The Sharpest and Sweetest of Recollections by Dawn Felagund

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Fanwork Notes

This story came about for a variety of reasons. First, I asked for story requests to fill Day 6 of the Fandom Snowflake Challenge ("create a fanwork"). Elleth requested "something about Anairë and Eärwen - a missing scene from The Sailing Forth, or something set later in their respective marriages." Elleth also found the hidden prize in my Mythmoot III presentation and claimed this story for that as well. And, because that is not complicated enough, I had decided to write the Mythmoot mathoms to fit the current SWG challenge "First Lines," so the story uses one of the first lines for that challenge.

This story is actually situated between the two time periods Elleth suggested: two years after "The Sailing Forth" and one year before Anairë marries Fingolfin. It is a sequel to The Sailing Forth, but one need not have read that (much longer) story to understand this one.

Fanwork Information

Summary:

On the night of her betrothal party to Fingolfin, Anairë summons her dearest friend Eärwen to Tirion. Overwhelmed by the sense that she is losing control over her life and her longing for the love she once shared with Eärwen, Anairë wonders if she has made the right choice. A sequel to The Sailing Forth, written for Elleth. Anairë/Eärwen, Anairë/Fingolfin

Major Characters: Anairë, Eärwen, Fingolfin

Major Relationships:

Genre: Drama, Slash/Femslash

Challenges: First Lines

Rating: Adult

Warnings: Mature Themes, Sexual Content (Moderate)
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 3, 881
Posted on 18 January 2015 Updated on 18 January 2015

This fanwork is complete.

Table of Contents

The Sharpest and Sweetest of Recollections

Comments

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First of all - thank you so much for writing such an exceptional story for me, Dawn. I think this may well be one my new favourites of yours right alongside Rekindling. 

I recall you mentioning that there must have been "something more" between Anairë and Eärwen to motivate her staying, and I'm glad you delved into that here, and the way both their feelings survived in the changing circumstances. Eärwen's vivacity was as much a treat here as it was in The Sailing Forth - perhaps more so set against the rather stifling court environment, Anairë's second thoughts you handled beautifully, and my heart went out to her feeling so torn and still so attracted to Eärwen: 

I drew back, Eärwen seared ever in my memory: on the beach the night of the sailing forth, slipping her bathing dress from her shoulders, the starlight redolent upon her hair, edging her bare skin in silver, suddenly and irresistibly naked before me.

There were many many scenes and pieces of description that I loved, and this one in particular is my favourite. And finally the ending, being both terribly bittersweet and hopeful in outlook... wine then liquor, indeed. That was a beautiful connection to make to their personal arcs as well. 

Thank you so much! I couldn't have hoped for a better gift! :D

Ohmygoodness! Like I said over chat, I was very uncertain over this piece. I wrote it over the course of a couple of days (including at the ski resort where my husband works, which was very weird--writing Elf smut in the middle of a crowded resort! :D), it was the first thing I've written in a looong while, and it took shape more in fits and starts with more revision than is usual for me. I almost didn't post it to see how I felt about it in a few days or a week. So I'm glad and so relieved that you liked it!

In my vision for this verse, Anaire and Earwen love each other with a steadiness that they will never find with anyone else. :)

Also, I'm laughing because I totally *didn't* see that the little rhyme about drinking could describe the evolution of their relationship, but you are totally right! :D Now I kind of want to change the title to "Wine Then Liquor." Then more people might read it too. ;)

Thank you for your kind words, Elleth. I've been more nervous about this piece than I've been in a while, so I very much appreciate the reassurance!

Your characterizations in the short stories is spectacular. Reading this, I feel like I read the previous Anaire/Earwen story yesterday and I do not I have re-read since shortly after the first time. I love all the different varieties of sexiness in this. I love the unforgettable quality of first-awakening of sexuality with Earwen and along with it a whole lot of other things about herself that Anaire had kept too tightly in check.

Fingolfin just totally cracks me up in this. I cannot help but love him despite everything--his stuffieness, his primness in a sense, his planning his life out so thoroughly is kind of silly and endearing and yet heartbreakingly sweet. He may get all those things he has dreamed of but nothing like in any of the ways he has imagined them.

And the cameo of scandalous, bossy, know-it-all, smug Feanor. Is that little brotherly affection I spot there? He need not bother to try to deny to me. I'm sure I see it!

I do so love both Anaire and Earwen. I love the way you capture your petite Earwen's slender wrist and hoist that big old bottle of booze. Another perfect visual I will cherish. They are all so sweet together. I loved Earwen's very grown attitudes compared to the relative innocence and shyness of Fingolfin. I love Fingolfin and Earwen together. That puppyish lopsided smile of his. Who could not smile at Earwen! She is priceless in this.

OMG! I do not know why the mention of the blue dress vs. a garnet-colored one was so poignant to me. One of those tiny Dawnish details that make me feel I've truly crawled inside of this character's head. (I had a garnet evening dress when I was a girl. It was fabulous. I'm sorry she had to sacrifice it. But I bet Anaire was stunning in Fingolfin's blue also. Not all compromises are horrific violations of one's true self. Sometimes an evening dress is just another evening dress.)

