Long live the King by Aprilertuile

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A brother's return

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Celegorm was throwing up, leaning against a tree.

He felt miserable. He felt disgust against himself. He felt.

Morgoth’s void.

His brother was back. Findekáno had left the camp about as soon as they’d been told by Maglor that Maitimo had been taken by Morgoth.

And his cousin... He had come back on the back of an eagle, with Maitimo.

And the state of his brother…

Their cousin did what the rest of them had failed to do for years.

Did it mean they could have too, if they had tried harder?

But no, Findekáno only managed because an eagle came to his help. No creature of Manwë would have helped them. That at least was a certainty.

He was heaving.

Their cousin could. He managed!!!!

They’ve been here since Maitimo was taken! Perhaps there was something they could…

He jumped, startled as a hand fell on his shoulder, and he leant against his brother.

Curufin.

“I know brother.” Curufin said quietly.

Celegorm shook his head:

“It was my decision. Not going after him. Strategically… It was my decision that doomed our brother. And now he’s back, and he’s back against all logic… If I hadn’t…. If I hadn’t pushed perhaps we might have…”

“Don’t be stupid. I wish I could say you were wrong all along, but our cousin only managed because Manwë answered his prayer. No Vala would have answered to OUR prayers. Not even your Oromë.” Maglor intervened dismissively.

“You don’t know that.”

“Have you had any sign of your Vala since Alqualondë brother? Hints that someone, anyone is paying attention?”

“I…”

Celegorm stood up a bit straighter, if only to distance himself from the scent of vomit.

“I haven’t lost His blessing as far as I’m aware, but that’s about all.”

He wiped his face with his hand. It was wet. He hadn’t realised he had been crying.

“You were right and we’d have died. None of us could have done what our cousin did. We owe him for that.” Maglor said again.

Celegorm nodded.

For that, and for that alone he’d stop harping about the fact they abandoned their fortified camp to the rest of the Noldor.

“What did Findekáno said exactly?”

“He went toward Thangorodrim. Honestly it was the most stupid and reckless move anyone could have done. He went alone for starter.”

Celegorm raised an eyebrow at that.

“Did he hope to die?” Celegorm asked in a rough voice. 

“Don’t ask me. In any case, he said he was starting to despair ever finding Nelyo so he started to sing, of all things…”

“Near Thangorodrim.” Curufin said flatly.

“Yes.”

The brothers all exchanged looks at that.

“Am I the only one who feels there’s something going on there? Our scouts who are all careful, with years of training and experience still get caught if they come too close, and our cousin could just waltz there, singing and not get caught?”

“Bite me. In any case, Nelyo heard him and called to him. Nelyo begged him to kill him but our so valiant cousin prayed to Manwë who sent his eagle to bring our cousin to Nelyo on the cliff and the rest, you know.”

“See, brother? No need to blame yourself for not being a suicidal fool. None of the Valar would have answered our prayers. If we'd bother to pray in the first place.”

Celegorm nodded weakly.

Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

He still made the decision to abandon him there.

And Celegorm didn’t think that he’d stop doubting his decision anytime soon now that their cousin had managed on his own.

“Nelyo is back and he’ll… Hopefully he’ll heal. I’ve been told I could go back to our… Dearest family’s side of the camp and see Nelyo tomorrow. I’ll keep you updated. I will however ask you to hold the camp in my absence. Do not go over the Fingolfinian side of the lake without my approval. Am I clear?”

“Crystal clear. Just… Yeah. Yeah. We’ll wait for you.”

Maglor nodded and left them there.

Celegorm leaning still against Curufin, body still shaking.

“I still gave him up for dead.” Celegorm whispered in a broken voice.

“We all did. We all did.” Curufin answered quietly. 

And would they ever forgive themselves for that? Would Nelyo?