Letters to the West by daughterofshadows

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Letters to the West

Erferil is a former thrall that ends up in the House of the Hammer of Wrath. She belongs to a currently not closer specified Avarin tribe.

The first letter is written shortly after she escapes from Angband, the middle one is written shortly before they depart to Gondolin and the last one shortly after they arrive (set post Coming home).

Erferil uses a sindarinised version of her own and her correspondent's name because I felt strongly about both of them being given non-Sindarin birthnames but could not find sufficient vocabulary to make them up.

See End notes for details on their relationship

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Amrûn,

I am not there anymore. Not in Angband’s mines.  I freed myself.

And yet they still haunt me. You still haunt me.

I see your body before me, broken; your bowstring snapped and eyes unseeing, the voice that sang our dawn song silent. I reach out but I am dragged away by clawed hands.

I used to be alone when I woke up from these dreams. I am not anymore.

The demon welcomed me into his home. He says his name means ‘strong one’, but I know what I have seen. He may not claim the name but it is given gladly. The others agree.

You would have liked Rog I think, but you would like his love even better. They are straight-forward even in a language that needs five words for what our language needs one to say and they do not hide their thoughts behind walls of words or silence. They would have done well in our home.

Maybe you will meet them one day and we shall see if you agree.

Until then, my friend. Farewell.

 

Hail Amrûn!

Of all our people you were the dearest to me. Half of my heart, I called you. 

How true these words ring now!

For I have left part of my heart behind with you.

Love does not come as to me it once did. Not even for those I would call siblings.

If you have it, take good care of my heart. I shall come and collect it one day.

Until then do not worry for me. As bravely as you lived once, I will live now.

I fear I must cut this letter short here, for I am called away.

Still, I remain faithfully yours.

Erferil

— it appears that we are at last moving to Gondolin. Taminalma and Celebrilmal are most pleased.

 

My dearest Amrûn,

I have found the elven incarnation of Chestnut¹. Rog found him on the road and took him in. His name is Barhador and he, too, does not hesitate to pick fights with opponents at least twice his size.

I find it more amusing than I probably should, but the likeness is uncanny. He even takes great pleasure in hiding things around the house. Though thankfully never food, for it can take a while until one of us finds them again.

Needless to say I have become fond of him.

…

He is kin to us.

Of all the things I expected to find in this city of rock and stone, it was not this. Not another child of the forest. He knows so little of our traditions, but wants to learn so much. What do I tell him? How do I separate history from pain? He should not have to carry the mistakes of the dead.

It is times like these that I regret it most that you cannot reply to these letters. I would value your council greatly.

But alas, it cannot be, so I remain faithfully yours.

Erferil

¹Amrûn's pet squirrel

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Chapter End Notes

Erferil and Amrûn were incredibly close and spent their lives together dancing on the line between friendship and romance.

Post Angband, Erferil identifies as (loveless) caedromantic (someone who no longer experiences romantic attraction/love due to past trauma) and I've tried to include some hints as to how she explores the loss of that part of herself in the letters.