Estel by chrissystriped

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"He is my brother."

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“What are we going to do?”, Neshi walked up and down the room, she threw a worried look at Estel.

All of them were home. Rusha and her, Zak, Khûru and Irack and the twins, Estel and Ithrû. Sharû rubbed his face. He wanted to mourn, his heart hurt. Their mother was dead, she had died in childbed and their youngest sibling, too. And father... Sharû knew what it looked liked when elves had given themselves up and their father looked like that. They hadn't been able to persuade him to leave the catacombs. He wouldn’t outlive their mother for long.

He shook himself, he had to pull himself together, keep a clear head. Yesterday the order had come to clear the apartment, it would be given to someone else. That wouldn’t be a problem for most of them. It hurt, of course to have to give up their home, but Sharû had known that they lived on stolen time. They should have been separated a long time ago, but somehow they had been overlooked all these years.

There weren’t families anymore. The little ones were taken away from their mothers as soon as they were weaned and when they were grown, they were expected to couple with as many women as possible. They weren’t meant to have anyone close to their hearts. Sharû shivered when he imagined the life Neshi would have. But it was better than what waited for Estel. Neshi was clearly orc, with no elvish traits and women like her were treated well. She had no children... she had been overlooked, too.

“We can’t do anything”, Rusha said. “We have to turn him in. Maybe this way we can hide that he is our brother...”

“Rusha, you can’t mean that!”, Neshi hissed at him.

Sharû shook his head. His oldest brother had always been the... most ruthless of them.

“I won’t allow my baby brother being made a slave”, Sharû growled.

“And how do you want to protect him? Look at him!” Estel winced when Rusha pointed at him. “He isn’t one of us, a fool can see that!”

“He is family!” Sharû saw that Estel was on the brink of tears. “We’ll find a way, little brother”, he said softly and embraced him. Estel was twenty and he hadn’t left their apartment once in those twenty years. Every time they had visitors they had had to hide him, he didn’t know anyone but them.

“I’m afraid, Sharû”, he whispered.

Sharû held him closer. “Nothing will happen to you, I promise.”

He wouldn’t disappoint his mother. She had loved them all, he had never doubted that, but Estel had been her favourite. Estel – Hope – she had given him that name. He was their past and the hope that it wouldn’t always be like it was now.

“I’ll take him with me to the mines”, Sharû said and turned again to his oldest brother. “He’ll pose as my slave. I’m captain, they’ll let me get away with it. And there are ways out from down there. I’ll find a way to smuggle him out.”

“That’s dangerous, Sharû”, Zak said. He was an overseer in the mines, in another section. “You know as well as I do that the exits are watched. How do you want to explain to the guards that you want to go out with an elf – they’ll think you are deserting.”

“I’ll figure something out.”

Sharû dragged his canine over his lover lip. Maybe, just maybe, he could ask Mormirion... what, to help them?

'Are you mad?', he berated himself. The Maia was fairer than most but he still was a Maia. But maybe he could ask him for a pass under a pretext.

“I’ll find a way.” He looked at each of his siblings. “We always knew that it is dangerous to hide Estel. It simply got a little more dangerous now. I’ll take the greatest risk, but if I’m found it might still be that all of you are punished. You know what grandmother was. Mother always tried to not let us turn into what our Masters want us to be. So let us act in a way that would make her proud of us.”

He knew that not all of them would have helped Estel for his own sake. There was jealousy for the love their mother had felt for him. But no one would have wanted to make their mother sad.

“Don’t betray us.”

Neshi was the first to unsheathe her knife and cut her palm.

“I swear by my blood – blood that links us – that I will do everything in my power to keep Estel’s secret.”

Sharû relaxed when the last of them had vowed. No one would dare to break a blood oath. He sighed.

“We have to say farewell now.”

He probably wouldn’t see them again. He embraced Neshi tightly.

“Take care and hold your sharp tongue”, he begged her.

“I’ll make an effort.”

He felt her tremble in his arms and realised that she was afraid, too, she just hid it better than Estel.

“I’ll visit you if I can.” He would protect her too, if he could.

Ithrû looked up to him, he was a head shorter than Sharû. “Don’t abandon him, please.” His voice was husky. “I couldn’t survive if something happened to Estel.”

They were twins, Sharû knew that there was a bond between them that no one but them really understood. When Ithrû had been wounded in battle for the first time, Estel had complained about a pain in his arm for days – only when Ithrû had come home, his broken arm in a sling, had they understood that Estel felt his twin’s pain.

“I’ll protect him with my life, boy. Mind you don’t get eaten.” Ithrû worked in the kennels and the wolves weren’t exactly tame.

Ithrû smiled wryly. “I’ll give my best. And don’t say farewell. We will see each other again.”

Sharû shook his head, he saw the certainness in Ithrû’s eyes. “How can you be so sure?”

