The Joining of Two Families by chrissystriped

Death was peaceful. Her mother had told her of the houseless spirits that travelled with their living families and she ’d have wished to guard her children in that way, be a comfort to her husband who’d surely grieve for her. But when she’d died, she’d felt a Call. Powerful and yet soft, stern but also sweet, promising healing and rest. And there were more things in death her mother had never talked about — had likely not known about. She’d felt something, a presence, an... Eye, who’s gaze was turned elsewhere right now, but who’d find here if it looked. And she didn’t want it to find her! She knew clearly then that her only choice was to follow the Call or be caught by the Eye. She felt like she’d moved a long distance and no distance at all at the same time, when she finally came into the Presence of the one Calling.

The Vala had touched here deepest core. A majestic Presence, awful in his power but welcoming, too. Stern but not cruel, painfully just but also gentle.

‘You are save now, child’, she felt him telling her. 'You’ve lived a harsh life but you did your best to raise your children with love and much good shall come of that. Rest now and be healed from the pain of life.’

She’d wept then, relieved to have escaped the Iron Prison.

Time went by imperceptibly. She found she could dream. Long dreams of trees under starlight or wide meadows bathed in golden light she did not recognise. Sometimes she met Others in those dreams and she knew instinctively they were dead, too. Now and then she felt the touch of a Power, never painful, like she ’d learned to expect from the Maiar of the King, but gentle, with sympathy. She didn’t know how long she had been here, when she started to wish for more than dreams. A body, to touch and feel the real world again.

~*~*~

Shai looked down on her hands, slowly moving each finger. Hands, and eyes to see them. She could have sworn that there had been nothing around her just a moment ago, but when she looked around now, she found herself in a room with a fireplace. She was sitting in a comfortable armchair and in the other, looking at her... the Vala.

“Where am I?”, she asked.

“In Mandos, for the moment.”

For the moment? She had thought it would be for forever.

“It is only for forever if you want it to be. The fact that you sit here now, shows me that that’s not the case.”

“I don’t understand...”

“Not only we Ainur have sub-creative power. A fea who loses their hroa and comes to me, finding rest and getting things straightened out with themselves and the world, can make their own body. It is not just me who decides how long a fea stays in Mandos.”

“Does that mean I can leave?”

Namo nodded. “Aman is just around the corner. One of my Maiar will take you any place you like. Come.”

He reached out and Shai took his hand, her skin looked even more dark in contrast to his.

“Why do I still look like this?”, she asked.

“Does it pain you?”, the Vala asked and Shai was surprised to find it did not.

When she’d been alive, she had sometimes wondered, who she would have been, if her mother hadn’t been captured, if she’d been born an elf. She had imagined herself with silver hair and blue or green eyes, but when she thought of it now... that wouldn’t be her.

“No”, she answered and the Vala smiled.

“I didn’t think so. Your fea shaped this body, it is who you are.”

“But... won’t I stand out in Aman?”

She wondered what the elves would say to an orc in their midst. She was amazed to hear the stern Master of Death chuckle.

“You’ll be surprised, Shai. Come, take a look at my wife’s tapestries before you leave, they’ll make some things clearer.”

She found herself in a long hallway, chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and lighting the tapestries on the walls, the Vala was gone.

“The Weaver’s Webs. They’ll show you everything you want to see.”

Shai turned around, moving instinctively into a fighting stance. She looked at a fiery-haired man. She knew him.

“You are...”

Had all this been just an illusion? Was there no escape in death after all?

“I am Sinthoras, servant of Namo. But yes, I was someone else before.”

Shai noticed that the tapestries, as if in answer to her thoughts, showed scenes from his past. Sinthoras grimaced, a pained look in his eyes.

“Surely there are things you are more interested in than my past.”

“My children, my husband”, Shai whispered.

Sinthoras bowed to her when the tapestries changed again.

“Take all the time you need, there’s no rush. Call me, when you are ready – or if you need help – and I’ll take you to any place in Aman you wish.”

Shai nodded, feeling a little dizzy, then she turned to the walls. Her husband was dead, a tear ran down Shai’s face. But she knew he’d been in pain all his life and that he’d been so unhappy with what he’d become. She hoped he’d found peace in death, too. She’d never encountered him here.

She smiled as she watched Sharû helping Estel to flee. Brave Sharû, with a good heart. Estel had found a second family, elves like him. He had a wife – and a child with eyes like an orc. She walked on, shedding tears for those of her children who had died. She stopped in front of a picture of Sharû lying in an elf’s arms. He seemed to have found love, too. There was Zak on a ship, drawing a net from the water. And Ithrû hunting with his twin and elves who probably belonged to Estel’s family.

She wondered how they had come here and the tapestries showed her an army of orcs, led by Sharû and a Maia, leading elves – slaves – from Angband. There was the elf she had seen holding Sharû, standing with her son before the Valar. And an island with a town full of orcs.

She touched the soft fabric. The tapestries were fabulous, but it was not enough. She wanted to talk to her sons, hear their story from them. Meet Estel’s and Sharû’s spouses. She was a grandmother!

“I’m ready”, she said to the empty hallway and the Maia appeared out of thin air.

She was taken by the hand again and found herself in a dressing room. Shai realised only now that she had been naked the whole time. To her surprise it didn’t bother her and the Maia didn’t look at her that way – as if he didn’t even seem to notice her nakedness.

“Take whatever you like.”

Shai decided on a red linen dress and a leather bodice that was laced over it. The leather felt like armour, it made her feel save.

“Where to?”, Sinthoras asked with a bow.

Shai thought it so strange that he, who had been their master, was bowing to her now.

“I want to see my sons.”

Sinthoras smiled and nodded. Shai didn’t want to play favourites, she loved them all. But she was a little afraid to step into the midst of Estel’s large elvish family and if she could go by the webs, Sharû was leading the town of orcs on the island.

“Sharû, take me to him”, she said before adding shyly: “I have a question.”

“Ask away.”

“Namo surely knows who you were. He must have known that I’d recognise you. Why did he send you?”

Sinthoras shrugged with a smile. “His notion of atonement? Who knows. I don’t question his decisions.”

Shai nodded. If Namo trusted him, she would, too. She didn’t believe the Judge could be wrong. Sinthoras offered her his hand and Shai took it with racing heart. She’d see Sharû in a moment and probably a lot of orcs she didn’t know...

Shai blinked surprised. They stood on a busy street in front of a big house, a palace, flanked by equally grand buildings. Sinthoras bowed again to her.

“I’ll leave you now. You’ll find your son in this house. Don’t be afraid.”

Shai nodded shakily, that wasn’t what she’d expected. Was she going to meet that elf she had seen in an embrace with Sharû? And who was he that he lived in such a place? She waited until the Maia was gone, then she walked up the steps to the entrance and knocked. It took all her courage to not run away, when the door opened, but the elf who looked at her didn’t seem surprised to see an orc.

“What can I do for you?”, he asked with a welcoming smile.

“I was told Sharû is here. I want to see him.” Her voice was trembling.

The elf asked her in with a bow and led her into a big, bright room. “Please wait here. Who shall I announce?”

“My name is Shai,” she answered and wondered if she should tell the elf that she was Sharû’s mother. But he just bowed again and left her.

Shai barely dared to sit, everything looked so expensive. But she had no time to worry about where she had stranded. She heard rumbling on the steps and Sharû rushed into the room and swept her into a tight embrace.

“Mother!”

He only wore trousers and smelled intensely of man. She could imagine what he had done a moment ago. With the unknown elf?

“Mother”, he said again. His shoulders shook and Shai realised that he was crying. She hadn’t seen him cry since he’d been too small to walk.

“My boy”, she whispered and felt tears on her cheeks, too. “My son.”

“How?”, Sharû croaked. “How can you be here?”

Shai looked into her son’s eyes. Eyes as yellow as hers.

“I went to Mandos when I died and my time to be alive again has come. And so I’m here.”

Sharû caressed her cheeks, wonder in his face. “I can’t believe that you are back, mother. My beloved mother.”

“I can’t believe it either. That I’m here and that you are, too.” She kissed his cheeks. “Where is here? Whose house is this?”

Sharû blushed. “That would be Ecthelion, or rather his parents.” He coughed. “He is... I mean he and I are... a couple.”

Shai smiled. “You fell in love with an elf?”

“I didn’t say anything about love”, Sharû mumbled. “But yes.”

Shai patted his cheek. She knew how hard it was for him to admit it. She knew it so well, because she knew how he’d been raised – not by her, by the people who had given him his military training. Feelings were weakness and weakness meant death. She stepped back.

“Maybe you should dress properly before you introduce him to me.”

