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Preferred Name: Azh
Preferred Pronouns: they or he
Member since 16 November 2020.
About Me
I am an avid reader and writer of queer fantasy and a long-time Tolkien nerd who recently got into the Silmarillion. Now I seem to be writing an inordinate amount of fanfiction for it, featuring an awful lot of Maglor and Sauron, because I only like trash fires. Expect lots of explorations of gender and the occasional treatise on entropy or the philosophy of science (I sunlight as a physicist.)
Mertiya (AdmirableMonster) on AO3 and my personal website, admirablemonster on Discord (usually).
Fanworks by AdmirableMonster
Lacuna by AdmirableMonster
In the wake of his ravishing by Morgoth, Mairon, who was Arien, falls.
Major Characters: Sauron, Arien |
Major Relationships: Melkor/Sauron |
Genres: Alternate Universe, Experimental | Challenges: Dark Matter |
Rating: Adult | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 465 |
Posted on 12 March 2025 | Updated on 12 March 2025 |
This fanwork is complete. |
What lips my lips have kissed, and why by AdmirableMonster
The king's natural philosophers are an elite group of men of science in Armenelos. When one of them is discovered to be (apparently) a woman in disguise, he is expelled from their ranks. Unfortunately, his youth and beauty draw the interest of the king, and there is no one with the power to protect him, not even the High Priest himself, although to the philosopher's surprise, Tar-Mairon tries...
A possible origin story for the Mouth of Sauron.
Major Characters: Mouth of Sauron, Original Male Character(s), Sauron, Ar-Pharazôn |
Major Relationships: Sauron/Original Character, Ar-Pharazon/Sauron, Sauron/Mouth of Sauron |
Genres: Drama | Challenges: |
Rating: Adult | Warnings: Domestic and Partner Violence, Expletive Language, In-Universe Intolerance, In-Universe Queerphobia/LGBTQIA+ Intolerance, In-Universe Sexism/Misogyny, Mature Themes, Rape/Nonconsensual Sex, Sexual Content (Graphic), Violence (Graphic) |
Chapters: 2 | Word Count: 6, 705 |
Posted on 16 February 2025 | Updated on 16 February 2025 |
This fanwork is complete. |
In Defense of Celebrimbor by AdmirableMonster
An essay on the subject of Celebrimbor, sin, and pity.
Major Characters: Celebrimbor |
Major Relationships: |
Genres: Nonfiction/Meta | Challenges: |
Rating: General | Warnings: |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 1, 854 |
Posted on 1 February 2025 | Updated on 1 February 2025 |
This fanwork is complete. |
Signs of Healing by AdmirableMonster
Pengolodh chances upon a young human girl who has been brought to Rivendell for healing. He soon discovers they have more in common than he expected.
Major Characters: Pengolodh, Original Female Character(s) |
Major Relationships: Pengolodh & Original Character |
Genres: Hurt/Comfort | Challenges: |
Rating: General | Warnings: In-Universe Intolerance |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 2, 488 |
Posted on 28 January 2025 | Updated on 29 January 2025 |
This fanwork is complete. |
Pennas Pengolodh by AdmirableMonster
The majority of the Silmarillion was penned by a single Elf--an Elf who was so thoroughly written out as to appear only through the ways in which their perspective shaped the stories we see. This is their story, the historian's history, the Pennas Pengolodh.
Major Characters: Pengolodh, Salgant, Gil-galad, Dírhavel, Elrond, Glorfindel |
Major Relationships: Pengolodh & Salgant, Gil-galad & Pengolodh, Dírhavel + Pengolodh |
Genres: Drama | Challenges: |
Rating: | Warnings: |
Posted on 30 June 2024 | Updated on 28 January 2025 |
This fanwork is a work in progress. |
It is not a word by AdmirableMonster
In the wake of the fall of Eregion in the Second Age, the loremaster Pengolodh comes to the newly-founded refuge of Rivendell. Although Elrond has never seen eye to eye with the reserved loremaster, can they work through the pain of their pasts and come to a common understanding?
