The House That Fëanor Built by

I don't agree with your particular view of Fëanor's character, which is fine, because there are as many Fëanors as there are writers who write him. :) Accepting his character as such, though, I think you do a great job with Nerdanel; she is strong and truly shows how she earned the epithet "the wise." I have always found her one of Tolkien's most fascinating characters for her independence and willfulness that sets her apart from most of JRRT's other female characters, and I appreciate that you've shown her so well as such here.

It is so nice to read how Nerdanel found some sort of peace up in the North. However, the story didn't click so well with me. Story internally it feels as if you want to tell something, but it doesn't come across or out that well, at least to me. An example is: how came her workshop there (in Formenos, a place where she never came since she did not follow her husband and sons), why is her drive to come there, her motivation, her  conflict to overcome... it doesn't jump or gets to me. It is barely adressed, yet it is the cause of her being there. So my suggestion would be to work more on that, try to see why it is so utmost important she has to be there. What does she  feel when she enters that room. To see is one thing, but  does her heart lurch, does her hands get clammy. Those tiny details. At the end, I as a reader do not have the feeling that makes me go: well done Nerdanel, go you. But perhaps with some more attention, you can get more out of this bunny.

Nerdanel is hands-down my favorite female canon character in Tolkien's mythopoiea (and for the same reasons Dawn states) so I enjoyed seeing your contribution here. I'm going to weigh in as a follow-on to Dawn and Rhapy's comments, largely because their remarks reflect my impression of this story.

Like Dawn, I see Fëanor in a different light than you depict in this vignette, and likewise, I believe that's fine.  One of the beauties of fan fiction is the divergent interpretations of various canon characters.  However, and this gives a nod to what Rhapsody said, the characterizations for both Nerdanel and Fëanor, who comes across as unidimensional here, are key elements that need to be expanded.  Your grammatical constructs are impeccable, and you have incorporated lovely descriptions of place, but a more defined sense of emotion and complexity of the narrator (as well as the fellow upon whom she reflects) would round this out.

With regard to canon female characters and OFCs, I believe you'll find a more mature approach here on the SWG than certain venues.

Yes, this is definitely an improvement!  I have a better feel for Nerdanel's emotional conflict in this version which then ties into more effectively to her feelings toward Fëanor as she expressed these in the sculpture -- the image of the husband who spurned her (as opposed to the total man).  I liked that in particular.

Fëanor's transition from kind and gentle pre-Melkor to overbearingly arrogant is still kind of a binary switch, but given that this is a short piece, I understand that delving into this would distract from the narrative.

A minor linguistic quibble:

I thought you were the finest Elf who ever lived - or ever would.

Given that there are no mortals dwelling in Aman (thus no need to distinguish between the races of Men and Elves), I'd be inclined to substitute man (lower case) for Elf.  That's consistent with Tolkien's Quenya corpus in which there are definitions for man and woman, e.g. nér (p. neri) and nís (nissi), respectively.

I find myself with mixed feelings about this. Your descriptions of the physical location are really lovely - you really give your reader a nice sense of the place and what it looks like and the atmosphere. I think what falls flat for me are the characters.

We really have no idea who Nerdanel's companion is past the fact that he's been appointed by her father to accompany her. I think it's for that reason that it just feels a bit odd to me that she confides in him. Even just a sentence or two explaining who he is - a cousin or an old friend or perhaps the equivalent of a classmate - would really help their interactions feel more realistic to me.

I'm not entirely sure what to make of Nerdanel - she seems strong and tough enough to leave Fëanor, but then it seems like she's reduced to a blushing, hand-wringing girl by her companion's criticism that he doesn't know why they're there and doesn't want to stay long enough for her own purposes.

Finally, I'm left a bit perplexed by the note. Fëanor would have no way of knowing if she'd ever see it, so why leave it? Why not send her a letter instead? It just doesn't make sense to me.

I think it shows promise, though!

Hi again, Wend.

You're getting there!  A couple of other nits and comments below:

This sentence...