“Yes, yes of course.” Sharû grinned at her. “I was just so happy when I heard that you are here that I couldn’t wait a minute longer. Get comfortable, help yourself to a drink. I’ll be back in a moment, with him.” Shai was a little worried but Sharû’s smile gentled and he said: “Don’t be afraid, he’s really nice and don’t forget that he fell in love with me. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t like you.”

Ecthelion had taken his time washing and dressing after Sharû had rushed from the room, he wanted to give him and his mother some time alone. She was back... He hadn’t thought it possible for... Ecthelion shook his head. Who was he deluding? Sharû and most of his people were like elves and he’d heard enough about Sharû’s mother to know that she’d been the same. Her mother had been an elf, she was like Garam. Just when he decided that he could go down now, Sharû came back to the sleeping room.

“It’s really her”, he said with trembling lips. Ecthelion embraced him and Sharû clung to him, sobbing softly. “I’m so happy, Thel! I thought, I’d never see her again. When I heard that elves are reborn here, I dared hope a little, but I never really believed it. And now she sits in your salon and...”

“Do you want her to meet me right now? I can wait if you think it’s better. It must be overwhelming for her, too.”

Sharû kissed him gently. “I want her to meet you. Now, not later.”

“Then let’s go to the living room, it’s more comfortable then the salon. I don’t want her to feel intimidated.”

Sharû huffed. “I think she already is. You tend to severely underestimate what this ‘house’ does to people from a humbler background. She probably thinks you’re royalty or something.”

“Know what?" Ecthelion grinned. "I’ll fetch her. She can take a good look at me and you get time to find your shirt.”

Sharû kissed his cheeks. “That’s a wonderful idea. I’ll wait in the living room.”

Ecthelion slowly walked down the stairs and to the salon. Sharû’s mother stood up when he opened the door and looked nervously at him. She was taller than Sharû, more slender and fine-boned, but her skin had the same dark, greenish hue as Sharu’s and she had the same golden cat-eyes.

“You are Shai?”

Ecthelion bowed to her. She was his lover’s mother, she deserved his respect. Her eyes had settled on his scar for a moment, but she didn’t stare like most elves. Surely she had seen much worse in Angband. It always were the people who’d never left Aman, who looked most horrified.

“Yes, I am.” Her voice was deep and mellow. She would make a wonderful singer, Ecthelion thought. And hadn’t Sharû told him that she had sung elvish songs to him and his siblings?

“Please follow me, Sharû waits in another room for us.”

She looked surprised at him. “He wanted to fetch the... master of the house?”

Ecthelion chuckled. “That would be my father. I’m sorry, I should have introduced myself. My name is Ecthelion and Sharû is my husband. I thought the living room would be more comfortable.”

Shai stared at him wide eyed. “I’m sorry, I thought...”

“I’m very pleased to meet you”, Ecthelion said with a smile, knowing that she’d mistaken him for a servant. “I thought, if you have too much time wondering about who it is that owns this big house, you’ll become afraid of me. I know that wealth can be a wall. My family has money, but that doesn’t mean that I think I’m better than others. That’s why I come for you myself and don’t send a servant.”

Shai smiled shyly.

“Let’s not make Sharû wait any longer.” Ecthelion offered her his arm. “He’s not very patient”, he said with a conspiratorial wink.

Shai laughed. She looked around when he led her through the house. The gold-framed paintings on walls covered in silk. The expensive furniture and little works of art.

“My family is nobility”, he said softly, knowing that she must wonder. “The House of the Silver Fountain. My father is the Lord, but I’m just the guy who fell in love with your son.” He didn’t want Shai to feel small.

Sharû had already gotten comfortable on the leather couch, Ecthelion offered Shai an armchair and sat down beside Sharû.

“Mother, I want to introduce my husband to you.” Sharû laid his arm around Ecthelion’s shoulder. “Although I think he already did that himself.”

Shai nodded. “He did. Sharû, did you really help the slaves escape?”

“I didn’t do it alone, but yes.”

She beamed at him and Ecthelion smiled to himself. “My brave boy. I always knew that you wouldn’t forget where we come from.”

“I never forgot.” Sharû squeezed Ecthelion’s hand and kissed it. “And I have the incredible luck that Thel sees it, too.”

Ecthelion squeezed back, he felt Sharû tremble. “Do you have a place to stay? I can let a guest room be made ready.”

“That would be very kind of you... Ecthelion. I hope it isn’t too bold of me to address you by your name?”

“You are my husband’s mother and it is your right to call me by my name.” Ecthelion saw that Shai’s eyes had come to rest on their wedding rings. “We found each other”, Ecthelion said, “and that’s a miracle. I’m sorry that you couldn’t be here for the wedding.”

Shai stood up and kissed first Sharû’s then Ecthelion’s forehead.

“I'm glad you found each other”, she said. "I can see your love."

“I’ll see to the guest room”, Ecthelion said, feeling his cheeks heat.

Sharû followed his lover with his eyes, a gentle smile on his lips.

“He is very likeable”, his mother said and he turned his gaze to her. “I can understand that you are fond of him.”

“Likeable and so very passionate when it comes to protecting his people. You should see him if someone insults the Angband-Elves in his hearing. He is... a hero to many.”

“Angband-Elves?”

“That’s what the former slaves call themselves. They didn’t want to be called slaves forever.”

“Very understandable. So he was a slave?”, his mother asked. Sharû couldn’t tell if she was surprised about that.

“Yes. And it’s to a large part thanks to him that my men and I have a place here. You... know about it?”

“I saw a lot on the tapestries, but it was... dreamlike.”

Sharû cocked his head. “The tapestries are real? I always thought it to be a kind of  metaphor. Anyway, Ecthelion helped us a lot. His people, too, but he orchestrated it.”

“Not wholly unselfishly, yes?” Shai batted her lids and Sharû smiled.

“I don’t think that it was for the reason you think. It took us a while.”

“But that doesn’t mean that he didn’t want you even then.” Shai smiled at him. “Are you happy, Sharû? This”, she made a motion with her hand that encompassed the furnishing and the big house, “is a long way from Angband.”

“Yes, I know. We had to relearn a lot of things. None of us knew anything about farming, it was women’s work. We knew nothing about boats or catching fish despite living on an island. The elves helped us. First only the Angband-Elves but later the bolder of the Solosimpi, too. It was strange. We didn’t know how it is to live in peace, not to be despised, but we found our place. This here goes only a step further. And... it makes things easier that it is normal for Thel to live like this. He isn’t arrogant”, Sharû smiled, “but he doesn’t think it strange to have all this beautiful things, to be served by others.

“I had no idea at first how to treat the servants. They aren’t slaves and I’m just ‘his lordship’s’ lover. I thought they wouldn’t take kindly to being ordered around by an orc. But you get used to it. Them and me. And you maybe, too. But I’m still glad that I don’t live here permanently. I’m here often and for a long time, but I have a house on the Island and I think Ecthelion is glad, too, that he can escape from here sometimes.”

“Doesn’t it bother him if you call him Thel? Elves are a little sensitive when it comes to names.”

Sharû shook his head. “Some of his people still call him Aeg. That’s what he called himself when he was a slave because he didn’t want anyone to know who he is. He’s pretty famous among the Noldor. And I’m sure he’d have told me if he didn’t like it. Elven names are much too long. Why do you need a name that’s longer than two syllables.”

Shai chuckled. “But you know that those names have very specific meanings, yes?” “Of course he does.” Ecthelion had come back and sat down beside Sharû again. "He knows what our names mean, but Sharû sometimes likes to play the ignorant orc. Isn’t it so, love?”

Ecthelion kissed his temple. There was no sting to his words and Sharû knew he meant no harm. And Ecthelion knew as well that Sharû meant no harm, if he acted like he had no idea of elven culture. They’d already shocked some people together.

“I’m just a simple soldier”, Sharû said with a heavy accent. Noldorin Quenya was no longer like a foreign tongue to him, it was Ecthelion’s mother tongue after all, but he still could sound like an orc, if he wanted to. “Elves.” He shrugged. “I know nothing about that.”

He chuckled when Ecthelion pinched his arm. There were tears in his mother’s eyes and Ecthelion conjured up a handkerchief.

“Did I say something wrong?”, he asked.

“No.” She sniffed. “Not at all. It’s just seeing you so happy together. I birthed my children into a world full of war and pain. I tried to teach them love, knowing they would be encouraged to hate. To see that Sharû found someone he can be happy with, means everything to me.” She dabbed her eyes. “I saw that Zak and Ithrû are still alive. And Estel.” She reached for Sharû’s hand. “That was so brave of you, my boy.”

“He is my brother. I could not fail him. Do you want to see him? We could fetch Zak and Ithrû from the Island and travel to Laiquanan where Estel lives. What do you think, Thel?” Sharû turned to his lover. “Do you have time?”

