On the Uses of Lists by Angelica

When Maitimo and Makalaure were little, Nerdanel could remember everything: what chores needed to be done, who she had to interview for apprenticeships (though there were a lot of candidates), that Maitimo liked his milk warm but Makalaure screamed (and what screams they were!) if she gave him anything that was not at room temperature. And Feanaro would always be there with her.

Then, as more children were born and more demands were made on her, she decided that keeping lists would be a good idea. She discovered it the day she confused Tyelkormo’s hunting breeches with Atarinke’s (she would always call him Atarinke in her mind). Huan, never one to rely on sight if scent indicated otherwise, pounced on him and, well … Atarinke was never very good with living beings. So, Tyelko: maroon, Atarinke: dun. Lists helped her to keep control of her life. And now that Feanaro spent most of the time locked in the forge, she could hardly count on him.

The birth of the twins did not help and though she never confused them, she mixed up (and forgot and misplaced) things she could not include on her endless lists. Like her strength. Like her will to fight. Like her faith that she would live her life with Feanaro to the end of Arda. He, on the other hand, seemed to need only two lists: one for his obsessions (the Silmarils), one for what he loathed (the Valar and his half-brothers).

When everybody left, Nerdanel thought she would not need lists any more. But one day she woke up and to her horror she found she could not remember who liked broccoli and who was terrified of snails. That was the beginning, she thought. Soon, she would forget that Carnistir’s favourite colour was lavender, which of the Ambarussa was afraid of the dark, that Makalaure died for chocolate fudge and that for all his poise Maitimo still enjoyed it when she combed his hair.
So she started writing long lists again until she could not tell if the people she was writing about had ever existed or were just words on paper.

Chapter End Notes

Thanks to Rhapsody for her thoughtful comments and to Himring for her encouragement. The mistakes and shortcomings remain stubbornly mine. .

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