The lady's eyes closed, and she wrung her hands. A blush bloomed on her pale angular cheeks as she admitted

...is problematic in terms of point of view.  You've been aiming for tight third person throughout this fic, but the sentence above suddenly distances the reader from the narrator.  "The lady" and "blush" pull me out of her head.  I'd be inclinded to use "Her eyes" and "Her face warmed" because this is what she would feel.

Another linguistic quibble which I should have noted previously is that Fëanáro (Quenya) may be more accurate to this fic and time period (I'm assuming this is prior to the War of Wrath) than Fëanor which is a Sindarized form.

Finally, with regard to Fëanor's character and interpretation thereof, well, you've stumbled upon an archive which harbors a nest of Noldorin nationalists who have different takes on the famous smith :^D, but that's beyond the scope of these reviews.  A more appropriate place fo such a discussion would be the SWG Yahoo group.  Have you signed up for that?  That would also be a good venue for nitpicking/critique.

With respect to when Feanor and Nerdanel became estranged (which you asked in reply to Rhapsy's comment), it's really a complicated answer. (I never have simple answers for anything! :) If you take the Silm as your "canon," then you're freer to do as you please in this regard. The HoMe provides some illumination on this point but, again, nothing definitive. I have an essay on Nerdanel up on References and will quote here the relevant bit since the whole piece is rather long:

J.R.R. Tolkien's early conception of Nerdanel also shares her father's loyalty to Aulë. While the published Silmarillion is vague as to which of Fëanor's "later deeds grieved her" (1) the "Legend of the Fate of Amrod" makes this a bit clearer. Here, it is said that "Fëanor became more and more fell and violent, and rebelled against the Valar" prior to their estrangement. Elucidation occurs in the next sentence as to which of these flaws--his violence or his rebellion against the Valar--served as the breaking point for Nerdanel. Here, it is said that Mahtan was warned not to take part in the Noldorin rebellion against the Valar; that Fëanor and "all [Mahtan]'s children" (which, presumably, includes Nerdanel as well as his grandsons) would go to their deaths in Beleriand. In the next sentence, Nerdanel leaves Fëanor to return to her father's house and, later, in when she confronts Fëanor prior to his departure for Araman, Fëanor accuses Nerdanel of being "cozened by Aulë" and deceived into deserting her husband and children (6). It is notable that, at no point in this document, is the pair's estrangement made contingent upon Fëanor's behavior towards Fingolfin in Tirion but rather focuses on their differing loyalties to and relationships with the Valar.

I hope that helps. :)

I'm glad that you found the essay useful, but please don't call your story AU on account of it--it's not! :) It follows the Silm perfectly well; I wouldn't have even provided this information if you hadn't asked in a reply to Rhapsody because, in truth, for me, stories aren't a test of how well you stick of obscure material from the books but how well you create your own world based on what you choose to see as the truth about that world. I don't believe in "canon" either, hence the sarcastic quotes all of the time. ;) At least not in the sense that there are a single correct set of rules that we must follow.

But this is getting way off-topic from your story now. I know that some archives can be rather picky on "canon" (there go the sarcastic quotes again! :) but we're not here, so how you choose to call your story really is up to you. I don't think it's AU; it's a Silmarillion-based story that takes one of many legitimate interpretations of Feanor and Nerdanel's estrangement.

I didn't get to read the previous version, but I like what you've got here now. Very nicely done :)

I like this take on Nerdanel.  It's easy to write her as having been totally crushed by events, and while you can't dispute that's possible it's good to see her coming through with spirit and a sense of humour.

 Although this is a very personal view I also relished the 'a face I want to slap' comment.  If I made a list of Silm characters I would most like to slap Feanor would come top (and the competition is pretty stiff).

And Feanor's note to Nerdanel?  Priceless!

I like your Nerdanel! I like that though the story is definitely sad, it is also still funny, and Nerdanel's ability to see both Feanor and herself more clearly makes it more so. The "not your best work" note is so typical. Of course he would never admit why it irked him.