Major Characters: Elrond, Pengolodh, Glorfindel |
Major Relationships: Elrond & Pengolodh, Glorfindel & Pengolodh |
Genres: Hurt/Comfort | Challenges: Jubilee, Words of Wit and Wisdom |
Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 3, 890 |
Posted on 5 January 2025 | Updated on 5 January 2025 |
This fanwork is complete. |
Havens by AdmirableMonster
The Exiles of Gondolin come to Sirion. The residents of Sirion welcome them, and friendship blossoms between the last remaining loremaster of Gondolin and a young poet of Sirion.
Major Characters: Dírhavel, Pengolodh |
Major Relationships: Dírhavel + Pengolodh |
Genres: | Challenges: Potluck Bingo |
Rating: General | Warnings: |
Chapters: 9 | Word Count: 4, 037 |
Posted on 22 November 2024 | Updated on 22 November 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
Shapes in the Mist by AdmirableMonster
A young Orc on a spirit quest walks through the memories of her people.
Major Characters: Original Female Character(s) |
Major Relationships: Original Character & Original Character |
Genres: Drama | Challenges: Orctober |
Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
Chapters: 2 | Word Count: 979 |
Posted on 18 October 2024 | Updated on 22 October 2024 |
This fanwork is a work in progress. |
The Children of Angband by AdmirableMonster
This is a history that has never been told. Those whom it concerns most deeply are dead now, even those who chose or otherwise received the lifespans of Elves. It is a story that has been kept hidden for more than six thousand years. Now, I believe it is past time it should be revealed.
Major Characters: Pengolodh, Gil-galad |
Major Relationships: Gil-galad & Pengolodh |
Genres: In-Universe Artifact | Challenges: |
Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 2, 252 |
Posted on 22 October 2024 | Updated on 22 October 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
Far is the high gods' song and low by AdmirableMonster
As Númenor convulses in its death throws, Tar-Míriel converses with a friendly soul before she climbs the Meneltarma to her fate.
Major Characters: Tar-Míriel, Original Character(s) |
Major Relationships: Tar-Míriel & Original Character |
Genres: | Challenges: Kings & Queens |
Rating: Adult | Warnings: Check Notes for Warnings |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 2, 185 |
Posted on 17 August 2024 | Updated on 17 August 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
The Light and the Sea (Steampunk Númenor) by AdmirableMonster
Largely focused on Númenor, its fall, and the aftermath, as seen from the perspective of two Mannish scientists, bit players in some ways, but who nonetheless cast their shadows across the history of Middle Earth.
Major Characters: Original Character(s), Unnamed Canon Character(s) |
Major Relationships: Original Character/Original Character, Unnamed Canon Character/Original Character |
Genres: Science Fiction | Challenges: |
Rating: | Warnings: |
Posted on 9 June 2024 | Updated on 17 August 2024 |
This fanwork is a work in progress. |
Reflections by AdmirableMonster
A story of three friends in Númenor, one of whom attracts the attention of the High Priest. What does friendship mean in the shadow of the Black Temple?
Major Characters: Unnamed Canon Character(s), Original Character(s) |
Major Relationships: Unnamed Canon Character & Original Character |
Genres: Science Fiction | Challenges: Bollywood |
Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 3, 802 |
Posted on 18 July 2024 | Updated on 18 July 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
I called it Fate that I should fail by AdmirableMonster
Nimruzimir, a natural philosopher recently out of his apprenticeship, hardly considers himself very important to anyone, least of all his colleagues. When his strange, prophetic fits bring him to the attention of the High Priest, however, he may find that his existence is less superfluous than he had originally thought.
Major Characters: Original Character(s), Unnamed Canon Character(s), Sauron |
Major Relationships: Unnamed Canon Character/Original Character, Unnamed Canon Character & Original Character, Sauron & Unnamed Canon Character |
Genres: Hurt/Comfort, Science Fiction | Challenges: |
Rating: Adult | Warnings: Expletive Language, In-Universe Intolerance, Mature Themes, Torture |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 10, 225 |
Posted on 9 June 2024 | Updated on 15 July 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
Those whom Doom will not release by AdmirableMonster
As the refugees regroup in the first aftermath of the Fall of Gondolin, one loremaster survives and tries to understand.
