Elf Academy by Fiondil

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Chapter 5: Elf Legends and Legendary Elves

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5: Elf Legends and Legendary Elves

The second class that day was called ‘Elf Legends’.

"This should be good," Daeron whispered to Glorfindel as they took their seats. "I wonder what absurdities we will be subjected to in this class?"

Glorfindel gave him a grin. "I doubt we will hear any of our own tales, even in a distorted version. I’m pretty sure they will be legends surrounding this Santa Claus and the Elves working for him."

"Hmph," Daeron said, then he gave Glorfindel a sly look. "Perhaps we should... er... enlighten them with true tales of the Elves."

"Let’s see what this class is about first before we start changing the syllabus," Glorfindel said and Daeron chuckled.

Marian Goodfellow entered the classroom just then, and the class came to order. "Over the next couple of months," she began, "we will be learning the different legends surrounding Santa Claus and the elves. We will also be learning how to tell these stories effectively so that our clients, especially the children, will be enthralled. Telling stories is a good way to keep the young ones amused when you’re trekking through the woods in below freezing temperatures." She smiled and most of the class chuckled.

Glorfindel noticed Zach sitting two rows away, his expression glum and anxious looking and knew that the young man was worried about his speech impediment. He leaned over to whisper in Daeron’s ear. "We need to address Zach’s problem soon, otherwise he may not make it through the course."

Daeron stole a glance at the Mortal and nodded. Then they turned their attention back to Marian who was still speaking.

"....also all the various resorts and safari companies have agreed that there should be only one version of the Santa story in order to be consistent, but you elves have to be ready to answer tricky questions from children or adults who may spot anomalies in the legend." She gave them another smile. "So, what we will be doing is examining the various legends concerning Santa and his elves and comparing them to the version that has been devised for the tourists. You will need to be aware of these other legends in case you are asked questions about them. We will also be spending a great deal of time learning the fine art of storytelling."

"So far so good," Daeron whispered to Glorfindel, who nodded.

Marian continued. "Now the two most asked questions about Santa are: ‘Why does he live at the North Pole where there’s nothing there?’ and ‘Why does he have elves helping him?’ Do any of you have an idea of how to answer these two questions?"

For a moment or two there was silence in the class. Then Lily tentatively raised her hand. Marian nodded to her. "I think the answer to the first question is because he needed a place no one else would be able to find in order to make his toys without being disturbed," she offered.

"That is certainly a plausible answer," Marian said. "Does anyone else have an idea? What about the second question? What answer might you give for it?"

"A better question is, why does everyone think that Elves are small?" Nimrodel asked. "We’re going to be pretending to be Elves, but none of us will be able to shrink ourselves." The other students broke out laughing. "So, how do we explain our... er... tallness?"

Marian’s eyes lighted up. "Ah... that is another part of the story for which we need to arrive at a plausible answer, but for the moment, let us just look at the two questions I put forward. Do you have any thoughts about why Santa has elves helping him?"

"Well, he couldn’t do it all on his own," Nimrodel answered, "though I am not sure why Elves were thought to help him. I have the sense from reading various legends that Elves were thought to be the neutral angels who sided neither with Satan nor with God during the war in heaven. How they ended up being associated with, what is that phrase? oh... the Spirit of Christmas, is beyond me."

"Hey! That’s right," Evan exclaimed. "Where did the elves come from anyway? They’re not in the Bible."

"Thank the Valar," Glorfindel heard Elrohir whisper fervently and hid a smile. They were all aware of the varied belief systems of the Mortals around them, and indeed, had lived through those very events described in one holy book or another. Glorfindel remembered the early Christians walking from town to town preaching of the Christ. Elladan and Elrohir had found the story unbelievable. He, on the other hand, had not thought it beyond the realm of possibility, for he alone had had face-to-face dealings with the Valar and knew full well that anything was possible where they and Eru were concerned. After all, had not his gwador Finrod spoken of it once in Aman when he described the conversation he had had with a Mortal Wisewoman on a spring morning in Beleriand? Yet, the promise of the Christian message had never been fully realized and he doubted that it ever would be. The Mortals loved killing one another too much to fully embrace the message of the Prince of Peace. Morgoth might no longer exist in Eä, but his legacy of evil still lived on.

