Piecing our Lives back together by chrissystriped

Nolofinwe rushed to the eagle who had alighted at the border of their camp. When Findekáno had vanished, leaving only a letter where he said that he had gone to search for his cousin, he had thought he’d lost another son after Aracáno. And now he was back! He stumbled when he slid off the eagle’s back – a favour of Manwe? – impeded by the elf he held in his arms.

Maitimo... when Nolofinwe had heard that he was Moringotto’s prisoner, all his anger at him had vanished. Maitimo had betrayed them, but he hadn’t wanted him to fall into their enemy’s hands regardless - no one deserved that.

“Findekáno!”

Nolofinwe embraced his son, Maitimo’s unconscious body between them, Findekáno had wrapped him in his cloak, he could feel how cold his son’s skin was.

“You are alive!” He kissed his temple. “You scared me so much. I’m so happy that you are back. How is...”

“He is alive”, Findekáno answered, fatigue clear in his voice. “Barely. He needs a healer.”

“Of course.”

Nolofinwe ordered two of the people who had run together to carry Maitimo.

“No, I...”, protested Findekáno.

“You can barely stand, Findekáno, let them help. You did enough.” He had done what no one else had dared. Nolofinwe sent another elf to alert the healers – although he didn’t think anyone could have missed the giant eagle. “I’m so proud of you, my son.”

Findekáno smiled at him tiredly and let him lead him after the elves who carried Maitimo. Nolofinwe could only see his hair, it was so matted and dirty that it looked black, and a deathly pale cheek.

‘Barely’, Findekáno had said...

But he was here now and his healers would take good care of him. Feanáro’s sons didn’t have a lot of friends in his camp currently, but he would personally see to it that Maitimo would be treated well. Findekáno pushed the healer’s hands aside when they entered the infirmary.

“No, I... I’m not hurt, just tired. See to my cousin.”

Nolofinwe saw the pleading look Findekáno gave him and nodded to Alandur.

“Take care of Prince Maitimo’s wounds.”

‘King Maitimo?’, Nolofinwe thought absentmindedly as he helped Findekáno, whose legs threatened to buckle, to sit down on an unoccupied bed.

A helpful nurse brought a pitcher with water and a cup and Findekáno gulped down the first cup. Nolofinwe was just ordering a meal for his son, when he heard a sharp gasp from the healers. They had pulled close a curtain to be able to work without distraction, he couldn’t see what was going on, but Findekáno hid his face in his palms and started to cry.

“I had to do it”, he sobbed. “I couldn’t leave him hanging there. I had to.”

Nolofinwe sat down beside him and embraced him and Findekáno sought refuge in his arms like he hadn’t done since he’d been a child. Nolofinwe caressed his gold-threaded hair, the braids tangled and halfway undone.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He longed to find out about Maitimo’s condition, but here was his son, exhausted and hurt and he needed him. He could do nothing for Maitimo right now, but he could comfort his son. Findekáno nodded sobbing.

“He... they chained him to a cliff. He hung from his wrist and there was no way to reach him. Oh, father!” Findekáno hid his face at Nolofinwe’s chest, he could feel his tears dampen the fabric of his shirt. “He begged me to shoot him. And I thought... I thought that was all I could do for him. I prepared to shoot. I almost killed Maitimo! But the eagle came and I thought it would all be well, but the shackle couldn’t be loosened. And I... I didn’t know what else to do! I hacked off his hand!”

Nolofinwe held his son tight while he shook with sobs.

“You did what you had to do to save his life”, he whispered. “We have him back, thanks to you.”

“It was so awful, father”, Findekáno whispered. “How he screamed... and all that blood. I can’t stop thinking that there must have been another way! I missed something!”

Nolofinwe shook his head and kissed Findekáno’s hair.

“My brave son, don’t be so hard to yourself.”

A servant brought a bowl of soup and Nolofinwe reached for it.

“Eat something and sleep. And when you wake again and are rested, we’ll take it from there.”

“But I can’t leave him”, Findekáno protested weakly, but he slowly drank his soup, his lids heavy.

“Then sleep here and I’ll watch over you both.”

Findekáno looked up at that. “You aren’t mad at him anymore? You were so angry.”

Nolofinwe shook his head. “It’s not the time to be angry.” He helped his son to undress – the nurse provided a clean nightshirt – and tucked him in, kissing his forehead, like he had done when he had been a child. “Sleep, my son. I love you and I’m proud of you and so relieved that you are well.”

Nolofinwe sent silent thanks to Manwe, he didn’t doubt that he had sent the eagle to save Findekáno and Maitimo, as unbelievable as that was after the Kinslaying and the Doom. He caressed Findekáno’s hair until his son had fallen asleep.

Maitimo woke with tense muscles – he couldn’t remember when he’d last woken feeling safe. He was in a bed. His breath quickened. That couldn’t be good! He hadn’t shown any interest in him since he’d chained him to that cliff and he’d thought that a good thing.

As bad as the pain in his shoulder and wrist had been – the agony of being at the mercy of the elements: Rain, snow and hail so cold he thought he’d never be warm again; the sun (a wonder when it had risen for the first time) that had burned his skin and parched him until he thought he’d die of thirst – it was favourable to what He had done to him, even if it had happened in a soft bed.

And now he lay here, warm and the pain endurable and feared what would come. He realised that he was whimpering with fear and jumped when a hand caressed his forehead.

“Don’t be afraid, Maitimo. You are safe.”

This voice... not His. So familiar. But... that couldn’t be true. Maitimo opened his eyes warily.

“No”, he croaked. “You aren’t real.” He was hallucinating. It wouldn’t be the first time that family members visited him, he didn’t know if it was his own imagination or if Moringotto had a hand in it. “We left you.”

‘Nolofinwe’ smiled sadly.

“We came across the ice and when we heard that you are a prisoner of the Moringotto, Findekáno went to rescue you. Don’t you remember?”

Nolofinwe had a strange look in his eyes. Maitimo frowned and winced, his skin hurt. There had been a song he had answered, almost sure that it wasn’t real.

“There was an eagle...”

A cough wracked him, his throat felt as if something tore inside. Nolofinwe reached for a cup and helped him drink. Maitimo felt tears run down his cheeks. An eagle and... he tried to pull his arm from under the blanket but he couldn’t move it. Maitimo bit his tongue to stop a scream as pain shot through his shoulder.

“Don’t!” The order in Nolofinwe’s voice made him freeze. “Your shoulder is hurt, but the healers think you’ll be able to move it almost normally again if you take it slow.”

“What did Findekáno do, uncle?”, he whispered. There had been blood, so much blood. There was a droning in his ears.

“Maitimo.” Nolofinwe gently stroked his hair “Try to breathe slowly.”

“What did he do?”

Maitimo heard how panicked he sounded. A part of him tried to tell him that he didn’t need to get frightened, this wasn’t real after all, but... there was so much pain in Nolofinwe’s eyes.

“He saved your life, Maitimo, but to do that...” Nolofinwe threw back the cover and Maitimo stared at his arm lying in a sling and the heavily bandaged stump of his right hand. “He didn’t have a choice, Maitimo”, Nolofinwe said with tears in his eyes.

The droning in his ears became louder, blackness bloomed at the edges of his vision. He didn’t hear what else Nolofinwe said to him when he sank back into soft, merciful darkness.

When he woke the next time – was it possible to sleep in a dream? – Findekáno sat beside his bed. He flinched when he noticed that Maitimo looked at him.

“You are awake! Do you need anything? Do you want me to call for a healer?”

Maitimo shook his head numbly. He had not forgotten what Nolofinwe had shown him – he wished he had.

“Why didn’t you kill me?”, he whispered hoarsely. “I begged you to kill me, why didn’t you?”

Findekáno’s pain was visible on his face, tears filled his eyes.

“How could I kill you when there was the possibility of saving you!”

Maitimo sobbed, he didn’t feel saved. “And what am I to do now without my right hand? I’m useless. A cripple.”

And it wasn’t just his hand. The memory of what... He had done to him was like a festering wound in his soul. What would Findekáno, what would Nolofinwe, think if they knew what he had allowed to happen to him? He turned laboriously on his side, his back to Findekáno. He didn’t want to look at him. He heard Findekáno cry softly and his aching heart broke a little more.

“Russandol”, Findekáno whispered finally. “Please, I... if there hadn’t been a way out, my arrow would have killed you. It would have broken my heart, but I would have done it! I’m not sorry to have saved your life, you are my best friend and...”

“Am I still?”, Maitimo interrupted him. “I betrayed you. I allowed father to burn the ships! My brother is dead! And you... you could have died on the ice!”

He sobbed. What had they done?

“But I am alive.” Findekáno made to touch his shoulder but when Maitimo flinched away on instinct he laid his hand back in his lap. “Many others are not and yes, that is your fault, but...”

“I tried to stop him”, Maitimo whispered and cringed, it sounded like an excuse.

He should have been more vehement, he shouldn’t have given in. Ambarussa would still be whole and Findekáno and Nolofinwe would have never had set a foot on the ice. So many dead who wouldn’t have died.

“I wanted to fetch you, but father was so... you know how he could be and that was a hundred times worse.”

“Oh Russandol”, Findekáno sounded so gentle. “I forgive you for not succeeding to persuade him. You are my friend, you never stopped being and even when I thought you’d abandoned me, I couldn’t leave you in the hand of our enemy. Can you...”, his voice broke and he started again. “Can you forgive me that I... had to do what I did to save your life?”

Maitimo gulped and pulled the blanket down. The stump still lay in a sling, the injury throbbed – not even real pain after all he had survived. 

“I don’t know”, he whispered.

He knew that he hurt Findekáno with his words, but he couldn’t imagine a life where he could do nothing himself.

“We’ll find a way, Maitimo.” Findekáno touched his shoulder gently and this time Maitimo didn’t flinch away. “You are king now. And if you let me, I’ll be on your right side.”

Maitimo turned around to look at him. King. Of course... his father was dead. The pain flared up in his heart. He hadn’t thought of his death for so long. King...

‘No’, he thought. ‘I won’t wear the crown.’ But Findekáno he told: “I wish we could be friends again.”

Findekáno smiled at him. “We are, Maitimo. I never stopped being your friend.”

Maitimo smiled back through his tears. If Findekáno could really forgive him his deeds, maybe he could forgive him the loss of his hand.

“Let me sleep, Finno”, he murmured. “Please, leave now.”

The thought of falling asleep while he was being watched, made him so afraid suddenly. Findekáno nodded silently and vanished between the curtains that separated his bed from the rest of the room.

