Friendship is another Word for Love by chrissystriped

Friendship is another Word for Love

Findekáno turned around when he heard steps coming closer. The light of Telperion silvered Maitimo’s hair.

“Would you rather be alone?”, he asked.

Findekáno shook his head and Maitimo joined him at the balustrade of the terrace, Tirion’s lights glittered on the hill below them.

“I just needed some fresh air”, Findekáno said, throwing a glance in the direction of the ballroom. Music was wafting over to them. “Do you ever feel… hunted? Like every unmarried girl in the ballroom is staring at you and wants to exchange rings?”

“I know what you mean.” Maitimo chuckled. “But considering that we likely will marry one of them…”

Findekáno shuddered. “I’m not so sure about that”, he mumbled.

“Come now”, Maitimo bumped his shoulder into him. “Or is it that you’d rather have a pretty-eyed boy?”

He was just teasing, Findekáno knew it, but it stabbed his heart — like every time people suggested there really were just those two possibilities.

“Maitimo, I think… I think somethings not right with me?”, he whispered out into the cool twilight, not daring to look at his friend.

Maitimo stilled. “What do you mean?”, he asked softly.

“I…” Findekáno’s heart raced in his chest like a scared bird. He’d never voiced these doubts to anyone. “Anytime someone makes a remark about how attractive some person is… and I understand this means they think about how it would be to be intimate with that person… and I’m just… lost. I’ve never met anyone I wanted to do the things with Celegorm brags about. And everyone teases me for my ‘innocence’, when I… I don’t know. I don't feel it. I'm missing something everyone else seems to have.”

Findekáno ducked his head, waiting tensely for Maitimo’s reaction. What if he thought him a freak now?

“Finno.” Maitimo laid his arm around his shoulder. “What do you feel?”

“Friendship”, Findekáno answered and reached up to squeeze his hand with trembling fingers. “I just want to get to know people and spend time with them. Not... go to bed with them.”

“Then it’s alright, isn’t it? How could that mean there’s anything wrong with you? It doesn't make you less. You are the best friend anyone can ever have, and I’m so happy that you are mine.” Maitimo smiled at him and Findekáno felt his heart grow lighter.

“A friendship I wouldn’t exchange for anything”, he said and hugged Maitimo tightly.