I'll Be Yours If You'll Be Mine by NelyafinweFeanorion

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Chapter 18

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Maedhros could see the lights were on at the house as he drove up the long driveway. He did not want to deal with either of his brothers right now but it was obvious someone was home. And awake.

He parked the car in the garage, took a few deep breaths, then ran his hands through his hair as he prepared himself to brush off any inquiries from Maglor or Tyelko. It should be easy enough to tell them he was tired and needed to go to bed.

It wasn't. Tyelko was in the kitchen, which meant Maedhros had to walk right past him to get into the house.

"Hey, Mae!" Tyelko said, as he caught sight of his older brother entering the kitchen.

"Hey, Tyelko," Maedhros avoided any eye contact and attempted to cross the space to the back stairs.

"You're home late," Tyelko said.

"I'm tired. It's been a long day. I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?" Maedhros nodded vaguely at his brother, keeping his face turned away as he hung up his coat.

"Hey, were you in Tirion?" Tyelko moved from the sink to come closer to Maedhros, leaning on the doorframe. Of the doorway that led to the back stairs. Which was exactly where Maedhros was headed.

Maedhros sighed. It seemed Tyelko was in one of his talkative moods and not taking the hint. "Yeah," he said curtly, moving to the refrigerator now to avoid Tyelko. He knew how perceptive his younger brother could be.

"Seeing Fingon?" Tyelko asked, amusement in his voice.

Maedhros really did not want to be having this conversation. He wasn't hungry, in fact his stomach was still churning, but examining the contents of their refrigerator at least meant he didn't have to make eye contact with his brother.

"Yeah," he said again, intently focused on checking the date on the yoghurt container in his hand, before returning it to the shelf.

"Mae, are you ok?"

Damn it. Did Tyelko have to be in his observant mode tonight? He shut the refrigerator door a little more forcefully than he intended. "I told you. I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning, Tyelko." Without looking directly at his brother, Maedhros moved towards the kitchen door.

Tyelko knew better than to try to restrain Maedhros from leaving. He simply moved into the doorway itself, blocking him.

"Tyelko, get out of my way," Maedhros growled.

"I know that look, Maedhros. I've seen it enough times," Tyelko replied, crossing his arms as he looked up at his older brother's pale face. "Something's wrong."

"I don't want to talk about it," Maedhros said, forcefully pushing past Tyelko and heading for the stairs.

Tyelko followed him, tamping down his natural instinct to just grab his brother by the arm to stop him. He knew how bad an idea that would be.

"Hey. I know Maglor isn't home right now but it doesn't mean I can't listen," Tyelko offered, as he climbed the stairs behind Maedhros. "You've done it enough times for me."

Maedhros was on the landing already. He stopped, pushed his glasses up to rest on top of his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing as he did. "Where is Maglor?" he asked.

"Late rehearsal for the end of term performances," Tyelko replied, coming to stand next to Maedhros. "I know you'd rather talk to him about whatever is bothering you, Mae. But I'm here, if you need," Tyelko frowned up at him.

Maedhros opened his eyes, noting Tyelko's concerned look. "It's just been a long day, Tyelko," he repeated.

"Seriously, Mae, you know you're absolutely insufferable when you're trying to be all stoic and self-sacrificing," Tyelko complained. "You look like shit." He narrowed his eyes at Maedhros and continued. "I honestly can't remember the last time you looked this bad. What the hell happened today?"

Maedhros exhaled in frustration. Tyelko was nothing if not persistent. "I had a . . . I guess you'd call it a disagreement with Fingon," he admitted.

Tyelko's eyes widened and he gently put a hand on Maedhros' arm. "Shit, Mae. I'm sorry." His grip tightened as he continued. "Come on. We're going downstairs. I'm not going to let you hide in your room and wallow in this." He shook his brother's arm lightly.

"Tyelko, you've got better things to do. Just let me go to bed," Maedhros objected.

"Like you didn't have better things to do all those times you dealt with upset little brothers?" Tyelko asked.

It seemed Tyelko's thoughts had drifted to the same kind of memories that Maedhros had been reliving in the car.

