Comments

The Silmarillion Writers' Guild is more than just an archive--we are a community! If you enjoy a fanwork or enjoy a creator's work, please consider letting them know in a comment.

I like this, I like it a lot!  A well paced chapter with expressive dialogue, both internal and spoken; an opener with great potential.  I feel like I already know your version of Sauron/Mairon who like JRRT you portray in a way applicable to modernity - no allegory here!  Draugluin on the other hand is almost Hobbit-like with his routine life, simple tastes and resistance to change; although as corporate headhunter Mairon says, No Dullard!  The concern Draugluin shows towards the plight of Ancalagon, and the comparision of this to his new circumstances is done with real sympathy... which of course leads me on to finish by quoting Mick Jagger, 'Pleased to meet you...'      

Thanks much for sharing your thoughts!  It's particularly good to know how my Draugluin comes across because, though he's the first narrative voice I've posted here, the majority of my work is narrated by far more nuanced and articulate people.  Draugluin was a bit of a challenge.  I'm still poking at the story, which appears to have two or so chapters about ready to go, and at this point am trying to figure out how to wrap it up briefly.  The temptation to detail numerous adventures ad nauseum is always hard for me to resist... Anyway, Mairon has a tendency to assert himself a lot in my stories, and, though I don't envision him as purely malevolent, it can be assumed the change he wishes to impose upon Draugluin isn't solely for the latter's benefit.

Thanks again, CiH!  Since you were the first person to comment on this you got subjected to my sidelong rang about being unable to ever keep a story brief.  It irks me a bit that I've so many ideas for this, because franky this story was intended specifically to come in at around 8K words--a sort of experiment in brevity.  I've been a longwinded writer since I began 18 years ago, at age 12.  Perhaps one can't fight one's nature.  *l*  I'm glad there's interest in this tale and may have to abandon the idea of keeping it short.

Thanks for your commentary, CiH!  I'm glad Mairon's, um, pragmatic character seems to be showing through as I was aiming for.  Draugluin's persona did quickly begin emerging as somewhat canine--long-suffering, often more concerned with his social group than with himself--as it came to me that those qualities may have factored into his initial preference for a wolf form.

I'm glad I came across this story before it sank down the most recent list. I do like your Mairon, so persuasive that poor Draugluin has no chance to refuse him despite knowing he will regret his choice. Even more chilling is the fact that he knows himself manipulated. The detail about the slow, painful transformation of the dragons is both dark and brilliant as it explains both the hopes of the "volunteers" in a "career progression" in the ranks of Melkor's minions and the despair at what they lose in the process.

I feel for Draugluin, who can't avoid caring for his offspring only to be told they were bred to die fighting the enemy. Of course he's clever enough to see that his own role is finished and he's therefore expendable.

A very intriguing, gripping tale. Look forward to the next chapters!

 

Ah, thank you.  I’m pleased this story has your readership! 

Yes, the origins of the dragons were a subject of curiosity and hypothesis for me, and it came to my mind that they and Draugluin might have come about by a similar process: after all, both are seen to “die,” yet neither appear to be animals nor races or Eru’s making.

I’m happy you like Mairon here.  I never intended to write about him much at the outset, but he barged into my writing like he owned the place last year and I’ve become very fond of him (perhaps, like Draugluin, I figure it would be bootless to resent him).  Frankly one of the reasons I was immediately fond of your Mairon was I thought he seemed like someone my Mairon would want to sit down and chat with over wine.  Speaking of which, I haven’t by any means lost interest in your tale of Mairon and Ëonwë, but life has not been leaving much time for reading of late.

Thanks for your remarks, Himring, they're much appreciated! 

but  then I have to remember that he thought it needed cruelty to make life interesting to begin with
That's an apt way of putting it.  Whether Draugluin deserves our symapthies or not seems to be coming up a lot...I'm still a bit mystified, myself.  I suspect part of the reason he found bloodshed compelling to being with was that it had never occurred to him that it might happen to him or those he cares about. I could be wrong, as I'm still getting to know him.  Time will tell..

Finally popping into to comment on this fantastic story!  Your beginning paragraph's good.  Really hooked me and pulled me into the chapter, which then proceeds along at a very nice pace.

I'm very much taken with the idea of the fallen Maiar taking on the forms of wolves, dragons and such, and you use that to good effect here.

This is so darkly funny, and I do like dark humor.  I love the idea that there's decent music provided at Melkor's soirees.  Mairon's "walk with me" has a tone of a senior executive commanding a middle-management minion (which is perfect here), and Ancalgon's metamorphosis?  Oh, now that is inspired!  This...

"He walked a little odd and sometimes skittered a short ways on all fours when he thought I wasn’t looking."

