Guards! Guards! by JazTheBard

Chapter 1

Read Chapter 1

Maglor hadn't intended to get caught by the Imladris guards while he was skulking around the outside of the valley, but they caught him nonetheless. When he refused to give his name, they brought him to Elrond.

The guards dragged him into a courtyard and told Elrond something, probably about this suspicious person they had found. Maglor didn't listen; he only cared about the half-elf in front of him, who had grown and changed so much. He stared as if trying to catalog every change and commit his face to memory. It had been so long since he had last seen his former hostage properly, and he had missed him.

Elrond, for his part, looked at Maglor with an expression of shock. Because the feeling wasn't mutual, of course, and he had probably hoped that Maglor was dead, and this was bringing up painful memories.

Elrond didn't know what to say. His father was back, after Elrond had given up hope of ever seeing him again. Why had he not visited, if he had been alive and known where Imladris was?

"Father," he breathed, causing Maglor to flinch. "What -- what are you doing here, that the guards should bring you in as a prisoner rather than a guest?"

"You must understand, Elrond, I would not have come here by choice." He had only meant to see how Elrond had been doing, not force his company on the last living person in Middle-Earth he cared for (and the person who wanted to see him the least). He was not a good person, but he liked to think he wasn't quite so cruel.

"But father--"

"I am not your father. You know better than that." Maglor had thought Elrond would have gotten out of the habit of calling him that, and moved on to a more accurate title, such as "bastard who ruined my life" or some such.

"I spent longer in your care than that of my birth parents; does that not make you something like a parent to me?"

Maglor forced himself to look Elrond in the eye, though it hurt, and speak calmly though his heart broke with every word. "You only loved us because you had no one else. It wasn't real. I shouldn't have let it go so far." He shouldn't have let the twins call him their father, let himself believe. He could not call them his children, not after stealing them as he had, and that was something he should have faced long ago. "You are not my son. It is high time I started acting like it."

If he had daydreamed of a happy reunion and a child who loved him, he only had himself to blame. Better to tear down those ideas immediately and show Elrond that he knew his behavior to have been unacceptable and that he would henceforth change it.

Elrond flinched as if struck. The revelation that he was unloved should not have come as such a blow. After all, none of his parents had ever loved him and Elros enough to stay. He should have known better.

Maedhros and Maglor had raised them because they had to, and shown affection because children needed it to grow properly. Every "I love you" had been false on their part (but Elrond had meant it every time).

It's a good thing I call myself "Peredhel" rather than using the name of my father,

he thought hysterically.

For there are none in Arda who would claim me as their child.

He didn't get to feel abandoned over this. Abandonment only counted if they cared about you in the first place.

Maglor saw Elrond start to cry, and scrambled for a way to fix it. "Listen, Elrond," he said as soothingly as he could, "just let me go, and you will never have to see me again. I won't return, or even come near. I shouldn't have in the first place, anyhow."

He knew that staying here would mean his imprisonment and execution. Selfish as it was, he didn't want his blood on Elrond's hands, and until then he'd be around as a reminder of everything Elrond had suffered. If Elrond could be persuaded to let him live and leave the valley, he could go die in the wild or something, somewhere easy to find so Elrond would hear about it and have closure. Or, failing that, never hear of him again.

Maglor knew he only brought sorrow and ill luck wherever he went. He shouldn't have come so close to Imladris in the first place. But it would all work out soon enough, and then Elrond could move past this unfortunate episode, nothing more than a single bad day in the happy life he deserved.

Elrond sobbed. His father -- no, not his father, that was clear enough, his

former guardian

was being kind enough to try and make a clean break. No more ambiguity here: Elrond wasn't wanted, nor loved, and Maglor had not missed him or wanted to see him.

But he had to ask. "If you wanted so much to keep away, why did you come here?"

Maglor winced. So Elrond had seen through that. He hadn't actually wanted to keep away; even now he wanted nothing more than to stay. But Elrond was better off without him, and certainly didn't want his captor here in his home. It was selfish of Maglor to have come near Imladris, selfish of him to force his presence, selfish of him to love Elrond as a son when that love was unwanted and unreturned.

