Rewind... by Nienna

Uinen

“No!” thought Uinen.

She blinked at Tar-Míriel, who clearly didn’t recognize her. She had failed, and a horrified sort of quiet, chirping anger filled her. Not anger for a person so much as anger at what had taken place. She was the only one who had come back, not Tar-Míriel.

She suddenly reached forward and grabbed Tar-Míriel’s shoulder. She covered Tar-Míriel’s mouth with her own, grasping for the fullness she knew she would find. She reached into her mouth with her tongue, and Tar-Míriel responded by darting in and out and pulling her onto the sand.

By this point, Uinen couldn’t say exactly what they were doing. It didn’t even feel necessary, as just being so close to Tar-Míriel sent a surge of feelings through her, zinging with completeness. It was the most wonderful feeling, fizzy and orangey warm, covering every ounce of her one by one, or so it seemed. Tar-Míriel was lingering over her face now, languidly swirling her tongue. She had a glazed countenance that radiated the intense sort of joy not quite grounded in a single space. She looked like a child might, gazing up to catch the rain.

At last Uinen pulled back. She knew she couldn’t stay here forever, for the future couldn’t really be changed. She knew the future needed her, and a horrible screaming sort of bitterness filled her throat.

But then a realization came through her like a gush of cold cleansing water. If she was fast enough, she might still be able to save Tar-Míriel. If she could pull her away from the flood and debris, and up above the water before she drowned, she might be able to be revived. For Tar-Míriel of the present was not dead yet.  

But if she couldn’t save her? For Uinen had only one chance, as once something had definitively occurred it couldn’t be changed. The sinking feeling from earlier returned. If she couldn’t save her?

Uinen would alternate between the future and the past, she decided, always going back. Each time, Tar-Míriel would forget the last, she realized. She was sobbing again, and Tar-Míriel reached toward her questioningly. But within each moment of the past, they’d have some sort of eternity. It wouldn’t really be enough, but she would make it so. She would go back to the moments with Tar-Míriel until the last star in the sky burnt out. And maybe if anything at all existed by then, they could step together into the changed world. They could finally live continuously, still holding on after so long.

She had to go now, to return to that horrible destruction. It was unlikely, she knew, that she would be able to save Tar-Míriel. She had all the time in the world, but not in the way that she wanted it. All the same, she would call on every hidden power, every bit of strength and thought, and she would try until there was nothing left to try.

No matter what was about to transpire, she would never leave Tar-Míriel. She would be holding onto her, always.

Chapter End Notes

The song “Hold On” from The Secret Garden musical (Original London Cast) is an inspiration/companion to this fic if you’d like to hear it. I was listening to it while I first wrote and it gives me some of the general feeling of this piece and then a couple of lyrics slipped in. (Not to say that all the lyrics fit or that it matches exactly.)