Thirty Day Character Challenge: Feanor by eris_of_imladris

Prompt 28

Prompt 28: Down Memory Lane, Part Four. Imagine your character writing or dictating their autobiography. What parts of their story would they hush up or change to make themselves look better? What parts would they blow out of proportion? What parts would make them cry?

His autobiography, along with most of his troubles, would begin before he was born, with the love story between his father, High King Finwë of the Noldor, and his mother, Míriel Þerinde, one whose skill was as widely appreciated as her beauty. The pair would have a single child only, with Míriel’s exhaustion after her son’s birth leading to her relinquishing her soul in the gardens of Lorien, never to see her son after he was a baby. This would shape the rest of his life, and although he would inherit her craftiness (albeit in smithing, rather than weaving), he would always feel an emptiness that he would try to use his craft to fill, with disastrous results.

He wouldn’t sugarcoat things, but he wouldn’t talk about the disasters as if they were entirely his fault – there is some blame for him in there, but he will assign a great deal of blame to many other Eldar, including his father, Finwë, for remarrying; his stepmother, Indis, for existing and having children; his half-siblings, Findis, Fingolfin, Irimë, and Finarfin (and he would most certainly refer to the boys with their mother-names rather than the father-names that he hates), taking the righteous for existing and thereby threatening his position; and Melkor, for taking the hatred in his heart and twisting it to suit his nefarious purposes.

Rather than having some of his more hate-filled acts like the burning of the Teleri ships and the Teleri kinslaying take center stage, he would seek to write his autobiography in a manner that explains these actions in the context of what happened before, mostly his relationships with his family, to show how one thing led to another rather than coming out of nowhere from a deranged mind or an absent heart.

He would start with his childhood, with his father being sad for most of the time until he met Indis, and how he hated the fact that Indis was the one who could make his father happy instead of it being him. Even though Indis was always polite to him, their ideas of how to live life clashed greatly, and he hated that Indis was coming between him and his father rather than helping them get closer to each other. His portrayal of her would not be as pure evil, but as flighty perhaps, and definitely selfish, focused on her own joy rather than on building a family the way he thought it should have been built.

And then the children would arrive – three who were not threats, and one who was. Findis and Irimë were not threats because they were girls, and could thus not take away his inheritance, and Arafinwë (although his name was an abject insult to Fëanor, which he only ignored on Nerdanel’s advice) was too mild personality-wise to actually try to do anything like stealing the throne. It was Nolofinwë, the “wise” one, who was a threat to Fëanor from the moment he was born. Even though he would feel pushed aside by Findis, the giggling golden-haired girl was like a carbon copy of Indis in his mind, and not suitable for a Noldor throne, but Fingolfin (who he always referred to by his mother-name, as soon as the name was given) was a dark-haired boy, taller than him, who looked more like Finwë than he did because he bore a few of Míriel’s features. These proud features of his mother made him feel inadequate around his father, because Míriel was out of fashion in the household, and Fingolfin seemed to be a carbon copy of Finwë.

Fëanor would include feeling threatened by his half-brother nearly immediately after his conception, and especially after his birth, where there was a great viewing party and an announcement of his name. He snuck out of this occasion and found himself at the home of Mahtan, who he apprenticed himself to several years earlier, and where he had just been promoted to a senior apprentice, although he hadn’t yet told his father because he was afraid that his accomplishment would be overshadowed by Indis’s pregnancy and the ensuing birth.

Mahtan was like a true father to Fëanor, encouraging his interests and understanding him in many ways that his father didn’t. He was a favorite of the Vala Aulë, and apprenticeships with him were sought for many throughout the land. Fëanor would earn his not by virtue of who he was but by what he could do, and although his birth didn’t mean that he would get special treatment in Mahtan’s home, he would learn so much from the ellon, and he would experience a great deal of compassion, as well as someone to run interference between him and his father.

Mahtan would offer Fëanor a great deal of guidance, but his soon-favorite reason to visit his master’s home was to encounter his daughter, Nerdanel. As the crown prince, ellith would practically throw themselves at him, but many of them were like Indis in his mind – flighty, concerned more with appearance than substance, and far too concerned about their own beauty. When he got to know Nerdanel, however, he found that she was an elleth of substance over anything else, and her craft took first place in her heart just as his did. The two would find a great deal of room in their hearts for each other, and even at a young age, they would find a desire to bond.