“I do. But I don’t want to be in the way of a family reunion, if you want to be alone. Shai is your mother and I’m sure you have much to tell each other.”

“But you are part of the family”, Shai said. “At least that’s my opinion.”

Ecthelion beamed at her. “Thank you, Shai. I’ll gladly accompany you.”

Ecthelion walked along the shore. He had seen the emotions on Zak’s face when he saw his mother and had known that he couldn’t disturb their reunion. Ecthelion knew how much orcs hated to show emotions that might be interpreted as weakness by others.

“Good afternoon, Ecthelion”, Tarash called at him, he seemed to collect driftwood. Ecthelion greeted back. “Here without the Colonel?” The orc winked at him and Ecthelion grinned back.

“He has other things in mind than me. His mother was reborn and I wanted to give him and his brothers a little privacy with her.”

Tarash stared at him with a look of utter astonishment. “His mother is here? But... that can’t be. She was an orc, wasn’t she? We always thought we aren’t reborn.”

“Looks like it is possible. Shai is very much alive.”

“And... how... I mean... what does she look like?”

Ecthelion knew what Tarash meant. “Like in her first live.” It occurred to him that that might be strange. He was so used to the orcs that he sometimes forgot that they were unnatural in a way. Their bodies were the result of torture and evil sorcery. Weren’t the Reborn supposed to be healed of all hurts? But Shai didn’t seem hurt to him. “Who knows what Namo is thinking and why he chooses to do things the way he does.”

“Well, if you don’t know, elf.” Tarash shrugged and waved at someone behind Ecthelion. “The Colonel is looking for you.”

Ecthelion turned around and saw Sharû approach them. He said goodbye to Tarash and walked toward him.

“You vanished so suddenly”, Sharû said and pulled him close to give him a kiss.

“I didn’t want to disturb the family reunion”, Ecthelion answered. “I’m happy that your mother seems to have already accepted me into her family, but I didn’t want your brothers to think they couldn’t show their feelings because an elf was in the room.”

“That was very generous of you.” Sharû kissed him again. “But now come. We’ll have dinner together.”

Ecthelion walked back to the house arm in arm with Sharû and enjoyed his happiness.

“Are you sure you are ready?”, her son asked.

Surely he saw how nervous all the elves on the streets made her. Yes, her mother had been one, but all elves Shai had seen in her former live had been slaves and she knew that her kind was hated by them. At least that had been the case once. Most of the elves they passed by greeted Sharû with a smile and didn’t seem bothered by two orcs walking through their town.

“I want to meet her”, she answered firmly.

The elf who’d been Gârsh’s wife before Gârsh had been Gârsh had asked to talk to her. Shai had been surprised to find out that Sharû seemed to know her well.

“How do you know her?”, she asked now.

“Her daughter heard about Estel using father’s old name as a patronym and sought him out. I was visiting him at the time. We had to... destroy her hopes but she stayed in contact with us and then Arasiel wanted to see me.” Sharû made a choked sound. “She said, I look like father.”

“I don’t know what he looked like before his transformation”, Shai said, feeling a lump form in her throat.

She knew that Gârsh had loved her but she also knew that he would have wanted to stay with his first family if he’d had a choice.

They’d reached the house of the elf and Arasiel opened with a smile. She shook Sharû’s hand and turned to Shai. “I’m pleased to meet you, Shai. Sharû told me about you.”

Shai smiled insecurely. Shouldn’t this woman hate her? In her eyes she must have stolen her husband. They followed Arasiel inside and sat down around a table.

“Tea?” Arasiel poured them cups when they nodded. “My children aren’t around today but I hope this won’t be the last time we meet. How long have you been back?”

“Two months.”

She’d been shaken when she’d found out that she’d been dead for more than seven thousand years. So many things had happened since then – so much had changed for the better.

“It must all be so unfamiliar to you”, Arasiel said compassionately.

“Yes, it is... different. I had always hoped that Estel would someday have the opportunity to live in freedom but I never dreamed of this being possible for orcs.” She knew that she was the first orc who had been reborn, no one had believed that possible. “Arasiel”, she said carefully and sipped the hot tea before continuing. “I... don’t want to beat about the bush. We both loved the same man. He was Faranwe for you. When I met him, he’d already gone through hell and his name was Gârsh – but he remembered. He shouldn’t have and if someone had found out...” Shai shook herself. “But he told me that he had a family before he was captured.”

“What... what did he tell you?", Arasiel whispered.

“Not much, but some. It hurt him to think of you, but sometimes he needed to talk about his old life. It tore at him. ‘Faranwe is dead’, he said. ‘And Gârsh can’t go back to them.’ But I knew he longed for it to be possible. He and I... that we were put together was rare luck.”

Shai blinked quickly, a tear fell into her cup. She had been so afraid when she’d been told that a new mate had been chosen for her and then Gârsh had been this gentle person.

“He stayed an elf in his heart, although he didn’t look like it anymore.”

“Were you happy together?” Arasiel’s eyes shone, she was as close to tears as Shai.

“The circumstances weren’t ideal but yes, we loved each other and we were as happy as we could be. I’m sorry.”

Arasiel shook her head. “Don’t be. I wish I hadn’t lost him. I didn’t know for so long what had happened to him. If he’d left me because he didn’t want to go West. Or if he’d had an accident while hunting and died somewhere in the forest. Or if the Dark Hunter had taken him... But it eases my heart to know that he found a little light in the darkness.”

“You are not jealous?”, Shai asked baffled.

"No. It isn’t as if he’d chosen between us and chose you. You said he said: ‘Faranwe is dead.’ His live was torn apart, two lives, two loves. I had time to become accustomed to the thought that my husband had been made an orc. No, I’m not jealous and I hope we can be friends. Are you jealous of me?”

“I don’t know”, Shai whispered. “He would choose you, I’m sure of that. When he’s reborn, he’ll choose you and that breaks my heart.”

A deep pain crossed Arasiel’s face. “He won’t come back”, she croaked. “Never.”

“But... if I can be reborn, why not him?”

“You don’t know?” Arasiel sobbed. “But how should you? There’s a decision of the Valar. When King Finwe’s first wife Míriel died and didn’t want to return to live, Finwe wanted to marry again. The Valar ruled that this is only possible, if Míriel never is reborn, because no one living can have two spouses. You are alive and I am alive so Faranwe must stay dead.”

Shai stared at her, a cold weight settling in her belly. “But that... No, that can’t be true. This decision would have been made without my knowledge. Surely Namo would have heard my opinion!”

“Maybe Faranwe decided so long ago that he never wanted to live again that he thought it wasn’t necessary to burden you with it.”

Shai huffed, that was not a satisfying reason. The Vala should have told her!

“Why did the Valar decide that way?”, she asked. “I mean... I’d rather know him to be alive and with you than dead forever! Oh, you must hate me for it being that way!”

“I don’t hate you.” Arasiel shook her head. “I’m sad, but... they wouldn’t have forced him to agree to this. Maybe he is simply too hurt to want to live again.”

“But they should have asked me! I want to speak with Namo!”

Shai puffed herself up und Arasiel smiled wryly.

“I doubt it is that easy.”

“I could ask Mablung”, Sharû said slowly. He’d sat quietly beside them until now, letting them talk. “He might be able to contact Namo.”

Shai was surprised to hear that. “You know people who know the Valar?”

“Not only know, from what I’ve heard”, Arasiel said with a lewd wink.

Sharû grinned. “Yes, well... I told you about him, mother. He’s the elf who sang at the festival, who used some of our story.”

“The one who is married to...” Shai didn’t know what to call him. ‘Melkor’ was at least as impossible as ‘Morgoth’ and she didn’t want to call him her king.

“Exactly.”

“And you think he’d help us?”, Arasiel asked.

“When he hears what this is about? I’m sure he will.”

Arasiel laid her hand on Shai’s arm. “You say you are sure he would choose me, but what if... what if he didn’t need to choose?”

“How do you mean that?”

“I wouldn’t force him to choose. What if we could find a solution together? All three of us? You are right, we shouldn’t let the Valar keep him from us.”

Shai smiled at her, the tightness in her chest subsided.

“Are we sure that he followed the Call?”, she asked something that weighted on her soul. “You said, he didn’t want to go West and... I know that... He caught souls and changed them.” She could see in Arasiel’s face that she was voicing her own fears.

“Can you ask Mablung if he’d talk to us, Sharû?”, Shai asked her son and he nodded.

“As soon as possible.”

The elf who opened the door smiled at them and greeted Sharû with a hug. “Come in.” He shook Shai’s hand. “You must be Shai. Nice to meet you. I’m Mablung.” He greeted Arasiel equally warmly and led them up a staircase to a bright living room.