...made me LOL.

Mairon's characterization is spot-on here: very persuasive, charismatic and certainly seductive.  Love the details of lupine behavior, i.e., grooming post-hunt, yet with the human intelligences within each wolf.  It's an uncanny effect so kudos for achieving that.

But most of all?  I love Draugluin's voice.  In one chapter, you have me invested in this anti-hero.

Thanks very much for your comments, Pandemonium! 

This originally stemmed from my trying to figure out what werewolves, dragons, etc really might be, since Tolkien is not explicit on that point.  I recently said in a discussion that Maiar are kind of my duct tape when it comes to such mysteries.  Maiar are my favorite of Tolkien’s beings: they’re powerful enough to be and do many things, but not so powerful that they can’t be trapped, manipulated, screwed over, et cetera.

My conception of Melkor’s “discord” is that it was percussive (I’ve since seen that notion posited elsewhere, thought when it came to me I thought I was being terribly novel), so I do think music in Utumno would be more, um, danceable, than that in Valinor.

I consider any compliments on my Mairon to be high praise coming from you.  And I’m glad Draugluin seems to be working out for readers: I was a little uncertain how it would turn out because I’m used to writing in more “sophisticated” narrative voices.

First of all let me say how pleased I am that you have decided to carry on with this, it's worthy of more.  Now that Draugluin has accepted his fate it will be very interesting to see what you come up with given the almost limitless avenues that this tale can take...

In this chapter I must confess that I found myself siding with Mairon: for sure he is a manipulative liar, a charmer and all round cad but he isn't afraid of that and that's what makes him so appealing to read.  You portray a true Alpha who will do what it takes, for good or ill, to maintain his pack and his position therein... that supposition alone is quite a scary one given his clinical approach but it's also deserving of respect, gruding or otherwise.

Well done indeed!

Thanks for your continued reading and encouragement, CiH!

I'm not quite sure where this is going myself: as per norm, I've a very general idea, but many things along the way will need filling in.

Hah, you've pinpointed one of Mairon's more distinct characteristics, that he is readily aware of his less-than-redeeming qualities but is rarely bothered by them.  (He does evidence here the only twinge of conscience I've saddled him with thus far, but it's easy enough to talk oneself out of such things...)

So the chickens have come home to roost for Draugluin, at least as far as his knowledge that he's now committed to this form, and by golly, yes, Mairon has his justifications (as expected).  

Very nice addition to Draugluin's narrative, and I do hope you will continue.  It's refreshing to read another perspective from the Dark Side, and also one with complex motivations.

"When I say that a portion of your being was made to inhabit your body’s cells during the integration process, I mean not just that it is confined within those cells, but that its very nature was altered to become organic matter itself.  It lives in your own cells and in those of all your progeny, which is of course what gives them their sentience and their increased strength.  It is changed and dispersed, and can no longer be reassembled."

Did you hear me "SQUEE!" when I read the above?

Thanks for reading and commenting, Pandë.  The Dark Side is, of course, highly entertaining and thought-provoking to write about, and I'm glad there are folks enjoying my thoughts. =)

(Oh, the faint sound I heard was readership squeeing?  Whew, I'd thought it was the little halo guy on my shoulder squawking at me to stop writing about corrupted Maiar and do my Statistics homework..)

Jumping onto the bandwagon a tad bit late, I think.

But anyway, this is a beautiful story. (Not exactly beautiful in subject matter, mind.) I really, truly enjoy how you depict the "dark side" of the tale without coming across condemnatory towards Mairon or Draugluin. It's always irritating when "evil" protagonists are shown to be evil—nobody wants to read about an unredeemable character. So I appreciate that you haven't done so here.

Additionally, I love your ideas on the nature of dragons, werewolves and others like them. The corrupted-Maia aspect of their beings has always been intriguing, and I love reading your thoughts on them.

Your writing, also, has the perfect effect for this type of story. Stylistically speaking, it's spot-on.

I hope you will continue this, as it's really quite good.

 

The bandwagon welcomes jumpers-on at any point in this tale. 

Thanks very much for your remarks!  Yes, I'm not a fan of "evil for the sake of evil," nor am I fan of "some people are good, and those people are perfect."  To my mind, both the "good" and the "evil" have hues and nuances.  And I find the "evil" far more interesting to flesh out, myself.

Thank you, Adonnen!  And yes, I thought rather early on that the werewolves would need their own lore/myths/etc, especially given that I envision them as being the only mortals amid a big fortress full of immortals.  They would need some way to reconcile themselves with their seeming inferiority when compared with the other folk of Angband, I think.  But, I never anticipated actually elaborating this much on their lore =)

I echo all that is said (and will be said) about this left field but not too far-out idea; indeed, why shouldn't 'The Enemy' have their own lore?

