The Choice by Ithilwen

Chapter 1

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The Choice

“So there you are! I should have known I’d find you here in the garden. Admiring the flowers?”

“Not really. I just wanted to be alone for a while. It was a long voyage, and I’m a bit tired.”

“You’ve been quiet all day. Something’s the matter, isn’t it? Is there some trouble in Lindon I should know about?”

“No, everything’s fine at home. Nothing’s wrong.”

“Really? You’ve been brooding ever since your arrival this morning. Something’s bothering you, that’s for sure. You might be able to hide it from everyone else, but you can’t fool me. We know each other too well. Come on now, out with it. What’s troubling you?”

“It’s nothing important...just...”

“What?”

“Your hair – it’s starting to turn grey.”

“Of course – after all, it’s been over fifty years since your last visit. Surely you realized that there’d be some changes after so much time. You’ve seen Men age before.”

“Yes, but I’ve never seen you age before! Oh, I knew you’d start changing eventually, but it still comes as a shock to actually see it happening, and I don’t like it. Why did you choose the Doom of Men?”

“For the same reason you chose the fate of the Elves, I suppose. My heart told me to.”

“That’s what I don’t understand. Why would anyone choose mortality? It doesn’t bother you to feel your body slowly growing weaker, knowing that one day it will just stop and you’ll die? Doesn’t death frighten you?”

“Sometimes.”

“Then why did you choose it?”

“Because I didn’t think I could stand the alternative. To live until the end of Arda – how long’s that going to be? Think of the changes we’ve already experienced – the loss of our parents, the ruin of our homeland, the rise of Numenor - some days, I’m tired of change already. I don’t think I could bear the weight of thousands of years of it. Won’t you eventually grow tired, watching everything you love slowly slipping away while you carry the memories of what’s gone? Remember the look in Maglor’s eyes at the end? I didn’t want my eyes to ever look like that.”

“ But not everything will be lost. Yes, Beleriand sank, but Eriador is just as beautiful. Spring still follows winter, the sun and moon still rise and set, and Varda’s stars will always shine. Arda may change in some ways, but in the essentials it will always be the same, and I love it too much to willingly give it up.”

“But in the end, you’ll have to give it up, at least Middle Earth. Either that, or fade. I don’t like to think of you fading. And what will happen to you when Arda itself finally ends?”

“I don’t know, and that frightens me sometimes. But the end of Arda is a long way off yet. Even my choice of whether to fade in Middle Earth or leave for Aman won’t have to be made for quite a while. And there is so much that I want to see and do before that time comes! I guess I just don’t feel that life in Arda is some sort of burden. At least, not yet. And I hope I’ll never come to feel that way.”

“So do I, for your sake, since you’re going to have to continue living now whether it becomes a burden or not.”

“Yes. You made your choice, I made mine, and now all we can do is to live with the consequences. I hope we each made the right one, but it’s hard for me to accept that our choices are going to separate us forever in the end.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’ll be leaving Arda forever when you die; I’ll still be here. You’re the only family I have now, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either. But I don’t think I will, not in the end. You said yourself that you don’t know what will happen once Arda ends. Surely the love that exists between the Children of Ilúvatar is there for a reason – I can’t believe that He will be cruel enough to separate our peoples, and us, from one another forever.”

“My heart says otherwise, but I hope you’re right. It’s odd – as children, we were so similar that people had trouble telling us apart. Yet in the end, we’ve turned out so differently, and have made such different choices.”

“It’s called ‘growing up’. Happens to everyone eventually, or so I’ve heard. Don’t worry, we’ll always be close, but in the end we each have our own life to lead. One thing will never change, though – you’re my brother, and I love you. Come back inside now. It’s getting cold. Dinner will be ready soon, and Nólimon will be coming home. He’s been telling everyone for weeks how much he’s been looking forward to seeing his uncle Elrond again.”