After offering them a seat and something to drink, he said: “Sharû told me you have a request? I’m curious.” He seemed to notice that Shai looked around nervously and added: “Artano is ordered to not leave his room and Melkor is in the kitchen and won’t disturb us. I can understand that you don’t want to meet them.”

“To be honest, we might need your husband”, Arasiel said with a nervous laugh.

“Oh? What is this about?”

“Shai and I love the same elf. Faranwe, my husband and father of my children, was taken by the Black Hunter and turned into an orc. And he became Shai’s partner.”

“Your father”, Mablung said to Sharû and her son nodded. Mablung took a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his face. “And how can I – can we – help you?”

“First, we need to know if Faranwe even is in Mandos”, Arasiel said, Shai was happy to let her talk. She knew Mablung was Sharû’s friend but she felt unsure talking to him. “He was taken before the Great Journey and I’m not sure if he would have followed Namo’s Call. As I doubt that we can simply knock on Mandos’s gates and ask for information, we might need Melkor’s help to get it.”

“He’ll ask for you. And if he’s not there, Melkor will find him.”

“He can do that?”, Shai asked surprised.

Mablung nodded. “He’s already travelling the world to find the fëar of orcs who didn’t dare to follow Namo’s Call.”

“What?” Sharû tensed. “You never told me that!”

“He didn’t want me to.” Mablung smiled sadly. “He knows you don’t like him and he didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up. Your mother is the only orc who has been reborn until now.”

“I thought, he didn’t care about us”, Sharû mumbled, looking embarrassed. “He does, but he knows he can never make up what he did to you. Finding the lost fëar is in his eyes the least he can do. Anyway, I’m sure he’ll ask Namo about Faranwe. But that’s not all, is it?”

“No”, Arasiel said. “You surely know about the Statute of Finwe and Míriel. I believe, Shai’s rebirth means that Faranwe has to stay in Mandos.”

“And I won’t accept that”, Shai added. “We’ll find a solution between us. It can’t be right that someone is barred from life because they married twice – especially in a case as ours, where we had no choice. We want to convince Namo to give him back to us. We hoped that you or... or your husband could ask him to listen to us.”

Mablung’s eyes flashed and Shai shivered, but when he started to speak, she realised he wasn’t angry with them. “I’ll gladly help you with that. You are right. It shouldn’t be the Valar’s decision how we love.”

“And you really think your husband will be with us?”

Shai was relieved that Mablung was on their side and didn’t try to dissuade them — Ecthelion hadn’t been very confident about their chances of success — but she thought it strange, almost rude of them, to take the help of someone for granted who wasn’t even present. Should she ask Mablung to call him? Shai shivered.

“Do you want me to ask him?”

Shai nodded and expected Mablung to leave the room, but he just got an absentminded look in his eyes. After a moment he smiled and said: “Melkor agrees.”

“Please thank him in our name”, Shai said. “And thank you, too, Mablung.”

“It’s my pleasure. I hope you can convince Namo. If not, we'll try Manwe. They are often a bit slow to change their mind.”

Shai saw the determination in his eyes and wondered what made him feel so strongly for them. He smiled at her and said, as if he'd heard her thoughts: "I had to fight for my love, too."

Shai stopped in the hallway after they’d said their goodbyes.

“Is that the kitchen?”, she asked and knocked when Mablung nodded.

It seemed rude to her to not thank him personally. Her heart started to beat wildly when the door was opened. She’d never met the King in person, but she had heard about the aura of terror around him. The man who looked now so startled at her and then lowered his eyes, wringing his hands nervously, didn’t fit the image she’d had of him.

“I… I just wanted to thank you for helping us”, she stuttered.

“That’s the least I can do”, he said softly.

Sharû had told her that he didn’t like Melkor because he still was haughty, but right now she wondered, if her son hadn’t misunderstood something.

“Thank you”, she said again and left after saying goodbye to Mablung.

~*~*~

“The soul you ask after is here, but you shouldn’t meddle”, Namo said and eyed him sternly. Melkor had the strong urge to fall to his knees and ask for forgiveness.

“I have to”, he said and tried to hide the tremble in his voice. “It’s about someone – several someones – I did wrong. How can I say no, if they ask me for help? And they are only in this situation, because I caught their husband and turned him into an orc.”

Namo sighed. “That may be, but we made a decision when Finwe came to us.”

“But that was a different situation! Finwe wanted to marry another woman after his first one didn’t want to come back. This is about two women who want to have their husband back – they already consider themselves both married to him – and they don't intend to fight over him.”

“And how is that supposed to work?”

‘You’d be surprised’, Melkor thought. “That’s their business. I hope you don’t want to say that the way you treated Finwe worked?”

Namo’s eyes flashed. “Careful, Melkor. That was your fault, too.”

Melkor bowed his head. Yes, the seed had been there, but he’d made sure that Feanor’s grudge for his half-brothers got out of control.

“I beg you, talk to them. Listen to what they have to say.”

“Alright. I’ll talk to them, but I won’t change my mind.”

Melkor bowed. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it”, Namo growled und Melkor hurried to leave.

“If you want, I’ll leave you alone with Namo — he’s waiting in the living room — but if you let me, I’d like to help”, Mablung said as he led Shai and Arasiel upstairs.

They shared a look and Shai could see in Arasiel's face that she’d rather have him there, too.

“We’d like you to be there”, she said. “We know that you are on our side.”

Mablung smiled at her. “I am. I know how it is to fight for my love.”

Mablung opened the door to the living room. The man who’d sat on the couch stood up and Mablung introduced them before offering wine.

“Shai, I didn’t expect you to see you again so soon”, Namo said to her.

“You didn’t tell me that I’ll never see my husband again, if I leave”, she snapped. “That wasn’t right.”

“Shai”, Arasiel hissed, Namo’s eyes narrowed and Shai tensed, she knew she’d been disrespectful — but she didn’t look away.

“Maybe I should have told you, but I did talk to Faranwe. He feels torn between you two, he could never come back to life, knowing he’d have to decide. He doesn’t want to make that decision, so he decided to stay in my Halls, many many years ago. You were ready for a new life and it would have been wrong to withhold it from you.”

“But he doesn’t need to decide!”, Arasiel said. “My lord, I can understand that this is not usual.” She threw a look at Shai. “Nothing about this is usual and it is neither mine, nor Shai’s, nor Faranwe’s fault that we are in this situation. We want to have him back and we are going to find a way to be happy – all three of us. We beg you to give him back to us.”

“Namo”, Mablung said softly. “You tried to do the right thing when Míriel didn’t want to return to life, but not for every situation, for every elf, is it the right solution. Is there a reason why Arasiel, Shai and Faranwe can’t be happy together?”

“It isn’t... the custom.”

“But does that make it wrong?”

Namo frowned at them and seemed to ponder it. Shai squirmed nervously, her heart beat wildly. She didn’t even know how they would do this thing. Would Faranwe live a few days with her, then a few days with Arasiel? Would they all live together somehow? She threw a quick glance at Arasiel. She wouldn’t mind... but she had no idea what she thought of her.

“Even if I’d think about accepting your plea”, said Namo slowly, “Faranwe isn’t ready, yet. Shai, as you surely know, he felt wrong in his body after he’d been tortured into an orc.”

Shai shuddered and nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. “I know”, she whispered, “but please, tell him he doesn’t have to decide. We’ll take him both back. His children – all his children – miss him.”

Shai gulped down her tears, she didn’t want to cry in front of him. She looked down in surprise when she felt a touch, Arasiel had taken her hand and squeezed it now. She’d never thought she would be friends with the first wife of her husband, but now it looked like they could be and that made her happy. And she hoped, it could become even more. Arasiel was pretty. Shai wondered, what she thought of her. She had fine features for an orc, but she wasn’t an elf.

Namo was silent for so long that Shai wondered, if they should say goodbye. He sat completely still, his eyes seemed to look into space. Shai jumped when he suddenly moved and looked at her.

“I’ll tell him”, he said and stood up. “But more I can not promise. Goodbye.”

Shai followed him with her eyes, too dumbfounded to say anything. Arasiel finally asked the question, that she was wondering about herself.

“Was this a Yes?”

Mablung shrugged slowly. “It is not a No.”

“Thank you for your help, Mablung.” Shai smiled happily at the elf. 

“Don't thank me too early, we are not there yet. The Valar change their minds only slowly. But it is a first step.”

Arasiel sat down on the bed and sighed deeply. Shai and her had booked a room in Valmar to spend the night before they’d start the journey back to the coast tomorrow. She was exhausted from the conversation with Namo. Shai already lay on her bed with closed eyes.

“I’m not made for talking with Valar”, she said in her archaic Quenya that reminded Arasiel of her own youth.