It was unusual for them to want to bond so young, but Fëanor and Nerdanel were in love, and desired for nothing to stand in their way. Mahtan tested their love in a variety of ways, and they came out on top of it. This part of the autobiography would be full of adventures, the pair’s shared travels and experiments in and out of the forge, and the way he felt when he looked at her and saw a true kindred spirit. Though they were later estranged, he would remember her fondly in the pages, and he would report his love for her honestly, with the same blazing fire that it started with before the sands of time (and other things that he might not want to admit to himself) snuffed it out.

The wedding would be described in a good amount of detail, although a great deal more would be about his early life with Nerdanel and designing and building their first home together. Not long after the home’s completion, the couple would celebrate the birth of their first child, who Fëanor would call Nelyafinwë as both a joy to continue his father’s line and an insult to Fingolfin, trying to make him feel as he himself had felt when his father had named his half-brother.

Nelyafinwë, a gregarious redheaded child, would soon be followed by six brothers, whose Sindarin names were Maglor, Celegorm, Caranthir, Curufin (a favorite, for looking and acting like him), and the twins Amrod and Amras. The children were bright points in Fëanor’s life, and although some might have said that he wanted seven sons to ensure that his half-brothers’ claims to the throne of the Noldor would be tenuous at best, he loved them dearly.

In addition to creating a family with Nerdanel, this time in Fëanor’s life would be devoted to a variety of projects. Now managing his own forge and smithy, he would devote some time to teaching apprentices, but most of his time to working with metal and gems in unusual ways, trying to figure out new and innovative things to help the Noldor.

His first major innovation would not be in the forge – rather, he would come up with the Tengwar runes, and work on improving the writing process. He would include the fancy “S” symbol that his mother chose for her name, and write that as a way of respecting his mother even though she was beyond his reach. Although he would never write this in his autobiography, his desire to rework the alphabet would stem from a desire to be seen as wise and thus a good successor for his father, worried that Nolofinwë’s father-name meant that his father saw his younger half-brother as wiser (and potentially a better king) than himself.

Inside the forge, he would study for many years, working hands-on with a variety of materials. He would write a great deal about his processes, especially the work he did to find the substances within the earth itself, and how he mined specific things. This would be another way to show off his intelligence and talent, something that he would want to come across. He would stop delving into specifics when he started working on the Silmarils, the greatest works of his life, and the material they came from. In fact, he never told anyone how they were made or what from, on the off chance that someone else would be able to replicate them and thus take away his crowning glory.

He would discuss the gems in detail, but not in a technical way – he would discuss their light, the way they shone in his hands, and the hundreds of failed attempts before they came to light would be more or less overlooked in the interest of the finished product. There would be a great deal of talk about presenting the Silmarils to his father and his people, and setting them in a great crown.

Not long after this, however, he would begin talking about the turmoil that started when Morgoth (as he named the Vala Melkor) was released from his prison, and came to Tirion. Melkor would manipulate him by using his fears against him, specifically his fears about being eclipsed by Fingolfin, and this would lead to both sides making weapons and eventually, a great conflict in which Fëanor would corner his half-brother with a sword when he was trying to scold him in front of his father and the court. It would be presented in that angle – yes, he used force first, but he was technically attacked first, so the blame is not all with him.

He would detail the trial with the Valar, although it might not be in the fairest light, as he was exiled to Formenos and his father followed him, leaving Fingolfin to rule in Tirion for twelve years, making Fëanor’s worst fears come to life. The time in Formenos would be mostly overlooked, but he would write about his reconciliation (albeit half-intentional) with Fingolfin, followed by the terrible report coming from Formenos of a great attack.

There, he would find his father’s corpse and three missing Silmarils, which would give him both the power and the motive to seek out Morgoth once and for all, and try to rid him from Arda. He would speak of the oath he swore, but by this point, his narrative would be disjointed, with rage and temper fueling his words rather than logic. With his power unchecked, and all his failures set out for everyone to see, he would speak of his journey to Middle-Earth, his first kinslaying of the Teleri and burning of their ships, and leaving Fingolfin behind.

If he could narrate his final battle, he would speak bravely about what he endured in the sight of Angband, Morgoth’s great fortress, and his valor against the king of the balrogs, Gothmog. The fight would be portrayed as one king against another, and he would not like to write of his loss, but he would perish of his wounds in this fight, ascending in a fiery column that would destroy his body. Here, his story ends, although the story of his sons was just beginning, and an addendum at the end of the book would explain their quest to fulfill their father’s oath and bring the Silmarils back. In the end, one would end up in the hands of Earendil and Elwing, one would end up in a fiery chasm after burning Maedhros’ remaining hand, and the final one would be thrown into the sea by Maglor, who still walks Middle-Earth in despair for his lost family.