Meanwhile, I have a novella of Maitimo/Findekano nonsense, co-starring Erestor and the whole rest of the Nolofinwean crew that I am forcing myself to finish before I can get back to my other WIP novellas--a Nerdanel one I am so close to finishing, which has a lot of Anairie and Earwen in the last two chapters. Fun part is that it hints at Anaire/Earwen femslash in the POV of Nerdanel who is not 100% sure that is what she is seeing. She envies them more than a little their obvious closeness. There is a great-minds-think-alike quality to how I write them in that story. You had not yet written them in Sailing Forth when I first started drafting them in my Nerdanel/Feanor fic. (Not that I do not steal plenty from you--I did did not in that case. Maybe from AMC a little but that was just their appearances and relationships to Finwe's family rather than to each other.)

Please forgive me for rambling here. I love everything about this story and had such a sense of revisiting old friends. It really quite ensnared me.

I have to say that I'm thrilled at the comments I've gotten on this story. As I told Elleth, I was so uncertain about it. Part of that, I think, was that it was written in a rather atypical matter for me. These things tend to plop just-about fully formed from my brain onto the keys. This one took several sittings (including one instance of trying to write in a crowded ski lodge while trying to hide the fact that I was writing adult fiction! :D) and a lot of revisions. I messed up the point of view the first time through: started in third person and drifted into my usual first person, missed that entirely on the first revision, caught it on the second and was horrified, like, "WTF am I about to put out to the world??!?" I considered shelving it temporarily to see how I felt about it later. To have two of my favorite writers (you and Elleth!) have such kind things to say about it? I'm glad I didn't and more than a little flattered!

"Fingolfin just totally cracks me up in this. I cannot help but love him despite everything"

I feel the same way about him. In AMC days, I didn't like Fingolfin too much; my views have become *much* more nuanced. I find him really fun to write now and ... cute. :D

"And the cameo of scandalous, bossy, know-it-all, smug Feanor. Is that little brotherly affection I spot there? He need not bother to try to deny to me. I'm sure I see it!"

YOU would pick up on that! Yes, you do see it. You know I had to get Feanor in there; he was in "The Sailing Forth" too. Poor Finarfin doesn't even get named. I figure Feanor is important enough that I can get away with dropping him into stories he has nothing to do with; he would have been pretty noticeable in any context!

(And, look, I just spent the longest chunk of time in this reply talking about him! I'm hopeless.)

"I had a garnet evening dress when I was a girl. It was fabulous."

Most of my formalwear as a young[er] person was varying shades of red. But my first Homecoming gown was Fingolfin!blue. I agree that a gown is sometimes just a gown, and even if she doesn't resent Indis, it does represent that she is not in control of her own life the way she once was.

I need to read your recent long work, even if I have to send them to my Kindle. I could use some good "Maitimo/Findekano nonsense" (which is, of course, not how I'd describe your work at all!) I'm not surprised that there are coincidental similarities; I think we both tend to see this world similarly and are influenced by each other's work to boot. The relationship between Earwen and Anaire is like that between Maitimo and Findekano, for me, in a lot of ways; as soon as I read that Anaire left her husband and children to stay with Earwen, I found myself thinking that was more than just a BFF!

"Please forgive me for rambling here."

OMG. There's nothing to forgive! And I have done my share of rambling right back. :) Thank you again for such a generous comment; I'm really blown away!

It is not so often addressed as a subject, I think, in Silm fic--how it is possible to love two people at the same time, in different ways.

You already began to show that sympathetically and convincingly in the earlier story and it is even more central to this one, isn't it? And all that hangs on it, for Anaire and for the others, too.

Earwen's words at the end will stay with me.

 

Minor nitpick:

There seem to be a couple of pronoun issues, probably traces of the switch of POV you mention in your author's response:

...I heard _herself_ join in ...

...heard her name...

...I took her wine glass of rum [...] and took it back...

(or is something else going on there? )

 

That's an interesting point. Certainly, I think it comes up in slash where one of the partners has canonical children, like Oshun's Maedhros and Fingon. It's definitely a central issue here. Anaire initially views her summer with Earwen as a passing phase; having returned to Tirion, it is time to Get Serious about Life! :D Earwen, recognizing this, keeps her distance as a result, coming to Tirion only when she detects in the tone of Anaire's letters that her friend might be on the brink of a crisis. Anaire, of course, has come to recognize that what she felt for Earwen wasn't exactly fleeting and won't simply go away. That this sentiment is strictly denied to her becomes one item in a list of many where she feels control of her own life has passed from her hands. (At the same time, as she discovered in "The Sailing Forth," simply adopting the lifestyle and culture of the Teleri isn't a solution for her either; her need for intellectual and creative stimulation suffers there. So she is in a quandary, it seems!)

Thanks for catching the typos! I'm sure those were overlooked when I fixed the PoV. I'm going to correct them now.