The Captive by Glorified

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Chapter 12: Homeward Bound

So after finding answers they had not looked for Elrond and Ella make there way home, what will be next for them?

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Homeward bound.

 

We walked back slowly, through the empty streets as dawn light the purple sky and the stars started to fade.

“What a debacle its been tonight”, I said sighing heavily,

“It was not all bad though, you enjoyed the dancing with Finrod and Amaire”,

“Yes they are a pleasant couple”,

“They seem so well suited”.

“Hmmm!”,

“Where is your mithril circlet may I ask?”,

I looked up guiltily, “After all the shenanigans tonight I can’t honestly say, sorry", I said forlornly.

“Don’t worry it will turn up”.

I sighed again.

“Will you return back with me, or are you staying here longer”, I asked,

“Yes there is no point in staying”.

We reached our rooms. I turned to Elrond, and deigned a fake curtsey, “Thank you kind sir for a … hmmm! How shall I put it a very interesting evening”.

He laughed, “Indeed It would have been far duller without your company”.

He looked at me and took my hand in his and brushed a light kiss across the back of it.

He still held it in his hand his touch warm and gentle, in the darkened corridor, his grey eyes glinted studying me, his mood turning sombre.

“What?” I laughed trying to return the lighter humour of earlier,

Still holding my hand he touched my cheek with his other hand, I watched him as he caressed my cheek with his fingers touching my bottom lip with his thumb his looking wistful. The only sound was our breathing, I could feel his warm breath on my cheeks. Still staring with an unreadable gaze. I felt him draw closer to me brushing my forehead in a dry kiss.

“Goodnight my lady”, sleep late tomorrow, he said simply as his mouth brushed my forehead.

He let go of my hand and moved away,

“Goodnight my friend”, I said.

 

I didn’t wake until late in the afternoon, and bathed and went to find Elrond, he was downstairs talking to a servant when I found him.

“Your Mithril circlet he said, it was sent down from the palace”.

“Where did they find it?”,

“In Celeborn’s rooms”.

“He’s not here?”, I said suddenly cautious,

“No his wife sent it down”.

“Oh” I groaned, “she will think me a double trollop”,

“Have no fears she knows his idiosyncrasies, that she sent it is her way of saying she knows and does not blame you”.

“How did she know it was mine?” I asked,

“She saw you wearing it, she never misses anything”.

 

We set out later that day in the early evening, we would travel through the night we did not care as the nights here balmy and warm, the Mearas and donkey were waiting for us and we rode astride the Mearas together. I really couldn’t have Elrond bearing the indignity of riding the donkey again so I cajoled and petted the Mearas into letting Elrond sit astride him but behind with strict instructions that Elrond was not to try steering of any sort. A Mearas I told him will not be ridden. “Then how do you ride him?” he asked pursing his lips,

“He merely lets sit me sit astride him and I ask his agreement on direction and pace”.

“Aaah !”,said Elrond smirking “and to think I who have ridden many a warhorse into battle if only I had known”.

I swatted him, “If you don’t want to be back on the donkey or walking you would do well to mark my words, and don’t ever refer to him as a horse, its beneath him”, I said attempting frostiness.

“As my lady wishes”, Elrond gave me a mock bow.

 

It felt good to jest again after all the drama of Tirion and to at last be on our way. My gowns would be sent by courier later and so we decided to load up the donkey with the few bags we had.

It was strange having Elrond riding behind me, he placed a strong arm around me and I could feel his muscled chest through his travelling clothes. As we travelled the dusk grew deeper and I lolled my head against his shoulder as we rode, the stars started to come out and soon we have a blaze of diamonds studding the canopy over our heads.

What are your thoughts he said,

How beautiful the stars are,

I mean…….,

“You mean Maglor,

“You don’t judge me for what we did?”

“No it was inevitable”,

“Was it just sex with us?”,

“It was sex, passion and desire, but it was also love, but not the kind I think that abides, that type of passion spends itself sooner or later, like a flame consuming itself”.

“Yes, I felt when I was with him consumed by a strange type of ferocity as if I was burning myself away”.

“Such is the nature of that type of love”.

“Are there other types”, I said.

“Oh yes there are, there are quiet passions that that keep their themselves bridled within every days quiet needs yet they are every bit as profound and more enduring”.

I turned my head and looked up at him, the stars were reflected in his grey eyes and he looked down at me tenderly.

“Is that what you felt for Celebrian?”,

“It is in my nature to love in such a way”,

“And Celebrian?”,

“Celebrian was and is a force of nature, unbridled as I am bridled”.

“Then were you no match?”,

“Yes we were matched”, he said, “a counterpoint to one another, where she impassioned I calmed, and where I restrained she emboldened me”.

