A Sense of History: Straight Road
The next in a series of articles about ships passing to and from the West, Simon uses "The Fall of Númenor" to attempt to arrive at Tolkien's reading of the exordium to "Beowulf."
“You want to climb up there?”
Glorfindel stared at him and Mablung giggled. They stood at the bottom of a steep cliff, only a narrow path led up – and in some places not even that.
“You have a great view from up there.”
Glorfindel had asked him to show him his favourite places in the mountains when Mablung had told him that he liked to come here.
“Are you backing down?” He gave his friend a challenging look.
“No, of course not.” Glorfindel still looked a little unsure. “I’m doubting my sanity, but please, lead me.”
Mablung grinned happily, for once it was him who was better at something, and started to climb. After an arduous hour they reached the top of the wall and Glorfindel let himself fall groaning into the long grass.
“Valar, I’m already dreading the descent.”
“Oh, you know”, Mablung sat down beside him and laid his hand on his leg, “we’ll take another way back.”
Glorfindel opened his eyes and looked sternly at him. “Do you want to tell me that we could have come up here without all this climbing?”
Mablung shrugged. “But it’s more fun that way", he said, trying hard not to laugh.
Glorfindel launched himself on him and for a while they wrestled playfully with each other. Finally they stopped, breathing quickly. Glorfindel lay over him, his wrists caught in his hands.
Mablung moved his hips, getting their crotches into contact – he wanted. Glorfindel moaned softly, his lids fluttering, then he rolled away from him and sat down a little distance beside him.
“Glorfindel?” Mablung sat up startled. “Did I do something wrong?”
Glorfindel shook his head and pushed his hair back in a restless gesture. “No, it’s not you. I’m just... I’m too old for you, Mablung. Why aren’t you finding yourself a nice boy your age?”
Mablung felt his lips get cold and scrambled on all fours around Glorfindel so he could look at him.
“What is that supposed to mean? You sound as if I don’t get a say in this.”
“You are so young, Mablung. I don’t want you to feel used later.”
Mablung shook his head. “But I want this. I already wanted it before we met the first time.”
“You don’t even know what you want!”, Glorfindel answered ferociously but Mablung was too angry to back down, he clenched his fists.
“Of course I do!”, he hissed back. “If you are bored with me, tell me outright!”
He jumped to his feet and ran away. Glorfindel could find the way down the mountain on his own! Why did everyone suppose he didn’t know what he wanted just because he wasn’t fifty yet?
“Mablung, wait!” Glorfindel ran after him, but Mablung continued on without looking back. He was angry and he wouldn’t make it easy for him. “Please. I’m sorry. When I was your age, I wouldn’t have wanted to hear either, that I don’t know what I want. And I’m surely not bored with you or I wouldn’t have panted up this mountain today!”
Mablung smiled against his will and slowed. That sounded logical. “Why are you saying these things, if you know how it feels?”, he asked and turned to his friend.
“Because, by now, I’m a few years older and looking back I can say that some things I did weren’t especially bright. But”, Glorfindel lifted a finger to stop him from interrupting him, “I’m taking you seriously. So tell me, what do you want?”
Mablung felt himself blush – again. He wanted to do it, not talk about it! “Well, I... like it when you kiss me. And... I’m sure I’d like it too, if you’d touch me like I do, when I...” Mablung gesticulated vaguely at his crotch. “Why does it make such a big difference, anyway? No one cares if I do this alone, but if I want to do it with you, I’m suddenly too young to know what I want?”
Glorfindel smiled wryly. “I can’t tell you, Mablung. Adults aren’t always very logical – and they aren’t always right. I think, you can do what you want. But that’s why I said find someone your own age to explore this with. I am a lot older than you and I don’t want you to feel rushed to do something you aren’t ready for, because I’m older.”
Mablung shook his head in frustration. “That really doesn’t sound very logical. I’ve already... you know... jerked off and thought about you, when you didn’t even know that I existed. Why should I feel rushed? I wanted to be with you, I just never would have dared to approach you.”
Glorfindel looked at him with serious eyes. “Do you have a crush on me, Mablung?”
Mablung stopped himself from biting his lip, Glorfindel didn’t like it, and just nodded.
Glorfindel sighed heavily. “See? And that’s why I can’t do anything more than go riding with you and kiss you a little. I like you a lot, Mablung, but we’ll never be a couple in the traditional sense – and we wouldn’t be, if you were forty years older.”
