Divine Perception by belegur

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Chapter 1

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Divine Perspective

 

 

 

“All is well in the Halls of Eä.” said Ilúvatar on his Throne.

 

“Yes, it is, my Lord.” said one of the Maiar.

 

“The Valar have just left, and as far as I can see, they are doing nicely down there...”

 

“Indeed, my Lord.”

 

“So there is maybe time for me to hit the can and read the newspapers, and perhaps to download some new tunes on my player....”

 

“You have an abundance of time on your hands, Great Ilúvatar.”

 

“This is today's newspapers? Nice.” Ilúvatar folded the paper “My son?”

 

“Yes, my Lord?”

 

“Do I also have an abundance of toilet paper?”

 

“Let me check it out for you, my Lord.” the Maiar took a peak into the Great Toilet of the Halls of Eä “You have a delightful abundance of toilet paper at your disposal, my Lord.”

 

“Great.” said Ilúvatar “Call me paranoid, but I will just check what they are....Ah, look at that.” Ilúvatar pointed one finger in the direction of Arda “Such a sweetheart, my favourite son! He has built himself a nice little house, to store all his little pets! I always told Manwë, look up to your brother – you might learn something, but no... Tenderest of them all! But what are they doing?” Ilúvatar bent over the fence “Look at this! Insolence! They are attacking him! Look, look!” Ilúvatar dragged the Maiar to the fence “Defend yourself, my son! Defend...Uh...That was totally unfair...and that was unprovoked... Can you imagine this? Now they are dragging him in chains! Hold me” Ilúvatar squeezed his servant's hand “hold me, or I swear to Me, I will go down there and teach them all a lesson or two...”

 

“Seems they have locked him up, my Lord.”

 

“Just wait.” said Ilúvatar “Sooner or later they will all come here before me, and then real justice will be served.”

 

“But he's free again, my Lord.”

 

“Is that the way I taught you, Manwë? Is that the way to treat a brother?” Ilúvatar shook his head “He made him kneel before him, imagine that!”

 

“I'm seeing it, my Lord.”

 

“And look at those foul Elves!” said Ilúvatar with one foot over the fence “Dirrty little liars! Are you hearing what are they accusing him of? I can honestly say I regret ever having them!”

 

The Maiar took hold of Ilúvatar's T-shirt “My lord, you said yourself you shouldn't intervene.”

 

“Don't throw my own words back in my face.” said Ilúvatar “I know what I said, but this si too much!”

 

“But look!” said the servant “He is well again! And he has a new friend!”

 

“Such a sweet little spider.” said Ilúvatar and smiled “My son Melkor, always so good with animals.” But then Ilúvatar frowned “What has just happend?”

 

“The Light.” said the servant “It seems that Melkor turned it off, my Lord.”

 

“Of course, he turned it off.” said Ilúvatar “He knows that I myself uphold a strict energy policy. But it seems that there is still some light over there.” Ilúvatar pointed at the place with his finger “And it's moving. Most peculiar.”

 

“That's the light of the stolen Silmarils.” said the servant “He's running with them.”

 

“How come you know these things and I do not?” said Ilúvatar.

 

“I don't know, my Lord.”

 

“That's a good answear.” said Ilúvatar and turned his attention back to the World “What is happening now? Uh! Some battles! That horrid chap, Fëanor, finally took a bullet...”

 

“He took it, my Lord.”

 

“Those bloodthirsty Elves!” said Ilúvatar and looked away “The only thing that can comfort me now is the song of my beloved Melian! Ah, look! Some nightingales are resting at her feet and harkening to her song!”

 

“They are dead, my Lord.”

 

Ilúvatar took a closer look. “Yes, indeed.” he said “What happend?”

 

“Overexposure to singing, my Lord.”

 

“How's my son doing?”

 

“Great, my Lord.” said the servant “He slaughtered almost everyone in Beleriand. No one dares to oppose him.”

 

“Slaughtered...?”

 

“Yes, my Lord.” said the servant “But you see, the army of Valinor, which is approaching, will defeat him for the time being.”

 

“How do you know this stuff?”

 

“I have done some research.” said the servant “Let's speed things up a little bit...The end of the world... Behold! They are all back again!”

 

The Throne Room of Ilúvatar was full to the brim.

 

“And I hadn't had the chance to go to the bathroom of anything.” said Ilúvatar.

 

“No.” said the servant “You will have the time later, because you are not Ilúvatar. I'm Ilúvatar and you have been great fun. Go back to your old self, my friend!”

 

Ilúvatar became the servant, and the servant became Ilúvatar.

 

“So.” said Ilúvatar to the full room “Here we go again. It was a little better than the last time but still not quite there...”