The messenger’s dislike was visible in his face when he gave Makalaure the letter. His heart beat quicker when he saw his uncle’s seal. There had been tense silence between them since they had fallen back to the other side of the lake at the arrival of Nolofinwe’s host. Makalaure had thought it better to cede the wooden houses, they had built, to them than to risk a fight. He knew it would take little to let the hatred of those who had had to cross the Ice because of them turn to open violence.

Makalaure made a strangled noise when he read Nolofinwe’s words.

“What happened?” Curufinwe who had paid the messenger’s looks back in kind, looked worried at him. “What does he want?”

Makalaure turned his back to the messenger and led Curufinwe a bit aside so the other elf couldn’t overhear them.

“Maitimo”, he whispered. “Findekáno rescued Maitimo from Angamando. Nolofinwe informs us that his healers tend to him and he invites us to visit him.”

Makalaure felt himself tremble. They had given up on Maitimo, had left him to his fate. Had thought him irretrievably lost, maybe dead. And their cousin who they had left on the other side of the sea had had the courage to defy Moringotto.

“Visit?”, Curufinwe growled. “You don’t intend to leave him there? With them.”

“Them?” Makalaure glared at him. “Nolofinwe is our uncle. Father was so concerned about treason, but in the end it was us who betrayed them. And remember that we only have tents right now. Maitimo is going to be much more comfortable at Nolofinwe’s camp.”

They had started to build again, but...

“Yes, because you decided to retreat!”

“Be silent!”, Makalaure hissed. “Would you have liked it better to spill blood again? The blood of our closest kin? We are going to make that visit and we will be grateful and polite. Findekáno did what we thought impossible. It’s thanks to him that Maitimo is alive and free. And if I can’t be sure that you are going to behave, I’ll leave you here!”

Curufinwe huffed but didn’t object. Makalaure thought of the crown he had refused to wear as long as they didn’t have certain knowledge of Maitimo’s death and whose weight had still rested so heavily on his shoulders. He’d soon be able to lay that responsibility aside now that Maitimo was back. He wasn’t a ruler, Maitimo was suited much better for that task.

Nolofinwe felt the tenseness of his people when Feanáro’s sons rode into the camp. After the Kinslaying and the burning of the ships no one trusted them anymore. He had had to put Turukáno under guard, he was still grieving for Elenwe and understandably blamed them for it.

Nolofinwe was relieved that they had followed his demand and come unarmed. Tyelkormo looked uneasy, his hand buried in Huan’s fur. Nolofinwe hadn’t seen him without a hunting knife since he’d been old enough to be trusted with a sharp blade. Curufinwe and Carnistir stood close together and threw wary glances at his retinue.

Nolofinwe only noticed at second glance that the elf next to Ambarussa wasn’t the second twin but Tyelperinquar, but then he wondered how he couldn’t have noticed his absence – is was an almost visible emptiness. He was furious at them but the death of his nephew pained him. How must they have felt when they had realised that they had killed their own brother?

“Uncle Nolofinwe”, Makalaure stepped forward, his palms up, “we come unarmed, as you asked. We thank you for informing us of the rescue of our brother and allowing us to visit him. We also want to thank Findekáno for his brave and selfless deed.”

“He is with Maitimo. You can tell him yourself.”

They never left him unwatched. Maitimo was still sleeping a lot and his dreams often were dark. Nolofinwe didn’t know what the Moringotto had done to him but it must have been horrible.

He had told Maitimo that his brothers would come today and he was awake and sat upright in his bed when they entered the room. Findekáno stood beside him, his hand rested supportively on Maitimo’s shoulder. His brothers stopped a few steps away from the bed, identical looks on their faces. Nolofinwe had mentioned in his letter that Maitimo had lost his hand, but he knew how it felt to see him. He still hadn’t gotten used to his gaunt face and the haunted look in his eyes.

A tense silence followed, Huan was the only one who didn’t care. Alandur made an appalled sound when the huge hound walked to the bed, panting and wagging his tail. Nolofinwe held him back with a sharp look when Huan laid his head in Maitimo’s lap and a smile came to his nephew’s face – the first real smile he saw from him since Findekáno had brought him home. Maitimo scratched Huan clumsily behind the ears and the hound sighed contentedly.

Maitimo looked at his brothers, still a smile on his lips but appearing uncertain. Makalaure stumbled forward and knelt beside his bed.

“Forgive me, brother”, he sobbed. “We abandoned you. I’m so sorry.”

Maitimo shook his head and pulled him against his chest. “You had no other choice. He would not have kept an agreement.”

“But we didn’t even try!” Makalaure looked up to Findekáno. “Thank you, Findekáno. How can we ever pay you back for rescuing our brother?”

“He isn’t only your brother”, Findekáno said softly. “He is my cousin and my best friend and that’s why I did it. I wish for the hostility between us to cease.”

Nolofinwe realised that all eyes had turned to him.

“It is us who did wrong”, Maitimo said softly. “There is no reason for us to be ill disposed towards you. We would be grateful, should you be so generous as to forgive us our betrayal.”

“The actions of my son shall not be for nothing”, Nolofinwe answered. And if it were only about him and Findekáno, he would have left it at that. “Finwe was my father, too. The Moringotto is our common enemy, we should concentrate on fighting him, not each other, but my people suffered on the Ice. I lost a daughter-in-law. I have to demand that you make amends in public. But it has time until you are well again, Maitimo.”

“He is the king”, growled Carnistir, but before he could continue, Maitimo cut him short.

“Even a king has to admit it if he made a mistake and, as you are drawing attention to it, little brother, you shouldn’t forget to follow the example of your king.”

Carnistir glared at him, his face red with anger, but Maitimo met his eyes. He was pale and thin and looked like Huan’s weight could crush him, but there was a fire in his eyes and Carnistir looked away first.

“Forgive me, if I overstepped, aranya.”

Nolofinwe wondered if he was the only one who saw the discomfort at the address in Maitimo’s face.

“Come”, he said to Findekáno. “We should give them some privacy.”

Maitimo nodded when Findekáno gave him a questioning look and Findekáno left his side reluctantly.

“He worried so much about their reaction”, he said after they had felt the room.

“I know”, Nolofinwe answered. “But Carnistir just proved that he’s going to accept his position. I think it is better if they can talk when no one is listening.” Nolofinwe squeezed his son’s shoulder. “I’m very proud of you. You just made a reconciliation possible.”

Findekáno smiled sadly. “I can’t imagine to be at enmity with Maitimo and you said it yourself: It is the Moringotto we should fight. Turukáno is not going to like it.”

“I know. Many people won’t like it, but that’s why I demanded public amends.”

“Father? I know that many of our nobles would readily call you king.”

Nolofinwe gave his son a surprised look. “Do you want to say you share that opinion?”

“I only mean, it is going to be hard to convince them to bend the knee to a son of Feanáro. After everything that happened.”

“I know. We’ll have to lead by example. And we are going to make known that Maitimo tried to stop the burning of the ships and fetch us over. We are one people and if we want to have only the ghost of a chance in this war, we have to stick together. Maitimo is our king, there mustn’t be any doubt that we could see it differently.”

Findekáno nodded. “I’m at your side, father.”

Maedhros stood in his room and let a servant dress him. He hated to be helpless like a child, but he gritted his teeth and didn’t let the servant feel his ire, it was not his fault. He was much too thin for his clothes, but at least he could walk without help again, his arm was still in a sling to rest his shoulder. He had moved to the other side of the lake, where his brothers lived as soon as he could hold himself on the back of a horse.

Not because he would have felt uneasy in Nolofinwe’s care, but there were so many unsaid things between them and he had to recover before he could face that. But thanks to Findekáno’s efforts, there was no longer tense silence between their camps. He thanked the servant with a smile and a nod. Maedhros – he had assumed the sindarinisation of his name as soon as he’d heard it of the grey elves who came to the camp to trade, because ‘Maitimo’ reminded him of Moringotto’s hands on his body – opened the door and walked to his brothers who waited with the horses.

They would never be able to make up for the suffering on the ice, but he would pay a weregild. Makalaure held his horse and Maedhros mounted clumsily. Curufinwe and Carnistir still looked rebellious, they had not been overly excited about giving their valuable horses away. The animals of the Sindar couldn’t match the horses they had brought from Aman. Maedhros gave them a stern look, a reminder to behave. Makalaure laid his hand on the saddlebag his horse carried and moved closer to him.

“Are you sure...”, he mumbled.

Maedhros nodded wordlessly. He had only confided in Makalaure, because he knew what discussions his decision would provoke. But it was his decision, no one beside him could make it and he knew that it was right. He'd deal with his brothers afterwards. Makalaure nodded back seriously.

They earned distrustful looks when they rode through their uncle’s camp, but the guards had known that they were coming and let them in. Maedhros had notified Nolofinwe that they would come to make amends - at least the beginnings. He was aware that they were being followed and felt the tenseness in his brothers.

“Steady”, he murmured.

They had left their weapons at home again. There weren’t any receiving rooms, yet, and it was summer, Nolofinwe waited for them on the public square – with his whole family. Maedhros dismounted and waited until his brothers had followed his example.

“There is a great wrong between us, my lord uncle”, Maedhros said. “We know we caused much pain and suffering and we know that we will never be able to atone for it but we can at least pay compensation.” Maedhros took his horse’s reigns and led it to Nolofinwe. “We give you the horses we brought from Aman, knowing that you had to leave yours behind.”

Maedhros saw from the corner of his eye how his brothers followed his example, Makalaure had taken the saddlebag.

“We accept this gift as recompense”, Nolofinwe said seriously. “And we will treasure them. They are wonderful.” He knew how much Luinil meant to him, Nolofinwe stroked the horse’s neck.

“He will serve you well”, Maedhros said. “There is something else I want to give you.”

Maedhros looked at Makalaure and his brother turned to him. Maedhros took a deep breath while he opened the clasp that held the box closed.

“Uncle Nolofinwe, I give you the crown of the Noldor.”

He heard his brothers suck in their breaths, Maedhros didn’t look at them, he could imagine the expression on their faces.

“Even if this crime didn’t stand between us, you are the elder and thus the kingship is yours.”

Makalaure offered the box with the crown to Nolofinwe – it was so heavy that Maedhros wouldn’t have been able to hand it over in a dignified manner – and Nolofinwe accepted it.

“I won’t disappoint the trust you set in me, nephew. What happened shall be regarded as atoned for and not stand between us any longer.”

~*~*~

Nolofinwe knocked at Maitimo’s door. It was late, as the new king he hadn’t been able to leave his own celebrations. Maitimo had asked for the honour to make his oath of allegiance before all others and Nolofinwe had only seen him from afar afterwards. He wanted to talk to him.

Maitimo wore a nightshirt and an open dressing gown, his regrowing hair stood wildly around his head. He was still leaner than before his captivity, but his skin wasn’t as pale as it had been and he looked well. Nolofinwe knew that he trained with Findekáno, relearning how to fight with his sword in his left hand - deep in the forest where no one could see them.

