Song by Melesta

Chapter 2

irion:

It was not until Laurelin waxed and waned trice before Findekáno saw Maitimo again. He had barely rested since returning to Tirion. He felt as his body was moving of its own will when he made his way to Fëanáro's estate sometime after the mingling. Standing underneath Maitimo's window he felt at loss of words or movement. Did Maitimo even want to see him, like this, unannounced? If he did, what in Eä would he even say to him? Yet he was here already so he closed his eyes and looked for an answer deep inside himself. He recalled the sensation of holding Maitimo's hand, not three nights before, but what felt like an eternity ago. The feeling of wholeness as they intertwined bodies and the words of that Song. They escaped his lips without much thought … under the shimmering stars of dark Cuiviénen… in the blessed light of Valinórë…

He must have been singing louder than he believed for suddenly the curtains between the open windows shifted and Maitimo's copper head peaked out. He was dressed in a night robe but Findekáno could tell he had not gotten much rest either. Maitimo beamed as he spotted his cousin but his face swiftly became somber and his eyebrows furrowed.

'Finno, are you mad? My brothers are still awake.' Maitimo hissed.

'I had to see you.' Findekáno quieted the Song and forced his voice low. 'I have not found a moment of peace since Alqualondë. I am losing my mind Maitimo.'

'Me too...'

Maitimo let out barely audibly but kept fidgeting and looking out the window. Findekáno started climbing the trellis of the sidewall before Maitimo could begin protesting and let himself in.

'Did you like my song?' He grinned like an adolescent and felt more the fool.

'You are ridiculous. I love your voice and I am glad to see you.' Maitimo could not help a smile and a blush. 'But you need to leave before my father or my brothers…'

'Please, just give me a moment. And then I will be on my way.' Maitimo said nothing in turn but finally stood still, eyes fixed on him. The quiet in the room turned uncomfortable. Findekáno inhaled deeply and continued hesitantly. 'I cannot stand this silence Maitimo. I feel… Look, the other night, it was… I do not regret a bit of it, but I understand if you do. If it means I would lose your friendship… We shall never speak of it again Maitimo. My heart would not stand… But you should know that I enjoyed it, and…'

Maitimo's gaze dropped to the ground and Findekáno's voice faltered. He let out a sigh and fell silent, fear freezing every muscle of his body. His eyes traced as Maitimo began pacing the room visibly disturbed. Findekáno did not know if the moment lasted an eternity or just a few heartbeats but suddenly he felt crushed, lost. A strange defeat compressing his chest and he felt that this must be what it feels like to lose your spirit to sadness. With his last drop of courage he spoke, barely above a whisper.

'I am sorry, Maitimo, I should never have… It was that damned Song of Makalaurë's. I will go now. If you can find it in your heart to forgive…' he fell silent and reluctantly turned to the window making to leave.

'Wait, Finno' he turned to catch Maitimo's small panic.

'Wait.' He repeated and quietly crossed the room to join Findekáno back by the window. Another moment of silence stretched as they locked gazes, but Findekáno forced himself to breathe. He focused on Maitimo's features under the soft light of Telperion. The storm in his grey eyes and his rising chest betraying his nerves among the otherwise soft lines on his pale face. He took in the familiar sight and found it in himself to gift Maitimo a faint smile. Determined to memorize every detail of these beloved eyes and keep this memory as a token. Store it in his heart and draw courage from it for whatever was to come.

Maitimo must have sensed this shift in energy as if Findekáno's courage seeped into him for the raging waves in his eyes seemed to calm down and his shoulders relaxed. He extended a hand and cupped Findekáno's cheek focusing on his movements. He slowly traced the lines up his temple and into his hair. Long fingers traced a small braid from the scalp down Findekáno's chest and he finally let his hand drop to grasp Findekáno's wrist, gently but surely.

'Finno. May I ask you to tell me, to share all that lies in your heart? Fear not, for whatever you say will not change what I feel for you. Will not change what we are. Just, please, I need to hear it.'

Findekáno's heart skipped a beat, but he focused on the warmth on his wrist and the tender look on Maitimo's face. Patient and compassionate as he always remembered it. A gaze that had always given him strength, since he was an elfling. So, he found trust in Maitimo's words and let the deep fire he usually kept tamed guide his confession.

'Maitimo, you have lived in my heart for longer than I can recall, since before I knew what that feeling meant. I love you, Maitimo, as my older cousin, as my best friend, as… as the other half of my fëa. This love has lived with me for so long, that I no longer know who I am without it.'

