The Findaráto Diaries by Fiondil

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Chapter 33: Beneath a Star-strewn Ocean

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33: Beneath a Star-strewn Ocean

I spent the next few days wandering through Lórien like a ghost who had lost his way. Eärnur did not press me or insist that I follow him on his rounds, though I did, even sitting in on some of the lectures that the apprentices and journeymen were required to attend on all manner of subjects relating to the healing arts. Yet, such is the air in Lórien that by the end of the third week my mood had improved and my outlook had brightened. I no longer felt lost, though I still felt bereft. Eärnur understood, perhaps far more than I gave him credit for at the time. He was my first real friend in my new life but he did not begrudge the friendship I had with one who was technically dead and therefore out of reach. I made a concerted effort during that last week of my stay to be Eärnur’s friend. I think he appreciated that....

****

"Lord Irmo has told me that I am to take this week off from my studies and duties," Eärnur said to Finrod when they met for breakfast on the first day of the last week of Finrod’s stay.

"Oh?" Finrod said. "Is that usual?"

Eärnur shook his head. "I’ve never heard of anyone being told to take time off away from their studies and duties, certainly not apprentices. We are allowed to return to our families at the New Year to celebrate if we wish, but otherwise, no. Even then, not everyone leaves. There’s a rotation schedule mostly involving the masters and journeymen who take turns remaining here during the holidays, so they might visit their families at the summer or winter solstice instead."

Finrod nodded, vaguely recalling that at times there seemed to be fewer Lóriennildi about, but not paying much heed, for the seasons and times of holiday did not impinge on the senses of the Reborn all that much.

"So, what do you plan to do with your time then?" Finrod asked. "I was just getting used to following you around like a lovesick puppy." He gave his friend a lopsided grin and Eärnur laughed.

"I was thinking of leaving Lórien for a few days and camping out under the stars," the Teler replied. "I haven’t done that in some time. Have you ever seen the Sea?"

Finrod gave his friend a surprised look. "Yes, I did. I stood beside my uncle and my cousins and my siblings and gazed across the ice-dark waters and watched the smoke rising from the ships that my Uncle Fëanáro had set afire, stranding us on this side, for he had stolen away on them with his own people, leaving us to either slink back to Aman or brave the Helcaraxë." He paused, giving Eärnur a wry look as the other ellon stared at him shocked. "I don’t have any pleasant memories of the Sea, I’m afraid."

"Pe-perhaps it’s time that you did," Eärnur stammered, pulling himself together. "We’re only a day’s ride from the Ekkaia, you know. There’s a particular cove that I’ve been to a number of times. I was wondering...." He trailed off in uncertainty, not sure now if Finrod would want to join him.

Finrod nodded, understanding his friend’s reluctance. "When do we leave?" he said as brightly as he knew how, hoping to allay any misgivings on Eärnur’s part.

"Truly?" the Teler asked.

Finrod nodded. "I think I need to get away from Lórien as well, but I have no desire to return to Tirion until I absolutely must."

Eärnur grinned. "If we leave within the next hour we can be there before sunset. That will give us plenty of time to set up camp."

"Then, let’s finish eating and I’ll go pack," Finrod said, "though I don’t think I brought anything suitable for camping."

"That’s not a problem," Eärnur said. "We can find you something. You can borrow a couple of my old tunics and I have all the necessary gear."

"Then, let’s go," Finrod said, suddenly feeling excited about the venture, though he wasn’t sure why.

An hour later, the two were riding out of the main gates of Lórien, picking up the road that would eventually lead to Lady Nienna’s demesne.

"We’ll only be on this road for a short time," Eärnur told him. "We will leave it and head southwest."

"How did you find this cove, anyway?" Finrod asked.

