Flawed, yet Precious by Khaosity

Introduction

Tyelperinquar - Celebrimbor

Cruel - Gorthaur the _
Abhorred - Sauron (also named the Deceiver)
Admirable - Mairon

They have called me Cruel. Abhorred. The Deceiver. Once, in a time that seems almost beyond memory, I was named Admirable; and I have clung to that, even if I myself have sometimes found it hard to believe.

Evil, they say I am, and that all my actions have only ever been self-serving. Yet they seem to have forgotten that for long Ages of the world, I served another, of my own free will or no, and someone else before him. They also say evil cannot love. If that is accurate, I cannot be of it, for I have loved, and truly. The first man I loved raped and enslaved me, the second betrayed me, howbeit I suppose one could say that I betrayed him; and though I have had dalliances with others, both male and female, I have never been able to put my heart into another's hands again.

I have heard that in other worlds, I have begotten children.
In one, my son is the Weapon of the Gods, and I could not be more proud of him. My actions towards him are somewhat dubious, I must admit, although I am sure I had a good reason for my treatment of him.
In a different world, I married and fathered a daughter who is a credit to her mother's House. Of her, I am also extremely proud; and I appear to have lived up to my name rather more there.
The numerous Sárindilli* I am said to have sired are not of my get, nor that of any being within Eä. Wherever they come from, they are a menace that is even beyond the control of the One, and the less that is spoken of them, the better.
In this world, however, I have no offspring. When should I have engendered any? During Melkor's rule, to see a child of mine become a slave and plaything, as I was? While I travelled among Men, and later ruled over them, to mayhap have to watch my flesh and blood succumb to the Gift? In Eregion, where I had committed my heart, soul, and body to Tyelperinquar, even if my mind strayed to other tasks? Later, after Númenor, and especially my defeat at the end of the Second Age, I no longer had the ability.
As a somewhat relevant aside, should you suffer from the delusion that Melyanna was the only one of my kindred to procreate, you do not know just how wrong you are... but that is another matter.

There are other things concerning the history of Arda you have been misinformed on; most notably, of course, the time before the so-called "First Age of the Sun". Tell me, if the only light came from the Two Trees of Valinor, how is it that anything grew or even lived elsewhere? Oh, and if the Valar were completely benign and saintly, and Melkor only sought destruction from the first, why did any of us follow him? His later actions were certainly despicable, to put it very mildly, and I who had loved him swiftly grew to regret leaving Aulë's service, but at the beginning... Ah, but there is no use in weeping over spoiled milk, as they say.

You would like to know how it was then? To gain an understanding of how I came to be this way? I shall have to tell you all of my existence. Be aware that I have tortured and killed without qualm, that I have ripped out the hearts of children and felt no guilt. And still you wish to learn? Then let us start with the Creation of Eä...

Chapter End Notes

*Plural of Sárindil = "bitter lily". Literal translation of the name "Mary Sue". (Sorry, couldn't help myself...)

The son and daughter referred to are Spiced Wine's Vanimórë (who only belongs to her until he decides to become real and accept my marriage proposal ;D) and Pandë's Mélamírë, respectively, and are used with permission.

Thanks for reading, I hope I'll be able to update soon! :)