“I don’t care for being taken up in the affairs of the Great, either, but in this case... Thank you for persisting. I don’t know if I wouldn’t have accepted things as they are, if I’d been alone.”

Shai opened her eyes and arched her head back to smile at her.

“I’d have done that in the past. But here everything is different. If my son can be married to an elf, why shouldn’t we be allowed to get our husband back?”

Arasiel smiled back. “I like your attitude.” She played with the tassel of the coverlet. “We haven’t really talked about how we are going to arrange our relationship, once Faranwe comes back.”

She hadn’t wanted to make plans, but Namo hadn’t said no and she had hope now. Shai squirmed a little, looking embarrassed.

“You said, you’d share him with me. What did you imagine that would look like?”

Arasiel felt her cheeks heat. She hadn’t known how to imagine Shai before meeting her, it had surprised her that she had been reborn as an orc but... she liked the way she looked.

“Well... I haven’t really thought about it”, she said although that wasn’t completely true. She laid her hand on Shai’s. “I think we should wait with making plans until Faranwe is back and can tell us what he thinks. I’m sure we’ll find a way. Do you think...”

Arasiel hesitated because she wasn’t sure how to say it without insulting Shai. She didn’t want her to think she thought her ugly, because that wasn’t true at all.

“How do you think will he look, when he’s reborn? Like you knew him or like I knew him?”

Shai looked at their hands and turned hers to lace their fingers, Arasiel felt a warm glow in her belly.

“I don’t know, but... I never had another body. I was born like this and never felt wrong. Gârsh – Faranwe – thought me pretty.” She looked away and Arasiel thought she might be blushing, though it was hard to tell with her dark skin. “But he was turned into an orc. It hurt him. His body hurt from the torture they subjected him to and his soul hurt because he didn’t feel at home in his body. He remembered what he looked like... before. I’m almost sure he’ll come back as an elf.” Shai bit her lip.

“Would you mind that?”, Arasiel asked worried. Did Shai think elves revolting? She’d heard that orcs hated elves for their beauty and although the orcs on the Island didn’t act like it, she couldn’t completely rule it out.

Shai shook her head. “No, but... I thought... what if he doesn’t want me? You and me might be in agreement, but maybe he just wants to forget his life in Angband, and I only would remind him of that.” She had tears in her eyes and Arasiel laid her arm around her shoulders.

“No, I’m sure that won’t be the case!”, she offered. “He loved you, didn’t he? I’m sure that he doesn’t want to leave you, if he isn’t forced to do so. Didn't Namo say so?” Shai looked at her with tear-bright eyes and Arasiel kissed her cheeks quickly. “Everything will be alright, Shai.”

“Thank you”, Shai whispered and leaned into her. “I’m so glad that you don’t hate me. I’m so glad that we can do this together.”

Arasiel’s skin felt hot where they touched, an excited shiver ran down her spine. She held her tighter and didn’t say anything. It wasn’t the right moment.

“Melkor”, Manwe said with a stern look on his face that made Melkor want to cower under his chair, “Namo tells me you have been meddling with decisions that have long been made.”

So, this was finally coming up. He’d been wondering, if Namo would make this decision privately, but he probably couldn’t. Melkor straightened, trying to stop his trembling. He usually made a point of not intruding into the provinces of his siblings or contesting their decisions, but this was too important  — and he felt, that it was his business, whatever Namo thought.

“I am aware of the decision you made in the case of Finwe and Míriel and Indis”, he said slowly and looked around. “But this is a little different. For those of you who are unaware: Recently the first person who was an orc in her old life, was reborn. She is the mother of Sharû, the leader of the orcs on Tol Eressea. The orc she loves and considers her husband was an elf before he was captured and tortured into an orc. This is my fault and I felt it was my duty to help her with her request. Said orc was married and had children with his wife, before he was captured. According to your decision, he cannot be reborn now, because both his wives are alive, but both Shai and Arasiel — his first wife — want him back and they want to find an arrangement for all three of them. He wouldn’t have to choose one of them, if you leave the decision to them. I think this is a good solution and the time to rethink your ruling on the marriage of elves.”

Manwe’s face had become more soft again. “Now I understand your involvement in this and it is good that you feel responsible. But it is not that easy. Namo and I asked Eru’s guidance when we first made that ruling. We cannot simply change it.”

“You once told me that our father does not speak to you in words. Is it not true that you are interpreting? Might you not reconsider?”

“You should”, Vana assisted him unexpectedly. “If they all love each other, I cannot see why it should be wrong. We thought it would lead to discontent, if a reborn elf came back only to find out that their spouse had married another. We thought they could only love one spouse at a time. But these two women seem to think differently. Must we not listen to them?” “We will reconsider”, Manwe said slowly, looking at Namo, before meeting Melkor’s gaze. “ I also think we should talk to these two women again. Though I can not promise you another outcome.” Melkor knew he had a grin on his face. “Still, I thank you”, he said. He knew that for them to make the decision to review their ruling, was a big step — and all he could have hoped to achieve.

Arasiel was trembling as she followed Eonwe up the hill to where the Valar waited for Shai and her. She had not expected the Valar to take so much interest in them, she had — in fact — not expected for much to come of their meeting with Namo. Shai walked beside her, straight-backed and firm. Arasiel let her hand slip into hers, holding tight. Shai smiled at her, her face aglow with hope. She had experienced a miracle and was sure everything was possible now. Arasiel was glad she had her at her side, because she knew she’d never have dared to petition the Valar for the return of her husband on her own.

Eonwe announced them and Arasiel curtsied. Shai… Shai went to her knees and bowed forward until her forehead touched the grass.

“Rise”, a woman’s voice said and when Arasiel straightened she looked into the face of Varda. Shai came fluently to her feet beside her.

“We asked you here to recount your tale”, the Kindler said. “No one ever came to us with a request quite like yours. We can see that your case is a different one than that of Finwe, Míriel and Indis. But to see clearer, to make it possible to decide on a course, we want to hear your stories from your own mouths.”

Arasiel knew it would be her turn to start, given that she had been Faranwe’s wife before his capture.

Shai had taken her hand again. “Great Ones”, she said. “We thank you for your attention. We hope you will see that our request is not something twisted.”

“I was born at the shores of Cuiviénen”, Arasiel started, clinging to Shai's hand. “Faranwe was my husband, we have two children, a daughter, Aiwiel, and a son, Faranwion. We were of different minds about making the Great Journey. I wanted to come here, to a place where our children would be able to grow up in peace, but Faranwe was a being of the hunt and the deep forest and he loved Endóre, he didn’t want to leave it. He vanished and for the longest time I didn’t know if he’d decided to leave me, or been killed by a predator, or taken by the Black Hunter — as it was indeed the case. I heard of it only when Aiwiel decided to follow the rumour of an elf, recently come to Aman, claiming a Faranwe as his father. It was Estel, Shai’s youngest son. That’s how I found out about my husband’s fate.”

Shai picked up the story: “I already had two children, of a soldier killed in a fight among themselves, when Gârsh — the name Faranwe had been given — and I were put together. I was scared, new partners were known to not treat the children of others well. But he was different, he treated my children like his own. He was kind and gentle and… we fell in love. It was not supposed to happen. We were… discouraged to form close bonds.”

Arasiel followed Shai’s quick glance in Melkor’s direction. He was pale, a look of grief on his face, and he averted his eyes when he saw her look at him. Arasiel knew it was due to his help that Namo had talked to them, that they were here to speak their mind, so she tried not to resent him for his past deeds -- even though they had hurt her husband and Shai so much.

“But we loved each other and we loved our children and we were as happy as we could be under the circumstances. He was not supposed to remember his old life — or even his old name — but he did and he sometimes told me of his first wife and his children. I knew he loved me, but we had been put together by force, his first family was that of his choice.” Shai looked at Arasiel and smiled. “When I was reborn and met Arasiel — we both wanted to talk to the ‘other’ wife — I thought I would have to give Gârsh up. Because, when he would be reborn, he would be Faranwe again and in love with Arasiel. But Arasiel made it clear she would be willing to share and I am, too. And so we are here today to ask you to reconsider the law you made so long ago. We love him both, there can be a shared bond between the three of us, we can make our two families one.”

“It will heal wounds, not cause discontent”, Arasiel added. “Our children are already friendly with each other. Our case is not like the other.”

“What does Faranwe say to this?”, Yavanna asked in the direction of Namo. “Has he been asked?”

“He has been informed of his wives’ intentions", Namo said. "He has been a broken soul, some of those I thought would never heal completely. He was too torn by the two disparate lives he’d had. Since I told him of the love Arasiel and Shai both feel for him, of their wish to have him back — not each for their own, but together — he has started to heal in a remarkable way.”

