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polutropos has requested the following types of constructive criticism on this fanwork: Organization/Structure, Pacing, Plot, Point of View, Research, Sensitivity Read, Setting, Spelling, Grammar, and Mechanics, Worldbuilding. All constructive criticism must follow our diplomacy guidelines.

Beautiful!

So many emotions!!

Elwing's thoughts at the beginning - the "grievous fault in her nature" - it's so relatable, even if not that exact thing, but we all have these things about ourselves that we think are just so much worse than someone else's.

Her thoughts on the scent of Evranin’s hair!

I adored the visual of the house at the river, the jars floating in the water to stay cool (what a neat little detail!)

Her roots, which she had believed were mighty and deep, now seemed brittle and famished

😭

Strange to think that Elwing was as closely akin to Melian the Maia as to Emeldir of the House of Bëor

Aahhh but I love that!!

Once again, relating hard to Elwing's ungenerous thoughts of herself being selfish for showing up at the observance.

being neither human nor elf nor god but lacking parts of all three.

Oof.  Talk about 'half-empty' thoughts... 😔

I suppose I did say I disliked idle conversation.

LOL! Yes she did, but I'll wager even she did not expect such a direct question!

I really felt that whole speech about hope and the lack thereof.  It really rings true these days

(a habit that Eärendil claimed was endearing, but which Gereth did not hesitate to inform her was annoying, and that her husband probably thought so, too)

😂

Aaah it was all so good!!  I loved all the conflicting emotions and self-talk thoughts!  I can't wait to see where this goes. 💖

 

Thanks so much for reading and commenting, especially so swiftly! It's the first time I've written Elwing (well, other than that outrageous comedic version...) and it turns out she had a whole lot of thoughts and feelings to share. 

It's quite mind-boggling going through all the people Elwing is related to. I've always liked Emeldir -- her very briefly-treated story and epithet Manhearted stood out for me on my very first read of the Silmarillion -- and I was glad to have an opportunity to bring in her legacy and memories of her. (Also this has me thinking: what is it about Brethil that draws women who kick ass? Proximity to Melian? 😁). 

Elwing is certainly at a bit of a glass-half-empty place right now but I plan to bring her out of it. 

(a habit that Eärendil claimed was endearing, but which Gereth did not hesitate to inform her was annoying, and that her husband probably thought so, too)

I won't say that this is not a case of the author shamelessly inserting herself. 

A great start! I love your characterization here for Elwing and she has SUCH a crush XD It makes total sense that she's feeling unusually emotional and vulnerable having just found out she's pregnant, particularly with the violence in her past :( It WOULD be terrifying to bring a child into this world! It's nice to see her still in touch with Evranin though, and I enjoyed the touches of Sirion worldbuilding here. The more real and layered you make it, the more tragic it is to think of what happens later :( At least for now things are going well though!

Being the only one of her kind must feel particularly lonely for Elwing with Earendil away :( But I love seeing how much she's loved and respected by the residents of the Havens <3 Can't wait to see where this goes!

Oh, man... your portrayal of Elwing truly is fabulous. It's not only because of the nature of her condition, but I related to her in so many ways - how human she is, and how complex! Everything you created about her character makes her... touchable. Reachable, if you know what I mean. By the way she feels about children's cries, her reaction to Evranin's figure and to Himeth's presence, and, of course, how she thinks of Eärendil - so close and so far. He, too, manages to shine like a distant star, even if you just mentioned him, I have the feeling I already know him, and I can't wait to see more of him on screen.

The worldbuilding is also fantastic! I just loved how many details you wove so effortlessly into the story, all the character's backgrounds, Elwing learning the history of the Houses like one actually would - it's always a joy to read your stuff and know exactly what you're talking about lol.

I don't know if I have one single favorite moment because I loved it all and can't copy paste the whole thing here lol but that very last sentence is packed with so many emotions! Not only because she's pregnant and feeling way too many things, but the nature of her conflict is so believable and organically constructed.

An amazing start! Can't wait to see what else you've got for these characters <3

Wow thanks so much! It means a lot to me that you related to her. I don't think I often go this deep with character introspection but she had a LOT to say and I, at least, found it interesting what she had to say so it's good to know you did, too!

I am so glad a little of Earendil comes through in his absence. He has also taken shape in my imagination with a lot more complexity than I used to give him (in my head). I have enjoyed fleshing him out, so I hope you will enjoy when he enters in the next chapter.

So lovely to receive this comment, thank you.