But that was neither here nor there at the moment. He turned his attention back to the class where one of the other students was describing the elves of German and Norse legends. "But I still don’t see how elves got added into the Santa Claus story," Evan stated.

"Perhaps someone thought the First Children of the Creator deserved to be included in the Christmas story somehow," Daeron said in all seriousness and several students stared at him in confusion.

"An interesting theory," Marian said, "and possibly one that could be incorporated into the story we tell our clients should anyone ask a similar question. At any rate, there are many legends about Santa Claus, beginning with the stories of the generosity of St. Nicholas, who was the bishop of Myra in present-day Turkey. As the pagan Germanic peoples were christianized, some of the attributes of their gods, especially Odin or Woden, were blended with those of St. Nicholas. So, for instance, the eight reindeer pulling Santa’s sleigh are believed to have had their origins in Odin’s eight-legged horse, Sleipner."

"I wonder if stories about Lord Araw and Nahar somehow got incorporated into the stories of Odin and Sleipner," Daeron mused, speaking just above a whisper. Glorfindel shrugged. Daeron’s expression became thoughtful and Glorfindel was sure that his friend was now in ‘loremaster-mode’, as Elrohir was wont to say.

"In early legends," Marian continued, "St. Nicholas has miraculous powers and is helped, at first, by one or two elves or other supernatural beings. Later, the number of elves was multiplied until Santa now has a whole army of them working day and night to make toys and games for all the children."

"Do you think they formed a union?" Glorfindel heard Elladan whisper to his twin and the two of them snickered.

One of the students raised her hand and Marian nodded to her. "I remember as a child being told that Santa’s elves did more than make toys," she said. "They also spy on children all year long to find out if they’ve been good or not."

Glorfindel frowned and noticed the other Elves were doing the same. "Im ú ethir i-hîn," he heard Nimrodel mutter to Mithrellas, who nodded.

"Oh, that’s interesting," Marian said brightly. "We will have to use that in our story."

Daeron shook his head. "Not if I can help it," he muttered darkly and raised his hand. "It seems to me that painting elves as spies," he said when Marian acknowledged him, "sends the wrong message to the children. I would think you would want more positive images for the children to take back with them. Spying on innocent children does not accord with the message of love and peace for which the season is known."

"Well, I don’t know about you," Maggie piped up, "but I remember my mom telling me that Santa knew when we were being naughty." She shrugged. "It was a good means of keeping me and my two brothers in line, especially as the holidays grew closer. We were extra, extra good from Thanksgiving on."

Several of the students chuckled, nodding their heads. "And then to make up for lost time, we were extra, extra bad the day after Christmas," one of the young men quipped and the class laughed.

"Still," Mithrellas said, "it’s one thing to tell a child that Santa knows when they are being good or bad without explicitly stating how he knows and it’s another thing to say that he employs spies. Traditionally, spies tend to be unsavory characters, at least in stories."

"Unless they’re Matt Damon playing Jason Bourne," someone quipped and there were snickers, especially from the young women.

Mithrellas gave an elegant shrug. "All I am saying is that I think Darren is correct. It just sends the wrong kind of message to the children. I don’t think I want to be seen as some sort of spy in a trenchcoat lurking about, peeking into children’s bedroom windows. That’s too voyeuristic for my taste."

Some of the class had thoughtful expressions on their faces and one or two even nodded. Marian shrugged. "We can think about it and discuss it later. At the moment, let’s just concentrate on Santa. As I was saying...."

"Wait!" Shane exclaimed. "I think we should discuss this now. I mean, what other negative images have crept into the story? I don’t know too much about them, but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that spying elves is not the only negative image there is. We want the kids and their parents to have a positive experience of Santa, right? So maybe we should talk about it now and make sure that there aren’t any negative images in the version we’re gonna tell the kids."

"Well, if you want a negative image," someone said, "how about the one of elves jumping in and out of Mrs. Claus’ porridge pot. I mean really! Why would they do that? I don’t even like porridge." This last was said with some exasperation and there were several smiles.