Arasiel felt her heart beat with joy at these words. Faranwe was healing and she and Shai had helped with it. There was a long silence and yet Arasiel felt that there was a conversation going on, moving at the speed of thought. Shai had barely the time to mutter: “Rude.” (Melkor smiled as if he’d heard.)

“Namo and I have long thought of our memories of the Music”, Manwe said. “Of what we perceived when we asked our Father for help in the case of Finwe and Míriel. We considered all of it, all that was said in the council then and what my sibling have said now. I see two women here who burn in love for the same man but work together instead of resenting each other and I have heard of a torn soul who has been brought on the way of healing by their joined love.

The Valar don’t change, some say, but we do, if slowly. My brother might be the most obvious proof of that.

We have learned more about the Children in the time since the law was made. No two of the Children are exactly the same and the way you love are as diverse as you are. Today we make void the old law. A Quende can have more than one spouse, if all involved persons consent. Your husband, Shai and Arasiel, will be returned to you once he is healed.”

Arasiel felt a happiness bubble up inside her that could barely be contained. Before she knew it, she was hugging Shai, laughing and sobbing at the same time. She did not care that the Valar saw.

She looked up when she felt someone step close.

“The others have left you to your privacy”, Melkor said, “but I wanted to congratulate you. Changing the minds of the Valar is no small thing. I know the situation you are in is all my fault and I’m glad you can be with your husband, in time.”

“You helped us”, Shai said, clutching his hand. “You made it so they lent us their ears. Thank you. I… I don’t know that my opinion matters much, but I no longer fear you. You are a good person.”

Melkor bowed to kiss the back of her hand. “Your opinion matters a great deal to me, Shai, and I thank you. Know that you and your people can count on my help, if you should need it. I owe it to you. And now I’ll leave you to your happiness.”

Arasiel watched him as he left. “We should invite him and Mablung to dinner or something. To thank them. They helped us a great deal.”

“That’s a great idea. But today we celebrate, just the two of us. Let’s get back to the city."

They were still holding hands as they walked down the hill towards Valmar.

Shai and Arasiel walked along the shore. It was a windy day and Shai enjoyed the feeling of her hair streaming behind her and the taste of the salty spray on her lips. She felt so alive!

“What a wonderful day!”, she laughed.

“I like the summer better”, Arasiel said “When the sun is shining, the sand sparkles in all colours of the rainbow because of the gems and pearls scattered here, and the water is so warm that you can swim in it.”

Shai didn’t know what to think about swimming, those waves looked dangerous, but the way Arasiel said it... “That sounds nice.”

Before she could think better of it, she reached for Arasiel’s hand and rubbed it between hers. “Let me warm you a little.” Arasiel didn’t pull her hand away and Shai smiled shyly at her. She noted the redness on her cheeks, but that might be the wind.

They were spending a lot of time together. Shai had moved into Sharû’s house on the Island, she mostly had it to herself, and they visited each other often. For tea or dinner, to go for a walk or sailing in Arasiel’s small boat. Was Shai greedy to hope there could be more than friendship between them, when she had thought even friendship impossible before she’d met Arasiel? They continued to hold hands as they walked on, finally leading their steps back to the city.

Shai liked Alqualonde and the elves. They didn’t look at her like she was something alien or a threat – something else she hadn’t expected. Her son and his people had prepared the ground. She liked Sharû's men, too. She’d worried a little to be the only woman on the Island, but they treated her with respect and friendliness. She felt at home. Here she could wait for Gârsh — with Arasiel together.

“Are you coming in with me?”, Arasiel asked when she wanted to say good bye in front of her door. “I have a cake.”

“I’d like to, thank you.” Shai smiled happily, she always felt a little sad when she had to part from Arasiel at the end of lovely days like this, and followed her upstairs to the living room.

Arasiel was alone in her house at the moment, Shai had been introduced to her children, but they were both travelling. Aiwiel in the forest and Faranwion at sea, further south where it was less stormy at winter. Both of them were unmarried but that didn’t seem to worry Arasiel. ‘Faranwion is married to the sea’, she’d said. ‘And Aiwiel likes to be alone. Not everyone needs a partner to feel complete.’

“Shai?” Arasiel put down a cup with tea and a piece of cake in front of her and sat down across from her. She sounded tense and Shai felt her own muscles tense in return. “I want to tell you something.” Arasiel took a deep breath. “You asked me once, how I imagine it will be with us and Faranwe – and I didn’t dare to imagine it then, but... It would be my dream, if it could really be us three. Not only you and Faranwe and me and Faranwe, but us three as a family. I could love you if you'd let me.”

“I already love you”, Shai said before she could change her mind, squirming in embarrassment. “I mean... it feels like it felt with Gârsh.” (Maybe she should start calling him Faranwe, but for her he’d always been Gârsh — her gentle, loving husband.) She bowed forward and gave Arasiel a shy kiss. “I like to spend time with you and I think you very attractive. Could you imagine to be with me... already? Without him?” Shai felt her heart beat quicker with excitement. She’d felt it for a while, but had not dared to speak.

“Yes”, Arasiel whispered. “Yes, I can.”

“I dreamed...”Shai smiled in relief. Arasiel caressed Shai’s hand and Shai felt warmth flare up between her legs that had nothing to do with the fire in the hearth. “That is so much better than any dream.”

Arasiel grinned widely and gave her back her kiss, her foot slid up Shai’s calf. “Are you staying for the night?”, she asked and Shai thought that Arasiel had to see the blush coming to her cheeks, even with her darker skin. She simply nodded and ate a forkful of cake because she didn’t know what to say. “Good.” Arasiel hid her face in her teacup. “You... have you ever been with another woman?”

Shai shook hear head jerkily. “No, never. You?”, she asked in a higher voice than she usually had.

“I didn’t marry again, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t search others’ company.” Arasiel smiled a sad smile. “It was never serious. A part of me always hoped that Faranwe would come back to me.” Her smile became more happy. “And now he might.”

Shai smiled back. “Yes, he might. And... He helped us with it. That’s a little weird.”

“He?” Arasiel frowned.

“Well, Mablung’s husband. I... don’t know what to call him. ‘Melkor’ seems too familiar, but I always only called him King because everything else would have meant death.” Shai shrugged awkwardly. “I didn’t follow him because I wanted to and he was someone whose attention you didn’t want to draw. It’s surreal to think of him living in this little house – married to an elf!”

“That surprised a lot of people. All of Aman talked about it and still does on occasion.” Arasiel shrugged. “I think... they say he’s different now. I don’t know Mablung well – or him – but I don’t want to worry about him being free. I think, if someone like Mablung gives him another chance, there must be something to it. And he helped us, he seemed genuinely sorry about… what he did to your people.”

“Yes.” Shai looked away. “Do you really want to get involved with an orc? Won’t you lose your standing?”

Arasiel huffed. “I’m not the first. There’s Ecthelion and your son, of course, but also one of the orcs from the Island, who found his family living in Alqualonde. And what do you mean with ‘standing’? I doubt I’d lose any customers, I’m too good at what I do.” Arasiel winked at her and Shai smiled shyly.

“I meant, the… respect of your community.”

“Ach.” Arasiel shook her head. “They’ll talk anyway, once Faranwe comes back — or even before, once word goes around about the Valar’s decision and that I had a hand in it. People would stare in any case, if you looked like an elf or not.”

“Do you wish that?” Shai felt an ache in her chest at the thought.

“No.” Arasiel laid her hand on her cheek and met her eyes. “You are beautiful, Shai.” Arasiel took Shai’s hand and kissed her palm. “Let me show you how beautiful you are to me. Do you want to see my bed room?”

Shai blushed, Arasiel’s eyes said that it would be a very extended visit.

“Yes”, she croaked, her voice deserting her, and let Arasiel pull her to her feet.

Shai woke with Arasiel’s scent in her nose and opened her eyes with a smile. The elf lay beside her, eyes open but unseeing. Shai caressed her arm tenderly. It was not a dream. She wondered, if Sharû was feeling the same overwhelming happiness each time he woke beside his elf. Arasiel’s lips formed into a smile.

“Good morning”, she murmured, her eyes focusing on her. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes”, Shai answered.

“Good. Do I get a good-morning-kiss?” Arasiel winked at her and Shai laughed.

“Of course. How could I decline my graceful host’s wish?”

She bowed forward and kissed Arasiel’s lips, aware of how their breasts touched at the motion.

“Mmh”, Arasiel embraced her and snuggled into her. “It feels good to wake beside you.”

“Yes, it does”, Shai answered.

“Do you want to move in?”

Shai stared at her. “Here?”, she asked. “But...”

Arasiel moved back a little. “Too soon? I know I’m sometimes a little rash, but...”

“No! I mean, you surprised me, I think I’d like to, but... what are your children going to say?”