“I... just know.” He turned to Estel. “You have to be strong now, onóna. We have to go separate ways now.”

Estel shook his head, tears ran down his cheeks. “But how can we live without each other? We belong together.”

Ithrû put his hand on his chest. “We are always together, in here. Think of that, whenever you feel lonely. We are one soul, no one can take that away from us.”

Estel nodded and smiled bravely. Sharû had a lump in his throat, too.

“Let’s go, Estel”, he croaked.

He didn’t want to draw out their parting any longer. Zak came with them, they had the same way. He was the only one of his siblings he was sure of not losing sight of.

“I still can’t believe that you are risking this, but if you need help, call me”, he told Sharû. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

He was only a year younger than Sharû, they had always been close.

“Thank you.” But Sharû knew that he wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t endanger his siblings needlessly. He would protect his family.

 

Sharû closed the door of his office that was his bedroom, too, behind them. He hadn’t lived at his parents’ for a long time, it was too cramped there. Still, it had always been... home. Now he had only this. He sighed and looked at Estel. He would protect him from becoming a slave but to do that he had to make him look like one. He gulped.

“You have to undress, Estel”, he said.

“Why?”

Estel looked at him with innocent eyes and Sharû felt worse with ever second. Didn’t he know...? No, of course not, he had never seen a slave and mother hadn’t allowed them to talk about things like this in his presence.

“Do you trust me, little brother?”

“Of course.” Estel smiled at him. “You are my brother.”

Sharû smiled weakly. “Yes, yes I am. We need to act as if you were my slave so no one will be surprised to see you here. But you have to look the part. My... a slave who warms my bed wouldn’t wear clothes.”

Estel shivered. “Is that... is that what will happen to me if someone finds out?”

“Yes.” Sharû took him by the shoulders. “But that won’t happen, I’ll see to it. But you have to do what I say for the deception to work. And if a stranger is here, you must never contradict me.”

Sharû shivered at the thought that he might be forced to punish his brother. He gulped down his tears. He was... it had all happened so fast, he hadn’t even been able to properly grieve for his mother.

“Tell me what I have to do”, Estel whispered, he understood that it was a serious business.

“Undress and then I’ll explain everything to you.”

Sharû turned his back to him and rummaged around his desk. Somewhere... He rarely had slaves long enough to bother with a collar. He couldn’t risk to develop feelings. Finally he found it at the bottom of his toy drawer. Sharû hurried to close the drawer again, he didn’t want Estel to see the contents.

“I’m sorry, but you have to wear this.” Sharû wrapped the collar around his neck but took care to not close it too tightly. “It will show everyone that I claim you for myself and you are not... available for everyone.”

Sharû coughed embarrassed. Estel’s eyes were wide, he shivered but that could be the temperature. Sharû pulled the blanked off his bed and laid it around his shoulders. “Are you cold? I’ll make a fire. Sit down.” Sharû kindled a fire before filling two glasses with wine.

“I’m usually away most of the day and I’ll lock the door then, but it’s my workspace, too.” Sharû eyed the papers on his desk unhappily. He could read and write but it was strenuous. “That means, now and then people will come here to talk to me. I want you to hole up in bed and not draw attention to you. It will be best for both of us if no one notices you.”

Estel nodded. He was a little pale. “What else?”

“As I said: Don’t contradict me, the best would be if you don’t say anything.” Sharû rubbed his neck. “Except if someone asks you a question, you have to answer then. Don’t look anyone in the eyes. And if you have to talk to someone, call them ‘herdir’. I promise, I won’t let them do anything to you.”

He didn’t say that he wouldn’t be able to keep his superiors off. But Mormirion wouldn’t challenge him for his property and hopefully no other Maia would bother with him.

 

Sharû stood up when Mormirion entered the room. The Maia was his superior and also this way he could bring himself in a position to stand between Estel and him.

The Maia lifted his eyebrows. “New slave? May I?”

Sharû felt a growl rise in his throat, he wanted to say no, but he was a Maia and he knew – hoped – that Mormirion wouldn’t hurt Estel. Not with his collar around his neck.

“Be my guest”, he said and tried to seem relaxed, but his hands were clenched.

“Come here, boy.”

Mormirion waved Estel over who had crawled under the blanked. He looked frightened at Sharû. Sharû could only nod at him.

‘Do it!’, he thought.

Mormirion lifted both eyebrows when Estel came to stand before him. Sharû closed his eyes, he hadn’t thought of telling him that he had to kneel down.

“He has no manners”, Mormirion noted dryly, he didn’t seem to be angry. “But he’s pretty...” He trailed off.

Sharû opened his eyes again and saw the Maia looking back and forth between them. He knew it! Sharû had no idea how, but he was suddenly sure that Mormirion knew that Estel and he were brothers. Mormirion slowly crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes bored into Sharû’s.