“May I come in?”

Nolofinwe had not seen Maitimo in private, he wasn’t sure if Maitimo was evading him or if there simply hadn’t been an opportunity.  Maitimo nodded without a word and moved aside, his eyes cast down.

“Are you sure that this was a good idea?” Nolofinwe lifted his father’s crown off his head and stared at it. It felt surreal to be king. 'King', that was his father. He had reigned in Finwe’s stead but he’d never worn the crown, had never sat on his father’s throne in Tirion.

Maitimo’s laugh had a desperate sound to it. “A little late to ask that. You know as well as I do that it was the right decision. It doesn’t matter what you could have said, your people – the people we betrayed – wouldn’t have liked to bend the knee to me. How could I even think of ruling them after we betrayed you all? And for a king, his people should always come first, but I swore an oath and that is what I have to concentrate all my efforts on. My brothers may think that the one is compatible with the other, but there will be decisions...” Maitimo shook his head. “It’s better this way.”

Nolofinwe put the crown aside and laid his hands on Maitimo’s shoulders. “We are going to stand together. You and your brothers swore a terrible oath that is true, but I’m here to take revenge for my father’s death and thus we have the same goal. We will fight the Moringotto together.”

An expression of terrible fear shot across Maitimo’s face.

“Don’t call him that!”, he gasped and Nolofinwe felt him tremble.

“Maedhros, what is wrong?” Nolofinwe wasn’t used yet to call him by this name, but his nephew had chosen it and he would respect that.

Maitimo just shook his head and Nolofinwe embraced him slowly, held his trembling body, felt him cry at his shoulder and didn’t know what to do.

“Please don’t call him that”, Maitimo whispered finally. “I can’t... don’t force me to explain it.”

Nolofinwe nodded and led him to the bed, sitting down on the edge with him. “I won’t do it again if it hurts you like this.”

Maitimo's breath was uneven, his left hand cramped around his knee.

“Do you want me to leave?”, Nolofinwe asked although his heart broke at the thought to desert him in this state.

His fea reached for Maitimo and caught a thought from him. ‘I don’t want your pity.’ Before Maitimo could answer, Nolofinwe laid his finger on his lips. He wouldn’t let him push him away.

“Before you say something that you might regret later...”

Nolofinwe followed an inspiration and slid from the bed, kneeling before Maitimo. He still wore his coronation robe and he knew his head seamstress would skin him if he ruined the work of the last months, but Maitimo was more important now. Maitimo made a strangled noise. Nolofinwe hadn’t hinted at wanting to resume their relationship because he hadn’t wanted to overwhelm Maitimo in his fragile state, but he thought now that he needed to hear that he still wanted him.

“I want you to know that my regard for you didn’t change. It hurts me to see you suffer, but I don’t see you as weak.”

“But...” Maitimo’s hand trembled when he reached for him. “How? I’m...”

He stared at his stump. Nolofinwe bowed slowly forward and kissed the scarred skin.

“You are a strong man, Nelyafinwe. You had the incredible courage to give up the crown. And I don’t know what... what was done to you, but you are alive and I can see you fight. Let me help you with it. It isn’t a weakness to show that you’ve been hurt.”

Maitimo sobbed softly. “If you knew what he did... what I let him do to me... you would turn away in disgust.”

Nolofinwe shook his head. “Never.” He took his hand between his own. “Let me serve you – like I used to. Let me show you my regard for you.”

Maedhros touched Nolofinwe’s cheek with trembling fingers. He had thought he’d never have this again. He was a cripple who couldn’t even dress without help. How could Nolofinwe still look up to him? How could he still want him? Trust him to lead him well? And the stump... he could barely look at it but Nolofinwe had kissed it without hesitation.

Maedhros closed his eyes. He hadn’t even thought about sex since he’d woken. His body had been so weak for so long and later he hadn’t wanted to think of Nolofinwe because it hurt too much to think of what would never happen again. Could he still do it? After he’d seen his own preferences twisted and perverted by Moringotto? Maedhros shook his head. He knew he wasn’t like this. Moringotto turned everything into cruelty, but Maedhros had never done this with anything but affection in mind. He caressed Nolofinwe’s cheek and his uncle leaned into the touch.

“My núro”, he whispered.

He’d hated so much to be forced to his knees by Moringotto, every moment of it, but it had been force and hatred. Nolofinwe looked at him with desire and affection and Maedhros smiled gently. He had missed this. And it felt good, soothing for his churning feelings. But... he didn’t desire sex now. There was so much he couldn’t do with just one hand. Maedhros caressed Nolofinwe’s hair. He wanted him to stay, he longed for closeness. He didn’t want his pity.

“Undress and lie on the bed.”

Maedhros got up and extinguished the candles, he only left the lamp on his nightstand uncovered. Maedhros watched Nolofinwe fight with his heavy robes that clearly weren’t made for undressing without a servant and for the first time since a long time he felt an echo of desire rise inside him. He shrugged out of his dressing gown and pulled the nightshirt over his head, although he felt uneasy about showing his scars, he wanted to feel skin on skin.

He lay down on the bed and waited for Nolofinwe to come to him and a feeling of happiness rushed through him when he embraced him. Nolofinwe still wanted him! Despite his missing hand, despite the scars, despite the darkness in his soul.

“Can you stay all night?”, he asked because the thought of having to let go of him was suddenly unbearable.

“There are going to be questions”, Nolofinwe said slowly. “But yes, I can stay. We’ll simply say that you asked me, that you didn’t want to be alone. That’s not a lie.”

“Thank you”, Maedhros whispered and kissed him hesitantly. “You don’t have to thank me for something like that, Maedhros, never. You only have to ask – or order – and I’ll be there for you.” Nolofinwe stroked his chest and Maedhros felt that stirring of desire again when his palm rubbed his nipple. “What do you want me to do, my prince?”

“Nothing”, he answered. “I simply want to hold you and relish the wonder of not having lost you.”

Nolofinwe nodded wordlessly and got comfortable in his arms. Maedhros waited until he had fallen asleep before he allowed his own mind to wander – it made him nervous to sleep in the presence of others. Nolofinwe’s presence calmed him. It was easier to find into his dreams and it wasn’t Moringotto’s cruel voice that waited for him there, as it did so often, but dreams of Aman, summoned by Nolofinwe’s scent.

Maedhros tensed when he woke, expecting the man, whose erection was hot on his thigh, to push him down and fuck him. He stifled a whimper and squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

“Maedhros, don’t be afraid.” Nolofinwe caressed his head gently, he sounded drowsy. “You are save here.”

Maedhros opened his eyes and looked into his uncle’s worried face, he took a shuddering breath. No nightmares tonight and that was rare enough but this moment of waking... He put a little distance between himself and Nolofinwe because he couldn’t stand to be touched right now. Nolofinwe pulled his hand slowly back.

“I won’t touch you, if you don’t want me to”, he said softly.

Maedhros shook his head. “It felt good tonight, but sometimes I just can’t bear it. I’m difficult, I know. I’m sorry.”

Nolofinwe shook his head. “You don’t have to be sorry.” He licked his lips and continued carefully: “You know I’ll listen, if you want to talk?”

Maedhros concentrated on his breathing to stop the things that lurked at the edges of his thoughts. He shook his head again. He couldn’t tell him. Not after spending the night with Nolofinwe, not if he was sure it would destroy everything they might still have.

“I don’t want to”, he said quietly and was ashamed of himself. It was like lying to Nolofinwe – he was faking being someone he wasn’t any longer.

Maedhros turned his back to Nolofinwe and curled up. It hurt to know that Nolofinwe would leave him if he knew. Nolofinwe gently laid his hand on his back and he remembered his scars again. He didn’t want him to see him like this!

“Please leave!”, he croaked.

“Maedhros...” There it was again, the pity.

“Please, uncle.”

Maedhros lay motionless and tense until Nolofinwe got up. He heard the rustle of clothes as he dressed.

“I accept your wish, Maedhros”, Nolofinwe said. “Just, please, don’t push me away. I’m there for you, always, if you need me. In any way you need me.”

When Maedhros remained silent, Nolofinwe sighed deeply and left. Maedhros let his tears flow when the door closed. In the night he had dared to envision something that was over – just a dream. Nolofinwe was pitying him, nothing more, he’d never look at him again and see his Prince Nelyafinwe, not really.

Maedhros stopped short when he entered his bedroom. Nolofinwe knelt naked on the floor, his eyes cast down. They hadn’t spoken in private since the morning after the coronation, Maedhros had ensured that he didn’t run into him alone and had been relieved that Nolofinwe hadn’t summoned him – he would have had to obey his king.

Nolofinwe was shivering and Maedhros wondered how long he’d been waiting here. He had spent the afternoon sparring in the forest with Findekáno. His technique was slowly getting better - frustratingly slowly, and it was so infuriating that he had to consciously think about the easiest parries because all his ingrained reactions were wrong, but he was making progress and he also started to feel like himself again, now that his body had mostly recovered. He had wanted to get changed before dining with his brothers, but now... Maedhros locked the door.

“What are you doing here, núro?”, he asked sternly and didn’t leave any doubt that he wasn’t talking to his uncle and king but to his servant. (‘Slave’, a dark voice whispered in his head and Maedhros shoved the thought away. No, Nolofinwe had never been his slave.) Nolofinwe had come to him and he didn’t want to discuss it, he didn’t have the strength to resist his own longing. “I don’t remember calling you.”

Nolofinwe took a trembling breath and threw him a quick glance. “I miss you, my prince”, he answered. “I dream about you and wake aroused and longing for you. Please, Prince Nelyafinwe, give me your attention.”

Maedhros gripped a fistful of hair, unbound the way he liked it, and pulled Nolofinwe’s head back. “Have you forgotten that it is only my pleasure that counts?”, he snapped. “I doesn’t matter what you want.”

Something dark and desperate moved across Nolofinwe’s face. “And don’t you want me anymore, Prince Nelyafinwe?”, he asked and Maedhros knew this wasn’t a game now, he meant it very seriously.

“I do”, he answered gently and caressed Nolofinwe’s cheek. “Always.”

‘But you wouldn’t want me, if you knew...’ He pushed the thought aside. Maybe it was selfish to keep it from him, knowing that he wouldn’t be here if he knew, but he couldn’t tell him. And he didn’t have the strength to send him away again, it had almost ripped his heart in two the first time.

“But now I’ll have to teach you a lesson”, he said sternly and Nolofinwe smiled, because he knew it meant he accepted his submission.

Maedhros locked all his doubts away. Nolofinwe was here, Nolofinwe wanted him, he hadn’t come out of pity. ‘I dream about you’, he had said. Maedhros let go of his hair and slid his thumb over his lower lip. Nolofinwe shivered and made a soft sound, his lips parting slightly.