“They’ll get used to it.” Arasiel sounded confident. “They basically adopted your children as their siblings already, why shouldn’t we unite the family?”

Shai blinked tears of happiness out of her eyes, there was a lump in her throat. “Yes, I’d like that. Are we really? A family?” Arasiel smiled at her and linked her fingers with Shai’s.

“Let us be that.”

The pain in his soul had vanished over time.

It had been a relief to leave his body and no longer feel how the changes made to it tore at him. It hadn’t only been the physical pain, his fea and his body had no longer fit together properly.

He’d followed the Call because he thought that Arasiel had left for the West and although he hadn’t believed he’d ever see her again, it had soothed him to know himself close to her.

Now he felt the presence of the Master of these Halls. He had been afraid of him at first, dreading the punishment that must surely come. He’d shrunk back whenever he felt him near, although he had been sure you couldn’t hide from him. He’d learned that neither Namo nor his Maiar were a danger, they’d shown him nothing but mercy.

‘Your wife is alive again’, Namo said.

That made him happy. She was such a wonderful woman and she deserved it. He was too torn. He couldn’t be with Arasiel, but he couldn’t be with Shai, either, giving one of them up was impossible.

‘She and your other wife asked me to tell you, that if you want to return to life, they’ll both be there for you. You don’t have to choose between them.’

If he’d had eyes (and Namo a body) he’d have stared at the Vala.

‘What?’

He’d known he’d have to stay here forever, if he gave Shai the possibility to be alive again – and he hadn’t minded. He didn’t want to make this decision.

‘Your wives are very determined’, Namo said and Faranwe thought that he felt his amusement. ‘You don’t have to decide immediately, if you want to be reborn. But you should know that it is possible. They want you back, both of them, together.’

‘Thank you.’

Faranwe didn’t know what to think. Could that really be true? Had his wives found each other? And did they really get along so well that they worked together to get him back. A warm, happy fire ignited in his fea. Faranwe would have smiled, if he’d had a mouth. Maybe he didn’t have to be torn. Maybe he could be whole, with them.

~*~*~

Faranwe looked down on his hands, pale and flawless. Nothing was crooked from badly healed fractures, no scars on greenish, mottled skin. He reached for a strand of his hair and held it in front of his eyes, silverblond and soft. He laughed with happiness and let the tears run freely down his cheeks. It was like the Vala had promised. His fea remembered a time before he had been turned and his new body was whole and free of pain.

He stretched and enjoyed the feeling of his spine straightening without discomfort. He took a deep breath and smelled forest – moss and resin, decomposing leaves and fungi. He knew that his family waited for him — one family because Arasiel and Shai had found each other — and he wanted to find them, but he wanted to get used to his body again before meeting them, so he’d asked to be brought to this forest.

The terrain was mountainous and the Maia who’d brought him, had told him that Alqualonde lay a few days’ travel to the east. He’d find it, even though the stars in the sky were strange to him. He’d asked to be allowed to leave Mandos at night. He’d never seen the sun, all he’d ever known was starlight.

Faranwe shouldered his spear and slung the waterskin and bundle with provisions over the other. He laid a hand on the trunk beside him and listened to the slow song of the tree. She was old, so old that she remembered a time when the Trees of Light had still stood, her roots reached deep into the earth, were interwoven with the trees around her – all the forest was linked that way.

Faranwe felt tears well up in his eyes again, his heart flowed over with happiness to be able to hear the forest again. He’d lost that in his changed life, the forest had hated him for the fire and destruction that his kind brought. He leaned against the tree and sang her a song he’d learned from the trees around Cuiviénen. The tree’s branches creaked gently as they swayed.

It was already dawning when Faranwe ended, turned into the direction of the light -- where the trees grew less, the earth became sandy and the air salty. At first it was hard to not make a sound –- and he grimaced at every twig breaking under his feet, every leaf that rustled as he brushed it. His hroa and fea weren’t completely one, yet, but still he felt more at ease than he’d ever felt in his old, broken body.

He reached out with his senses, listened to the sounds of the birds in the boughs above him, the gurgle of the stream somewhere to his right. Faranwe felt his heartbeat slow down as he absorbed the calm of the forest. Mandos had been calm, too, but this here was a calm that was alive and although it wasn’t the forest of his first life, where he’d known every tree, he felt at home.

He knew that Arasiel and Shai lived at the sea and he wouldn’t ask them to move, but he would never again give the forest up, now that he had it back.

Faranwe’s new body became tired sooner than he’d thought –- he wasn’t as untiring as in his first live, yet –- and he made himself comfortable between the roots of a tree, back leaned against the trunk. He wasn’t in a hurry. He had thought never to be reborn, he intended to enjoy it as much as he could.

It was dawn many days later when he reached Alqualonde. He’d quickly gotten into the habit of travelling at night and sleeping at day, because his eyes reacted tender to the sun. His subconscious had expected guards, someone who’d ask him what he wanted here, but no one stopped him as he walked through the streets.

At first he was surprised that there were already so many people on the streets, but when he came closer to the market place, he saw that the fishermen were already selling their catch of the day. It felt strange to be among elves. Yes, he knew that he was an elf again, too, but part of him still expected them to look at him with hatred.

Although the elves her seemed to get along well with orcs, if he could believe the tapestries. He didn’t know exactly where Arasiel and Shai lived and after watching a while he dared to ask one of the fishermen.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for Arasiel’s shop. Can you tell me, where I need to go?”

The elf described the way to him and Faranwe turned in the direction he’d indicated. His heart started to beat quicker. He looked forward to see his loved ones, but he also wondered how they’d react. Especially Shai and his second family. They’d never known him as Faranwe. Two wives, two families. Together. Could that really work?

She stood in front of the house and was watering the flowers on the windowsill, her brown hair glowed in the sun.

“Arasiel”, Faranwe said, it came out as a croak, his throat was tight.

She turned around, a friendly smile on her face -– and paled when she recognised him.

“Faranwe!”

He walked across the street but didn’t dare to touch her.

“Yes, it’s me”, he whispered. “Will you take me back?”

She lifted her hand and caressed his cheeks, her eyes shining with tears. “I’m so happy! I thought... did Namo tell you?”

“That Shai is alive? That you told him to tell me I don’t have to decide between you?” Faranwe nodded. “Yes, he did, and he said I can be reborn, if I want. And I... I can barely believe it. How? I love you, Arasiel.”

Arasiel kissed him tenderly. “I love you too, Faranwe. Come, let’s go inside. Shai is in the workshop.”

Faranwe followed her inside and Arasiel turned the sign to Closed before locking the door.

“Shai”, she called. “Don’t be startled, we have a... long expected guest.”

He heard steps and then Shai looked through a door that led deeper into the building.

“A guest? Who...” She screamed.

Faranwe hadn’t been sure, if she’d recognise him, now that he looked like himself again, but when she said with a tremble in her voice: “Valar, you were right, Arasiel. Sharû really looks a lot like him”, he remembered how gleeful he’d been in secret that his oldest son, although an orc, had inherited his features.

“Shai.”

He let his tears flow. She’d died in his arms, their dead child between them, and his heart had broken. He’d known there wouldn’t be a reunion, not even in death –- he hadn’t believed then that Namo would have mercy on the orcs. He had once believed there was no one watching over them –- only the cruel king who’d made them and of whom they could expect nothing but pain –- but seeing now what had become of his surviving children and that Arasiel and Shai had changed the mind of a god, he knew that wasn’t true.

Faranwe stepped toward her and embraced her slowly, Shai clung to him, starting to sob. He reached out blindly for Arasiel and she came to them.

“I have you back. I have both of you back!” He was home. He felt whole. “Did you really convince the Valar to change their verdict?”, he asked with a laugh in his voice.

“We had help", Arasiel sniffed. “And it was Shai who had the idea. I wouldn’t have dared on my own. I’m so happy that Namo decided to believe us.” She looked a little worried when she continued. “I hope you... don’t mind that we decided that marriage also works between more than two people.”

Faranwe kissed first her then Shai. “I was torn for so long. I knew I’d never be able to decide between you, I love both of you so much. It never crossed my mind that this could be a solution. You make me so happy.” He wondered what his children were thinking of this arrangement, but that was a question for another time. “Please, tell me about you, your lives here. I missed so much!”

“Let’s go upstairs”, Arasiel said. “We’ll get comfortable and talk.”

Faranwe followed his wives up the stairs, feeling so happy he thought his heart might burst.

“You live here together?”, Faranwe asked after they’d made themselves comfortable in the living room.

Shai and Arasiel exchanged a quick look.

“Yes”, Arasiel said. “I invited Shai to stay with me. We are…”

“We love each other”, Shai finished her sentence. “We came to know each other through our common cause and we fell in love.”