“Because I’m only a servant.” Mablung hung his head and fought tears.
“No! Mablung, look at me.” Glorfindel gripped his shoulders and shook him lightly. “That has nothing to do with it. I like you, I like to spend time with you. You are my friend, Mablung. I don’t care that you are a servant. But I’m sure that you aren’t the One.”
Mablung opened his mouth but Glorfindel laid his hand on his lips.
“Listen to me. I want you to think about it. Do you really believe that between us is a love that will outlast eternity?”
Mablung looked into Glorfindel’s eyes. He didn’t know what to think.
“Think about it”, he repeated. “I can’t offer you eternal love, what I can offer is my friendship and, if you really want that, pleasure, or just my friendship. I’m sure you know my reputation. I won’t dump you after I fucked you, but we’ll never marry, either.” Glorfindel sighed. “You don’t have to decide right now, Mablung. Let’s get down this mountain without me breaking my neck.”
Mablung nodded. He wasn’t sure what to think of the things Glorfindel had told him. It sounded so unromantic, he had envisioned this differently.
“Okay, let’s go home. There won’t be any more climbing, I promise.”
Glorfindel sat on the rim of the fountain and waited. He wasn’t sure if Mablung would come. He had been blunt, but it had been necessary. He didn’t want the boy to cherish false hopes. He was sometimes reckless when he wanted someone, but he liked Mablung too much to hurt him. He was surprised how much he had taken the boy into his heart. No, it wasn’t the one true love, but he wasn’t just anyone, either. A friend – maybe. If he hadn’t scared him away.
Ecthelion would have laughed himself silly, if he had been able to see him now. ‘Are you maybe in love after all?’, he would have said. And Glorfindel would have answered ‘no’. But... He smiled when Mablung walked towards him. He maybe wasn’t the One Love, but ... Mablung took his hand.
“You offered me friendship, do you still mean that?”
“Of course.” Glorfindel was very relieved that he had come here. “What do you want to do? I hope you won’t make me climb a mountain again.”
“But wasn’t the climb nice? Only when we were up you decided to act so strangely.” Mablung stabbed his finger at his chest.
“Yes, it’s my fault, I know.” Glorfindel embraced him before he could hit him again. “I could do with something to eat. What do you think? I’m inviting you.”
Mablung nodded. “Food sounds good. But... you offered me something beside your friendship.”
His eyes met Glorfindel’s and he couldn’t look away. He bowed his head and kissed Mablung’s mouth. He had tried to dissuade him, but it hadn’t worked. Mablung wanted this – he wanted this – he wouldn’t deny them both any longer.
“First, eating”, he murmured into his ear. “And after I’ll show you my room. My parents are visiting relatives in Valmar, no one will disturb us.”
Mablung grinned at him. “That sounds good.”
Mablung was a little nervous... if he was honest with himself, he was very nervous. Not, that he doubted that he wanted Glorfindel. He was more afraid that he would do something wrong and Glorfindel would laugh at him. He slowed when Glorfindel led him into a back alley.
“I thought your parent’s house was that direction.” Mablung pointed around the corner.
“True.” Glorfindel winked at him. “But we wouldn’t want anyone to catch on to what we are up to, do we? My parents aren’t home and I want to make sure that no servant can tell them I had a visitor. We go in through... the back door. Good thing you can climb.”
Mablung understood Glorfindel’s comment when they stopped under the estate’s garden wall. But Glorfindel was right, he could climb and after a little effort and suppressed giggles they stood in Glorfindel’s bed room, the Light of the Trees was just mingling and the breeze blowing in through the open window let the curtains stream. Mablung looked up into Glorfindel’s eyes and held his breath. He was really here, in his room. Glorfindel closed the window before coming to him and kissing him gently, his tongue found its way between Mablung’s lip and Mablung shivered when his hand slid over his back.
“Mablung”, Glorfindel whispered and caressed his cheek. “I want you to tell me should I do something that feels wrong to you. Even if you think it ridiculous. Everything we do should feel good and if it doesn’t something is wrong. You don’t have to be embarrassed, you can change your mind any time.”
Mablung nodded and shook his head immediately after to stop Glorfindel from believing he had changed his mind.
“I want this, Glorfindel.” He blushed. “What... what should I do.”
