Sauron Applies For His Job by Himring

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Fanwork Notes

Written for the April Challenge at LOTR community on LJ: "Laugh!" (funny poetry)

Prompt/elements: commendable/dependable

 

Perhaps somewhat on the PG side of General because of, you know, who these guys are...

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Before the throne of Angband, Sauron makes his application for the job of lieutenant to Morgoth, the Dark Lord. For reasons unknown and unexplained (possibly just to make things appropriately hellishly difficult) the application has to be made in rhyme...

Major Characters: Melkor, Sauron

Major Relationships:

Genre: Humor, Poetry

Challenges:

Rating: General

Warnings:

Chapters: 1 Word Count: 146
Posted on 2 May 2014 Updated on 2 May 2014

This fanwork is complete.

Chapter 1

Not entirely in verse. 

(Also warnings for every kind of anachronism!)

Read Chapter 1

Sauron took a deep breath and began:
‘I’m able
and I’m capable.
My filing is impeccable.
I’m utterly dependable,
my loyalty unshakeable.’
‘Admirable, commendable’, muttered Morgoth politely and yawned discreetly into his smoking black palm.

Sauron gulped and continued, rather desperately:
‘I’m variously artistic,
deliberately terroristic,
notoriously imperialistic,
often outright sadistic…’
‘Now we’re getting somewhere’, said Morgoth and sat up straighter on his Dark Throne. ‘What about your private life, your hobbies and so on?’

Sauron panicked, as he hadn’t expected the question, and sputtered:
‘I have a thing
for bling,
any sparkly things,
mostly rings…
I do cosplay and LARPing.
You haven’t seen anything
till you’ve seen my vampire bat, blood dripping…’
‘A Maia after my own heart,’ cried out Morgoth enthusiastically, jumped from the Dark Throne and enfolded Sauron in a fana-crushing hug.

In a small voice, Sauron admitted:
‘But I’m a lousy poet. I had to invent a whole new language just to get the words of that bloody inscription to rhyme…’

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