"What would be the cultural significance of Elves doing such a thing, I wonder?" Elladan asked out loud. "There had to be a reason why someone would come up with such a stupid story."

"Maybe they needed a word that rhymed with ‘hot’ and ‘porridge pot’ was the only thing that came to mind," Matt suggested.

"Why ‘hot’?" someone asked.

"Well, the missus was cooking something, right?" Matt answered with a shrug.

"A bit off the topic, but certainly it shows that some of the tales are just absurd," Daeron then said, and Glorfindel hid a smile at the ‘loremaster’ tone the ellon was using. "So many such tales are corruptions, usually caused by careless transmission of the story. It may not have been a porridge pot that the Elves were jumping in and out of originally, but someone decided they liked the image and changed the story, especially since Elves are supposed to be small."

"Maybe we should go through all the available legends and weed out the more absurd ones," Cassie said, "and then, if someone asks about them, we can just say that those were lies spread by people who hated Christmas. We certainly have plenty of bah-humbugs in our own culture dissing Christmas these days. It stands to reason that not everyone back then liked the idea of Christmas and gift-giving and such and came up with really absurd stories to discredit it."

"We will be looking at the various legends later on," Marian said in a somewhat harried tone, "and perhaps then we can discuss this matter. A committee of people from the various tourist agencies have already come up with a version of the Santa story and we...."

"Is that the same committee that came up with those really stupid greetings and such that we looked at in Ms Clannach’s class?" Jen suddenly asked, grimacing. "Because if it is, they’re not too bright. I think since we’re the ones who have to spout this stuff to the kiddies and make it sound sincere, we should be the ones to come up with the legends and such."

"Deirdre has agreed to let the classes meeting in the first eight weeks come up with appropriate phrases and rules of etiquette and professional ethics and then have the other classes that will meet during the last half of the term create a handbook for us," Glorfindel added. "Certainly, the various legends about Santa and his Elves which we will be telling should go into the handbook as well."

There were many murmurs of assent to that and then someone suggested getting into the same groups as in the previous class and discussing their favorite Santa stories. There was general approval of that and before Marian could voice an objection students began shuffling their chairs about and gathering into groups.

Glorfindel turned to Daeron with a sardonic smile. "I guess we didn’t have to do anything after all," he said as he stood up to go to where Matt, Evan, Maggie, Jen and Chloe were congregating. Daeron merely snorted good-naturedly as he headed for his own group. Glorfindel noticed Marian Goodfellow standing by her desk looking a bit nonplused, but decided he needn’t feel guilty as neither he nor the other Elves had done anything. This time, the other students were responsible for taking over the class.

****

In the end, not much was accomplished but the students had a good time trading stories, not only of the legends about Santa that they knew, but also of their childhood Christmases and meeting with Santa. There was a lot of laughter and the Elves generally sat back and listened avidly, deftly side-stepping questions put to them about their childhood experiences. Shane, being Jewish, was heard telling her group about Chanukah and what it was like growing up east of Greenpoint, Brooklyn, in what was a predominately Polish Catholic enclave.

Finally, the class ended and everyone went to find lunch. There was nothing planned until two o’clock so there was plenty of time for people to relax. The Elves gathered in the quad before heading for the cafeteria.

"Well, an interesting morning," Daeron commented.

"And this is only the first day," Nimrodel said.

"What’s on the agenda for the afternoon?" Elrohir asked.

"Some athletic activities, I believe," Glorfindel said and when the Twins grimaced, he gave them a smile. "Probably less onerous than what I had planned for you when you both passed out."

The Twins cringed almost as one, knowing quite well the sort of punishments the former Captain of Imladris had been known to mete out to recalcitrant ellyn under his command. Before anyone else could make a comment, Shane and Jud came along. "You guys having lunch?" Jud asked.

Glorfindel nodded. "We’re right behind you."