“I expect perfect obedience, núro”, Maedhros said. “Even more than before.”

Nolofinwe’s eyes moved to the stump and he nodded. “Of course, my prince. I wouldn’t think of defying you.”

Maedhros slid his thumb into his mouth and Nolofinwe sucked on it.

“What a sight you are”, he whispered and Nolofinwe’s cheeks blushed.

He would have liked to spank him until his ass was glowing and he writhed on his lap, his arousal hot against his thigh, but he had justified doubts about his ability to strike with any accuracy. His left hand still felt so clumsy.

“On the bed, núro”, he ordered. “Lie on your back.”

Nolofinwe obeyed without hesitation and it felt so good. Maedhros sat down on the edge of the mattress and stroked his chest.

“Don’t move”, he ordered gently, “show me how obedient you can be.”

Nolofinwe took a deep, trembling breath. Maedhros watched him closely while he caressed him, sometimes with the flat of his hand, sometimes only with his fingertips. Nolofinwe’s skin rose in goose-bumps when he drummed his fingers along the inside of his thigh and his breath hitched when he dragged his nail up the hollow of his knee, but he didn’t move, not even his fingers twitched. Maedhros kissed his neck to hide his emotion. It meant so much to him that Nolofinwe obeyed him so unconditionally.

He touched Nolofinwe’s arousal with the stump and Nolofinwe moaned, his muscles trembled as he fought not to thrust into the touch. The scar tissue was pressure-sensitive, especially where the bones were, but he didn’t have much feeling in the skin. The scars were ugly and it was so obvious that something was missing, he was barely able to look at it, he’d never have thought that he would dare to touch him like that. But Nolofinwe had kissed it and now he didn’t seem to be disgusted by being touched like this – more to the contrary, judging by the sounds he made.

“My núro”, he murmured and kissed Nolofinwe’s cheeks, his lids, his lips, sliding his stump slowly up and down his cock. “You are so good for me.” He let go of him for a moment to undress. “Turn around, núro.” Nolofinwe moved to lie prone on the bed and Maedhros knelt between his spread legs. “Remember not to move”, he said before he used his stump to draw spirals and tendrils on his back.

Maedhros took his time to experiment, turning his arm this way and that until he found a spot where he had enough feeling to enjoy the smoothness of Nolofinwe’s flushed skin and the minute trembles that went through his body. The stump still felt like something that didn’t belong – couldn’t belong! - to his body, but right now he thought he might be able to make his peace with it after all. Maedhros kneaded Nolofinwe’s buttock with his hand, before sliding his finger down his cleft and rubbing his entrance. He felt oil and bowed forward to kiss Nolofinwe’s ear.

“You are wonderful”, he whispered. “Did you bring more oil along?”

“Yes, my prince”, Nolofinwe answered with trembling voice. “In my pocket.”

Maedhros patted Nolofinwe’s backside before standing up to fetch the phial. For a moment he contemplated just dipping it, but he was sure that would startle Nolofinwe into moving and he didn’t want to be mean, so he made sure he realised he was coming back.

“I’m going to slick you up a little more, núro”, he said, touching his skin with the back of his hand, before drizzling the oil down his cleft.

Nolofinwe took a shuddering breath as Maedhros prepared him slowly, his passage trembled around his fingers. Maedhros stifled a moan at the thought of how it would feel around his cock.

“Please, my prince”, Nolofinwe whimpered and Maedhros grinned, lazily moving his fingers in and out.

“Please what, núro?”

“Fuck me, please. Let me... let me serve your pleasure.”

Maedhros grin widened. Nolofinwe clearly had enough presence of mind left to not want to risk being admonished for thinking of his own pleasure again.

“I might just feel like it”, he said, reaching out to pull him up by his waist and a sharp pain shot through him when he remembered his missing hand again.

Maedhros gritted his teeth. What was he doing here? He moved back, his arousal flagging. But Nolofinwe seemed to feel that something had changed and said softly: “My prince, I want you as you are, I’m yours. Let me serve you.”

Maedhros felt their fёar touch and tears sprang to his eyes. “My núro.” He kissed his neck before sliding his arm under his belly and pulling him to his knees, he could learn to live with his mutilation.

Maedhros slid his cock up and down Nolofinwe’s cleft, soon he was hard again, his desire spurned on by the sensation and the needy sounds Nolofinwe was making. Maedhros groaned as he entered him slowly, wringing more desperate, aroused sounds from him. Nolofinwe trembled, his back wet with sweat, but he was still holding still. Maedhros kissed his neck again.

“You are serving me so well, my núro. You are allowed to move now. Show me that your words are true.”

He gasped when Nolofinwe pushed back, taking him deeper. Maedhros braced himself on his forearm, his hand lying on Nolofinwe’s hip who fucked himself on him with quick motions. Hot shivers ran down his spine.

“Núro, my núro”, he moaned and bit Nolofinwe’s shoulder. He wanted to mark him, wanted everyone to see that Nolofinwe was his. Reaching around him he started to stroke Nolofinwe’s cock quickly. When he’d started this he’d thought to make him wait for his release, but now he just wanted to come with him. “Come for me”, he gasped and came himself when Nolofinwe cried out, his muscles clenching around him.

Nolofinwe snuggled into Maitimo who had slumped beside him.

“I’m happy”, he whispered. “So happy that you still want me.”

Maitimo enfolded him in a bone crushing embrace. “I never stopped wanting you. I wanted you so much, but I thought I mustn’t. I’m still not sure...”

Nolofinwe didn’t say anything, he didn’t want Maitimo to push him away again if he asked him about it. Maitimo gave him a loving look and caressed his cheek.

“My Nolofinwe”, he whispered. “Thank you so much. You made me so happy, too, with coming here.”

Nolofinwe sighed relieved. He’d been unsure about it, hadn’t known if he’d push him too far by sneaking into his bedroom. It had been a higher risk than he’d taken in a long time – the thought of anyone but Maitimo coming in had made him sweat in fear – but hearing this from him made the risk worth it.

“Maedhros... can I stay a while longer?”

Maitimo beamed at him. “Of course you can. But won’t you be missed?”

Nolofinwe shook his head. “Not right now. I can’t stay the night, but a while longer.”

Maitimo gave him a joyful kiss and jumped when someone knocked impatiently against the door.

“Maedhros, what’s taking you so long? We are starving!” Nolofinwe though that he recognised Curufinwe’s voice.

“I’m coming! Give me a minute!”, Maitimo answered.

“You better, or I’ll come in and drag you out!”

Nolofinwe tensed, the thought of being found in Maitimo’s bed – by one of his brothers! – was horrifying. Maitimo’s laugh sounded a little tense, too.

“That won’t be necessary.” He looked at him regretfully. “I’m afraid I have to leave you for now. Are you going to be here, when I come back? I won’t take long.”

Nolofinwe nodded. “I’ll be here.”

“Good.”

Maitimo dressed hastily, Nolofinwe could see that he had a few difficulties with closing the buttons with one hand, but he managed it alone. Before he left, Maedhros turned back to him with a pensive gaze. Nolofinwe squeaked in surprise when he pulled the blanket back and wrapped his hand around his cock.

“You’ll wait here for me, núro”, Nelyafinwe said with a grin. Nolofinwe moaned, his cock hardening under his prince’s knowing touches. “And when I come back, I want you to be hard. You may touch yourself to stay hard, but you are not to come, do you understand?”

“Yes, my prince”, Nolofinwe gasped and whimpered when Nelyafinwe let go of him, his arousal throbbing.

His prince gave him a quick kiss and whispered against his lips: “See you soon, my núro.”

Maedhros hoped he hadn’t seemed too absentminded through dinner or his brothers might worry. He didn’t need another disruption. It wasn’t unusual for him to retire soon after dinner, his body was still not back to his normal strength, although his wounds had healed. Maedhros carefully locked the door and turned around to Nolofinwe. The view made him shiver with pleasure.

Nolofinwe was drenched in sweat, his skin flushed. He was stroking himself slowly, lips parted slightly. Maedhros wanted to kiss him, suck that full lip into his mouth, feel his moans in his throat.

“Stop, núro”, Maedhros said and Nolofinwe obeyed with a whimper, his body shuddering.

He looked at him with dark, pleading eyes and Maedhros put on a grin, inwardly he was flowing over with affection. He’d missed him so much.

“What a wanton creature you are”, he said and caressed his thigh, Nolofinwe was trembling under his hand. “But you’ll be good and wait for your prince’s permission, won’t you?”

“Yes, my prince. I’m yours to command”, Nolofinwe croaked.

“I find myself in the mood to feel your lips on me, núro.” Maedhros knelt on the bed and opened his trousers to free his cock. “Come here.”

Nolofinwe crawled over with a whimper and pressed a kiss to the tip before wrapping his lips around his cock. Maedhros moaned and slid his hand into Nolofinwe’s already tousled hair. He looked down, rocking his hips and could have come from the sight alone.

“You look so good with my cock in your mouth, núro”, he groaned. “It’s one of my favourite sights.”

Nolofinwe blushed brightly and Maedhros grinned. He was getting close, when suddenly it was like he’d switched places. He was choking, Morgoth gripping his hair and thrusting into his mouth. His throat and lips were sore and he couldn’t breathe! Maedhros scrambled back, almost falling off the bed in his haste, his arousal gone. Sobbing, he clung to the post of the canopy, his back turned to Nolofinwe.

“Maedhros, did I do something wrong?” Nolofinwe didn’t touch him and Maedhros was grateful for it, he couldn’t have endured it now. He shook his head, crying too hard to get a word out. “Please, Maedhros, how can I help you?”

‘Don’t leave me’, Maedhros thought. He didn’t want Nolofinwe to see him like this – Too late, the cynical part of his mind told him – but the thought of him leaving was unbearable.

‘How can I help you?’ Nolofinwe’s fea touched his gently, ready to pull back.

‘Make it go away!’, he answered without thinking. ‘The helplessness.’

Maedhros leaned his forehead against the post, thinking that he felt Nolofinwe’s eyes on him, but his uncle didn’t say a word. He could hear rustling and felt the mattress move under him. Maedhros risked a peek over his shoulder and saw Nolofinwe blindfold himself with a sash. Maedhros watched in fascination as he tied his own hands together. He knelt on the bed, motionless, blindfolded and bound – vulnerable. And Maedhros realised what he was doing. He made himself helpless so Maedhros could be strong.

“Nolofinwe”, he whispered gently and embraced him.

Nolofinwe said nothing, just leaned into him a little and let himself be held. Maedhros clung to him, trembling, suddenly afraid of the power that was laid in his hands.

“What are you doing? Can’t you see that I’m unable to look after you?”