Major Characters: Pengolodh, Salgant |
Major Relationships: Pengolodh & Salgant |
Genres: Drama | Challenges: |
Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 1, 974 |
Posted on 1 July 2024 | Updated on 1 July 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
We are not lost in the mortal city by AdmirableMonster
Gil-galad and Círdan arrive at the Mouth of Sirion, too late.
Major Characters: Gil-galad, Pengolodh |
Major Relationships: Gil-galad & Pengolodh |
Genres: Drama | Challenges: |
Rating: Teens | Warnings: Violence (Graphic) |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 1, 892 |
Posted on 30 June 2024 | Updated on 30 June 2024 |
This fanwork is a work in progress. |
Harp and Liar by AdmirableMonster
Stinging from his defeat in a musical competition at the Mereth Aderthad, Maglor unexpectedly makes friends with a deaf child.
Major Characters: Maglor, Pengolodh, Salgant |
Major Relationships: Pengolodh & Salgant, Maglor & Pengolodh |
Genres: Family | Challenges: |
Rating: General | Warnings: In-Universe Intolerance |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 2, 773 |
Posted on 28 June 2024 | Updated on 29 June 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
Esse Nuquerna by AdmirableMonster
Nimruzimir's father interrupts him while he is reading the most recent novel in his favorite series.
Major Characters: Original Character(s), Other Fictional Character(s), Unnamed Canon Character(s) |
Major Relationships: |
Genres: Crossover, Science Fiction | Challenges: Crossroads of the Fallen King, Funky 70s, Tengwar |
Rating: General | Warnings: In-Universe Intolerance |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 961 |
Posted on 15 June 2024 | Updated on 15 June 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
The Strands that Bind by AdmirableMonster
Merry Brandybuck and Estella Bolger named their first child Boromir, after the hero of the War of the Ring. But the young hobbit's dearest secret is the name she wishes she had. One quiet day, after finding an unusual necklace in the cellar, she begins to see visions of an ancient past that whisper to her of ways she might heal a poisoned pond that has never recovered since the Scouring of the Shire. Can she unlock the secrets of a long-ago chemister and his lover and find the courage to stay true to herself along the way?
Major Characters: Original Character(s), Unnamed Canon Character(s) |
Major Relationships: Unnamed Canon Character/Original Character, Original Character & Original Character, Sauron & Original Character |
Genres: Science Fiction | Challenges: |
Rating: Teens | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
Chapters: 11 | Word Count: 26, 554 |
Posted on 9 June 2024 | Updated on 10 June 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
Oh where is the sun by AdmirableMonster
Lilóteo, the erstwhile Royal Physician of the Númenorean court, is waiting to be sacrificed when he receives a strange visitor.
Written for the prompt "And the Empire grows, the seeds of its glory, for every five tanks, plant a sentimental story" + manekimi's OC Death and Sauron or others
Major Characters: Original Character(s) |
Major Relationships: Original Character & Original Character |
Genres: Hurt/Comfort | Challenges: |
Rating: Adult | Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 1, 063 |
Posted on 9 June 2024 | Updated on 9 June 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
History abandons us by AdmirableMonster
During his incarceration in Roderick Burgess' basement, Dream receives a strange, ancient visitor.
Major Characters: Other Fictional Character(s), Lórien, Thranduil |
Major Relationships: Lórien & Thranduil |
Genres: Crossover | Challenges: Crossroads of the Fallen King |
Rating: Teens | Warnings: Violence (Mild) |
Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 980 |
Posted on 18 May 2024 | Updated on 18 May 2024 |
This fanwork is complete. |
AdmirableMonster's Gallery
Annatar in Mandos, as described by Fingon in Chthonion's masterful Harrowing series
Major Characters: SauronMajor Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed | | |
Cover page for my Steampunk Númenor series, The Light and the Sea. Nimruzimir gazes out at Númenor from Andúnië.
Major Characters: Unnamed Canon Character(s)Major Relationships: No major relationships listed
Challenge: No challenge listed
Rating: General
Warnings: No warnings listed | | |