****

The afternoon was indeed devoted to physical activities designed to foster team spirit, cooperation and friendship, as well as providing physical release and exercise. Students could sign up for a variety of team sports, from archery to volleyball. Sign-up sheets for the various sports were posted in the cafeteria. The Elves took a look at the list and pondered their choices along with their Mortal friends.

"Archery," Elladan said and Elrohir nodded.

"You know you won’t be able to show them your true abilities," Mithrellas said in Sindarin.

The Twins gave her disbelieving looks. "Why not?" Elrohir asked in the same language. "I’m getting tired of pretending to be what I am not."

"What do you think, Loren?" Daeron asked in English. Even though he was by far the oldest of them, having been born in Cuiviénen before the Great March, he and the others acknowledged Glorfindel as their leader, for Glorfindel had powers that the others did not, powers gained while residing in Aman after his re-embodiment and being tutored by the Maiar.

Glorfindel stared at the list of options: archery, softball, tennis, volleyball, even touch football. "I think I need some target practice myself," he said. "This says that in archery we can create teams of four." He glanced at Daeron and the ellith. "Anyone else interested?"

None of them took the bait. "Misty and I are joining the volleyball team," Nimrodel said.

"And I think I’ll sign up for the softball team," Daeron added. "I was never good at archery anyway."

Surprisingly, Lily raised her hand, looking a bit tentative. "I’d like to do archery," she said, "though I don’t think I’m very good."

Glorfindel glanced at the Twins, who shrugged, then gave Lily a smile. "I’m sure you’ll do just fine."

The other Mortals in their group indicated that they would be signing up for other sports, so once they finished lunch, they went their separate ways.

"Too bad we didn’t think to bring our own bows," Elrohir said to Elladan and Glorfindel as they headed for the archery fields. Lily planned to join them after she had changed into more appropriate clothes.

"That would have been intimidating to the Mortals," Elladan said with a smirk.

"We’ll play it low-key," Glorfindel admonished them. "Let’s not draw attention to ourselves."

Both Twins sighed. "I think we should have sailed long ago," Elrohir said.

"Perhaps," Glorfindel said, "but we didn’t and so we must live with the consequences of our choice."

"Do you regret not returning to Valinor with Adar?" Elladan asked.

"No," Glorfindel said with an emphatic shake of his head. "I do not. Nor do I regret not sailing with Celeborn or any of the other Elves who have left these shores. My only regret is that my friends in Aman are not here to share in our adventures. I know Finrod would have enjoyed doing so."

The Twins remained silent as they reached the area set aside for archery. There were several other students milling about, or looking over the various bows and testing them. A couple of instructors were on hand to help. The ellyn stopped at a table where they gave their names to a middle-aged man whose name tag read ‘Phil Gordon’.

"And Lily Zhang?" the man asked. "I see she’s listed as part of your group."

"She’s coming," Glorfindel supplied. "She needed to change her clothes."

"Well, find a bow and arrows and pick a target," Phil said, pointing to the equipment rack where bows and quivers were hung. "You’ll be shooting against another group. If you’ve never done archery before go to the targets on your right. We’ll give you instructions and let you practice before joining the teams on the left."

"We’re all quite proficient," Elladan said and the man nodded, already looking past them to the next group of students.

The three ellyn went to the equipment rack and looked over the bows. "Rather flimsy," Elrohir said with a sniff of disdain.

"Just pick the heaviest bow you can find," Elladan suggested and Glorfindel nodded. When they had found their bows and selected their quivers, they looked about for the targets. There were quite a few students over to the right, apparently waiting to receive their first archery lesson. Most of the targets on the left were already taken, though a few had no teams in front of them. There was one target that only had one team, consisting of two men and two women. They gave the Elves considering looks as they approached.

"Care if we join you?" Glorfindel asked with a smile.

"Not at all," one of the young men said with a smile of his own. "We were wondering if we would have any competition. My name is Mark, by the way, and this is Gary, Sue and Nina."

The Elves introduced themselves. "Our fourth should be coming," Glorfindel said. "Her name is Lily... ah, here she is."

Lily came up looking a bit flustered. "Sorry. I didn’t mean to take so long."

"No problem," Glorfindel said smoothly. "We were just introducing ourselves."