“I trust you”, Nolofinwe answered. “You are in command and I know you’ll take care of me.”

Maedhros took a deep breath. He wouldn’t let Nolofinwe come to harm. Nolofinwe trusted him, made himself so vulnerable, even now when he’d seen him falling apart... it didn’t arouse him but holding his bound lover in his arms made him find a place of strength inside him. He could be that – he wanted to be that. Morgoth wouldn’t win. Maedhros wiped the tears from his cheeks, the trembling had stopped, and kissed Nolofinwe’s cheek.

“Thank you”, he murmured and lay down with him, just holding him a while.

Nolofinwe stayed completely silent, breathing slowly, his body relaxed. Maedhros slid his hand down his arm and back up his chest, cradling his throat gently. Nolofinwe’s breath hitched a little at the touch. Maedhros suddenly wondered, if he’d be able to tell him, after all. Like this, bound and blindfolded, maybe gagged, unable to do anything but listen. Maedhros pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Not today, he knew Nolofinwe would have to leave soon and he needed time for that.

“I’m sorry for spoiling the fun”, he said softly.

“Don’t be”, answered Nolofinwe equally soft. “There’ll be other occasions.”

“Yes, in fact...” Maedhros coughed and slid back into the voice of Prince Nelyafinwe. “I told you, I’d teach you a lesson, núro”, he said tweaking Nolofinwe’s nipple. “You won’t touch yourself until we see each other again, and it’s for me to determine when that’s going to be. Your desire is mine to fulfil, only mine. Do you understand?”

Nolofinwe shuddered in his arms. “Yes, my prince. As you command”, he answered.

Maedhros smiled, undid his ties and slid the blindfold off his eyes.

“Thank you”, he said again. “I know we didn’t discuss...”

“It’s fine.” Nolofinwe caressed his cheek. “More than fine, actually. And we did, a long while ago.” A shadow crossed his face and Maedhros knew he thought of the reason why this was possible now.

“I’m sorry”, he said and wasn’t sure if he really was. Anaire’s staying in Aman meant he had Nolofinwe to himself now and that was a selfish thought, but he couldn’t push it completely out of his mind. Nolofinwe shook his head.

“It hurts that she left me, but it gives me strength to know that she is safe. I don’t know if I could have endured the ice, seeing her suffer.” He shuddered and Maedhros felt guilt for that come over him again.

“I’m sorry. I should have argued more...”

Nolofinwe laid his fingers on his lips. “Let’s not talk about it.” He kissed Maedhros long and gently. “I don’t blame you. I wish I didn’t but I have to leave now.”

Maedhros nodded and watched him get dressed. “I’ll help you sneak out.”

Maedhros sat on his chair in the circle of his relatives and waited for Nolofinwe to start their council. Only Turukáno was still refusing to sit at one table with them and Maedhros couldn’t blame him – his wife had died on the ice. It was a miracle to him that Findekáno had been ready to risk his life to rescue him. And it was a miracle that Nolofinwe still wanted him.

They had spread a map on the table, better than the one his brothers had started to make in his... absence, although they hadn’t been idle. This one, Angaráto had brought from his visit to Doriath and it showed all the land from the sea to the west to the mountains in the east and from the highland at the border south of the plain before Angamando to the bay the River the Sindar called ‘Sirion’ issued into.

“It’s time we worked together”, Nolofinwe said. “We can’t fight the Moringotto if we fight among each other. I want us to put what happened behind.”

Some looks showed clearly that not all of them were agreeing with Nolofinwe, but no one said anything.

“Thank you, Your Majesty”, Maedhros said.

Curufinwe crossed his arms and Carnistir looked like he had something unfriendly on his tongue, they resented that he’d given the crown to Nolofinwe, but he had made clear that he wouldn’t tolerate it as the head of their family if they insulted the High King. He moved his right shoulder uneasily. He went diligently through the exercises the healers had given him to strengthen his muscles, but the joint often ached – as did the hand that was no longer there. He scratched at the stump.

“Angaráto travelled to Doriath to meet with King Elwe – Elu Thingol in his language”, Findárato grimaced. “Would you please relay his message, brother?”

“He expects us to accept his lordship over Beleriand. He allows us to settle to the north of the mountains and also east of Doriath, where the land is empty but not anywhere else where we could hinder his people’s way of life.”

Maedhros looked closely at the map and huffed.

“He’s prudent. He gives us only what he couldn’t defend anyway and makes us into a bastion against... HIM.”

He couldn’t. Each time someone said ‘Moringotto’ a frightened shiver ran down his spine. His men... he hoped so much that they were dead now that HE couldn’t use them as leverage against him. He realised that he’d lost the thread of the conversation. Makalaure who sat beside him looked worried.

‘Are you alright?’, he asked gently with ósanwe.

Maedhros nodded almost imperceptibly, it was still hard for him to answer that way – or even hear it – he had locked his mind away for too long.

“And who gave you the right to speak in our stead anyway?”, growled Carnistir, glaring at Angaráto.

“Carnistir!”, snapped Maedhros. “We are newcomers in this land and Elwe is Angaráto’s kinsman, it was prudent to send him.”

“You don’t have to remind me, that he’s only half-Noldo. Who knows what he told him that Elwe sends back such words?”

“I said nothing of what you did on our way from Aman”, Angaráto hissed. “Because I was under the impression that we’d but that behind us. But maybe I should have!”

‘I can’t believe that you’d be so idiotic as to remind them of Alqualonde. We slaughtered their kin!’, Maedhros shot at Carnistir, too angry to be afraid of the mindbond.

Carnistir looked away, but he could see that he didn’t feel ashamed. Maedhros stood up and bowed to Angaráto.

“I apologise for my brother”, he said. “And I thank you for making this journey for all of us.”

“I don’t doubt your esteem, Maedhros”, Angaráto said coldly before he turned to Nolofinwe. “I’m sorry uncle, but I’d better leave before I forget myself.”

Nolofinwe nodded, looking tired and Maedhros wondered how much persuading he’d had to do to stop Finarfin’s children from bringing up the kinslaying in the first place. He looked at the map again and wondered if it wouldn’t be better to remove themselves as far east as they could. It might even be a good tactical decision.

“We could almost encircle him”, he muttered, staring at the mountains in the north. “Stop him from breaking out and harassing us constantly.”

He knew that breaking Angband wouldn’t be fast. They needed to settle in and build their strength. He’d need to talk to his brothers about this.

“You mean we should beleaguer Angband?”, said Nolofinwe and his eyes were sorrowful, when he looked at him.

Maedhros nodded, he knew, too, it would mean they’d be separated again – but that was nothing new for them, after all.

“He’s dug himself in. Hoping to draw him out and win is hopeless right now”, maybe it wasn’t possible at all, but he didn’t say that, “we should concentrate on building our strength, make alliances with the Sindar and Círdan’s people in the south.”

They continued to talk about how to fight HIM and Maedhros tried to concentrate on it – he wanted to fight HIM, he wanted to win, wanted to fulfil the Oath and take revenge on HIM – but although his body was healing well it still was hard for him to concentrate for longer stretches of time, especially when a lot of people were speaking. His eyes met Nolofinwe’s and his uncle smiled at him. Maedhros smiled back. Later he’d find a way to see him privately. He winked lewdly. They hadn’t seen each other since Nolofinwe had sneaked into his room. Maedhros wondered if he was hard right now, aching for him. The thought made him feel warm.

Nolofinwe was already wearing a nightshirt and dressing gown when Maedhros slipped through the bedroom door. He sat in front of the hearth, a stack of papers and a pen in his hands.

“You can take that off again, núro”, Maedhros said with a wide grin.

Nolofinwe’s head whipped around and he slid out of his armchair to kneel down.

“My prince”, he whispered breathlessly, his nightshirt was tenting treacherously.

Maedhros sat wordlessly in the armchair Nolofinwe had just vacated.

“Strip”, he said again and Nolofinwe quickly shook the dressing gown from his shoulders and pulled the shirt over his head. Maedhros stroked his head when he knelt naked before him. “Have you been a good boy, my núro? Did you follow my order?”

“I haven’t touched myself since we met last, Prince Nelyafinwe”, Nolofinwe answered and leaned into his touch.

“Very good, núro”, Maedhros crooned. “You deserve a reward for that. But first, turn around.”

Maedhros pulled the ribbon from the end of his braid and opened it with his fingers.

“I like it when your hair lies open on your shoulders”, he said and spread the black locks on Nolofinwe’s back, stroking his hair for a while. “Lie on the bed, núro. On your back, legs spread, wrists crossed above the head.”

Maedhros pulled the sling that reduced the strain on his shoulder joint over his head and laid it aside before taking a soft rope from the bag he’d brought and walking to the bed. Nolofinwe watched him with dark eyes, his mouth slightly open. Maedhros could see his pulse race.

“Excited?”, he asked softly.

“Yes, my Prince”, Nolofinwe answered and licked his lips.

“Good.”

Maedhros sat down beside him and kissed these enticing lips thoroughly, arousal shuddering awake in his body. It was still strange to feel that again after years of torture and rape... Maedhros pushed the thought aside. He knew, he wouldn’t be able to pull this off if he thought too much of that now. He concentrated on Nolofinwe’s soft lips instead, his mouth opening eagerly for his tongue.

Nolofinwe didn’t move when he wound the rope around his wrists a few times. He wasn’t able to make a save knot one-handed, yet, but this would hold as long as Nolofinwe didn’t move too much. Maedhros smiled down at him and slid his finger down the inside of his arm.

“Your arms remain were they are, núro”, he ordered.

“Yes, my Prince”, Nolofinwe answered breathlessly.

Maedhros kissed him again before rising and undressing slowly, sure that he’d manage alone without tangling himself in his clothes. Nolofinwe watched him hungrily, lips reddened from kissing and his hair splayed out around his head. Maedhros took a silky lock between his fingers and caressed his cheek with it. He loved Nolofinwe’s hair so much.

His heart started to pick up speed as he reached out with his stump and slid it down Nolofinwe’s chest. It took an effort to use it – what if he’d just imagined Nolofinwe’s acceptance of it? – but Nolofinwe moaned with pleasure and moved into his touch and Maedhros reached down and caressed his arousal with it before pressing it against his balls. A tenseness, he hadn’t been aware of, dissolved in Maedhros’s chest and he breathed easier. It was so hard to believe that Nolofinwe still felt affection for him, still wanted him, if he wasn’t there, but when he was lying under him like this, he couldn’t doubt it.

“Are you ready for me?”, he asked and moved the stump a little lower.

“Yes, my Prince.”

Nolofinwe’s breath hitched when he pushed the stump against his entrance. Was he afraid he’d fuck him with that? Maedhros quickly pulled his arm back.