“I see”, I said, “So is it good to have counterpoint?”,

“It can lead to a lively life he laughed quietly. But there is love that is simpler, quieter yet every bit as impassioned and bold when revealed. It is the love of equal kinds and minds and hearts, where ones thought and heart are bent around a dual course. Such love is deeper than the deepest water and if all the stars were given in the heavens for it they would be counted of little worth”.

 

I felt a strange wonder come over as Elrond spoke his words spell binding me with their emotive charge, It seemed he spoke from deep within his spirit and knowing. I felt stilled and lulled in to a trance. We stopped by a small stream and pool and made camp. Elrond took his leave and went to bathe, after I had seen to Mearas and donkey I found him a short while floating in the pool gazing up at the blazing sky.

“Are you going to join me?” he said, still looking up at the heavens.

I walked tentatively into the pool, my under dress billowing out. I was no swimmer and Elrond swam towards me offering me his arms and shoulders to lean on. He drew us out into the middle of the pool and urged me to relax and trust him. He held my head and shoulders and I looked up to the vaulted glory above.

“Varda walks the heavens tonight”, he said.

He slowly without me noticing relaxed his hold on me until I was floating unaided, and flipped on his back at my side. Even the reeds were still and there was no breeze or breathe of wind to break the hushed stillness that fell all around us as we both floated in the starry night our hair streaming out and entangling together. I felt weightless, It seemed as if the heavens and the edges of our little pool coalesced and merged and we were floating above in the sky nothing anchoring us to the earth below. How long we floated like that I did not know, when on the edges of my hearing I heard a strange music that shimmered and vibrated twinkling in harmony with the starry vault all around us. I knew it was Varda’s song and as I became aware of it the night around us deepened and streams of deep violet and indigo bloomed and sway around us and under us. Varda had come, the ladies face shining above me with a benevolence and beauty that smote my heart in adoration.

 

We woke in the early morning asleep on our bed rolls naked apart from blankets drawn up around us. How we had come to be there we did not know. The morning sunshine breaking through the mists come off the water of the pool. The Mearas snickered near to me and tickled my feet, I opened my eyes and soft grey ones looked back at me the wonder of the night before still full in them. We looked away suddenly shy of our naked state and the glory of what we had witnessed.

“What happened?” I said,

“Varda came, she blessed us”,

“Yes” I said.

We said nothing more of the starry night as we made ready and broke our fast but both our hearts were full of wonder and awe and gratitude for Varda.

 

I had been at the New Imladris for a few weeks, I had decided not to go to the farmstead there were too many memories of myself and Maglor there. Elrond understood and did not push me to any decisions on my future for which I was grateful for. We spent most of or part of our days together. He would read to me, or we would walk together in the gardens. His quiet reserved nature was just the balm I needed and I felt more comforted and at ease than I had in a very long time.

I worked on my sculptures and found a re-newed enthusiasm, yet within my spirit there was still the ragged wound of grief over Maglor.

 

One day we were sitting on the veranda over looking the gardens.

“It is right that you grieve” he said,

I looked at him unsure what to say.

“It is not something that can be forgotten and put in a locked draw, it is something you will bear always in your heart, a mark on your soul and his too”.

“Do you think so? Maybe he has he has forgotten me”,

“I cannot believe it so”.

 

A few days later his affirmation was proven true when a horse and rider pulled up at the New Imladris. We had few visitors since we had arrived back and I wondered who it could be. Elrond had already gone to the gates and I watched from the house. The rider wore no distinguishing livery but I could tell he was no courier as his grey horse was fine and the saddle and bridle richly adored with gilt and carvings.

 

Elrond obviously knew him as he threw his arms around him when he saw him. The tall rider threw his hood back as he strode with Elrond across the lawn towards the house and a cascade of vibrant dark red hair cascaded out down over his shoulders. He borne the familiarity of features I knew so well and my heart beat fast as to why he was here and what this could mean.

When they reached me, I looked at Elrond anxiously for explanation,

“Ella let me introduce Maedhros Feanorian, Maglor’s kin and my … before he could finish Maedhros and swooped low into a gracious elegant bow in front of me waiting several moments before standing up again,

“My Lady”, he said, “It is an honour”.

I nodded, a little bemused at his ceremonious and ardent greeting.

“We are honoured too”, I said, “prey tell what brings you so far from home?”,

He stood up straight towering over me looking at me intently for at least a full half minute,

“Maglor was correct, all that is best of dark and bright meet in your aspect and your eyes”.

I stammered a thank you taken back, when he produced a satchel and from it a scroll of parchment tied with a ribbon,

“Maglor wished me to convey this to you in person, my lady….. Ella”

I took the parchment from his hand silently looking at it gravely.