Then, a whistle was blown and everyone quieted to listen to Phil give instructions. "We know that there will be differences in abilities among you," he said, "so to make it fair for everyone, we’ve set up the targets at what is considered an acceptable range for most people who have some experience with handling the bow. Someone in each group should keep score for their team. You will find score sheets and pencils on the tables behind you. So, good luck, but most of all, just have fun."

Lily and Sue agreed to be the scorekeepers for their teams and went to get the score sheets and pencils while the others looked over the target and tested their equipment.

"So, how good are you?" Gary asked the Elves.

"Dan, Roy and I are quite proficient," Glorfindel said. "Lily has some experience but I don’t know to what extent. What about you?"

"Well, I did archery back in high school," Gary said. "Though I haven’t touched a bow since."

Mark and Nina nodded. "I’ve done some archery since," Nina said, "but not a whole lot."

"Well, I think we should worry less about who is better and just have fun," Glorfindel suggested. "It’s been awhile since I’ve done any archery as well and I just want to enjoy myself."

"Sounds like a plan," Mark said. "Maybe we should just ignore the scores and shoot."

"The instructors might not like that," Sue said as she and Lily joined them. "They gave us scorekeepers a short lecture about being honest with the scoring." She gave them a grimace. "As if we would stoop so low as to cheat or something."

"Why don’t we keep score for the first round and then just not bother afterwards?" Lily suggested. "I know I’m not very good. I rarely manage to hit the bull’s eye. I just want to shoot, maybe improve myself a bit."

"Good idea," Glorfindel said. "Who goes first?"

In the end, Gary fished out a quarter from his pocket and flipped it while Glorfindel called it. "Heads," he said, but it was ‘tails’ instead and so the other team shot first. Nina was the high scorer, beating Mark out by one point, with Sue coming in third, followed by Gary. Then Lily went first for Glorfindel’s team. She did not score very high and two of her arrows missed the target completely.

"Don’t worry about it," Glorfindel said gently as she scowled while recording her score. "Next round, I’ll give you some pointers, if you’d like."

Lily nodded, still looking glum. Then it was Elrohir’s turn. He stood in front of the target and drew the bow but then did not release it. "Too easy," he said with a shake of his head, "and I refuse to miss on purpose."

Glorfindel frowned. "I know, but...."

"You guys want to move back further?" Mark asked.

Elrohir nodded. "I’m used to shooting from a greater distance."

"All three of us are," Elladan said.

Mark looked at the others on his team and shrugged. "It’s fine by me if they want to move back."

"Luckily we’re at the end of the row of targets so it shouldn’t be a problem," Sue pointed out.

"So how far back were you thinking?" Gary asked, raising an eyebrow.

Elrohir’s grin was rather mischievous as he headed away from the target until he was about three times the original distance from it. "About here, wouldn’t you say?" he asked the other two ellyn and they nodded.

"You have to be kidding," Mark exclaimed in disbelief.

Just then, Phil Gordon approached. "Is there a problem?" he asked.

"No, sir," Mark said. "Our friends wanted to move back further from the target."

Phil gazed at the Elves and then at the target, the bull’s eye barely made out. He glanced back at the Elves who stood there impassively. "A joke, right?" Phil asked.

Glorfindel shook his head. "No joke, but perhaps it would be best to have the other students stop shooting and stand back."

Phil nodded and shouted for everyone to stop what they were doing and move away from the targets. "I should make you shoot from the normal range," he then said to Glorfindel, "but I am curious to see just how far you can actually shoot."

"Let’s find out," Glorfindel said with a smile and then nodded at Elrohir, who asked to borrow one of Lily’s arrows, which he placed on the ground before him, giving Glorfindel and Elladan an enquiring look. Glorfindel nodded and Elrohir stepped up to the arrow and drew his bow. For a second he did not move and then he released the arrow, automatically reaching for the next one. He shot all twelve arrows without pausing while Phil and the other Mortals just stood there with their mouths hanging open in awe. There was complete silence on the field.

Elrohir released the last arrow and scowled. "I am so out of practice," he exclaimed in disgust. "Look at that. I missed the bull’s eye half the time."

