. And I am eternally grateful for that.”

 

He captured Maglor’s lips with his own and sealed them with the last remnant of his passion as their breath fused together. This time, the kiss was full of hope, like a young gull that stretched out its wings and flew for the first time. For their hunger had been appeased and their fire rekindled.

 

Tomorrow they would depart from this fading shore together, facing anything that the future had in store for them. Yet, it did not seem to matter. They had found the true light that they had desperately sought. Light came not from visible Beauty which had betrayed them, destroyed them, and made them commit many transgressions. They had found Light that burned, but did not consume. Light that warmed, instead of scorching. Light as pure and eternal as the stars. It was a light of the Flame Imperishable. It was the light of Love.

 

 

"And now these 3 things remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

I Corinthians 13: 13 ( NIV)

 

 

 

Chapter End Notes

*inye-tye mela = I love you, in Quenya. If I got it right

Daeron’s song is the poem by Jewel, “Gather Yourself” in her poetry book A Night without Armor.

 

Table of Contents | Leave a Comment