Maedhros frowned down at him and then nodded. Tyelko gently tugged him towards the stairs. Once they were in the kitchen, he grabbed two beers from the refrigerator and motioned for Maedhros to sit across from him at the table. He pushed an open bottle towards him and clinked it lightly with his own. "Ok. Spill. What's going on?"

Maedhros took a drink from his beer and looked down, his finger idly dragging in the condensation on the table. "It's all just so stupid, really," he said, frowning. "Things were going really well, I thought, but I hadn't realized some things and it led to some awkward moments today."

"Mae. Could you be any more vague?"

"Fine. I snapped at Fingon today, after his roommate walked in on us."

"Walked in on you doing what?" Tyelko asked innocently.

"Shut up, Tyelko. It wasn't anything much."

"Maglor said you guys were pretty hot and heavy in the storeroom last weekend," Tyelko confided.

"What? Do you guys seriously sit around and talk about me like that?" Maedhros was irritated.

"When it's painfully obvious that you're finally showing a glimmer of happiness and look like you've actually found a great guy who could be really good for you," Tyelko grumbled. "Then yeah, we talk about you because we don't want you to fuck this up, idiot."

Maedhros put his head in his hands. "Well, I may have fucked it up."

It all came out in a rush then; the initial argument, the afternoon where things looked to be going better and then the ugly end to the evening.

"I thought it was better. You haven't had the nightmares as often," Tyelko said.

Maedhros just looked at him.

It was Tyelko's turn to sigh. "I know. You don't want to risk it. I get it." He took a long drink from his beer. "But if you haven't had any for awhile . . ."

"You, of all people, should know what can happen if I get startled in my sleep, nightmare or no nightmare."

Tyelko grimaced and rubbed his nose. "Twelve years playing hockey and I never broke my nose. The one time I try to wake you up from one of your nightmares and you break it for me." He shook his head. "I know what can happen if you get startled, Mae."

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up. The doctor told us not to do that. It was my fault. I just reacted," Tyelko replied.

"I just can't risk that happening with Fingon," Maedhros explained.

"Yeah, but if he knows what to expect, what's the big deal?" Tyelko studied Maedhros' face. "Shit. You haven't even told him?"

Maedhros shook his head. "I can't. It's so stupid and weak."

"Fuck that, Mae." Tyelko was angry now. "How dare you say that? How dare you say you're weak? It could have happened to any of us. You're not fucking weak, Mae!"

"Fine. I'm not weak. I'm just a twenty-nine-year-old who has nightmares. That sounds a whole lot better, you think?" Maedhros snapped.

"Well, at least it's the truth!" Tyelko retorted. "You have nightmares for a good fucking reason! Shit. I had nightmares just thinking about it, Mae, and nothing happened to me!" Tyelko's voice had risen and he realized it too late. He put his hands over his face and took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted." He reached across to grab Maedhros' wrist. "It's nothing to be ashamed of and Fingon would never think any less of you because of it." His voice softened. "Mae, you are the strongest person I know." He squeezed Maedhros wrist a little tighter. "If you don't tell him he might think it's something he's said or done. Or that's there's something about him, making you hesitate."

"I know," Maedhros whispered.

"He said something like that already, didn't he?" Tyelko's voice was even gentler now.

"Pretty much."

"And you still didn't tell him? Aw, Mae, what am I going to do with you?" Tyelko sighed.

"I wanted to, a couple of times. I just couldn't do it."

"Avoiding it isn't going to solve anything and you know it," Tyelko said. "I can tell how much you like him and Aredhel says he's totally gone over you. Don't let this disagreement screw things up. This is a really good thing for you—just let yourself have it. You're worth it. And so is he."

Maedhros shifted his hand and gripped Tyelko's. "Thanks, Tyelko."

"I know I'm no Maglor . . . but," Tyelko started to say but Maedhros interrupted him.

"No, shut up. Thank you, for taking the time to talk to me tonight," he said.

"Text him before you go to sleep. Seriously." Tyelko made a face again. "I never expected to be giving you relationship advice. This is all kinds of screwed up."

Maedhros actually smiled. "You're doing a surprisingly good job at it. Maglor will be pissed."

Two beers later Maedhros was finally alone in his room. He looked at his phone. He pulled up Fingon's text message thread and then hesitated over the keyboard.