"How do you know?" Sue asked. "I can barely see the target."

"I’ll go get the arrows and record the score," Lily said and Elrohir gave her his quiver. She jogged down the field with Phil trailing her. It took several minutes before they came back. "You’re right," she said to Elrohir. "Half the arrows landed in the red."

"Well, maybe you’ll do better next time," Elladan said with a smirk as he stepped up to take his turn.

Like Elrohir, he shot continuously until all the arrows were spent. "Bah!" he exclaimed as the last arrow was landing in the target. "I’m almost as out of practice as you, brother."

Lily jogged down to the target to retrieve the arrows, coming back after a few minutes. "You beat Roy by two points," she said.

By this time all activity on the field had ceased as the other students gathered around the Elves to watch this most extraordinary feat. Glorfindel stood in front of the target, sighting down an arrow then stepping back about a dozen paces.

"Are you sure you want to shoot from there?" Elladan asked, raising an eyebrow. "You’re just as out of practice as we are."

Glorfindel just smiled as he raised his bow and then he was shooting, the arrows flying so fast that most of the Mortals had trouble seeing them. There were gasps of surprise among them and when the last arrow was released, they all went down the field to take a look. All twelve arrows had hit the bull’s eye. Eleven of them made a ring around the twelfth which was in the dead center. The Mortals just stood there staring at the target in disbelief.

"Low-key, huh?" Elrohir said as he frowned at the target. Glorfindel smirked.

"I thought you said you were out of practice," Elladan said accusingly.

Glorfindel shook his head. "I said I was in need of practice. Not the same thing."

The Twins looked at each other, their scowls nearly identical.

"I guess you guys win," Mark said with a sigh but Glorfindel shook his head.

"Actually, I believe your team won," he said.

"He’s right!" Sue exclaimed as she and Lily compared the scores. "We beat them by three points."

"That’s because I missed the target twice," Lily moaned.

Glorfindel shrugged. "We’ll work on it. I’m sure you’ll do much better next time."

"You realized that no one is going to want to compete against us," Elrohir said softly in Sindarin. Elladan nodded, looking morose.

"So, we’ll just compete against each other," Glorfindel answered in the same language.

"What was that you were saying?" Phil Gordon demanded.

"The Twins were grousing that no one will want to compete against us from now on," Glorfindel answered, "and I told them we’ll just compete against each other. We’ve done it often enough before."

"Maybe you could help us teach the other students," Phil suggested. "Ben and I could sure use the help. We have more beginners who don’t know one end of an arrow from the other than we anticipated and then there are the other students from the rest of the college who have signed up for archery lessons. It’s become a more popular sport these last few years because of those Robin Hood-type movies that have come out recently."

Glorfindel looked enquiringly at the Twins, who shrugged almost as one. Glorfindel then turned to Phil. "If you think it’ll be all right...."

"No problem," Phil said. "In fact, we can make you T.A.’s, which means you’ll get a partial refund on your tuition and then a small stipend to help with expenses while you’re here."

"We’re only here for the semester," Glorfindel pointed out.

"Still not a problem," Phil said dismissively, and the other instructor, Ben, nodded.

The three ellyn looked at one another. Twins gave Glorfindel nods and he nodded as well. "As long as it doesn’t interfere with our regular classes," he said to Phil, "we’ll be glad to help."

"Great!" Phil said with a smile. "Come by my office on Wednesday after lunch and we’ll get the paperwork all squared away so you can start assisting beginning next week." He held out his hand and Glorfindel shook it. Then Phil turned to the rest of the students. "Okay, we still have nearly an hour left of the class. Back to your targets."

There were some good-natured chuckles from the other students as they complied with the command. Phil asked the Elves to wander from group to group and offer tips to the shooters. Glorfindel said he would help Mark’s group and Lily while the Twins did the wandering, to which they all agreed. Soon there were arrows flying towards the targets once again.

****

Words are Sindarin.

Gwador: Sworn brother.

Im ú ethir i-hîn: ‘I am no spy of children’.

Adar: Father.