Then a flicker of sadness flashed across his features, but he marched on carefully. 'But I have long decided that I do not mind if my spirit is to remain unbound. That I shall remain alone with my longing until the end of time. I would never dare to expect that you…'

He could not finish his speech for Maitimo took a step forward and raised his hands to frame his jaw and gently held a thumb on his lower lip. Findekáno dared not breathe. Maitimo had an expression he had never seen before, a beautiful and terrifying sight at the same time. But then warm lips were resting on his and Findekáno felt like he was slowly falling back into the enchantment of the Song. He let his eyes close and allowed himself to drown in the taste and scent he never thought he would claim. He felt Maitimo's heated breath as he gently explored Findekáno's lips tasting them inch by inch. He moved by instinct at first responding to the kiss and raising his hands to Maitimo's waist. Their lips stilled against each other and for a long moment, they just stood trembling and sharing the air between them.

Findekáno would have believed that this was surely a dream, a beautiful one indeed, but a dream nonetheless and he did not wish to wake up. But then he felt a slight tremor in the body underneath his fingers and sensed more than heard the small chuckle leaving Maitimo's lips. It brought Findekáno to the present moment and he finally grasped who and where he was. And who was kissing him. And what a realization that was, Manwë and Varda bless him both! Findekáno became aware of the light silk of Maitimo's loose nightly robe, slowly letting his fingers find the fastenings and undoing them. Maitimo smiled and moved along under his touch to get a hold of Findekáno's tunic in turn. They disrobed each other without hurry, lace by lace, fold by fold, with the easiness of lovers who have known each other's bodies for centuries. The enchantment turned to magic as fingertips discovered a new crevice, eyes caught a new freckle, silks, and linens slipped down legs, and breath hinged with every exposed curve. Findekáno felt Maitimo's hands as he grasped the gold-threaded plaits and let his dark tresses down his waist. He reached in turn to undo the single copper braid and brought the soft curls to his lips.

When at last they were free of all clothing and jewelry they stood to meet their bodies once again. Taking in the sight of their nakedness as if for the first time. Of course, it was not for the first time that Findekáno had seen Maitimo's naked body. He had, countless times, at public baths, out on the lakes, in their rooms when they would collapse side by side, exhausted after dancing at the festivals. But that sight was always stolen, clandestine, fragmented. He winced momentarily at the thought of the hundreds of times he had to take his gaze away from this body in the past, especially in recent years. Looked away to hide his desire, burry his thoughts, suffocate his impossible dreams. But now… Maitimo was here, gloriously naked, for him alone.

'Eru's Song truly is glorious, my beautiful Maitimo.' He whispered reverently as if not to break the spell. But the last drop of doubt surged and he could not hold back. 'Beloved, I loathe to ask now but I must know. Do you return my feelings?'

'Dear heart…' said Maitimo after a breath and extended a trembling hand, ghosting over Findekáno's chest, right above where he felt that strong pull to him. 'If what you feel is a fire that keeps your heart beating and may yet burn you to ashes… If you feel like thirsting for the very waters that would consume you… Like your fëa will leave your body if you do not hold my hand now and in all of your lives… then yes, I return your feelings.'

Findekáno viscerally felt every image Maitimo conjured and he was suddenly consumed. He pressed Maitimo's hand to himself and pulled him closer, finding those sweet lips again. The enchantment suddenly intensified and Findekáno felt the flame burning him. His kiss turned desperate, hands hastily covering smooth skin and long tresses, hips rushing forward.

'Finno, my Finno…' His beloved breathed with equal enthusiasm into his mouth, burying his hands in Findekáno's hair and deepening the kiss further. Their tongues joined, exploring, caressing, devouring. Searching deeply into each other as if each held half the mysteries of Eä itself. Closer… deeper… Until they were both utterly breathless and collapsed into a tangled embrace barely making it to Maitimo's bed.

'Yours, now and in all of my lives.' Findekáno managed and words were no longer needed after that. They were burning, drowning, losing themselves into each other's spirits. And Findekáno felt like he is only beginning to live all over again.

***

When he woke next, Findekáno was not sure if he had stopped dreaming altogether. His body ached but his spirit was light. The cool breeze right before the mingling tickled his skin and he pressed himself closer to the body wrapping around him. He could feel a beating heart, like a small flame, underneath his palm. He inhaled deeply the familiar scent of sweat, wildflower tea, and pine, and his entire soul rejoiced.

And then he heard it. A soft thrum in the chest underneath him, a melody escaping through pressed lips. Maitimo was humming the chorus of the song, their Song …now and in all of my lives… in the darkness and the light… your hand I will hold…

Findekáno smiled, wrapped an arm tighter, and joined the hum the second time around …now and in all of my lives…