“You deserve a reward”, he said with a grin that wasn’t completely real. He shouldn’t have gone so far. “But I didn’t say when.”

Nolofinwe’s eyes had closed, a bead of sweat was running down his neck. Maedhros bowed forward and followed its course with his tongue.

“You are so desirable”, he murmured, his fingers teasing Nolofinwe’s cock and drawing a whimper from him. “I love to see you hard and aching for my touch – knowing that my hand was the last one touching you there and that you’ll wait for my permission.”

Maedhros took his hand away to reach for his bag.

“I brought something for you.”

The contents of the bag clattered when he put it down on the bed. Nolofinwe’s eyes widened when he took the first clothespin from the bag and closed it slowly around a nipple.

His prince pinched the skin of his hip between thumb and forefinger and let the clothespin he held between his teeth close slowly around it. He knew that Nelyafinwe was making up for his missing hand but it looked highly arousing and the biting pain of the closing pin shot right to Nolofinwe’s cock.

His chest was adorned with two rows of pins that ran from his nipples down to his hipbones, two more on each side were placed at the crook of his arm, where the skin was stretched by his position. Each of his shuddering breaths tugged on the hot, tautened skin and brought him closer to orgasm. He had been hard since he’d seen his prince dismount and his arousal had made it difficult for him to sit still during their council.

He gasped when Nelyafinwe flicked his finger against one of the pins and the dull throb flared up to biting pain again. His arms jerked, his body wanted to shield himself by curling up, but he forced himself to keep them where his prince had positioned them while he flicked more clamps, playing them like the keys of a piano, and licked the skin with his hot, wet tongue. Nolofinwe shuddered, his cock was throbbing.

“You are doing so well for me”, Nelyafinwe murmured. “It means everything to me that you give yourself over to me.”

Nolofinwe felt a warm glow in his chest that had nothing to do with the heat that was radiating from his clamped skin. He knew how inadequate Nelyafinwe felt, how sure he was that he couldn’t be enough now and it was good to know that he could banish these thoughts even if just for a while.

His prince laid his hand loosely around his arousal and Nolofinwe sharply sucked in his breath. His motions were slow, much too slow to satisfy his need. His thighs trembled as he fought against thrusting into that warm, calloused hand. His prince grinned at him before bowing forward, his hair, that was slowly growing in, falling around his face, and pulling one of the pins away with his teeth. It took a moment, more pins had followed, for the pain to come back with force.

Nolofinwe whimpered and writhed a little but his prince rubbed the pulsing, screaming skin with his stump and started to stroke his cock in earnest and the discomfort turned to blinding pleasure. Nolofinwe keened and pressed his arms into the pillow because he wanted to reach for him, to cling to him, but he mustn’t.

“So good”, Nelyafinwe crooned before pulling off another pin. “So obedient, so desirable. I permit you to come now, núro.”

Nelyafinwe  licked his freed nipple, his stump was still massaging his throbbing chest but was sliding lower. Blinding pleasure rushed through his body when his prince rubbed it over the sensitive place behind his testicles.

Maedhros sat up and looked down on Nolofinwe, who lay splayed out, sweaty and sticky with come, arms still above his head – and what a good feeling it was that he obeyed him – his chest littered with red splotches where the clothespins had dug into his skin. He looked enticingly debauched.

Maedhros knelt between his spread legs and lifted them on his shoulders. He fisted his cock, groaning softly with pleasure – watching Nolofinwe squirm under the bite of the pins had thoroughly aroused him – and rubbed the head over Nolofinwe’s entrance a few times before entering him slowly. Maedhros moaned as Nolofinwe’s muscles enveloped him, hot and sleek and perfect, pleasure shot up his spine and let his thighs tremble.

He took him with quick, deep thrusts, it didn’t take long until his balls contracted and he came deep inside him. Maedhros let himself down on Nolofinwe’s chest, breathing heavily, his cock still inside him. He looked up quickly to check if his tied hands were still where he had put them before closing his eyes and enjoying their closeness for a moment.

“How are you?”, Maedhros murmured as he pushed himself up and unwound the rope, his hand stroked Nolofinwe’s silky hair and Nolofinwe smiled at him.

“Very well. Are you well?”

“Yes.” Maedhros lay down beside him and rested his forehead against Nolofinwe’s who stroked his side calmingly. “I need your submission so much. It makes me feel complete again. Thank you for giving me this.”

Nolofinwe kissed him gently. “It’s not a sacrifice, Maedhros, I enjoy this as much as you. I think I’ll need to summon a council more often.”

Maedhros chuckled. “At your own risk, Your Majesty. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to keep my brothers from saying or doing something idiotic. But let’s not talk about politics”, he asked.

He didn’t want to think about the war now – about HIM – not here. Not when he was so happy and the sex had gone off without an incident – for the first time since Angband. Nolofinwe nodded sympathetically.

“Of course, Maedhros. Let’s talk about sex instead.” He grinned at him and Maedhros relaxed.

“That’s fitting”, he answered with a laugh, he trailed his index finger down Nolofinwe’s chest and left goose bumps in his wake. “What do you want to talk about? Just in case this is your question:” Maedhros’ finger made a semi-circle around the base of Nolofinwe’s flaccid cock. “The order to not touch yourself still stands.”

Nolofinwe shuddered. “That... wasn’t my question, but... ah, Maedhros, how long...”

“As long as it takes for us to come together again. I know you can do this for me, núro.” Maedhros grinned and kissed his nose.

“Of course, my prince, everything for you”, Nolofinwe answered without hesitation and Maedhros kissed him gratefully. “What I wanted to say:” He caressed Maedhros’s handless arm and Maedhros felt a mix of tension, amazement and happiness about him not recoiling, as always when Nolofinwe focused his attention on his mutilation. That insecure part of him told him that Nolofinwe would ask him to stop touching him with the stump now. And he couldn’t make it shut up, although he didn’t really believe it. “I know you feel insecure and insufficient because of this, but I also get the feeling that you like touching me with it. Is that correct?”

“Both, yes.” Maedhros watched Nolofinwe’s long, slender fingers caressing the scars where the healers had done their best to tidy up Fingon’s inexpert amputation. Touching him without hesitation, without disgust. “I’m a cripple. So many things are hard for me.”

“And you learn to live with it.” Nolofinwe looked at him through long lashes. “Do you know how sensual it was how you put the clothespins on with your teeth? You don’t need to feel insufficient.”

A sharp twinge of happiness shot through Maedhros’s chest. “You liked that?” He was so happy.

“Yes, very much. And I also like it when you touch me with your stump.”

Maedhros kissed him fiercely. “That means so much to me, Nolofinwe. I... when I look at my arm, I only see the missing hand and how ugly the scars are, but when I’m with you and you touch me there, when you let me touch you with it, I don’t feel like something’s missing.”

Nolofinwe had tears in his eyes. He kissed the stump, a tear ran warm down Maedhros’s skin.

“It makes me happy that you feel like that”, he said with husky voice. “I’d never want you to feel like you aren’t enough.”

Maedhros caressed his hair and kissed it.

“I love you”, he whispered. “You don’t have to answer, I know how complicated it is.”

Nolofinwe had a wife even if she was on the other side of the sea and he had always known that what was between them wasn’t a romantic relationship. Nolofinwe lifted his head and caressed his cheek.

“I love you too, Maedhros. Different from Anaire, but not less.”

Maedhros leaned into the warm hand. “Thank you for saying that.” He wasn’t sure if it was true or if Nolofinwe only said it because he thought he needed to hear it.

“Maedhros... Nelyafinwe. I don’t know if you’d like that or if it would go too far, but I find the idea of your stump inside me very arousing.”

Maedhros stared at him. He almost couldn’t believe it. He must have looked so surprised that a mischievous smile came to Nolofinwe’s lips.

“Is that so unbelievable?”

“Erm... yes?” Maedhros shook his head. But was it really? “Have you ever been... fisted before?” Although strictly speaking, that wasn’t what they were planning here.

Nolofinwe shook his head. “It takes more preparation than I had time for in the past, but I’ve thought about it.”

He shrugged and blushed. Maedhros smiled and reached with his hand around him to rub his entrance with a fingertip.

“I’ve done it to others before, more than once, but it were people who knew what they were doing, too. We should take our time, although my stump isn’t as wide as a fist.” He kissed Nolofinwe’s ear. “I don’t suppose you brought any toys with you?”

“That wasn’t on my priority list when we left.”

Maedhros smiled wryly. “Neither was it on mine. I’ll find a discrete wood carver who can make a few plugs in different sizes for us and then we’ll open you up for me, núro. That’s going to be fun.”

Nolofinwe chuckled and pulled him down for a gentle kiss.

“You intend to leave Mithrim, don’t you?”, he said. “I could hear it, when you talked about beleaguering Angband today.”

Maedhros nodded. “As I’ve said, I don’t know how much longer I can keep my brothers from saying something that will start strife again. I need to get them away from here and by what I could see on the map the east is also the least defensible. That’s where he’ll strike, I think, and I want to be there when he does.”

“I know you’re right, it’s probably for the best, but... I wish I didn’t need to let you go. When?”

“Not immediately. I’ll have to talk my brothers into it at first. But soon.”

He nibbled gently at Nolofinwe’s ear, stroking his warm skin. He didn’t want to let go just yet, though he knew he couldn’t sleep here, it was too risky. Still, they could steal a few more minutes together before he sneaked back to his guest room.

Maedhros whimpered, Morgoth’s hands stroked roughly over his battered skin. He screamed when he entered him roughly. He was already so sore...

Maedhros tore his eyes open, his own screams still in his ears – he felt by the pain in his throat that he’d been loud. He shrank back from the shadow bowing over him and almost fell out of the bed.

“No!”

“Maedhros, it’s just me.”

Nolofinwe lighted a candle and looked at him with worried eyes. Maedhros breathed heavily like he’d been running. It was dark outside, the sky cloudy. They must have fallen asleep. Maedhros wiped his sweaty forehead.

“I... I’m fine again”, he croaked. “Just a dream.”

He forced himself not to jerk away when Nolofinwe caressed his arm. He saw the question in his eyes he didn’t ask out of consideration for him. Maedhros felt the guilt about his silence clutch at his heart. He had to tell him. He had to!

“Can you... can you blindfold yourself and tie your hands like the other day?”, he asked softly. He needed him vulnerable, needed him to be silent and blind when he told him about his shame.

“Of course.”

Nolofinwe fetched the sash of his dressing gown and blindfolded himself before tying his hands blindly. Maedhros gently caressed his side

“Would you... would you allow me to gag you – I’d use something you can push out of your mouth by yourself, if you have to. I can’t... I can’t tell you about this, if there is even a chance of you interrupting me.”

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to, Maedhros”, Nolofinwe said softly.

