Live in the Moment by chrissystriped

Live in the Moment

Finrod stroked gently through the grey hair of his lover. It was the small hours before dawn, the first birds would already be singing their morning song outside, but Balan slept deeply. He needed more sleep now than he had in his youth, when they’d met.

Finrod sighed. He’d never forgotten Amarie, but Balan… He still remembered his wide eyes looking at Finrod playing his harp — thinking him a god. Finrod smiled wryly and let his fingers slide down Balan’s back.

He had tried hard to convince him that he was not a god. It had taken some time. Only when they saw him eating like them, sleeping similarly to them, had the Atani believed him that the real Powers were across the sea.

But Balan had still been fascinated by Finrod — and Finrod by him. He had never intended for it to come to such a long term relationship but he could not regret it.

Finrod gently stroked the hair away from Balan’s neck and kissed the soft, warm skin underneath.

“I love you”, he whispered.

His sister had asked him once why he did not have a wife and children and he’d told her the truth. He knew his life would not end well and it would have been selfish to burden anyone with that. But Balan was mortal, Balan would die — in such a short while that it already felt like someone was pushing a dagger into Finrod’s heart to think of that day. But it meant he could love him without fear of leaving him behind when he found his own end.

His own end in some dark place. Finrod felt a tremble course through his body and a tear run down his cheek. Balan moved when it fell onto his skin.

“What time is it”, he groaned and rubbed his tired eyes.

“Too early. I’m sorry, I did not mean to wake you.” Finrod wiped his eyes before giving Balan a kiss.

Balan’s large, warm hand came to rest on his neck. “You’ve been thinking of Death again, haven’t you?”, he chided gently.

Finrod smiled wryly. Balan always told him not to let their time be darkened by the inevitable end.

“Yes. But I’m also thinking of how happy I am. I love you, Balan. Someone put you in my way, someone conspired to help me find you and I love you.”

Balan laughed and kissed him again. “I love you too, my foolish elf, whether the Powers had a hand in our meeting or not.” Finrod let himself be drawn against Balan’s still muscular chest. “Don’t be scared, my love”, Balan whispered. “Death comes to us all. We might not wish to meet him, but we can not run away. We can only accept when our time to leave is come. I know you are going to another fate than I. I do remember what you told me about your Doom, but I cannot believe your Mandos could be cruel to someone as kind as you.” Finrod was not so sure about that but he stayed silent, he wanted Balan to soothe his troubled spirit.

“And now think no longer of Death, my love. It is still far off for both of us.”

“I hope it is.”

Finrod let himself be cuddled back into a happy, warm, drowsy state, thinking no longer of Death.

Chapter End Notes

Written for the Cheese Corn Chips-Challenge for the prompt: "So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you."
- Paulo Coelho