The Book of Short Tales by Lyra

B2MeM '13 - Judgement - The Flammifer's Wife

Begun for B2MeM '12, B13 (B13 TVTropes: Tangled family tree!, Women of the Silmarillion: defying expectations and Here we come a-caroling: And they looked up and saw a star), but yet again left to languish in my WiP folder. Finally finished for B2MeM '13, March 1, "Judgement" -- I love that Gandalf quote excessively, but once again it made me think of quite a different story...

Elwing finds herself judged, and muses on double standards.

The Flammifer's Wife

She should have died in Beleriand, of course.

She had wanted to die, too: Her people murdered, her children lost, her home burned, and all for pride and an accursed family heirloom. It was not worth it - but she only realised that in the end, when it was too late. And so, she had jumped.

Ulmo had seen fit to save her from drowning; but he could not have saved her from the disapproval and scorn she met, even if he had cared to try. How could a mother leave her infant children behind? How could she have ended up so far from them that she did not know their fate? Heartless mother, unnatural woman! She should have died with them or lived with them. Oh, she knew what they said, some out loud and some behind her back. She saw it in their eyes when she was introduced to distant relations, her husband's army of a family. She did not know these people, and they did not know her. Yet she saw judgement in their eyes, and incomprehension. How could you? Eärendil was celebrated left and right, having brought that gem to the Valar, having knelt and pleaded and wept for Elves and Men in Middle-earth. He was a rising star, a hero, and no-one said, heartless father, unnatural man, how could he leave his family behind, unprotected while he roamed the sea on a wild-goose chase?

Elwing did not wish such judgement on him, of course. Oh, she was glad that he was beloved and praised, for had he not defied the Valar by coming here? He had paid for his trespass, and his reward was glory. She did not begrudge him the celebration.

Yet, how would he have brought them the Silmaril if she had not first brought it to him? Seeing how Eärendil was loved and admired, and being told that her boys were alive, even treated kindly, and could look forward to living in a world without Morgoth, she thought she could live on. She had chosen the unending life of the Eldar, believing in a happy ending like a foolish girl. And if her heart ached with the loss of her children, would she not be recompensed with new friends, new family, all those in-laws in the Blessed Realm? Would they not ease her pain and calm her sore conscience?

They would not. They could not grasp how a woman would leave her children for the sake of a bauble, fate of the world or no. The fate of the world, it seemed, was none of her business: Her business would have been to protect her boys to the very end, and die alongside them. Her family did not say so, but their thoughts were clear. A very few showed pity, not disapproval; but she grew tired of seeking them out.

She lived away from them, now, and often returned to the feathered shape Ulmo had granted her. As a bird, her thoughts were simple: The smell of the sea, the light of the stars, the wind beneath her wings. She simply was, and she was free. She was happy. In her Elven body, she no longer could be. Sometimes she thought of flying away, leaving all this behind – leaving even Eärendil behind. But she knew it would do no good. There was no salvation in flying, not ultimately. That much she had learned.

Far, far away in Beleriand, the children grew up motherless. They looked up at night, and saw a bright star.
They never saw the white bird.

Chapter End Notes

In the books, of course, Elwing is not actually facing any of the judgement she receives here - however, I keep reading these allegations from fellow fans, so I put them in the minds and mouths of the Elves of Eldamar. It fits the mindset I'm imagining they might have.