That's Not Funny! by oshun
Fanwork Notes
Fanwork Information
Summary: In their youth in Valinor, Maedhros has a secret crush on Fingon, his younger half-cousin, and Maglor loves to tease him about it. A ficlet of 550 words in response to the SWG Back to Middle-earth Month challenge, day 11, humor misunderstood. (R-rated for language and implication only.) Also, translation of Quenya names at the bottom for those who want them. Major Characters: Celegorm, Fingon, Maedhros, Maglor Major Relationships: Genre: Humor Challenges: B2MeM 2009 Rating: Adult Warnings: Mature Themes This fanwork belongs to the series |
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Chapters: 1 | Word Count: 550 |
Posted on 11 March 2009 | Updated on 11 March 2009 |
This fanwork is complete. |
That's Not Funny!
Read That's Not Funny!
It was a beautiful day in Valinor, as usual. But that golden afternoon was exceptional. The light of Laurelin danced on each green leaf visible from Macalaurë’s bedroom window. The sky shone a cloudless blue. For hours, he had been promising that he would put aside the piece of music he was writing and take a walk. He heard the kitchen door slam shut and Tyelkormo’s heavy boots on the staircase. Almost instantly, a blond head poked around the doorjamb.
“You really should go outside and watch them,” Tyelkormo said, his eyes crinkling with humor and mischief.
Macalaurë placed his lute on the bed behind him, out of the way of Tyelkormo’s clumsiness. “Them?” he asked. His brother’s obvious amusement gave him no clue. Tyelkormo could find humor in just about anything.
“Nelyo and Káno down in the horse paddock!”
“What is so funny about that?”
“The whole scene. Nelyo looks like he is about to cream in his pants with adoration of Findekáno. Who, by the way, is definitely going to take a First in the equestrian competition at the harvest festival this year. And Káno’s shameless. Looking at Nelyo every chance he gets with that expression of ‘I touch myself in the dark at night when I think of you.’”
“Aww! That’s sad. Shame on you for being so heartless and disgustingly vulgar.”
“Go down and take a look. Then tell me it doesn’t make you laugh!”
“I still think it’s sad. Nelyo won’t admit to anyone, not even himself, how he feels about Findekáno until he comes of age and they have three years to wait.”
“Káno admits it. Well, to me at least. Not to Nelyo.”
Macalaurë approached the enclosure where Nelyafinwë sat astride the fence. Findekáno’s dark hair had been pulled away from his face into plaits fastened with golden cord. In the past several months, the last vestiges of childish softness in his half-cousin’s visage had melted away to reveal a handsome angularity reminiscent of their grandfather. The young rider maintained an erect but supple upper body posture without apparent effort. He held his elbows close to his body, thighs extended downward, legs steady, form pristine.
His horse performed a difficult elevated trot in place as though it were as natural to both him and his rider as taking a long drink of water. Macalaurë well understood the passion for the sport and the athletic ability required by the complete absence of either in himself. Nelyo and his father had given up on him years earlier. Findekáno, on the other hand, had shown such promise that Fëanáro had insisted Nelyo give him extra lessons each week in addition to those he provided.
“Nelyo,” Macalaurë said, slapping his brother on the back. “He’s beautiful. Absolutely perfect. No wonder you enjoy working with him so much.”
Nelyo’s cheeks flamed. He ripped his eyes away from cousin and scowled. “I enjoy Káno’s lessons because he has talent and works hard. That’s all. I’m very tired of your jokes.”
Macalaurë howled with laughter. “Ha! You gave yourself away. I was referring to Findekáno’s form and not your poorly hidden crush on him.”
“That’s not funny! You have a cruel sense of humor.”
Macalaurë wiped the tears away from his face, choking down a chortle. “And you, big brother, have none at all.”
_____________
Findekáno, Káno = Fingon
Nelyafinwë, Nelyo = Maedhros
Macalaurë = Maglor
Tyelkormo = Celegorm
(1) Comment by Dawn Felagund for That's Not Funny!
I suspect you've spent some time around teenage boys. This sounds terribly familiar to my not-so-distant past when my friend group was all male ... they didn't have crushes on each other (to the best of my knowledge ;) but you get the expressions perfectly.
I touch myself in the dark at night when I think of you
*sporfle!*
Though he is my imaginary boyfriend, I have to disagree with Nelyo here. This is very funny! :D
Re: (1) Comment by Dawn Felagund for That's Not Funny!