At a loss as to what to type he eventually sent just one word.

"Sorry."

---

It was almost ten o'clock when Finrod opened the door and looked around cautiously as he walked into the apartment. Not seeing anyone in the living room, he hung up his coat and moved further in.

He was not expecting to find Fingon seated at the dining room table, textbooks and papers in orderly piles around him.

"Hey," Finrod said, leaning on the back of the chair across from Fingon. "You don't usually study out here."

"I wanted to make sure I heard you come in," Fingon explained, looking up at his roommate.

"What's going on?" Finrod asked, pulling out the chair to sit in it. "You look like hell."

"I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I was a jerk and I'm sorry."

Finrod shook his head. "I shouldn't have teased you."

"You didn't tease me," Fingon said. "You were just making conversation and I got all bent out of shape."

"Apology accepted," Finrod said, his eyes fixed on Fingon questioningly.

"What?" Fingon asked.

"Why did you get so pissy?"

Fingon put his head in his hands momentarily and then returned his gaze to Finrod. "Maedhros asked me that same question. I don't know. Lots of reasons, I guess. I was pissed that we got interrupted but if I'd just gone to my room it never would have happened. I was pissed that I forgot you were coming home—I should have known that."

"Um, I suppose I can get both of those, although honestly Fin—they're kind of lame reasons. You've walked in on me doing more than that and it was never a big deal," Finrod said.

Fingon glared at him. "Did you and Maedhros talk? Because you both basically said the same thing."

Finrod shrugged and leaned forward. "Maedhros said?"

"Yeah. He couldn't understand why I was so irritated either," Fingon admitted.

"So, why were you?" Finrod persisted.

"You heard me apologize, right? Why is this turning into twenty questions?"

"Because it's obvious you're still upset," Finrod said, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest while giving Fingon an appraising look. "Upset at me. Seems like at Maedhros too. What's going on, Fin? Where is Maedhros?"

Fingon shoulders slumped. "He left."

Finrod just continued to look at him.

"Fine. We argued about why I was ticked off, ok? I told him I was worried you were going to open your big mouth and say something stupid—I was!" he reiterated, as he saw Finrod's expression change. "You said all that stuff at Taeglin's," he explained.

"Valar above, Fin! Did you seriously think I would do that?" Finrod's face clouded over and his blue eyes went frosty. "I was just trying to get through to you, you idiot."

"I know. I realized that later. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you," Fingon exhaled. "I just want this to work out and I think I've screwed it up."

"Screwed it up how?" Finrod asked, his eyes narrowing.

"I don't know exactly."

Finrod rolled his eyes. "Seriously, Fingon. Just tell me what happened?"

So, he did. From their departure from the apartment to Maedhros' abrupt exit.

Finrod frowned when Fingon was done talking. "So, it seems I was right about him getting the wrong message about how busy you are."

Fingon nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"There's got to be something he's not telling you about why he doesn't want to stay," Finrod said thoughtfully.

"I asked. He said it was just him."

"Which you don't believe?" Finrod asked.

"Well, what should I think? Either he doesn't want to stay because he doesn't want to get more intimate or it's something to do with me. Which basically means it's something to do with me either way."

"Why did he leave?" Finrod asked.

"I don't know. I asked him to stay again and he got all distant," Fingon frowned. "And then I got frustrated and maybe a little angry." He looked up at Finrod. "And then he left."

"I think there's something going on he's not telling you. Either because he thinks you won't understand or because he's embarrassed," Finrod said.

"Why would he be embarrassed?" Fingon asked.

"How would I know?" Finrod said. "You guys obviously need to talk, Fin."

"I thought we were talking today."

"Clearly not about the right things," Finrod pushed his chair back and stood up. "I'll be right back."

He disappeared into the kitchen, returning a moment later with two bottles of beer. "I thought tonight warranted the good stuff," he explained, handing one of the bottles to Fingon.

They drank in silence for a few moments and then Finrod spoke again. "Have you texted him or called him since he left?"

Fingon shook his head. "No. I didn't want to text or call while he was driving back to Formenos." He ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. "You think I should? I feel like I pushed him too far for some reason tonight."

"Are you seeing him this weekend?" Finrod asked.