"I just wanted to check in on you. To know how you were doing," he admitted. "I didn't intend to enter the valley, though, you must believe me." He didn't want to be facing the hatred of one he had called son, or making him cry. He would not have chosen to distress Elrond.

That answer confused Elrond.

Why would he care? And why does he keep insisting he didn't mean to come in? He had already told me he does not love me and never wished to see me again. It's probably some misplaced sense of duty.

He forced himself to keep his voice level, saying, "There is no need for you to do so. As you have said, I am not your son and never was, so now that I am grown I am no longer your responsibility."

Maglor had known not to expect a welcome, or any kind of reunion, but his heart shattered at Elrond's rejection.

It was polite, was the thing. Elrond had brought up Maglor's own words to remind him of why this was a bad idea, and informed him, couched in nicer terms, that he had no place in Elrond's life and would have to accept that. Elrond had even had the kindness to pretend he didn't know Maglor loved him as a son, rather than rejecting him outright.

"Am I free to go, then?" he asked cautiously. Perhaps this could be salvaged if he left and no one ever heard tell of him again.

"I would not dare keep you against your will, though many times I have wished for you to come here over the years, that I might..." Elrond trailed off.

And

oh,

that hurt to hear. Elrond had wanted him here to exact revenge? This whole time? He still feared what Maglor might do if imprisoned, as if he could ever refuse Elrond the justice he desired to see served, ever harm anyone on purpose again?

"I will stay if you ask it of me." Though only death awaited him, he would accept the fate he had earned himself. He would never again hurt Elrond by choice.

"I cannot." Elrond could not be so selfish. "How could I demand such a thing? You raised me with kindness, though you cared for me not, and I shall not be so ungrateful as to ask for love you cannot give. Go, then; I shall not keep you, though were I your son I should beg you to stay." He had been parentless and unloved his whole life. Just because he had only just realized it didn't mean he should face it with anything other than dignity.

Maglor furrowed his brow. "What do you mean? I see no reason for you to want me here, unless it is to jail or kill me." His voice softened. "I would let you, you know; I love you too much to deny you that if it is what you wish."

"You do not love me at all, and you never did. Did you not just tell me I am not your son, that you never wanted to see me again? I understand perfectly. As I said, you are no longer responsible for me. I relieve you of that burden."

Angry tears ran down Elrond's face. Anger at himself as much as Maglor. How dare he pretend at love once more, as if it hadn't been a lie all along? Did he really think he had raised a child so fragile that he would fall apart upon realizing he was uncared for? Elrond chose to ignore that he was doing exactly that.

And yet at the same time, Maglor spoke as if Elrond was just another wronged elf who wished him dead. Perhaps that was the part he wanted Elrond to play, ignoring that he had raised him, and in another four thousand years he might even begin to believe it.

Maglor sighed. "Elrond, please, you may stop sparing my feelings. I am trying to tell you that if you let me live and go free, I will not return, because you would be better off without me here. If you wish me to remain, to face trial and then punishment, you have but to ask. I know it is wrong of me to consider you my child, and while I cannot change that I care for you in such a way, I must and will stop acting like I was ever your father."

There. No more polite pretenses; Elrond's next words would be rejection, followed by a banishment or an order to remain here under guard. Death awaited him on either path, but so too did Elrond finally being permanently rid of him, so Maglor didn't find it to be much of a sacrifice. If only he'd done this sooner, Elrond could have been long since free! But he'd kept daydreaming about Elrond welcoming him with open arms, and hadn't wanted to admit it could never be.

Elrond was stunned into silence.

After a pause, he said slowly, "I think we have been having two different conversations. I am trying to tell you that I love you, and I want you to stay, as my father."

Maglor, too, found himself at a loss for words. His mind whirled with thoughts too quick to parse, but only one thing mattered now, and it was telling his son how loved he was. He opened his arms, saying, "I was trying very hard to hide that I love you, and I want to stay, as your father."

There would be time to discuss the details later. Elrond answered with a watery smile and fell into Maglor's embrace.