“But I do”, answered Maedhros. “I can’t stay silent any longer.”

“Then do what you need to feel comfortable telling me.”

Maedhros took his own sash from the pile of his clothes and awkwardly tied one end into a knock that he pushed into Nolofinwe’s open mouth.

“Show me that you can spit that out”, he ordered and Nolofinwe pushed the fabric from his mouth with his tongue.

“Good.”

Maedhros put it in again before lying down and pulling Nolofinwe against his chest. He’d calmed a little with the preparations but now he had to force himself to breathe deeply. This was the last time he’d hold Nolofinwe in his arms, he was sure of it. Maedhros caressed Nolofinwe’s chest and his lover relaxed into him. He’d seen his scars and hadn’t shrunk back. He didn’t find his stump disgusting. Could he hope that he’d still want him after his confession?

“He tortured me”, he said with rough voice. “But he didn’t do it for information. It was his pleasure and he... he.. he raped me. And I let him, gave in because he threatened to torture my men – turn them into orcs – if I didn’t comply.” Hot tears ran down his cheeks and he buried his face in Nolofinwe’s soft hair. “I understand, if you don’t want me anymore now that you know what I let him do to me. I’m tainted.” Nolofinwe was tense in his arms and Maedhros wondered if he felt revulsion at his touch. “But I couldn’t die”, he whispered. “I... the Oath.” Maedhros sobbed. “And I couldn’t fight and watch my men suffer for me either. I’m so sorry, Nolofinwe. I should have told you before we... I feel so bad for remaining silent. But I couldn’t tell you. I simply couldn’t! I don’t want to think of it and I want to talk about it even less, but I mustn’t hide this from you any longer. Do you want me to... to leave?”

Maedhros held his breath but Nolofinwe shook his head immediately. Maedhros felt his fea reach out to him with gentle warmth and love.

“You still want me?”, he whispered. “Despite what he did to me?”

Nolofinwe nodded.

“Thank you”, he whispered. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Nolofinwe.”

He sobbed quietly into Nolofinwe’s hair as the relief of it being out and Nolofinwe not pushing him away washed over him. He didn’t think this would change nothing – he was sure Nolofinwe was quite horrified in his blinded silence – but he was still here in his arms. Maedhros knew he could have freed himself from his bonds at any time. He had chosen not to. It meant everything to him.

“I love you”, he whispered and kissed Nolofinwe’s cheek.

Chapter End Notes

elennalore did lovely fanart for this chapter. Please check it out: https://elennalore.tumblr.com/post/647187147122737152/nolofinw%C3%AB-submitting-to-maedhros-fan-art-for-fic

He was so surprised when his blade pushed Findekáno’s sword aside and he suddenly was inside his guard that he almost let go of his weapon. The look on Findekáno’s face was as surprised as he felt, before it turned into a radiant smile.

“Ha! I knew you could do it!”, he exclaimed and embraced him.

“Only because you held back”, Maedhros said, not daring to believe it yet.

“Not so!”, Findekáno protested. “That was all you.”

And Maedhros knew by the sweat on Findekáno’s brow and his quick breath that it was true. He hadn’t spared himself or him. Maedhros laughed happily. For the first time he could believe that he might be able to go to battle, after all – even with only one hand.

“Thank you.” Maedhros returned his embrace happily. “For all your help. For bearing my tempers.”

He had cursed and shouted at Findekáno and his friend had accepted it, had said nothing, had held him when he could do nothing but cry and said nothing, either, when he’d pushed himself to exhaustion.

“You are my best friend”, Findekáno said. “I’m there for you, whatever it is you need. I’ll come with you when you go east.”

Maedhros moved back and stared at him. “Are you mad? You’re needed here!”

Findekáno’s face was serious. “I promised to be your right hand.”

“That was before I ceded the crown to your father!”, Maedhros answered.

“I didn’t promise it to the king! It doesn’t change anything.”

“It changes everything! You are the heir to the throne now!” Maedhros gripped his shoulder.  “You can’t leave your people and much less for serving me. Do you know how that would look?”

Findekáno took a trembling breath. “I don’t care”, he said but Maedhros knew, that he was seeing it.

“Findekáno”, he said gently. “You are the best of us all. You did what no one dared and saved my life and I’ll always be grateful for that. I’m proud to be your friend. But you are needed here, your place is at your father’s side. We are princes, we do what is our duty, although that isn’t always what we want to do.”

It was hard to tell him no. His mind searched for possibilities how it could work. The thought of having Findekáno as near to him as he hadn’t been since their childhood, was tantalising. His best friend who had not given up, even when he thought he’d been deserted by him and in front of whom he didn’t feel ashamed when he was clumsy with his one remaining hand. On who’s shoulder he could cry if he needed to. Findekáno had not once asked him about Angband and still managed to give him the feeling that he could tell him anytime, if he wanted. But he had already become a kinslayer because of their friendship, he had to keep his distance.

“You are right.” Findekáno sighed. “I wish it were different. But I expect letters! I hope that’s clear.”

“I’ll do my best.” Maedhros grimaced. The readability of his writing was more than poor. He lifted his sword off the ground. “Let’s have another go?”

Findekáno nodded. “Gladly. You should start to spar with others.”

“Maybe I’ll take Maglor along next time.”

He wasn’t confident enough of his skill yet, to do this for everyone to see, but Maglor would be fine.

“Ready?” Findekáno moved into his guard and pointed the sword at him. Maedhros touched it with his own weapon. “Ready.”

Nolofinwe woke with racing heart. It was dark in the room but he felt like someone was watching him. Did he hear someone breathe? Nolofinwe shook his head at himself and turned on his side. No one was in here. Who should sneak into his room? He was dozing off again when a voice said: “You have to tell me No.”

Nolofinwe shot up with a very un-kingly squeak.

“Maedhros?”, he asked, his heart in his throat. He took a few deep breaths. “You almost scared me to death! What are you doing here?”

He heard clothes rustling and felt the mattress dip, when Maedhros sat down beside him.

“I need you”, he murmured and kissed his neck. Nolofinwe wondered how he found anything in the darkness, he couldn’t see anything. “You have to tell me No.”

“What do you mean?”, Nolofinwe answered confused. “Why?”

Maedhros hand found its way under the blanked and slid up his thigh. Nolofinwe moaned softly. Maedhros’s teeth nibbled at his skin, his thumb drew small circles at the point where his thigh met his body, close to his wakening erection.

“To this”, Maedhros answered against his neck. “Tell me to stop.”

If Nolofinwe hadn’t heard the deep despair in Maedhros’s voice, he would have thought this was a game.

“Why?”, he asked and felt for Maedhros’s face. He would have liked to uncover the crystal lamp but he had a feeling that Maedhros wanted it to be dark. He caressed his cheek. “What’s going on, Maedhros?”

“I...” He felt Maedhros shake his head. “Please, just... I’m going to turn you on your stomach and give you a few slaps to your backside. Tell me to stop. Please!”

Nolofinwe was worried and confused when Maedhros turned him over. The night air was chill on Nolofinwe’s bare skin. He gasped when something hard met his buttock with a loud smack and then again on the other side. His half-hard cock dug into his belly and he rubbed himself against the mattress. He didn’t want Maedhros to stop – a third smack a little lower than the other two – it felt wonderful! But Maedhros... he had been serious – deadly serious. He didn’t know what this was about, but he would oblige him, although it was hard.

“Prince Nelyafinwe”, he said after the fourth slap. “Please, my prince, stop.”

Maedhros sobbed, the object he had beaten him with fell to the floor with a muffled thump. Nolofinwe turned on his side and reached out, Maedhros fled into his arms.

“Thank you”, he sobbed and Nolofinwe stroked his hair as he cried trembling at his shoulder.

He didn’t ask again what this had been about, Maedhros would tell him, once he was ready. Maedhros’s sobs became softer and finally he lay calmly in Nolofinwe’s arms.

“I... I had to hear it”, he whispered with hoarse voice. “That you’d say it and that I’d listen. I had to experience it, to know that this is different from... from what He did to me.”

“You are not like him.” Nolofinwe kissed Maedhros’s forehead. “You never did anything against my will and I know that this will never change. Are you feeling better?”

Maedhros nodded. “I’m sorry for startling you, but... I wasn’t sure if I should really wake you and bother you with this.”

“You don’t bother me. You can always come to me, no matter the time. How did you get here?”

“I walked. I couldn’t sleep.” Maedhros clung to him. “Do you promise that you’ll never let me do anything to you only because I want it? You’ll tell me, if you don’t want to do something?”

Nolofinwe continued to stroke his soft hair. “I promise it, Maedhros. What we do, it will always be with my complete consent.”

Maedhros sighed relieved and soon Nolofinwe felt his breath deepen and his muscles relax – he’d fallen asleep in his arms. It was already dawning and he’d have to wake him soon, if he wanted to slip out unnoticed, but for the moment he wanted to hold him and make him feel save.

Nolofinwe shivered as Maedhros moved the plug in and out, his entrance stretched and glistening with oil. It was the second largest of those he’d let made. The wood carver he had commissioned was someone known in their circles and didn’t ask questions. He hadn’t batted an eye and Maedhros had had the feeling that his commission wasn’t the strangest he’d ever accepted.

Nolofinwe was blindfolded, Maedhros had tied his ankles above his head with leather cuffs he could open and close one-handed and that he’d ordered Nolofinwe to fix to the headboard beforehand – making him do that had been strangely arousing although it was again a necessity of his limitations.

“You are so beautiful”, he murmured. “So open and ready for me.” Nolofinwe moaned when he slid his hand along the stretched skin. “My dutiful núro, I can see what a good boy you’ve been, training for me.” He moved up his side and kissed him gently. “Did you use the largest one already?”, he asked, his hand caressing Nolofinwe’s hipbone.

“Yes, my prince.” He lifted his head, his lips begging for another kiss. Maedhros nibbled at his chin.

“Should we try today, then?”, he said against his skin. “I’d love to see you find release impaled on my arm. Do you feel up to it? Do you trust me?”

“Yes, my prince”, Nolofinwe answered breathlessly. “Please.”

Maedhros kissed his lips again and slowly, inch by inch, pulled the plug out, Nolofinwe moaned into his mouth. Maedhros slicked his stump generously before pressing it to Nolofinwe’s widened muscle. He waited a moment, looking at the red scars that glowed on his pale skin. He still almost couldn’t believe that Nolofinwe had asked for this, that the thought of being filled with his maimed arm turned him on, but he knew that Nolofinwe hadn’t lied. He was completely relaxed and obviously aroused. Maedhros dragged his finger up the underside of his cock and Nolofinwe whimpered, he had forbidden him to come when he trained in his absence.

