The Piggolantë by whitewave

Chapter 1

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Once there was a tribe of pigs called the Noldoink that were very adept with truffle-hunting, which was why they were also called the "Deep Pigs" and were almost always never slaughtered for meat. This robust tribe was raised on a faraway island farm run by farmhands from the Valarin Farmers & Breeders Cooperative. 
 
Now, the Noldoinks were very smart and highly-trainable pigs.  They even had a Swine King named Finwë, who had three piggy sons:  Fëanor, Fingolfin and Finarfin.
 
Fëanor was the eldest one and honored as the High Pig, and you'd know him by the eighth-pointed star stamp on his well-formed rump.
 
He occupied the first pig shed to the right, and a grand place it was!  He was considered the most accomplished of all the boors, errr ... boars in the farm.  Besides managing to find the most truffles every time, he alone had sired a litter of seven piglets that were the toast of many pig shows and were often used to breed with Noldoink sows. One of Fëanor's piglets (the Fair one) could even talk to other animals, especially sheep and dogs, but that's another story for another day. 
 
Fingolfin, the second son and also a High Pig, occupied the second grandest pig shed.  Day in and day out he yearned to be invited to a "Kebab Festival in Taniquetil", for only the good, healthy piggies were invited there--in fact, the place is so perfect that none of the invited ever came back. So to try and fast-track his invitation, he would preen and oink loudly whenever the farmhands walked by. 
 
Finarfin, the third and youngest one, was the most docile of them all, which is why he was called High Runt behind his back by the other pigs.  He was perfectly content looking at his own perfectly-curled tail, blond hair and pointed ears.  He also found rolling around in the mud very therapeutic to his sensitive nerves.  He occupied the last pig shed marked with this brand: (Insert Star of Finarfin here)
 
One day, as Fëanor the High Pig was swaggering back to his shed with his piglets, his twin red-haired piglets asked him a question:
 
Random Pig Sows:  Squee! Squee!
Amras-piglet: õink-ôínk, õink-ôínk, õink-ôínk!
(Atu, why do the other animals always stand aside wherever we go? And why do the sows faint at the mere sniff of us.)
Amrod-piglet: öweeenk-oik, oink-oink...hee?
(Are we not the same as the other animals Atu?)
High Pig Feanor:  óôõynk, oínk-oink, óôõynk,oínk-oink, õyeeenk-oink-oink--Kwee-oink.
(Beaming, indulgent voice:  All animals are equal, but we pigs are MORE equal than the other animals and our family is more equal than the other pigs, your half-uncles included.)
 
From the opposite pig shed came the other High Pig's voice ... errr ... oink:
High Pig Fingolfin:  oweink! Oink boink, oink-õink,
(Your head's the size of the entire farm, you PIG!)
High Pig Fëanor:  ôink-bonk?
(Oh yeah?)
High Pig Fingolfin:  Boink!
(Yeah!)
High Pig Fëanor:  ôink-bonk?
(Oh yeah?)
High Pig Fingolfin:  Boink!
(Yeah!)
High Pig Fëanor:  õyeeenk-oink
(Bacon-brain!)
High Pig Fingolfin: ôínk-oink
(Ham-head!)
 
Every argument between these two always ended in a major tussle and this time was no different.
 
The two High Pigs up-ended several feeding troughs and terrorized the hapless piglets and bumped into a hapless Finarfin, who had just emerged from that day's mudroll.
 
Just then, one of the farmhands saw the fight and immediately reported it to the Head Farmhand Manwë, who promptly ordered the three pig brothers to be exiled to Formenos for ten weeks.
 
Now Formenos is not such a bad place, but it is quite far (a mere 5 kilometers away) so it is a big hassle to walk there, especially if you carry 400 pounds of body mass. Aulë, the pigs' truffle trainer, tried to plead in their behalf but was summarily ignored. 
 
Fëanor merely stared back sullenly at Manwë while Fingolfin attempted to charm the Head Farmhand with his beady piggy eyes—all his efforts went to naught. 
Finarfin fainted noisily from shock and got some mud on the Farmhand's trousers, which prompted Manwë to increase the sentence to twelve weeks.
 
So the three not-so-little pigs were roped off to Formenos amid much oinking and boinking and squeeing (of the sows).
 
A day after the three High Pigs were exiled, Manwë's twin brother Melkor arrived.  Unknown to the other farmhands, Melkor had earned the moniker “Big Bad Wolf” from his stay in the National Penitentiary.  His crime?  Animal cruelty.  But then, harvest season was fast-approaching and they could always use an extra pair of hands to do the work.  
 
End of Chapter 1
 
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FOOTNOTES:
 
*Mag-7 piglets:  Maedhros-piglet (the well-formed one);  Maglor-piglet (wrote the grand symphony version of “Piggolantë” and the hit song: “Musings in the Mud”);  Celegorm-piglet (able linguist of different sub-specie languages, including human);  Caranthir-piglet (distinctively dark-colored pig-fur); Curufin-piglet (can pick the lock of the shed gate);  Ambarussa twins (can play dead and start fires).
 
 
Many thanks to Celegorm "Babe" piglet for assisting the author in the translation from Piggish to English. Incidentally, Celegorm piglet's hair color had been the subject of many a debate over the years—some argue that it is dark, like the rest of his family; some argue that it is fair, though the term can also be taken to mean "good-looking".  Give the poor little piglet a break will you?  People who are overly obsessed about piglets's hair color may be in need of a special kind of doctor and we are not referring to a Veterinarian here.  
 

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Chapter End Notes

From Animal Farm to the Three Little Finwions and the Big Bad Farmhand.