"I didn’t," Eärnur answered. "Lord Irmo showed it to me, or rather, he had one of his Maiar do it. You see, new apprentices are not allowed to leave Lórien for the first three years, for those first three years of studies are very intensive. It’s only in the fourth year that we even begin following journeymen around on a regular basis. You can imagine that most of us were feeling rather homesick at first." Finrod nodded and Eärnur continued. "For me, though, it was the first time in my life that I was nowhere near the Sea. I found myself homesick, not so much for my family, but for the smell of salt and drying seaweed, the sound of the gulls and the feel of a ship’s deck rolling under my feet." He flashed Finrod a wide smile. "I was miserable."

Finrod laughed. "Apparently."

"Oh, but I was," Eärnur insisted. "I lost all interest in eating and I couldn’t concentrate on my lessons. All I wanted to do was sleep."

"Did you try to leave Lórien?" Finrod asked.

Eärnur shook his head. "No. I knew it was forbidden to do so without leave of the Lord and Lady, so I did not even try. I kept thinking that eventually I would recover. I had seen others in my class do so, but for some reason I could not. And I was feeling guilty."

"Why?"

"Because I felt that I should be homesick for my family and friends, and not for something so impersonal as salt water." He gave a shrug. "Finally, though, Lady Estë came to me and I told her how I was feeling. The next day I was being escorted by one of the Maiar to the cove. I was told to stay there as long as I needed to and when I was ready to return to Lórien, I would be welcomed back."

"You never thought to return to your family and your previous life?" Finrod asked.

"Oddly enough, no," Eärnur admitted readily enough. "The thought actually never crossed my mind. I was an apprentice Lóriennildo and I didn’t want to be anything else. That first time, I stayed at the cove for almost two weeks and then I knew I was ready to return to Lórien and my new life. I’ve gone back every once in a while when I’ve felt the need to feel the salt water drying on my skin. This is the first time I’ve ever brought another with me."

Finrod gave him a surprised look. "Then I am honored that you have invited me," he said with grave sincerity.

"And I am happy that you accepted," Eärnur said. "Come. We leave the road here."

Finrod looked about and noticed a faint track on their left heading in a southwesterly direction. "I’m surprised you were ever able to find this," he said.

Eärnur laughed. "I never could, actually. I kept having to ask for a loan of one of the Maiar to bring me to the cove. Finally, Lord Irmo decided enough was enough. ‘Am I to provide you with an escort for all the ages of Arda, young Eärnur?’ he asked me." Eärnur pointed to his right. "See that rock?"

Finrod looked and saw a boulder that was twice the height of the average Elf. It was pockmarked and irregular in shape.

"Lord Irmo caused that rock to be there," Eärnur explained. "It’s my landmark. When I see it, I know where to turn off the road. This path was created by one of the Maiar. It’s rather odd. Sometimes I don’t come this way for months, even years, and yet it’s always here. You would think it would be overgrown but it never is, not entirely."

Finrod nodded. "Something to be thankful for, at least."

Eärnur nodded and they continued on their way, stopping briefly an hour past noon to rest and have a bite to eat before continuing. As predicted, they came in sight of the Ekkaia about an hour before sunset. Already the sun was climbing down the western sky, her light glinting off the waves. They dismounted some distance from the edge of the headland, removing their gear from their horses and letting them go to fend for themselves. Then Eärnur led the way, moving north for a bit where the land lowered towards the Sea, making an easy path down to the cove. It was high tide but the cove was wide and deep and they had plenty of room for setting up the camp. By the time the sun was slipping behind the horizon they were set up, a cheerful fire burning and a fish stew bubbling over it, for Eärnur had brought fishing spears and had caught several while Finrod got the fire going. They ate in companionable silence as they watched the first stars peep out, greeting them with their cold and distant song.

"I remember the first time I saw the stars," Finrod said.

"When was that?"

"Well, actually I saw the stars for the first time twice."

"Sorry," Eärnur said, wrinkling his nose in confusion. "You want to explain that?"

Finrod laughed. "The first time I was very young. My parents took me to Alqualondë to visit my grandparents. I was fascinated by the stars and frightened by them as well, for they were so alien to what I was used to, having known nothing but the Light of the Two Trees."