“Forgive me”, he turned to Elrond, I must depart by immediate return, but I will wait and take refreshment with you if I may?”…. He turned to look at me again…. “The lady may wish to return some message or sentiment or…..not!”, he smiled.

“We will be in the house”, said Elrond to me, discretely allowing me the privacy of reading what Maglor had to say to me alone.

 

 

“My beloved, Ella,

There is so much I wanted to say to you in Tirion but could not find the words and the time and situation constrained me. So now I write to you hoping to express some of my heart and that with the sincere hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for the many sins I have committed against you. I want you to know I shall bear out the love I have for you in my heart forever. My fae shall bear its mark clear for all to see unaltered and unreduced in its power or potency. Yet I find I am constrained by powers beyond my control which would force my hand and life into a future and make not of my own doing.

 

I cannot and do not ask you to be part of that stain. My family and I have left grievous injury and mark upon the Eldar and we are all of us been called to rightfully restitutive for the wrong we have done. You who are pure and beautiful and unadulterated should not bear the shame of my family. I could not and should not ask that of you.

 

Yet I remember our love Ella, do not think I have ever forgotten it, your skin, your touch your smile, the nights and days of love we spent together all haunt me and should do. I knew that in touching you, loving you it was wrong of me, yet it felt like an unstoppable force drew me to you and I could not resist.

Please be brave Ella, please do not grieve over me, allow love to once more come into your heart. Your bright, pure nature should and needs to love again, but this time with someone who is worthy of it.

If you wish to return reply to letter Maedhros my brother will bring it to me. He knows all. I have left a small token with him to be given to you. If you can at times wear it and think of me as I will think of you, with kindness and love for all that you gave to me.

Yours Maglor.”

 

I sat for a long time thinking and then got up and found Maedhros and Elrond and asked Maedhros to wait as I penned a return letter. He deferentially swooped his head in an elegant polite gesture of acknowledgement. Elrond looked at me anxiously but I nodded to him that I was alright.

 

I went to Elrond’s study and sat down.

“My dearest Maglor,

My love, I find that I have nothing to forgive you for, you loved, we both did truly and deeply and for that the powers themselves cannot decry or condemn us and Eru himself would not either. I am sorry though for the savage words I spoke to the last time we met, they were said out of my hearts wrath. But know I hold no anger or judgment against you or ever did or will.

I see now that for some though forgiveness and judgment is deemed as demanding a public display as recompense. But know this I would have gladly borne any mark or stain for you, sharing any ignominy with you, any judgment.

 

The mark of our love I shall bear always also, it is not something that can be erased nor forgotten by we two who have felt its passion and fire.

 

Please my love, I ask you to try to take comfort in your family, try to have faith in the morrow and find hope to continue and thereby some level of peace and calm.

Yours Ella.”

 

Maedhros set out within the hour after taking my hand and looking deeply into my eyes as if he were trying to convey something to me then calling me sister kin, he once again swooped down in a deep reverential bow.

 

I stood for a long after he had departed transfixed staring into the middle distance. I had imagined visiting Formenos and meeting all his brothers even the formidable Nerdanel and Feanor. Now I never would. Elrond found me and gently touched my shoulder and concerned drew me to him.

he said, that Maedhros calling me sister kin was a high honour. He said it meant more than a euphemism or endearment, that it meant to call someone this meant that they would given loyalty and support as an honorary Feanorian family member and that the head of the house hold would have sanctioned this honour themselves. I gulped at that! So they all knew of me and it seemed even the mighty Feanor had given his approval!

 

We sat in companionable silence later that evening Elrond gave me a small box and in it, set on a filigree silver chain was a finely made eight pint silver star that glittered with small diamonds set into it points. It was from Maglor. Elrond helped me put it around my neck and I touched it reverentially thinking of a family and kin I would never know in person.

“He said he didn’t want me to bear the stains of his and his families crimes. I told him I would have gladly borne them for love of him”.

“It would have been difficult indeed but even if there had been was some way of recognising your relationship formally if you had gone to Formenos to live with him, your children would have had to bear his crimes too and their children”.

“There was never going to be a resolution for us was there?”, I said defeatedly,

“No!” said Elrond quietly,

“He said that to me I that his fae would always be marked. That’s why when we bonded with our minds and bodies the last time it just strengthened the bond between us and made the severing of it all the more terrible”.

Elrond looked at me compassionately, acknowledging my pain, “It made it crueller for you both, yes!”.

 

We were walking together one day a months later in a wooded area where the leaves were turning beautiful hues of gold and copper,

Elrond stayed his walk, I looked behind at him,

“Do you remember what Galadriel spoke to you in your mind?”,

“You mean the oswane at he ball?, “Yes”, I said, looking at him wondering if he was going to continue walking with me.

