Alqualondë by Moreth

These are as powerful here as when I first read them in the netherworld. :^) My hat's off to your depiction of the immediacy of Alqualondë from the viewpoint of Teler and Noldo with such crisp language!  Nicely done!

Congratulations on taking the plunge!  You're doomed now, you know. :^D

Firstly, congrats on your first posting!

I really like how you've conveyed the contradiction of attitudes in these two drabbles: the horror and chaos of the attack from the point of view of the victim, and the steel-cold drive of a trained assailant. The skillfulness would be later turned into pain and remorse, but it would be too late to atone for the disaster. Very well done, and thank you for sharing :)

All the best,

Binka 

What a debut, Moreth! This is wonderful characterization in these two drabbles. You absolutely broke my heart in both of them. You captured the scene so well. The first character is so young and unaware he will soon be facing something he has never even thought about. (The "Nana" and the "stars are fading" pushed me over the edge.) The Feanorian on the other hand, has been prepared, but is nonetheless tragic, because part of his preparation has been don't think, just keeping moving, do what you have to do. His grief and guilt will necessarily have to be dealt with later.

This moved me far beyond much more ambitious and much longer pieces I have read about Alqualonde.

I'm going to have to agree with the others: a most impressive debut! :^D Both drabbles are fantastic and, put together, create a great effect. I literally had shivers by the last line of the first. Such innocence about to abruptly end. Actually, I think that's somewhat true of both, when both Elves are about to learn hard lessons about the world, about the capabilities of their own kind to commit violence.

Again, wonderful work, most highly recommended to anyone stumbling through and willing to take my word on things. :)

Well done! I'm new here and I hope that one day my debut will be half as good as yours :) The idea of showing two points of view is fantastic.

My best wishes and keep writing!

Graphic and scary. A frightening time to imagine!

You know, I absolutely hate people who use so few words and do so much with them. And that is a compliment, immediate and very traumatic, it gives the sense that violence, and the use of weapons to kill is new to the Noldor and Teleri, the shock at the feeling of dying and the shock the Noldo who has killed feels after, fighting, putting all they have learned into practice, seems reflexive, but after - that is when realization hits home. * claps *

This was incredible.  The two scenes show such contradicting views but on some level are quite similar, and fit together nicely.  And the line, “Nana, the stars are fading...”  *shudders*  Terrifying, but sort of scarily beautiful.

Like my own kinslayer, yours also just goes through the motions of what he has learnt. When they learnt it, they were probably told of the dangers of Middle-earth, where they would hopefully go some day, perhaps even of Orcs - I don't believe that killing other Elves was ever even thought about in their training.

And when he's finished, and stops to think - yes, I totally believe your desrciption.

Oh, my.

The last lines of both drabbles are heartrending.

Wonderful, heartbreaking account of the first Kinslaying.