The Teleri Times. by hennethgalad

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From our Valmar correspondent.

 

Scandalous scenes erupted today at the All-Elven Games when the entire House of Fëanor was accused of taking performance enhancing drugs.
   Fëanor himself and all seven of his children were found to have been using lembas bread in the run up to the games. 
   A spokeself from the House of Fingolfin stated "Lembas is created with the fëa of living elves, it is widely known to increase performance in extremis, and is reserved for emergencies only. A sporting event is not an emergency and we call for a full ban on the use of lembas in the games."
   Nerdanel was unavailable for comment and is in retreat under the care of Estë, to which Fingon responded "This proves our point - Nerdanel, like Miriel before her, has given too much of herself to her children and is suffering the consequences."

  When asked, a spokeself of High King Ingwë said that a full enquiry would be instigated, and that the games might have to be rerun to establish a level playing field.
   However Fëanor himself retorted that everyone else was free to use lembas themselves, and that he should be praised for his initiative.

  The subject has divided opinion across familiar lines, with many saying that the House of Fëanor should be banned from competing at the next games. But others were in favour of the use of lembas and said that anyone can take it. 

   In a statement, Ingwë said "While it is true that everyone could take lembas for a mere sporting event, many elves consider waybread to be too serious a matter to be used in such a trivial way. Furthermore, given the undoubted power of the fëa used in the making of lembas, it may be detrimental to those blessèd elves with the skill to create it, and it has been suggested that repeatedly making lembas, especially on a large scale, may lead to 'fading'. Finally, as lembas is so powerful, if any competitor uses it to gain advantage, then all other competitors will be forced to use it themselves. A special council will be convened at once."

  Finarfin suggested holding two games, one for those who take lembas, and another for everyone else, but this was met with predictably angry retorts by both sides in the controversy.

The Teleri Times approached Finwë, but he declined to comment.

What is your view? Should lembas be accepted as an aid to the playing of games, or is it too serious for such trivialities? Write to our editor and the best letters will be published in our next edition!