“You owe me an explanation, captain, and for your sake I hope that it is a good one.”

Sharû slumped under his gaze, but then he straightened again. Mormirion couldn’t brush this aside, that he knew, but he wouldn’t give up, not in front of Estel.

“Estel is my brother, sir. As you see, he doesn’t look like an orc should. He has a twin who turned out as desired. My parents hid Estel, no one outside my family knows of him, but now that my mother is dead, everything changed.” Sharû knelt before the Maia. “I beg you, sir, please don’t give us away. I... he is my brother, I couldn’t watch him being hurt.”

Mormirion frowned. “But why... oh, you hide him in plain view. He isn’t really your slave.”

Sharû shook his head. “Of course not!”

“You must know that you can’t keep this secret for long. He has to leave.”

“I know.” Sharû lowered his head. It didn’t sound as if Mormirion wanted to give them away. But he mustn’t hope.

“Stand up.” Mormirion waved his hand impatiently. “I won’t hurt him. What do you intend to do?”

“I wanted to smuggle him out through one of the tunnels, but...”

“Not a good idea without a pass.”

“I know, that’s why he’s still here.”

Mormirion sighed. “I’ll help you, but that has to stay a secret, captain.”

“Of course, sir. I... thank you.”

Sharû watched him in bewilderment as he walked to the desk and took feather and ink.

“Your mission is to get this elf out of Angband, captain. The guards don’t have to know why. You have two days.”

Sharû stared at the pass in his hand. “I’m deeply in your depth, sir.”

Mormirion shook his head. “Is this why you are so nice to the slaves?”, he asked gently.

Sharû coughed embarrassed. “That, too. My mother... she looked like an orc, but she had an elf’s soul. I know, where I come from.”

Mormirion squeezed his shoulder, a strange look in his eyes, then he shook his head. “Report to me when you are back.”

“As you command, sir.”

 

“He’s helping us?”, Estel whispered when the Maia had left.

“It seems so.” Sharû read the words on the pass a second time. It was only a piece of paper, but Mormirion’s elegant signature made it incredibly valuable. He embraced his brother. “You’ll be safe.” As safe as one could be outside of Angband. “Dress. We’ll leave immediately, it’s far.”

He trusted on Mormirion to invent a reason for his absence. Estel pulled his clothes from under the bed, he looked much more relaxed when he was dressed again.

“Come, little brother.” Sharû smiled at him. “Let’s go.”

Before they made their way to the tunnel, Sharû turned to the armoury and storeroom. Estel would need food and something to defend himself with. He gave him a short sword, they had trained together as well as it was possible in the closeness of the apartment.

“Don’t hesitate to defend yourself. It’s dangerous outside.”

Estel gulped. “Where am I supposed to go? I don’t know anything.”

Sharû hesitated. He had concentrated so much on getting him out of Angband that he hadn’t thought about what came after.

“You should search for elves. You look like one. But you shouldn’t tell them about your family.” Sharû smiled wryly. “That would only earn you their mistrust.” Estel nodded, his lip pulled between his teeth. “Go east... I’ll show you what stars to follow when we are outside.”

Sharû used side corridors at first, he didn’t want to draw attention to them. The junctions became scanter as did the torches as they travelled further away from the main parts of the mines. They saw well in the dark, but even their eyes needed light. Sharû had taken a store of torches with him and now lighted one of them on the last one. They followed the tunnel, darkness before and behind them, above them the mountains.

The tunnel Sharû had chosen would bring them far out into the plain, there were a few that led further east, but Mormirion had given him only two days. They walked in silence. Sharû wondered why Mormirion had helped them. The Maia didn’t owe him anything and it wouldn’t give him an advantage. He didn’t understand it.

Finally Sharû saw light in front of them and knew that they were approaching the guard post. He tensed on instinct. Maybe it was just a nasty game? But no, Mormirion didn’t play games. The Maia was very upfront. Estel looked at him nervously when the soldiers stepped in their way.

“Don’t worry”, murmured Sharû and gave them the pass.

‘An important task’, Mormirion had written and that he would come back alone.

The soldiers saluted, he was higher ranking than them, but they examined the pass closely and Sharû was glad that it was real. He had thought about forging Mormirion’s signature.

“Good speed, captain.”

The document was given back to him and the soldiers cleared the way. Estel was eyed curiously but the guards didn’t ask about him. Sharû only breathed easier when their torch was the only light source again.

“The worst is over”, he told Estel, a smile on his lips.

Estel smiled back sadly. “I can’t believe that I won’t see my family again.”

“Well, your brother thinks differently. Who knows?”

But Sharû didn’t believe it. They were soldiers, each fight could be their last – and the only possibility to see Estel again would be if he were caught. He didn’t wish that for his brother.