Thanks, Dawn! Poor Neylo! Well, he gets his revenge in my later stories where they have to listen to what he says.
Yes, Much too much time around teenage boys. Until a couple of years ago, this place was crawling with them all the time and they never watched their mouths around me either.
(2) Comment by whitewave for That's Not Funny!
I'm afraid I've "converted" from Maitimo-ism to Celegorm-ism so I really enjoyed his very direct speech here. And Maglor is as sweet as I imagine him to be. ;-)
Re: (2) Comment by whitewave for That's Not Funny!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I love them all--with all their flaws and virtues, heroic and tragic. So glad you enjoyed them!
(3) Comment by SurgicalSteel for That's Not Funny!
*giggles immaturely* Oh, this was priceless!
Re: (3) Comment by SurgicalSteel for That's Not Funny!
Thanks! And, sorry! (About the immature giggles, I mean.) There were a couple of parts where I though "I can't believe I wrote that" and then thought "No. I'm not gonna cross it out." I did feel like I was channeling teenage boys somehow.
(4) Comment by Rhapsody for That's Not Funny!
Of course it is funny Maedhros! Hehehe, I suspect he will feel the laughing stock of his brothers in the years to come. Which, by the way, adds more to your verse when Maedhros finally can claim his love. I told you already, but the brotherly banter is wonderfully done. From the direct and blunt Celegorm who does want to share his giggles with Maglor, to Maglor who is oh so keen enough to tease Maedhros with his observations. It could have been worse for Maedhros though... imagine all seven and perhaps his cousins teasing him! ;) Well done Oshun, I love this!
Re: (4) Comment by Rhapsody for That's Not Funny!
I realized I missed responding to this comment! So sorry. I love torturing Maedhros in this period. The earnest, responsible oldest brother must have been such a target for those guys. From the dynamics of a large family, I recall that sheer joy of us younger ones finding out that one of the older siblings, who knew more, had more privileges, and yet so often was called upon to enforce parental policy, had a weakness. An irresistible target, I’m afraid.
(5) Comment by pandemonium_213 for That's Not Funny!
Poor Nelyo! A not-so-secret crush and at the mercy of his brothers!
Loved the description of Káno on horseback and this...
And Káno’s shameless. Looking at Nelyo every chance he gets with that expression of ‘I touch myself in the dark at night when I think of you.’”
...made me hoot.
A nice lighthearted piece!
Re: (5) Comment by pandemonium_213 for That's Not Funny!
Thanks for the comment. I conceptualized it thinking of how funny a houseful of sons of Feanor would think any secret crush would be and only that much moreso if it involved their well-behaved oldest brother. (Shameless Fingon is, of course, a no brainer in my verse.)
(6) Comment by Robinka for That's Not Funny!
Lovely! You did an excellent job of conveying their brotherly banter and making fun of poor Nelyo. Such bad, bad boys ;)
Re: (6) Comment by Robinka for That's Not Funny!
Thanks, Binka! I do not know why I am provoked to have Maedhros's brothers tease him so much. (This must be at least the third story or ficlet where I have brought it up.)
(7) Comment by elfscribe for That's Not Funny!
I really enjoyed the idea that the brothers were aware of Kano and Nelyo's affection and teased them about it. Very brotherly. Not to mention the vision you've painted of Kano on horseback. YUM! I'd have my tongue out too.
Re: (7) Comment by elfscribe for That's Not Funny!
Thanks for the great comment. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I imagine that those seven brothers lived in one another’s pockets. And poor Maedhros must have gotten payback in teasing from that headstrong crew for the role in was forced to play as surrogate parent at times—the dynamics of a large family are very familiar to me. \r\n\r\nI loved the idea of the slightly older Maedhros pining after young Fingon when I wrote my very first story in this cycle (Maitimo and Findekáno). But as I developed Fingon over the last couple of years, I realized what a tarty little flirt he must have been been during that period when Maedhros was waiting for him to growup just a bit. (I love watching dressage.)
(8) Comment by Tarion Anarore for That's Not Funny!
Ahaha, oh Tyelkormo! Makalaure! Such badness! I love it.
And of course I had to allow myself a long moment to thoroughly imagine Findekano performing dressage. :D
Re: (8) Comment by Tarion Anarore for That's Not Funny!
Dawn made me do it! I was inspired by scenes in Another Man's Cage when Macalaure does so incredibly baldly at dressage. I thought it would be fun to make Fingon good at it.