They began this business of making things up about one’s enemies, after all, when they failed to correct their thralls who started referring to me by a particular–epithet.  They even seemed to encourage the widespread usage of that epithet.”

I enjoyed Mairon's disdainful usuage of thralls in this sentence, especially when one so 'wise' as he is rankled by an epithet...

As ever, well done!

Funny (or scary) thing is that I picture him going about most of this in cold blood rather than temper, and with a vague jollity.  Though yes, he's also a pretty vindictive fellow and there's probably a lot of resentment behind his actions.

I'm a bit more concerned for Draugluin, who has a lot of stifled anger which he can't or won't place upon the person who deserves it most.

Thanks for reading, Himring! =)

Eek, what can one say?  You certainly convey the protagonists here with a raw power that perhaps intellect disguised before, not that their basest selves were ever in doubt with your earlier portrayal; still, and literally - BLOODY HELL!

I noticed here that your writing took on a far greater immediacy in this chapter with an ever more directness of meaning, this of course is hardly surprising given the subject matter.  The invention of 'The Collar' is diabolical genius, but more than this you succeeded in creating a true heroin in Pallandë and I sincerely hope that she manages to escape - after such an ordeal she deserves to!

As ever

CiH!

 

 

 

 

Thanks so much, CiH!  Glad this chapter worked for you.  The subject matter did certainly influence the tone, since it's neither something I want to gloss over nor something I want to linger on overmuch in clinical detail.  I tend to take an interest in the more humane aspects of Tolkien's villains, but also don't want to lose sight of the fact that, yes, they did unwordably horrible things and people were rightly terrified of them.

Pallandë is a favorite character of mine (and others of my characters are furious at me for the decision to drag her in here), but someone had to be the collar guinea pig and foretell the Doom of the Hound of Valinor after all.

Poor Draugluin! Or possibly lucky Draugluin--it's a bit difficult to tell the difference under these circumstances.

(BTW, my reference to Mairon's "anger management" in my comment on the previous chapter was intended as an allusion to Sauron's interview technique in that Gollum fic of yours--I think the wording may perhaps have been a bit obscure, though!)

I'm not sure I can tell the difference either.  Draugluin's in a difficult position which can actually be disheartening to think about sometimes.

Thanks as ever, Himring!

(Oh okay, I see that now.  Lol!  Come to think of it, that Sauron is probably almost a parody of Mairon here, though there wasn't any conscious parallel in my mind.  Mairon: "I feel we've all bonded through this interlude of unspeakable horror.  ^__^ How are you two feeling?" Draugluin: "O__o'"  Pallandë: "....")

Just read this, thanks to your tracklisting - fabulous! It's great to see someone take on how exactly the not-inherently-bodily Ainur deal with the forms they take on, whether they are trapped in them or not. Draugluin comes off as someone with amazing powers of rationalization, and just a little too proud and a level too far below Mairon, intellectually, for his own good - and then all of that basically combines to screw him over, royally. He's kind of the Dark Side embodiment of the Peter principle, when Peter gets put in positions slightly too far beyond his measure. There's all the awkwardness that comes with that, which makes for humor, but with a bite - he is, after all, absolutely trapped. His ever more reluctant participation in Pallande's interrogation makes that clear, and also lays bare the knot of his insecurities: he can't hack it, and he knows it, and he's afraid everyone else does, too. Your Pallande/Pallando idea is very interesting, too - hope to see more of that.

Drauglin's bond with the Nauri is believable and wolf-like; I wonder if even he knows why he loves them. I love him struggling with the need to tell them stories to help sustain them against their inevitable demise.

Nice set-up with Huan as the archenemy: at least he's on to the need to be really very technical in parsing the vocabulary of prophecies!

Thank you for your lovely comments, Dwim! 

I particularly like that you mentioned this: "It's great to see someone take on how exactly the not-inherently-bodily Ainur deal with the forms they take on, whether they are trapped in them or not."
If my 'verse has a "theme," what you mention above is pretty much it.  The vast majority of my stories touch upon this in some way, brooding in my Ainu-centric fandom backwater.  It's a topic I find fascinating and want to poke at from many angles.

Powers of rationalization indeed, yes! Draugluin pretty much refuses to believe that someone he admires would use him, however obvious it is, and would rather blame himself than face that.  And I'm also glad you like the Palland(ë/o) idea; (s)he is one of my favorite characters, and appears also in some stuff I've yet to edit to my satisfaction and publish, aside from appearing in male wizardly guise in the Istari thing I wrote for B2MeM.  Someday I'll get to tackle exactly why the genderbending happened, but that might not be for quite a while.

Thank you again.