Faranwe felt his throat constrict. “Then… then you don’t need me anymore? But I thought…”

“That’s not what we mean, you idiot!”, Arasiel said and hugged him. “We are so happy that you are back. We love you, but we also love each other. Is that so hard to believe?”

“I…” Faranwe looked back and forth between them, feeling dumbfounded and speechless. When he’d heard that they were getting along and were willing to work together to have him back, he’d been so happy — in his wildest dreams he couldn’t have imagined them to fall for each other. “But… is that allowed?”

“We make our own rules”, Shai answered with a cocky smirk. “Are you… alright?” She took his hand between her own and rubbed it gently.

“Yes. I’m just… that’s not what I expected.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have sprung it on you like that." Shai bit her lip. “But Arasiel and I agreed that we wouldn’t want it to look like we were hiding something from you.”

“It’s alright.” The thought of what that would mean for their bedroom sneaked up on him, but he pushed it away. He was not ready for that. “What are you making in your shop downstairs? And tell me about our children. I missed so much of all your lives.”

It was getting dark outside. Faranwe had listened to them quietly, the stories about his children warming his heart. It felt so good to know that they were save and happy and he hoped that his dead children would be reborn soon, too.

“It’s getting late”, Arasiel said. “Should I make a bed for you in the guest room or…”

Faranwe gulped, glancing back and forth between the two of them. “You are sharing a bed?”, he asked.

“Yes.” Shai reached out and squeezed his hand. “But I can understand if this is all a bit much and you need some time — and I’m sure Arasiel understands, too.”

“No, I…” Faranwe licked his lips. “I want to be with you. This night and all nights until the End of Arda.”

Arasiel smiled at him and Shai kissed his cheek. They stood up and his wives each took one of his hands to lead him to their bedroom. Faranwe followed them, his heart thundering in his chest. He’d never had sex with more than one person at once. (And the memory that going to bed with two women who were attracted to each other on top of it would have been a fantasy come true for some of his old comrades didn’t really make it better.)

“Are you alright?”, Arasiel asked as she turned around to him. She was standing so close that he could feel her breath on his lips.

“Yes”, Faranwe answered with a nervous laugh. “Just… jittery.”

She smiled and gave him a soft, slow kiss that made butterflies flutter in Faranwe’s stomach. Shai had closed the door and stepped now behind him, sliding her hands down his back.

“Relax”, she whispered into his ear as she wrapped her arms around him to loosen his belt. “Let us take care of you, make you feel good. Let us enjoy your return.”

“She’s right”, Arasiel said, pressing kisses down his neck and opening the ties of his shirt. “Don’t think, don’t worry. Just enjoy, because we will, too.”

Faranwe let them undress him. His body was whole, nothing hurt. It felt good to be touched with love. But still… worry started to build in his chest as Shai and Arasiel pulled him to the bed. What if he did something wrong? How could he please them both? He did not want one of them to feel he gave the other more attention. Faranwe closed his eyes and tried to push the thoughts out of his mind, tried to concentrate only on the touches of his wives.

“Faranwe, what’s wrong?”, Shai said, her hand lying on his thigh, close to his still flaccid cock.

Two pairs of eyes — one amber, one green — looked at him with so much love and worry that Faranwe felt like crying.

“I don’t know”, he croaked. “You are lovely. I want to be with you. I’m sorry.”

He sat up, a part of him wanting to run from this awkward situation, but Arasiel laid his hand on his chest and held him back.

“No, I am sorry. Shai and I had years and years to get used to the situation and to fantasize together about how it would be when you come back. You have been here barely a day and did not know about us. We overwhelmed you.”

“We are so excited to have you back”, Shai added. “I did not think about how this would be for you, in my eagerness to share our intimacy with you. I’m sorry, too. I would never want to pressure you into anything. We can take it slow, go your pace. Maybe just cuddle tonight?”

“I can get you one of Faranwion’s nightshirts”, Arasiel offered.

Faranwe tried to hug them both at the same time, overcome with emotion.

“I love you”, he whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you, too”, they both said and Arasiel added: “I’ll fetch that shirt.”

Faranwe woke between his wives, their warm bodies framing him. After his breakdown they’d cuddled and kissed a little and slept wrapped around each other. He still felt a little awkward of making such a mess of things.

“Good morning”, he whispered when he saw Shai’s eyes watching him.

“Good morning.” She smiled and snuggled closer.

“I’m sorry that I... couldn’t yesterday”, he continued, blushing.

Shai’s smile widened, making the dimple in her cheek appear. Faranwe though his heart would break with love for her.

“Don’t worry. You have barely arrived and so much of this is new for you — for all of us. We’ll work it out together.”

“Yes, together”, mumbled Arasiel from his other side, having been woken by their voices. “We are all in this together.” She kissed his shoulder, where the nightshirt had slid aside to reveal his skin. “Take all the time you need, everything will come together eventually.”

Faranwe turned on his back so he could look at both of them. “I did not think I could ever be this happy”, he said. “What did I do to deserve you both?”

“Raise your children with love and into good people, as far as I can see”, Arasiel answered softly.

Faranwe blushed again — it was strange how little he had his face and skin under control — and mumbled: “That was all Shai.”

“But you let me”, Shai said. “You let me tell them things that would have gotten us executed, if anyone had found out. And you held onto who you are and always have been. You loved me and our children — and you never stopped loving Arasiel and your children.”

“You do deserve us both. All three of us deserve this happiness”, Arasiel continued. “Does it bother you, that you are stuck in Aman now, when you never wanted to come here?”, she suddenly asked.

“No! I have been in so many places I didn’t want to be since then, and also…” Faranwe caressed her cheek gently. “I knew you wanted to go. I wasn’t quite ready to decide, yet, when… it happened, but I would have never let you go alone. I would have chosen to come with you.”

“I thought for so long, that you maybe had left me. When you didn’t come back, I mean.” There were tears in Arasiel’s eyes. “It feels… healing to hear you say that was never a possibility.”

“Never. I don’t know, yet, what to think of this land, but I’m happy to be here with you — with both of you.”

He was a little worried that he wouldn’t fit in here. He was a hunter, he had some skill at making arrow-tips from bone and fabric from tinder fungus, but he was not sure that he could make a living with that in this town. And also there was the matter of him having been an orc. He couldn’t quite believe that no one would be bothered by that.

“Are there no prejudices?”, he asked, looking at Shai. “Are they really just taking our presence here in stride?”

“In Alqualonde? Sharû and his men have been living on the Island since the end of the War of Wrath. The people here are very used to the presence of orcs. They trade with them, there are friendships. I have never felt unwelcome in Alqualonde. It’s a little different in the places where a lot of former Exiles or other elves coming from Middle-earth live. They’ve fought many wars against orcs and there are bad feelings and prejudices. Tirion is mostly save because of Ecthelion and his people.”

“I still find it hard to believe that of all people it would be former slaves who could be friends — even lovers! — with our kind.”

“I know, right? But many of them are. And I’m sure you’ll be told the full story, when you meet Ecthelion. We can’t keep you to ourselves forever.”

Arasiel chuckled and threw an arm around him. “Are you sure? I’d love to stay here with him for a few days.”

Shai grinned and Faranwe felt heat shoot to his face at the look the two women threw at each other. “That sounds great, but I think our children would be very mad with us, if we don’t send them a message immediately.”

“Yes, you’re right.” Arasiel sighed exaggeratedly. “And really, I look forward to you meeting Aiwiel and Faranwion. You saw your other children grow up at least, but they were still so little, when you were taken from us.”

‘What if they don’t like me?’, Faranwe thought. ‘What if my other children don’t recognise me, the way I am now?’

He didn’t say it. He didn’t want to dampen their happiness with worries that were probably unfounded.

“I look forward to seeing them all. And I hope that our dead children will be reborn, too, someday”, he said to Shai, squeezing her hand.

“Yes, I hope so, too.”

He saw the same pain in her eyes that he felt himself — he didn’t hide his feelings as he would have done back in Angband. They had not been meant to love their children, but they had, Shai had given him the courage to love.

He wrapped one arm around each of his wives and pulled them close, squeezing his eyes shut to stop the tears. He had them back and this with the help of Morgoth, he still could barely believe it.

“How did you manage to get Him on our side?”, he asked.

“That wasn’t hard”, Shai said. “He thinks he has a debt to pay. He’s actually kind of sweet.”

Faranwe stared at her. “Sweet?”

Shai shrugged awkwardly. “Didn’t think I’d ever say that of him, but yes, sweet. He’s trying hard to do better and help people he wronged.”

Faranwe had a hard time of imagining Morgoth as anything close to ‘sweet’. “Well, if he helped us, I’m grateful for it.”

He kissed them, first Shai then Arasiel. He was so happy. He hadn’t thought he’d ever be that happy again.