“Mother did give you your name on purpose, don’t give up hope.”

They walked on, Sharû lost every sense of time without the drums that gave structure to their life in Angband, but finally the tunnel ended at a ladder that led to a wooden roof. Sharû knew that it looked like a piece of grass from outside. He gave the torch to Estel and climbed up to push at the trapdoor with his shoulders. It opened in a shower of earth and bugs. They stood together under an unclouded sky.

Estel’s eyes gleamed. “It’s so beautiful. The stars!”

Sharû smiled. “Yes, that’s the stars mother always spoke of.” He turned east. “Can you see the bright, red star, two hands over the horizon?”

Estel nodded after a moment.

“There’s east. Always follow the star, it doesn’t move. Eventually you’ll come to a river and on the other side of it, a forest. Elves are living there, maybe you’ll hear them sing. Search for them. Tell them that you escaped from Angband.”

Estel nodded, his chin trembled. He threw his arms around Sharû’s neck. “I’ll miss you, brother. All of you. Come with me!”

Sharû shook his head and patted his hair. “I can’t. You can’t be free in Angband, and I can’t be free outside. The elves would distrust me. I can’t deny my origin. You aren’t an orc, Estel, you never were – but I am. I wish you a happy, long life and a strong heart. May the stars always shine for you.”

Estel sniffled. “And for you, Sharû.”

He slowly stepped back. Sharû watched him go until he couldn’t see him anymore and climbed back into the tunnel, putting the trapdoor back in its place. He hoped that Ithrû was right. The thought of never seeing Estel again ripped at his heart. And he hoped that the elves would take him in. He was a stranger. What reason would they have to trust him? He had to hope for the best. A better life than being imprisoned in his office. Sharû smiled at himself when he remembered the look on Estel’s face at seeing the stars for the first time. The boy would make a great elf.

 

Sharû knocked on Mormirion’s door. It was the first time that he visited the Maia in his private rooms, but it was late and the Maia had ordered him to report to him immediately at his return. Mormirion opened the door himself, that surprised Sharû. He had expected a slave. He wasn’t wearing uniform, only black trousers and a long, red tunic. He looked good... Sharû quickly pushed the thought away. He might look like an elf, but he wasn’t and he would skin him alive if he knew that he thought of him in that way.

“Come in, captain. I suppose everything went according to plan?”

"It did." Sharû nodded and followed the Maia to his living room. “I want to thank you, sir. I’m deeply in your depth.”

Mormirion shook his head. “It would have been cruel to enslave the boy. And for what? Just because his skin is pale? Besides...” Mormirion winked at him. “I’d rather have your goodwill than your grudge.”

Sharû shrugged awkwardly. Did that really make a difference to him? He had to obey him, if he wanted or not.

Mormirion seemed to read his thoughts, he said seriously: “I want your loyalty, captain.”

Sharû bowed to him, not sure what to say to that. “May I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead!” Mormirion offered him a seat and a glass of wine.

Sharû took it gingerly. He was pretty sure that the bottle would be unaffordable for him.

“How did you know that Estel is my brother? After all, we don’t look alike. But you only needed a look to see it.”

Mormirion grinned at him. “I’m a Maia. I have... special senses. To me it was as obvious that you are related as if you had the same faces. It’s in your souls. Tell me about your family, Sharû.”

Sharû licked his lips and took a sip to play for time. You didn’t talk about your relatives with your superior, it made you vulnerable. But he wasn’t in a position to decline.

“They won’t be harmed, I promise", Mormirion added at his hesitation. "I’m just interested, who your parents are. You are special, Sharû. Why?”

“My father is – was – one of the First. He... I don’t know how much he remembered of his old life, he never talked about it, but it was more than it should have been, I’m sure of that.” It was safe to say this. His father was dead, they could no longer torture him. “My mother was the daughter of a slave and an orc. She birthed twelve children, nine growing up to adulthood, all of them orcs. Only Estel was different and he was lucky to have a twin who looked like an orc. We hid him in our parent’s apartment, but my parents are dead now, my siblings scattered across Angband and I had the best chance to hide him, so I took him with me.”

Sharû shrugged. “If you really wanted my loyalty, you have it now. I love my brother.”

“You lived as a family?” Mormirion frowned. “That way of life shouldn’t exist anymore.”

“I know. We were somehow overlooked and we didn’t report, of course. I think... call me mad, but I think my mother was the reason. She was more than a little elvish and maybe she did something to hide us.”

Mormirion cocked his head. “Maybe. It’s possible. You are full of surprises, captain.”

Sharû didn’t know if that was good or bad. In his experience it was better to be inconspicuous, but Mormirion seemed to like him. Whatever the reason. Usually Maiar only held contempt for orcs. Sharû smiled warily. He shouldn’t dare to like a Maia, but he did.