Bright Star - An Exile into Paradise by oshun

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Fanwork Notes

For the Song of Exile challenge - Create a fanwork about exile or exiles. About being exiled. About the people who are exiled. About the decision to exile, the leavetaking, the consequences. Prompt: Exile by Enya; from the lyrics: “My light shall be the moon / And my path - the ocean.” My most heartfelt thanks to Ignoble Bard for once again copy-checking a story of mine at the last minute.

Originally posted as part of the Silmarillion40 event.

Fanwork Information

Summary:

Elros is preparing to leave behind the land of his birth, everyone and everything he has known, to become one of the founding settlers and the first king of Númenór. Elrond is not ready to let him go.

Major Characters: Elrond, Elros, Eönwë

Major Relationships:

Genre:

Challenges: Song of Exile

Rating: Creator Chooses Not to Rate

Warnings: Creator Chooses Not to Warn

This fanwork belongs to the series

Maitimo and Findekáno
Silmarillion40
Chapters: 1 Word Count: 2, 665
Posted on 18 October 2017 Updated on 18 October 2017

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Table of Contents

Bright Star - An Exile into Paradise

Comments on Bright Star - An Exile into Paradise

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Oh, I absolutely love that you made Elrond the short-tempered and moody one! So often I see Elros depicted as the hothead of the two (as a foreshadowing of his mortal leanings), and considering that various Elves of their ancestry are not exactly famous for keeping their cool, that has never made sense to me. So it was great to read a more spirited version of Elrond, and a more equitable Elros. I'm also glad you allowed them to reconcile. Can't be easy to loose, essentially, your second self - whether through your own choice or not. Good thing they could fix on Eönwë as a scapegoat! The way you described him gave me such a kick. It's not that I dislike Eönwë generally, but it was such a refreshing departure from what I commonly see. In contrast, your Ereinion sounds absolutely delightful, and I can well imagine that the twins are going to have the enjoyable farewell feast they deserve with him. Once again, you made these characters feel so alive and real, with spot-on observations and great natural dialogue.

Oh, thank you! I appreciate this more than you can know. This was a last-minute addition, not one of my original choices, so I did not have my usual thinking and stewing period that I think I need. I am so happy that it worked for you.

I always have fun with Elrond and Elros and I like Gil-galad also. I don't dislike Cirdan--he's terrific in canon. Always doing the right thing, but I can imagine how young people might react to his competence. My problem with Valar/Maiar is a large number of them are short on human emotion. (They aren't really human! Although I have my favorites. Usually those who have the most contact with Elves and Men in canon.)

Thank you so much again!

A beautiful piece!  I just loved the tone and mood of this.

 

I think these two lines might have been my favorites:

 

“No doubt,” Elros said. He could easily imagine that. Anyway, Eönwë was a perfect scapegoat. Why not shoot the messenger?

“Why did you agree to choose?” Elrond was determined to wind himself up. “How could you?”"

The first, about Eonwe being the perfect scapegoat and because it puts him in his place - a messenger - albeti an arrogant one.  You did a lovely job of showing the Valar to be remote, sitting in their ivory tower unconcerned with the plights or ordinary day-to-day problems of the people of Arda.  Perfect timing re: the state of the world today!  Be caring of only yourself and let the rest of the world be hanged!

Eonwe could care less about the feelings and worries of such great heroes as Elrond and Elros.

The interactions and dialogue between Elrond and Elros is wonderful in this story.  Their plight and imminent separation comes across beautifully.

I think you wrote a really magnificent story.

Thanks you so much for the comment! I am happy that you liked it. I am still wrestling with how I feel about it. It felt to me most of the time I was working on it that the length was too short for the theme, but then I tend to like longer stories. Wow! "magnificient" is such a big word! If it is half as good as you say it was here, then I should be very happy with your assessment!

I really did have a lot of empathy for the subject and emotional involvement with the characters, so I am hoping some of that made it into the story and captured your imagination.

Thanks again!! I feel a lot better reading this comment.

Oh my goodness, did I really not comment on this one? I thought I had. (Did I say I was going to do a proper review later and then not? I feel like I did. You should feel free to scold me if that's the case.) I loved this - I'm such a sucker for Elros & Elrond stories, and this one in which they're getting ready to go their separate ways really tickled me. I particularly liked Elrond's snark at Eonwë ("If you say so, it must be true") and the twins mutual love for each other shining through.