“Do you remember what she said?”,

“Yes, I think so something about about not loving someone or loving them, very cryptic!!”, I laughed plucking at a long bough above me.

“Do you not or will you not love him?”,

“Yes, what of it?”,

Elrond, looked long at me his grey eyes open and frank, “Ella” he said,

I looked at him curious at the seriousness of his tone…

“What is…..it? ….. Oh!”.... I looked down suddenly confused and yet understanding everything all at once.

“Ella, he began again, shall I speak?”…

I looked at him pensively… “Yes, yes please....continue”,

“Ella, do you not or will you not love me? Do not answer me yet, he held up his hand, I will leave you here to think, if you find that your answer is not there is no harm done and my friendship with you will remain sure”.

 

With that he turned and walked back down the path way and I sat down my back resting on a large tree bole thinking back on all our misadventures over the last few months. I thought of his kindliness through them all to me. I thought of his stalwartness and faith towards me and I felt humbled and a sadness came over me. How long had he felt like this I wondered yet had never saying anything? He had watched as Maglor and I had fallen in love. He had endured watching me with Maglor and he had seen the passion I felt for him, the raw physicality we could neither of us conceal. Yet all that time he’d had his own heartaches and troubles to contend with over Celebrian and had done so alone without speaking of them to us not wanting to alloy our joy. Instead he had been there for both myself and Maglor and had truly wished the best for us, warmly advising and supporting us both and never judging us or with drawing his friendship. I remembered what he had said to me when he was trying to get me to realise the feelings I had for Maglor “but consider would friendship have turned to more if I had been free?”. Had he felt like this then or before even?

 

I felt ashamed of myself. In my heart of hearts I knew there was not one instance or moment that Elrond had not been utterly unselfish in his dealings not just to me but to others also. I thought suddenly of a life without Elrond in it and I felt sad and tears pricked my eyes. Why could I not love him as I had loved Maglor with such wild abandon. Why? Elrond, strong, true, kindly indomitable Elrond who had always been at my side. At that moment I felt suffused by a strange euphoria and gladness, something had broken in me and I felt tears pricking my eyes yet I did not know why? Suddenly in my heart I knew where once there had been Maglor with the ragged need and pain, now there bloomed a quite steadfastness and surety and at the heart of it was Elrond. It seemed to me then I felt my heart brake then and a warmth came gushing in. It was unlike what I felt for Maglor this seemed to knock me over with its depth and strength and coursed through my veins. and then I laughed and hugged my knees. How was this happening to me, what was happening I wondered? and realisation. It was my beloved Elrond I wanted and I would stand against the Vala and all the heavens to be by his side.

 

Clear for once about what I must do. I got up and ran to house. I found him in his study bent over his desk, the door open, he looked up when I arrived, I must have looked wild and I was out of breath, he looked worried.

 

“Yes I said, I will love you, I..I .. mean…. I mean... I DO LOVE YOU!” I cried, he ran to me and picked me up swirling me around, and then took me in his arms and kissed me he touching his lips with mine and sealing a love that had been quietly growing within us both, a quiet passion that that had kept itself bridled within every days quiet needs yet profound and enduring. We were still laughing and twirling around excitedly when members of his household came to see what all the commotion was.

 

At first we were shy of declaring our new found love to those around us at New Imladris, however, it seemed those around us in New Imladris had already seen what we had been so blind to, our growing love. They acknowledged my presence with a shared warmth and happiness for us. Soft smiles, acquiescing looks gave us the largesse to be bolder and I would shyly place my hand in his as we walked and he would gather me against him his arms wrapped around me kissing me caring not if any noticed.

 

I felt no need of any formal show or demonstrations of our union, Varda herself had honoured it, yet Elrond would not take me to his bed without some sort of formal marriage ceremony, though what that should be or look like we were undecided upon. Our minds were made up for us when one day a few weeks later Eonwe came filling the small study his with his glowing presence, his mighty diaphanous wings beating slowly lifting the lose papers off the desk and fluttering them to the ground we both stared at him frozen.

 

He spoke, “Know this child of your father he has been granted permission of choice to his issue and thereby have all other issue of Maia and mortal kind. This is the summons of Manwe Sulilmo and thereby Eru. Know this also your marriage and bonding to Elrond Earendilion will be hallowed by the powers themselves. You shall both be expected in the city of Valmar city of the Valar three months hence from now”.

 

And then Eonwe was gone the only suggestion of his shining presence being the sheaves of paper fluttering on the floor.

We sat silently, stunned for a few minutes not knowing what to say.

“Well that’s that decided for us”, said Elrond.

“Yes”, I echoed dumbfounded.

 

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Chapter End Notes

I hope you like the unexpected resolution of Ella's situation at the end! I really can't think the Mai did not have children with mortals?