Maedhros pressed slowly in, felt the muscle give way and Nolofinwe’s warmth envelop him. Nolofinwe made an aroused sound and Maedhros kissed the inside of his thigh.

“You’re doing so well, my núro”, he hummed. “You feel so good, so warm and tight.”

It made pleasure shoot through his body. He moved his arm – his stump – deeper in shallow thrusts and wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking himself slowly. Nolofinwe threw his head from one side to the other and pulled on his bonds. He screamed softly when Maedhros’ stump brushed his prostate. His thighs quivered, Maedhros nibbled at the tender skin, admired the view of his arm stretching Nolofinwe so wide and right now he didn’t mind at all that he didn’t have a right hand. He stroked himself quicker while he rubbed the tip of his stump, where the bone was right under the skin, against Nolofinwe’s prostate.

Maedhros shivered as he reminded himself again that Nolofinwe had wanted this. He hadn’t wanted him to fist him, he’d wanted his stump and now he could watch him come while his stump was buried inside him. Nolofinwe screamed, his body shuddering violently when his orgasm rolled over him, Maedhros stilled his right arm’s motions to not hurt him when he tensed around him and came over Nolofinwe’s backside after another few quick strokes of his hand.

Nolofinwe blinked a few times when Maedhros pulled the blindfold off his eyes, he was already free of his bonds and stretched languidly.

“That was fantastic”, he mumbled.

He felt great, his body pulsing, warm and relaxed and utterly satisfied. Maedhros embraced him and Nolofinwe laid his cheek on his warm chest. He shivered blissfully when Maedhros started to caress his back with his fingertips. His thoughts were pleasantly blurry, he only wanted to lie here and breathe.

“Are you alright?”, Maedhros asked and his voice vibrated under Nolofinwe’s ear.

“Mmmh”, he hummed.

Maedhros laughed softly and kissed his cheek. Nolofinwe closed his eyes, dozing off with a warm glow in his heart.

Maedhros was still there when he woke again and Nolofinwe kissed him before sitting up slowly, testing his body – he knew he’d be sore.

“Where do you think you are going?”, Maedhros asked playfully stern.

“Getting something to drink. I’m thirsty.”

Maedhros pushed him gently back down. “I’ll fetch it for you.”

Nolofinwe watched him padding naked through the room. The scars on his body only emphasised his beauty, he thought, but he knew he couldn’t say that to Maedhros, not yet. He could only show him.

“Thank you.” He accepted the cup and sighed when the water ran cool down his throat.

“Thank you for this experience”, Maedhros said with a smile. “You make me so happy.”

Nolofinwe kissed him quickly. “It is my pleasure, melindo. Will we see each other one more time before you go eastwards?”

Maedhros nodded. “There’s still some planning left to do, I’ll sneak in again before we leave.”

“Findekáno wants to come with you.”

“He told you?” Maedhros groaned. “I tried to dissuade him.”

“He told me that, too. Do you want him to come?”

“He is my best friend, of course I’d be happy, but the diplomatic implications...”

Nolofinwe shrugged. “I couldn’t let him go immediately, of course, that would indeed cause discontent, but nothing prevents me from sending him as my ambassador, once you settled in. You are still the head of your house, it wouldn’t be that unusual, if we sell it right.”

“And you wouldn’t mind?” Maedhros sounded surprised.

“I’d miss him”, Nolofinwe said. He loved his children, but he also knew that they’d leave to find their own lands anyway – that was one of the reasons, why they’d come here, after all. “I could do with his help, but he is your best friend and it is his wish to support you. And knowing he’s at your side would make me sleep more easily.”

It would be good for Maedhros not to be alone. Nolofinwe wasn’t sure how much of the way he saw Maedhros interact with his brothers was due to it being in public, but he had a feeling that he didn’t want to seem weak before them. He had asked Findekáno to fence with him, not his brothers.

“I don’t want him to get mixed up in the Oath”, Maedhros said, his voice rough. “It’s better if he isn’t so close to me.”

“He’d be my ambassador, his duty would be with me", Nolofinwe tried to calm him.

“It wouldn’t deter him from following me anywhere.” Maedhros smiled sadly. “You know this is true.”

Nolofinwe sighed, his heart aching. They didn’t say the name, but they knew they were both thinking of Alqualonde.

“You are not your father”, he said gently. “But I hear your concerns. Let’s talk about it again, when the time is here to decide. I expect we’ll have regular contact. Are you going to leave one of the Palantíri, or is it going to be letters?”

“Letters.” Maedhros grimaced. “Although I’m going to dictate most of them – my handwriting is horrible. But father entrusted the Palantíri to Curufinwe and I’d have to pry them from his cold, dead hands, if I wanted to give one to you. Maybe we can come to an arrangement later, but my abdication is still too fresh.”

“I understand.” Nolofinwe slid his hand down Maedhros’s chest and heard him suck in his breath when he circled a nipple. “I thought about... us. And I’d like to stay in more... personal contact, too.”

Maedhros’s eyes twinkled impishly. “Oh, is that so? Do you want me to write you... suggestive letters?”

“More than suggestive, I hope.” Nolofinwe blinked innocently. “We'll have to treat them as state secrets.”

“That can be done, if you can read my script, that is. What would you want me to write you?” Nolofinwe sighed as Maedhros started to rub his neck. “What I’d like to do to you?”

“Hmm, yes, and I thought, you could give me tasks, too. I’d write you about fulfilling them.”

Maedhros grinned at him. “That sounds fun. But you know... I’m awfully possessive. I might not let you come but in my presence...”

Nolofinwe shuddered. The thought was appalling and arousing at the same time.

“Whatever you wish, my prince”, he breathed.

“Will you grace me with your presence tonight, Prince Nelyafinwe?”, Nolofinwe had whispered to Maedhros at the feast that he'd given to see those who would go east off and Maedhros had nodded silently.

That had been a few hours ago and Nolofinwe was waiting in his bedroom. He only wore loose robes and had freed his hair from its braids because he knew Maedhros enjoyed that. He tried to read but he couldn’t concentrate, was only listening for steps that would herald his prince’s approach. He stood up when Maedhros finally entered the room and let the robe glide from his shoulders. Maedhros pulled him into an embrace and kissed his neck.

“Fuck me”, Nolofinwe whispered into his ear. “Spank me and fuck me so hard I’ll still feel you tomorrow.”

Maedhros uttered an aroused growl and bit the crook of his neck, sucked on the skin until it hurt and Nolofinwe knew there’d be a mark – but it was a spot he could hide and it aroused him to be marked by his prince. He moaned when Maedhros slid his stump between his legs. Maedhros pulled him in the direction of the bed and Nolofinwe allowed him to lay him over his lap. Maedhros’s hands caressed his backside a few times.

“I love you so much, my núro”, he murmured. “I wish I could take you with me, as my personal plaything.”

Nolofinwe laughed and tried to pretend the words didn’t arouse him. “I’m afraid that would be hard to explain.”

“Yes, very true.” Maedhros’s hand met his skin with a lout slap. “I’ll grant your wish, núro. You’ll be sore tomorrow. And the thought of that will sweeten my journey.”

Nolofinwe moaned under the calm, measured slaps that made his skin glow.

Nolofinwe’s skin was blazing under Maedhros’s hand, hot and red, and with every slap he made these small, whimpering, aroused sounds that made Maedhros’s cock throb. He was pretty good at controlling his left hand by now and almost every stroke landed where he wanted it to. Nolofinwe’s arousal dug into his thigh and he knew his núro could take more. He’d spanked his ass until the buttocks were glowing red before moving lower to give his milky thighs the same treatment. Maedhros’s gave him a sharp smack on the ass for variety and drew a soft cry from Nolofinwe.

“You are doing so well for me, my núro”, he praised, giving him another few slaps. His arm stared to grow tired, but he continued for a while until he was sure Nolofinwe would rather pass the next day standing.

Maedhros gently rubbed the bruised skin with his palm and whispered quiet words of appreciation. Nolofinwe moved into his touch as he slid his finger down his cleft and pushed the tip into his oiled entrance.

“Hands and knees, núro”, Maedhros ordered huskily and quickly got rid of his clothes, stroking his cock as he watched Nolofinwe position himself in the middle of the bed, legs spread and head on his laced arms.

Maedhros let more oil trickle down his cleft and stretched him with two fingers. Nolofinwe moaned loudly when he rubbed his prostate. Maedhros grinned and positioned himself, breaching him with the tip of his cock.

“You want it rough tonight, núro?”, he made sure and sucked in his breath when Nolofinwe’s muscles quivered.

“Yes, my prince”, he gasped. “Please.”

“As you wish, my beautiful núro.”

Maedhros entered him with one hard thrust and heard Nolofinwe gasp. He knew this was the last time for a long while that they had a chance to be together and he wanted to make it count. He wanted Nolofinwe to remember this, wanted him to remember that he belonged to him. Maedhros let all the possessiveness he felt for him well up. He gripped Nolofinwe’s hip with his hand and braced his other arm on his back, taking him with quick, hard thrusts.

He was glad that the bedroom was at the end of a set of rooms reserved for the king because Nolofinwe was loud. And he became even louder when Maedhros changed the angle a little and ever thrust hit his prostate.

“You may come”, he gasped into his ear and slapped his hand aside when Nolofinwe reached down to stroke himself. “No, núro. You’ll come from my cock buried inside you or you won’t come at all.”

Nolofinwe shuddered hard and his trembling muscles almost took Maedhros over the edge, but he forced himself to wait. Only when he felt Nolofinwe come he let go himself.

Maedhros turned them on their sides so he wouldn’t crush Nolofinwe and slowly caressed his side until they’d both caught their breath, burying his face in Nolofinwe’s soft, black locks.

“Thank you”, Nolofinwe whispered.

Maedhros laughed. “Thank me tomorrow, if you still mean it. You’ll be very sore.”

“Yes”, Nolofinwe said with a blissful smile. “And I hope you appreciated this orgasm because it’s going to be the last one you had for a while.”

Nolofinwe shuddered and snuggled into him.

“As you command, Prince Nelyafinwe”, he said. “I’ll suffer anything for you.”

Maedhros kissed his neck, his heart swelling with love.

“Tomorrow”, he murmured. “When we say goodbye to our king, it will give me pleasure to know that my núro is hiding a sore butt under his robes and feels with every step how well I fucked him tonight and that he belongs to me. Is that going to arouse you?”

“Yes”, Nolofinwe croaked.

“Good. But remember”, Maedhros squeezed his cock. “This is mine. Your pleasure is mine.”

“Yes, my prince.” Nolofinwe turned around and kissed him gently. “I’ll miss you and not just because of that.”

Maedhros rubbed his cheek against his. “I’ll miss you too, but it has to be so.”

Nolofinwe sighed. “Yes, I know it does.”