Glorfindel smiled gently. “Whatever you want. Don’t be afraid that you could do something wrong. Come here.”
Glorfindel embraced him and sat down in an armchair, pulling him astride his lap. Mablung leaned his head against Glorfindel’s shoulder and Glorfindel caressed his back.
“Better like this?”
Mablung nodded and Glorfindel kissed him again. His hands slid under the hem of his shirt, touching his skin. His lips seemed to be everywhere on his face, his neck, his ears.
His hands pushed up his shirt and Mablung lifted his arms to let him pull it over his head, Glorfindel’s fingers wandered with feathery touch over his skin. Mablung let his hand slide down Glorfindel’s chest. He wanted to see him without clothes, too. A little clumsily he started to relieve Glorfindel of his shirt. He’d never undressed another person. While he fought with the lacing at his collar, Glorfindel pressed kisses to his shoulder, licked along his collarbone and Mablung felt the urge to simply let himself fall into the touch and purr – but he wanted to touch him, too.
Finally he won the fight against the lacing and pushed the fabric aside. Glorfindel’s skin was pale and flawless, his nipples a little darker. Mablung didn’t know where he took the courage to bow forward and lick one of the rosy buds. Glorfindel’s breath hitched and Mablung smiled and did it again. He helped Glorfindel out of his shirt and started to explore. Glorfindel let him, his skin twitching under his fingers, he moaned when Mablung licked his nipples into hard nubs that glistened with Mablung’s saliva. Mablung grinned, he liked that sight – and that sound.
Glorfindel’s hands closed around his buttocks and pulled him closer, only now did Mablung notice how hard he was under him – how hard they both where. Glorfindel kissed his lips hungrily and moved against him and Mablung shivered because it felt so good. The thought of undressing under Glorfindel’s eyes had made him apprehensive but just now he could only think that he needed to get out of his trousers – he wanted their skin to touch there. Glorfindel nibbled at his earlobe.
“Does this feel good?”, he asked, cupping his hardness in his palm.
“Valar, yes!”
Mablung moaned loudly and blushed at such a sound coming from his lips, but Glorfindel didn’t laugh at him. He kissed him again, passionately, insistently. Mablung helped him impatiently with the lacings of his trousers. They had to squirm a little to get rid of that last layer, both of them reluctant to let go of each other, and suddenly Mablung felt himself overbalancing. Glorfindel made a startled sound, trying to catch him and losing his balance in the act, both of them landing on the floor.
Mablung looked into Glorfindel’s surprised face and started to giggle. Glorfindel’s lips twitched and his shoulders started to shake as he suppressed his laughter.
“Shh”, he made with trembling voice, putting a hand over Mablung’s mouth, “or one of the servants will hear you.”
Mablung nodded and tried to stifle his laughter, becoming aware of Glorfindel’s hardness pressing into his thigh. Glorfindel noticed his mood-shift and lifted his hand off his mouth.
“Everything okay?”
Mablung nodded, licking his lips, and looked down. He’d never seen another’s cock... not like this anyway.
“Can... can I touch you?”, he asked softly.
“Of course”, breathed Glorfindel.
Mablung slowly reached out and touched the hot skin, Glorfindel shivered. Mablung bit his lip, releasing it immediately when he caught himself doing it, and wrapped his hand around Glorfindel’s cock, stroking it as he would have done with himself.
“Mablung...”, groaned Glorfindel and Mablung shivered at the sound of his voice. Glorfindel’s lips met his again and liquid fire shot up his spine when Glorfindel mirrored his actions down there. Valar, how good it felt to be touched there by another. He closed his eyes.
“Don’t stop”, Glorfindel whimpered and Mablung realised that he had stopped his movement.
“Sorry”, he gasped resuming his motions, pleasure coursed through his body, hot and wonderful, he wouldn’t last long.
Glorfindel caressed Mablung’s neck, the younger elf had snuggled into him after they had gotten comfortable on the bed. He felt deep gentleness for him. It would make him happy to teach him more about sex, slowly, so he wouldn’t get hurt. He wanted to keep him safe. Mablung blinked at him, blushing. Because he had fallen asleep?
Glorfindel smiled. “Happens. And that you feel so comfortable here that you fall asleep, flatters me.”
Mablung returned his smile. “That was nice”, he said softly.
Glorfindel kissed him gently. “Yes, it was”, he said.
‘Valar!’, he thought. ‘I want to keep him.’