"No, he's out of town at a wedding." Fingon took a long drink of his beer. "That's why he was here today." He picked at the label of the beer bottle, peeling it back as he spoke. "He invited me to Formenos next weekend but who knows if he still wants me to go out there now."

"I'm sure he still wants you to," Finrod said. "I think you should text him before you go to bed—so at least he knows you're not still mad." He leaned forward to look at Fingon intently. "Are you still mad?"

"No, I'm not. I'm just frustrated," Fingon said, shredding the beer label into tiny, sodden pieces. "You're probably right," he admitted. A blush crept up his face. "I haven't gone to bed without texting him goodnight in over a week."

"Even more reason then," Finrod said. He took a drink from his beer and then looked at his roommate again. "You genuinely thought I was going to micromanage your love life? With your boyfriend? Really, Fin?"

Fingon buried his face in his hands. "I told you. I don't know what I was thinking. He means so much to me . . . I just freaked out and overreacted. I want this to work, Finrod." His hands dropped to the table and a pained expression crossed his face. "I've never felt like this about anyone before."

"I know. Just text him and get this sorted out. I'll help in any way I can."

Fingon's phone pinged as he was about to answer Finrod.

MAEDHROS: Sorry

"He texted me," Fingon said quietly.

"And?"

"It just says 'sorry,'" Fingon said.

"So text something back!" Finrod ordered.

"Yeah, ok. Let me think."

FINGON: Me too.

FINGON: Are we still on for next weekend? I really need to see you again.

MAEDHROS: I need to see you too.

FINGON: is that a yes for next weekend then?

MAEDHROS: of course. I'll call you. Is that ok?

FINGON: Of course it's ok. I'd be disappointed if you didn't.

MAEDHROS: I'll call. I'm sorry about today. Tonight. All of it.

FINGON: We'll figure it out. Talk soon. Good night.

MAEDHROS: good night

---

Maedhros set his phone down and put his head in his hands. It was going to be a long week. But he could fix this—he had a chance to do just that next weekend.

A knock sounded at his door and he looked up to see Maglor peeking in. "Didn't I tell you this would happen, you bloody idiot?" Maglor said.

"Shut up, Maglor," Maedhros complained. "I'll get this figured out."

Maglor stalked into the room and sat heavily on the bed, next to Maedhros.

"I suppose Tyelko spilled?" Maedhros asked.

"As soon as I walked in the door," Maglor confirmed.

"That's the last time I talk to Tyelko. You're both pains in the ass."

"You're one to talk, dumbass," Maglor growled. "Is it too early to say I told you so?"

"Yes."

"Too bad. I told you so. More than once." Maglor bumped Maedhros' shoulder. "What now?"

"He's supposed to spend the day here next weekend," Maedhros confessed. "I'll talk to him then. Explain, I guess." He buried his face in his hands again. "I hate this."

"If he's spending the weekend here, you're going to have to tell him," Maglor said.

"Weekend? Who said anything about spending the weekend?" Maedhros looked at Maglor questioningly. "I invited him for the day—I thought we'd go skating on the lake. Then I'll cook him one of my dinners," Maedhros frowned. "I'll drive him home, since the weekend trains stop early."

"Are you really this dense, Mae?" Maglor was incredulous. "You invited him here—he's going to expect to spend the night." He saw the realization on Maedhros' face. "Didn't think of that, did you?"

"But why would he think that? I said 'come out for the day,'" Maedhros mumbled.

"Whatever you say, Mae. I don't see why he wouldn't at least think it's an option," Maglor said.

A wave of dread washed over Maedhros.

"Valar above!" Maglor swore, as he saw Maedhros go pale. "You're going to tell him, so what's the big deal? He'll know. That should make things easier." He scrutinized Maedhros' face. "You don't really think you can get away with not telling him? Didn't you just say you were going to?"

"I said I'd explain. I didn't say I'd tell him everything."

Maglor stood up. "You know what? I'm done. You're an absolute ass. None of this would have happened if you'd just listened to me." He walked to the door. "You're not giving him enough credit, you know. And that's a shame because he's worth more than that."

And he was gone, the door slamming behind him.

Maedhros fell back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Maglor made it sound so simple.