Eärnur nodded in understanding. "I was born long afterwards, of course," he said. "I have ever known only the light of Anar and Isil and the stars. To me, the idea of living only by the light of the stars as my own grandparents did or by the Light of the Trees is quite alien. I cannot even imagine it. And though I love the look of the Sea under a moonless night lit only by Lady Varda’s stars the best, yet do I welcome the light of Anar as she rises above the horizon."

"It took some getting used to," Finrod said. "When Isil rose the first time...." He stopped, his eyes becoming distant with memory. "Many of us did not know how to react to the Great Lights, as we called them. If anything, they were a poignant reminder of all that we had lost, all that we had thrown away in our arrogance, not the least, the good will of the Valar." He sighed and shook his head, returning to the present.

"I listen to the tales," Eärnur said quietly, staring out to a sea now dark under starlight. "I hear the Reborn speak of those times and I can scarce imagine what it was like."

Finrod gave him a searching look. "Did... did you lose..." he started to say but found he could not continue for the lump in his throat.

Eärnur turned his gaze upon him. "Did I lose family to the Kinslaying?" he asked and Finrod nodded, now wishing he had kept silent. "Yes, I did." the Teler answered. "We all did to one degree or another. Most have returned to us, I think, though not all. My Uncle Eärnur has yet to be released."

"Eärnur!" Finrod exclaimed.

The other ellon nodded. "I was named after him," he explained. "I’m not sure why he has not been released yet when most of the Teleri who died in the Kinslaying have been, but Lord Irmo assured me that he would be released at the proper time and I just had to have faith. He told me that when that time came, I would be given the honor of being his primary counselor." He gave Finrod a wry grin. "Having known other Reborn, I’m not sure just how much of an honor that actually is."

Finrod stuck his tongue out at him, making a rude noise and then the two were laughing. When they calmed down, Eärnur asked him what he had meant about seeing the stars for the first time twice. Finrod chuckled.

"I only meant that when I was re-embodied and saw the stars again, it was as if I were seeing them for the first time. In the Halls of Mandos all memory of the outside world is taken from us. I had no memory of sun or moon or stars, wind or rain or snow. So, you can imagine how I must have felt when I saw the stars again. I think I understamd a little how the oldest of us must have felt when they awoke by the shores of Cuiviénen and beheld the stars for the first time."

"It must have been both a terror and a joy to behold such beauty," Eärnur opined.

"And so it was for me," Finrod said with a nod.

****

The next week was spent in idle pleasures. During low tide the two ellyn wandered along the beach and out to the sandbars, exploring the sea life. Eärnur taught him the names of the different fish and other sea animals that they saw, as well as the different kinds of seaweed and other sea plants and their uses both culinary and medicinal. He showed him how to use a fishing spear and while he never got proficient in its use, he managed to spear a fish or three for their meals and glowed under Eärnur’s praises.

At high tide, they would spend the time sitting before their fire and talking, usually of inconsequential matters, but often enough, speaking of their hopes and dreams for themselves, as well as telling stories of their lives. Finrod was fascinated by Eärnur’s tales of adventures on the Sea and preferred to listen to the Teler speak rather than to tell his own darker tales of death and destruction and the Leaguer of the Elves against Melkor. Eärnur, however, would insist on hearing something about them.

"If for no other reason than to understand those Reborn to whom I minister," he explained and Finrod would give a mostly expurgated version of what life was like, leaving out the darker aspects.

Still, in the end, the two came to a better understanding of each other and Finrod even found himself thinking more and more about Tirion, wondering what his parents were doing and if they missed him. He was surprised to find that he missed them and his few friends. Thus, when it was time to leave the cove and return to Lórien, he was not as sad as he thought he might be. They quickly broke camp, retrieved their horses and set off, arriving just in time for the evening meal. Lord Irmo was there to greet them when they came to the gates. He gave Finrod a searching look and nodded in satisfaction.

"You will return to Tirion in the morning," the Vala said.

Finrod nodded, knowing it was true. "Yes, I will."

****

Ekkaia: (Quenya) The name of the Western Sea.